aka my friends and I have not gotten any less weird.

(although I should admit that not all of these were said at school; some were by my family members)

I've been writing these down for a while and was going to post it at the end of the school year, but—well, since quarantine I figured now was as good a time as any.

While looking through these quotes, I realized that some of them made me think of various Gravity Falls and Gravity Rises characters, so I marked some of them with names! If you see any other quotes that make you think of any character, GF, GR, or other fandoms, I wanna hear it!

"Take out the trash and stop making children yell." This just gives me GR Melody vibes (probably because it was said by my mom and Melody is the Ultimate Mom Friend)

"He thinks I'm ridiculous because I am."

"Be quiet, I wanna watch this bagel video."

"That sounded like a possessed whale."

"Just because we aren't going to school doesn't mean we can become brainless nubs."
"We already were— school just added some sophistication."

"I'M VERY PASSIONATE ABOUT THESE DUCKS."

"He's kinda socially. . . not."

"I have no sympathy for fools." either Ford, but probably especially GR

"My favorite Greek god is Aquafina."

"I want an army of furbies."

"She's like George Washington but cooler, cuz she plays the flute."

"I'm in Spain but the 's' is silent."

"You are not pumpkin worthy."
"Offensive!"

"It's like the vocal equivalent of a clarinet squeak."

"Feelings? Those are dumb, don't have those."

"Most people like you."
"Most people I haven't hit with a tractor!"

"I feel like a dying sugar cookie."

"Consolation Olive Garden, here we come!"

"Stalking people is fun!"

"Why would you NOT want to be a frog???"

"It's like Whac-a-mole with music."

"My mood depends entirely on my tea."

"I didn't even exist in that time and I'm nostalgic for it."

"On a scale of one to ten, my social skills are a negative two." Definitely GF Dipper, but I could also see GR Mabel and even GR Gideon

"You can't call people dumb when you're an idiot." Ford

"Ducks are superior."

"Alright, I think that's enough physical activity for the rest of the year."

"It's not /dangerous/, it's called having fun." GF Ford

"It's free! That means it's super cheap!"

"Sorry to disappoint you, but words are non-flammable."

"You have to pay rent to be my friend."

"He owes me some skin cells."

"Chug the bone marrow!"

"Plants?! Goats don't eat plants! Plants eat goats!"

"I will not hesitate to brain you with my oboe case!"

"I was scarred for a whole twenty seconds."

"Do you think I'll get in trouble if I go up there and ask for all their tomatoes?"

"I crave cocoa more than victory."

"I want to play a game where I can knit between rounds." GF Mabel

"We need to repopulate so the cats can depopulate."

"Grinch is not a race, it's a nationality."

"You won't be Flat Stanley, you'll be Bloody Salena."

"It's time for me to make a choice: sleep, or my GPA."

"What is this thing, teenager-proofed?"

"Calculators are for the weak." low-key canon Stan, probably to Ford

"Well, this is a completely different key from what I've been singing in the shower all week."

"I'm not making anything, except maybe my grades go down."

"Well, looks like this penguin is gonna have a receding hairline."

"You're in pep band now—your life is no longer your own."

"I don't need your help— I have gravity on my side!" SO TOTALLY FORD

"Who needs Spotify when you can be on hold for an hour?"

"The purpose of the band is to perform, not for psychological warfare."

"Your insistence that you're human makes me suspicious of the contrary."

"I can't decide whether I feel dangerous or just incredibly stupid." GF Dipper

"I told my mom that instead of paying my to babysit my little sister, she could just get me a kazoo."

"We'll turn the flutes into blowguns!"

"It's an inside joke with me and only me."

"I /like/ to chew my orange juice!"

"Do you want some blended tuna?"

"Stop eating my candles!"

"I am a fedora-wearing sheep."

"I smell like education! Get it off of me!" GF Wendy

"Don't talk to me or my can of Sprite ever again."

"I'm sorry, Mom, a pig needs me!" 1000% GF MABEL AND GR DIPPER

"Imagine an alternate universe where Garfield is yellow and loves spaghetti."

"I woke up with enough time to get ready, but then I laid in bed for half an hour." Honestly either version of Wendy

"We might crash and burn, but we'll crash and burn together."

"I think green bell pepper would be a good smell to put in your soap."

"Do not blame the monkey for your mistakes."

"I expected nothing, yet you still disappointed me."

"Why does everyone keep attacking my shoes?"

"Do you know /why/ I like grape juice?"

"You're getting carbon dioxide all over me!"

"You gotta learn the secrets of the bottle cap."

"I'm gonna peer pressure you into being a fashion designer."

"It is your job as a brass player to inform people that your valve oil is not for drinking."

"That's my moral compass: to stab." I know this has gotta be a character but I can't figure out who. Bill, maybe?

"This is taking too much of my non-existent energy." GF Wendy

"Individually we're both pretty bad, but together we're like a fourth of a soccer player!"

"Banana is not a gender!"

"All the cold in the world comes from this school."

"You'd better be grateful— my mom bought like a hundred pieces of cheese for y'all."

"I feel like genetically you're a robot." Probably Stan @ Ford

"I have an exhaustion hangover."

"LET ME BE A FREAKIN' GAZELLE."

"Y'know, sometimes I wish I had a life. Seems like it'd be kinda fun." GF Dipper

*walking into the band room* "Ah, smells like tears and valve oil."

"You want to feed a plastic turtle to a strawberry????"

"It's, like, in your job description to outdo me!"

"Are you not impressed by my feet's amaze-ness???"

*dumps water into friend's salad* "I'm watering your plants."

"I /may/ have the teensiest, weensiest crush on Optimus Prime."

"Do not deny me my juice!"

"When you erase my pumpkin, that's the end of the line."

*friend is glueing on fake nails*
"Are you reinstalling your nails?"

"Are you judging me?"
"Always."

"Cough up your own problems"

"I just woke up this morning and all my brain cells were gone."

"You are pumpkin goals."

"His hair is a square."

"My crocs are in four-wheel drive."

"Well, time for me to commit some war crimes."

"Do not compare me to soft tree bark."

"We're playing Tetris with pictures of Edgar Allen Poe."

"I'm a failure."
"No you're n— well, not /all/ the time."
"Thank you for the vote of confidence." ABSOLUTELY CANON STAN AND FORD

"Every night I stare at the moon, hoping to see a man in it, but all I see is a bunch of rock." This just gives me Soos vibes

"Tambourines are so cute cuz they're just a bunch of tiny cymbals." canon Mabel or GR Dipper

"Anything is organ music if you try hard enough."

"The cats are population control."

"It tastes like despair and the crushed dreams of children."

"These straws make poor projectile weapons."

"Oh my gosh, portable lava!!"

"I do not doubt the sincerity of your statement, but it is actually incorrect." Most definitely Ford (either version)

"Will you please move so I can read this graffiti properly?"

"A restraining order doesn't mean anything." CANON STAN

"I had a dream that the boys' cross country team was throwing grapes at me."

"Circle of Life is sad because Mufasa is gonna die. Be Prepared is sad because Mufasa is about to die. Hakuna Matata is sad because Mufasa is dead. Everything is sad because Mufasa is dead."

"Bulldoze those kids— they're seventh graders."

"You changing your facial expression does not change how it's spelled!" Ford

"You can't expect me to remember what happened this morning. I've had eight periods of brain-draining since then."

"Just because I crochet instead of Minecraft—"

"I'm gonna be a female Mad Hatter—"
"You mean Effie Trinket?"

"Your existence is my antithesis."

"One man's treasure is another man's cat pee." canon Stan?

"My pun game is the opposite of weak."

"State Farm: here to help life go right."
"But what if you want life to go left?"

"I'm stealing it temporarily."
"...that's called borrowing." Stan?

"Did you just say 'heavens to Betsy??"
"Oh c'mon, I'm not /that/ much of a grandma!"

"Don't question the English language— you won't get any answers."

"Yeet me out the window— I'm ready!"

"She's not going to get plastic surgery for a Halloween costume."

"First you harassed my cat, now you're harassing me!"

"My three-year-old sister has a mullet."

"I'm too sweaty to take my arms off."

"Oh I'm sorry, I can't hear you over how tall I am!"

"It's basically.... weird." probably Ford

there are a lot of Ford quotes here XD