Saturday, December 15, 2018

Raghuveer squinted at the light and mumbled his gratitude when it was switched off. He preferred the darkness, though he worried about the shadows and the hushed whispers. He had taken five lives, two more and his part of the deal would be done; he might be able to sleep in peace too. With a fogged mind and a body drenched with sweat, sleep had been difficult and intermittent.

When he woke up, it was bright and sunny, and ten in the morning. He had never slept that long, though he had never been so exhausted before.

And guilt over his behaviour with Kamakshi, added to his weariness.

Saying sorry should not be so difficult, he thought, yet that word stumbled and halted at the tip of his tongue. But he could not brazen it out either, hence the avoidance of meals with his family, which increased his guilt. He looked at Kamakshi, who had entered with his coffee, looking wan and tired.

"Did you eat dinner?"

Kamakshi shook her head and irritation bubbled in him, he had suspected Kamakshi would not have had dinner, she must have waited for him to come home. Damn it, he would have to end this stupidity of his, he was not going to have her starve for his stubbornness.

But before he could say a word, she spoke, "I wanted to remind you that today is Saturday, so..."

His intended apology morphed into a caustic retort, "Yes, so since it is dedicated to one of those useless gods, there would be no onion used today too. I would have to eat those lumpy idlis with bland chutney."

Why are you talking as this is new to us? We have been married for twenty years, and not once had you complained. And now, all of a sudden, for two days in a row you find it difficult to eat..."

"Because I am tired. I am sure your gods will not mind if you cooked what I wanted. And which idiot has deemed the days on which you cook onions?"

He knew he was being irrational and that it would only make matters worse, but somehow could not stop himself. The sight of the unshed tears in her pale face only aggravated him further and he spat out, "How many years have you been following these stupid rituals and what have they given you? Nothing—"

"I do not think it to be a sacrifice if I do not eat onions or garlic..."

"— at all. Your Gods are deaf to all your pleas. And the proof is Tarun. If your dietary restrictions are a requirement of your faith, and considering how strictly you follow it, not to mention making all of us follow it, Tarun would not be in this state. And you persist in being foolish and..."

The sound of the door slamming stopped him; Kamakshi had walked out on him. He slumped on the bed, staring at the door still swinging. It was a first; she had never walked out on any conversation or argument. He deserved it, he should be grateful that she had plunked the coffee on the dressing table before walking out, she should have thrown it on his face. But Kamakshi had rarely displayed the fiery temper he knew she possessed and he knew that he had crossed a line for he had forgotten what he had promised. He had given her his word, as long as she did not try to convert him to her way of faith, he would not stop her from. In all these years, though he had never agreed with beliefs and did tease her, he had never taunted her.

Even the days when he had not been with her, during the wars and conflicts, her beliefs had kept her brave and steady. The rock that had held kept his family together for even though his father had been an army man, apparently have a son in the army made him vulnerable. She had never wavered in her faith, in God or him. And today, he had insulted her. It did not matter that he had rebuked her faith in God, it tantamounted to ridiculing her.

For a long time, he simply sat on the bed, unsure of what to do. He had to carry out his part of the deal and he had to make up to Kamakshi. He was not sure if he could do what Luc wanted and he did not know how to salvage the mess he had created.

Raghuveer finally stepped out of the room when he felt the unspoken command. It had taken all his strength and resolve to get dressed and leave the house. Whether by luck or design, he could see none of his family members, which he considered to be a blessing in disguise. A cowardly attitude, but at that moment he could only focus on one thing at a time.

Raghuveer felt Luc's questioning gaze but stayed silent. He would not, rather could not, speak to anyone at that moment. He also did not want to find out anything about the person he had to kill, it would not change his decision. It was like wartime, one did not care about who or what the enemy was, all that counted was that the enemy was a target to be killed. Now, he was in a similar position, fighting a war against fate, his ultimate goal being that Tarun would live. There was no point in trying to justify to himself that they deserved to die.

"Just tell me who, when and where. I will do it."

"Regretting your decision? You can stop right now, remember it is all in your hands."

The decision weighed heavy on him, but he could not stop, not when he was so close. Raghuveer shook his head, he was resigned to doing it but there was nothing to be gained by telling Luc about it. Not the Luc got the hint, for he continued, "Good. I like your commitment. See the man visible in the first-floor window?"

Raghuveer nodded as he looked intently at the window pointed out by Luc. With completely white hair, his thick groomed moustache a gleaming silver and wrinkles lined his forehead; he would be in his late fifties. Yet when he stood and walked in the room, talking over the mobile, his gait was firm, obvious that he kept fit. A zest for life radiated from him and for a minute, Raghuveer envied him.

"He is Satish Chandra Mishra, owner of Saphire Paints, new in the paint industry, but quite successful, less than two decades and he is in the top fifteen in the country. Imaginative names with brilliant colours schemes, I like that he uses exotic names for common colours; smaragdine, greige, macarat, mazarine..."

There was no point letting him know that his knowledge of the rare names for colours, none of which Raghuveer could identify, was not appreciated. Raghuveer gritted his teeth, Luc loved to talk or maybe he was in love with the sound of his voice. He took the case from Luc and setting up the rifle, settled down to wait, a long and noisy one. He almost whooped in relief when Luc stopped and signalled him to be ready.

Raghuveer adjusted the sight of the rifle in the fading light, took aim and fired. His aim was true, and the bullet found its mark, tearing effortlessly through the skin and bone, leaving a small wound in the forehead. Satish Chandra Mishra dropped face down on the road, creating confusion as people around tried to see what had happened.

Time slowed as Raghuveer watched Luc extract the mist, a gleaming gold, pure and untouched by any other colour. Then the scene dimmed, the noises faded; and he found himself back in his room, the dizziness worse than it had been on the first day. 

He collapsed in bed and squeezed his eyes shut; he had finished another job and successfully too. Yet, his heart was heavy, and doubt plagued him. Was it enough to ensure the Devil kept his part of the deal? Uneasiness seeped through his skin, despair twisted his guts and Kamakshi's absence grated him.

It was close to midnight and the fact that she was not in the room meant that she had decided to sleep in the guest room. He was glad for it meant that she could not see him, for he knew that he must look worse than he felt. Knowing that he would need sustenance, he freshened up as best as he could before going downstairs to eat his dinner. It did not matter that Kamakshi was upset and angry with him, she would have set a plate for him.

Later in the night, his shoulder pain was worse than ever, he turned and tossed in bed. He had always had confidence in himself and yet today, with only one more life to be taken, he should be sure of success. Instead, he could not shake off the growing apprehension that despite all that he had done, he might not be able to save Tarun.

In less than twenty-four hours he would discover how right he was. 

And with that ending, what do you think would happen. One more to go but it does not bode well, does it? Do let me know what you think.

Thank you for reading,
Nyna