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chapter eighteen: death doesn't discriminate

a/n:
get you someone like jamie, man

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Jamie stands at her locker, eyebrows furrowed in frustration as she sorts through her things.

Adam is A.W.O.L. He wasn't at the bus stop, he didn't meet her at the front of the school, and, with about fifteen minutes left on the clock, he still hasn't shown up for homeroom. At this rate, he's going to be late and wind up in detention, and he didn't call her to let her know that he was sick this morning, so she's starting to get worried.

Well, she was getting worried at the bus stop.

She's well past worried now.

Checking her watch again, she shuts her locker and picks up her bookbag, jumping as a hand lands on her shoulder.

"Hey!- oh, it's you. Hi, Scott."

The lump in her throat only gets tighter as Jamie stares up at the varsity goalie. He's never really spoken to her without his friends around, which is concerning on its own, but he also looks incredibly forlorn. The sadness in his eyes makes her less worried for her own well-being and more terrified about quite literally everything else.

"Hey... is Adam alright?"

"Huh?"

It's not what she was expecting, and it's barely relieving.

"Adam. Is he okay?" Scott repeats himself, shoving his hands into his pockets.

Jamie sticks her thumb under the strap of her book bag and slides it up and down, eyebrows furrowed tightly.

"Uh, yeah, I think so? Why wouldn't he be?"

"Oh, I just heard that the Ducks guy, Hans or Jan or whatever, died."

Her face goes lax with horror and her eyes grow wide.

Hans. That's what his name was. He was Bombay's mentor, the original Duck, the glue that was holding everything and everyone together, especially after Bombay left. Vaguely, she recalls him owning a store with his brother in Minneapolis.

But Hans wasn't that old. Was he?

Oh, God. Adam.

Her body working quicker than her brain and mouth, Jamie starts to book it down the hallway and toward the staircase. Scooter makes a surprised, confused noise as she leaves and she turns around to look at him as she runs.

"Sorry! Thank you! Tell Buckley I had a family emergency!"

Practically flying down the stairs, she proves to be as mighty as she is tiny. Jamie pushes through the droves of kids who are just entering the school, shouting apologies and 'excuse me's as she goes; she nearly knocks some poor freshman out as she slams her hands down on the push bar, the door swinging open violently.

Elena is just getting out of her car as Jamie makes it to the parking lot with heaving breaths and hair all out of place.

"Lena! Lena! We have to go! I have to go."

The older brunette stares across the car at her in confusion, her keys dangling in her hand.

"Woah- pump the breaks, JJ. What's going on?"

About a thousand words come to mind, but most of them are too big for her clumsy, panting tongue.

"Adam needs me." Is all she can say. "Please?"

Slowly, Elena nods and gets back into her car. Jamie tugs nervously on the handle until her friend leans across the vehicle to manually unlock the passenger door, and then she sits in the seat, anxiously tapping her foot.

They're just sitting here.

"Jesus, why haven't you started the car yet?"

"Put on your seatbelt." Elena huffs, putting the key in the ignition.

"What?"

"Seatbelt. On. JJ."

Rolling her eyes, Jamie makes a show of buckling her seatbelt. The older girl immediately turns the key, letting the engine sit idle for a moment before she pulls out of her parking spot.

"You're lucky I like you, Johnson."

Jamie doesn't really have a response to that.

The drive isn't too long, but it feels like hours to her. Maybe it should concern her, just how freaked out the mere thought of Adam being in distress makes her, but this is how it's always been. He doesn't handle his emotions the right way, nobody ever taught him to, and it always leads to complete breakdowns.

Adam also has the tendency to push almost everyone out, so even if his parents were going to do anything, he probably wouldn't let them.

When Elena turns down their block, Jamie hops out of the car, shouting a thank you as the girl speeds off to get back to school. She rings the doorbell a few times and doesn't get an answer as quickly as she hoped, which only makes the twisting in her gut worse. Feeling rude (and a little crazy), the brunette walks off the porch and stands in the driveway on her tippy toes, trying to see if the cars are in the garage. They aren't.

"Oh." Is all she can say, going back to the porch.

The spare key is in the flower pot next to the door like it's always been, and she lets herself in. Of course, it probably looks really wrong, but Adam crawls in through her bedroom window without her parents knowing all the time, so if the police were going to get involved they would've done so already.

It's very quiet inside.

Jamie kicks off her shoes and drops her bookbag, shutting and locking the door behind her. She puts the key down on the nearest, most visible surface, and takes the stairs by two.

Her fist hovers over his bedroom door for a few painfully long seconds.

"Go away, mom. I told you I wanted to be alone." Comes Adam's muffled voice.

"Not your mom." She calls back. "It's me, Addy."

"Oh...you can come in..."

Jamie gives him a second before she opens the door, and then her eyes are dancing around the dark room. It's obvious that he had a bit of a fit, some things have been thrown around (including his Ducks jersey, which she fears might be ripped.) He's lying in bed, the covers pulled all the way up to his collarbone, and is looking at her. In the faint light she can see him, the exhaustion and grief evident in his features.

He winces and blocks his eyes from the light.

"Hey..." She says it slowly, hesitantly as she closes the door behind her.

He croaks a response "Hi."

Jamie takes careful steps across the room, shrugging off her coat and scarf as she goes. Wordlessly, Adam pulls the covers back a bit, and she lays down across from him. She has to lock legs with him in order for them both to fit on the twin bed, and her body automatically shivers as it adapts to the warmth.

They're so close that, when he breathes out, his breath fans across her face. He looks really tired.

"Did I wake you?"

He shakes his head. "Haven't been able to sleep."

Frowning, Jamie nods, hesitantly moving on.

"How are you feeling?"

The question is almost rhetorical because he's obviously been crying. He shuffles closer to her.

"I don't know." He admits honestly, rubbing an eye with the heel of his palm. "Did...did you break into my house?"

Jamie smiles nervously, tucking a hair behind her ear as she sits up on her elbow. "Does it count as breaking and entering if I use a key?"

"Yeah, I think so."

"Oh... well, Scott told me what happened and I wanted to come take care of you, but your parents weren't here."

"You wanted to take care of me, so you skipped school and peacefully broke into my house using the spare key?"

"Okay, when you put it that way-"

He laughs a bit, albeit pitifully. "You make me feel like a crappy boyfriend, even if you're crazy."

Jamie rolls her eyes playfully, ignoring the way that her stomach jumps at the word.

"You aren't a crappy boyfriend."

"But you're always going to the extremes for me." Adam's words are a little slurred together from the exhaustion. "I should take care of you too."

"You do." She smiles softly, cupping his cheek.

"But-"

"No buts. Your life, Adam, is exponentially more fucked up than mine is right now- it's okay that I'm doing more for you right now."

Adam breathes a laugh and leans into her touch.

They're silent for a while, almost content with just sitting with one another. She lets him break it.

"He just...died. How is that fair?"

Jamie's only ever really lost one person, and it was her grandmother. She didn't like the woman nearly as much as Adam seems to have liked Hans, so she's not even sure what to do other than hold him.

She looks down at him.

"It isn't. Death doesn't discriminate, it just...takes."

It satisfies him enough, even if it's a bullshit answer.

"Did you hurt yourself when you were throwing everything around?"

Adam shakes his head. "Nah... sorry you had to see my room like this."

"Don't even worry about it." She's seen his room in worse states- her room is, currently, in a worse state. "Should probably sweep up any broken glass, though."

"Yeah." He stares up at her with tired, sparkling eyes.

"Go to sleep, Adam. I'll be here when you wake up."

Slowly, Adam nods, and she sits there, caressing his face until he falls asleep. For a little bit, she spot cleans his room and contemplated making him some food but, when he wakes up, she's there, just like she promised.

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The wake is a few days later.

Jamie's a little apprehensive as she walks into the funeral home with Adam wearing a black dress she hates and holding the hand of a boy that none of these kids want to speak to. His grip tightens to an almost painful extent when they walk in and see everything: the massive crowd, the kids who abandoned him, and the body in the casket. She watches him apprehensively knowing that, if he needs, Phillip is waiting in the car outside.

"I'm sorry for your loss." She says to the first person she sees.

It's Ms. Conway. She tries to smile at Jamie, tears springing to her eyes, and Jamie tries to smile back.

"Thank you..." Casey's eyes flit to Adam. "Thank you both for coming. It's good to see you, Adam."

Adam's lip wobbles. "It's good to see you too."

Jamie lets go of his hand so the woman can really embrace him, stepping aside and awkwardly brushing her hands up and down her arms. These aren't her people, but she wasn't going to let him go in alone.

A boy approaches her.

"Hi." She whispers. "Sorry for your loss."

The boy, with wildly curly brown hair and kind eyes, smiles tightly at her.

"Thanks... you're Adam's girlfriend, right?"

"Mhm."

"How's...is he okay?"

She glances at her boy. He's standing a few feet away, talking to the parents of his former friends and wiping tears from his eyes.

"I think so- I hope so."

It takes a lot from her to not snap at the boy, to tell him that Adam's well-being is none of his concern after months of freezing him out like he was nothing. The last thing Jamie wants is to make any of this about her, because a man is dead, and if Adam isn't angry at them then she shouldn't be.

"That's good."

"How are you?"

Guy Germaine. That's who she thinks this kid is. He was nice enough when they were kids.

"I'm alright..." He shrugs. "Charlie's the only one who's really a wreck, though my girlfriend, Connie, she's been- I don't know you... I'm so sorry."

The corners of her lips quirk up a bit. "It's fine. I asked the question."

Her sentence tapers off, and the two of them are silent as their attention is drawn to Charlie, who approaches Adam in the middle of the room. There's no need to worry, though, because the brunet embraces the other boy tightly, the both of them dissolving into tears.

It's not an apology like she would've hoped, but it's a start.

"If you'll excuse me, I'm going to let Adam's dad know that we're staying for a bit.." She smiles a strained smile. "And my name is Jamie, by the way."

"Guy." He says, confirming her suspicions.

Jamie nods and slips out of the room, confident that at least someone has Adam's back.

(When she gets back, though, he immediately seeks her out, holding her hand and rubbing circles on it with his thumb as she introduces herself to the Ducks as his girlfriend.)

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a/n:

and we are back on the mend everyone! the next chapter is also kinda angsty, fair warning.

i rewrote this chapter like 9 times LMAO

comments and votes are super appreciated. they let me know that you guys like my writing and they motivate me to continue!