Friday, December 14, 2018

Annapurna Ration Shop looked like the thousand ration shops that dotted the country; small, stuffy and noisy as people jostled in the vague semblance of a queue while they waited for their turn. The shop was run by two people, one a scrawny young lad, who did the manual work of measuring out the items, rice, wheat, and sugar, packing them into paper or plastic bags. The other, who was a short rotund middle-aged woman, took care of the billing, all the while shouting at everyone. She was speaking Telugu, his native language, but it was still different. Raghuveer listened with half a mind, trying to place where he was based on the distinctive accent, and relaxed when he was finally able to identify it. They were in the coastal district of Andhra Pradesh and gave a wry smile when he looked up behind him. The closed shop, against whose shutters they had been leaning, had a board that mentioned where they were; Gouthami Ghat, Rajahmundry.

Raghuveer had mixed memories about the place; Kamakshi had insisted that one of the family holidays, a regular feature when the kids were young, be spent here. It had amused him no end, for they had not been together as a family for the entire week. Kamakshi and his parents had hired a car and driven various places way beyond the city outskirts, visiting the numerous temples, each famous and each not to be missed. He and his kids had toured the city, visiting the Godavari bridge, the Dholeswaram barrage, Pappi Kondalu, which in the cool winter days was breathtaking, the entire hill range covered with tropical rain forests. The only place they had visited as a full family was the evening aarti at the Gouthami Ghat. Surprisingly, he had not been bothered by that ritual and had felt a certain calm; happy and content with his family. Even today, almost a decade later, the memory of that evening brought him some peace.

A peace that was broken by a sharp nudge from Luc.

He glared at Luc, who with his trademark nonchalance, pointed out at one man in the crowd. As Raghuveer looked at that man, Luc pointed out another and then another, till he had almost picked out a dozen of the customers and Raghuveer's growled, "If you want me to finish off all of them, you are out of your mind. You said seven people and you have picked out a dozen. And even if I were insane enough to agree, it would not be possible on a practical level to do it with stealth. You seem to be..."

"They have bogus identity cards, they are not eligible for the subsided rations."

Raghuveer stopped, his tirade stumbling to a halt; it was a known story fact, the system was faulty. A mechanism put in place to act as a safety net by distributing essentials at a subsidised rate, it had a greater rate of failure than success. There were cracks throughout the process; poor adulterated stocks, insufficient quantities, the high quality switched with low quality and subsequently sold at market prices, ineligible people being sold the stocks, the list was endless. And here was a way the stocks were being siphoned off.

"So which one of them do I take out?" Raghuveer turned to ask Luc, who replied by raising one perfectly arched eyebrow.

Raghuveer shrugged, there was no point trying to find out reasons for what had to be done, it served no purpose. However hard he tried, he was slowly losing the ability to justify what he was doing. There was no purpose in trying to find out the right and wrong, in the end, it had to be worth saving Tarun. He struggled to appear impassive, but Luc could read him quite well, he learnt, for Luc nodded, "Very well if that is your stand, I have no problem. The lady in charge is your target."

And smiled as Raghuveer looked askance at him, "All of it happens with her compliance, she is an important cog in the whole wheel. Need any further clarifications?"

When Raghuveer shook his head, Luc continued, "Alright then, let us move on, she will finish her shift by ten o'clock and we need to be ready for her."

Luc set a pace that Raghuveer found it easy to follow and he allowed his mind to wander. The events of the previous day haunted him and his thoughts kept returning that woman. He had not learnt whom she had lost earlier, but his actions had taken her son's life. It would be a long time before he could see Tarun without remembering Arjun. It did not matter that Arjun had admitted to killing three people and would have murdered Muthu if he had not been shot. It was irrelevant that it had been justified by Arjun's actions. And though hesitant, he had to admit that it pointless to dwell on the necessity of killing him, it would not assuage the pain of Arjun's mother. As his thoughts circled back to her, he could not help think about Kamakshi; he still had not apologised to her.

Raghuveer's train of thoughts was broken by a sudden blow. Luc had nudged him in the ribs, with a force that left him winded. Gasping for breath, he looked around them. The concrete wall of the terrace had decorative cutouts and was perfect for setting up the rifle, though he would have to lie on the floor to shoot for the wall was too low to allow a sitting position. He lay down and set up the viewfinder, he peered through it to look at her.

Annapurna was different.

The dour-faced, unsmiling woman who had been cursing at everyone was now a laughing matron, as she supervised the cooking. It was an open shed and around a dozen people scurried around as she directed the cutting of the vegetables and the stirring of the fragrant lentils. It was a heady mix of spices and herbs, which unfortunately brought back memories of the upma that he had rejected. Kamakshi's face loomed in his mind, the unshed tears sparkling. He cursed himself, he would have to work up the courage to apologise, something he had never done. But then, he had never been so rude to her, in public. Damn the Devil!

He almost laughed out at that thought, the irony not being lost on him. Raghuveer gritted his teeth hard enough for the grinding noise to echo in his head, he had to get out of this self-pity mode, three more days and Tarun would be safe, that was the priority, the rest could wait.

Luc bent and whispered, "Aim at the stomach, a little to the right, approximately the appendix area. You get it?"

At Raghuveer's nod, he continued, "On the count of three, one, two, three..."

Annapurna stiffened, her round face frozen in a perpetual shock, and then toppled over to the ground, missing the gigantic cauldron by mere inches. There was a minute of silence and pandemonium erupted around. And in the centre of all the chaos, Luc was calm as he turned Annapurna over and passed his hand over her heart. Even in the rush of bodies, Raguveer could see the mist curling towards Luc's hand, a luminous red, dense and radiant. It was the colour of blood and it filled him with nausea. He dropped the rifle and knelt on the terrace floor, trying to block out the screams that filled the air. Nothing in his army life had prepared him for the shock that now assailed him, the killing of the enemies had been a matter of pride. 

Now angst was the primary emotion.

When he could no longer hear anything, he opened his eyes, only to find out that he was back in his cabin, sprawled in the chair. Mellow sunlight streamed in hinting the start of the evening. With stiff muscles, he pulled himself out the chair and blenched as pain shot through his right shoulder. He was disconcerted when he realised that his shoulder never troubled him in Luc's company; it was steadily becoming unbearable.

Hunger, fatigue and misery battled for dominance; he ignored the hunger pangs, there was still a pang of residual guilt over his behaviour of the previous day, and he did not want to face the family over dinner. Fatigue could be overcome by a night's sleep he reasoned, though misery did not appear to weaken its hold on him. For Annapurna's fate plagued him, he could not fathom why Luc wanted her dead. He should have questioned Luc but he had been too preoccupied. Now with hunger gnawing at his insides and misery eating his heart, he wondered why Annapurna, whose only crime was to allows some rations to be pilfered was chosen to die. There had to be a more valid reason, one which Luc had conveniently not shared with him, maybe if he had been as focussed as he was, he could have found out the justification for her death.

It burned inside him, that tiny doubt.

And the flame of regret is lit, though it is not yet blazing enough to stop him. Do you think he will be able to stop or would he continue only to live in a perpetual fire of regret and remorse? What do you think of him, now? I would love to know your thoughts about Raghuveer and Luc.

Thank you for reading,
Nyna