Over the following months, I didn't leave my room. When I wasn't sleeping or eating, I was just lost in my thoughts. I relived every part of my life that I could remember.

Due to having these memories so recently shown to me, it meant they were a lot more focused and clear. They were so hard to comprehend because even though they happened many years ago, they felt so recent.

So far, I have classed these as waking nightmares because I never have them at night. This was because every night before I slept, Jacob would touch my temple, and my mind would go blank. Every day, Jacob would stay in my room from morning till night. He fed me my food and read me stories. Even though I was present, I couldn't always hear what he said.

After a while, these visits would become less and less frequent; instead, a doctor took his place. I think it was Francesca's idea for Jacob to come less and have the doctor visit more because the day before the doctor started arriving, she had come in briefly, spoke to Jacob, and then left, and I have never seen her since. But I have had bright lights shone onto my face.

I did try to get up and do something, but each time I awoke, I just told myself why.

What is the point of even being awake? What is there for me to do? I have so many negative feelings about myself and life in general.

The thing is, I have asked for death so much when in reality, I don't deserve such an easy way out. I deserve to suffer, not in my own self-pity but in remorse; this ensures I cause no harm to anyone or anything again. If I am not functioning, then I can't have a life which I don't deserve.

It took several months after my memories had been returned, for the recurring waking nightmares to die down. I was no longer getting replays of my life on an endless loop. Instead, I could now hear the voices of the people who came to visit fill my ears.

I don't know why I suddenly felt strong enough to do it, nor did I care what gave me the strength. But I stood up out of bed and headed towards the bathroom to start running myself a bath. Nobody had taken notice of me leaving, as I sometimes did this If I needed to get up for essential needs, but the running water surprised them. I knew this time that the silence wasn't from my out-of-body state. They were surprised.

Nobody came to me, which I was thankful for. Maybe too afraid that if they did, I would crumble again.

I didn't care who saw me in the bath, but I shut the door anyway.

Once I was happy with the volume of water, I plunged myself in. After months of very simple cleaning, this felt amazing. I lathered so much soap on myself to the point that I found new skin under the built-up grime I seemed to have accumulated.

I would have stayed in the bath until my skin shrivelled up, but I pulled myself out and wrapped myself in a towel. Then I watched as the dirty water swirled and left the tub.

Next was the clothes. I hadn't changed into more than some new pyjamas every few days, so I left the bathroom and ventured towards the wardrobe, not even checking if anyone was in the room. I searched through the endless array of fine clothing until I found a pretty dress that looked flowy enough for me to feel comfortable in.

I threw it over my head and stroked the soft silk it was made from. I was standing like that stroking the fabric, when I heard a soft female voice that I didn't recognise pull my attention away.

"Daisy." I just hummed in response. I had spent years not using my voice, so not using it now didn't feel so odd. Instead, I found comfort in the subtle noises I could make without saying a single word.

"Would you like me to bring your food up, or would you like to eat downstairs with the others?" I tilted my head slightly to study the young woman.

She had what looked like long, flowing orange locks, but they were tied up in a bun above her head, so I wasn't sure. It was a lovely orange, not damaged like the ones I had seen on Earth. I couldn't pinpoint her age, but if I had to guess, it would be around my age, maybe older, so twenty-two at most. I got so distracted watching how the sun beamed off her hair that I hadn't even fully registered her question. So I pulled my gaze away and replayed what she had said in my head.

What time was it? Where they sat down for breakfast, lunch or dinner?

"I think I would like to join them." When I heard my own voice, I was shocked to hear it so hoarse, almost like I had screamed my vocal cords to death.

Had I been screaming without my own knowledge?

Maybe.

The woman left, and I followed her out. As I knew where the kitchen was, I didn't really need her, but I didn't want to be rude and dismiss her, so I just followed in silence.

As it's not very far away, I wasn't walking very long, but even so, I could feel my body's resistance; this much exercise after months of barely any seemed to show.

When I got in, I found Francesca, Thomas, and Jacob sitting around the large table with empty soup bowls in front of them. Everyone looked a little surprised at my presence, but they each gave me a small smile. I could tell I had interrupted a very tense conversation.

Thomas got up, pulled out a chair for me, and I took my seat.

"Sorry, Daisy, I can't stay, I have a child to go check on. Hopefully, I'll see you soon." He kissed his wife and made his way out of the kitchen. I watched as the door slowly shut behind him. The longer I could postpone talking to everyone, the better. But I wasn't that lucky.

"How do you feel?" I turned to the sugary voice of Francesca, who was looking at me too warily. From her expression, you'd think I was about to blow up.

"Better, I think." I smiled at her. I didn't fancy telling her exactly how I felt, so I settled with a very basic response. I felt no connection to her. She is still a stranger, and I still felt a little stung that she never came looking for me. The fact she was also Charles's parent, and her husband was the only one to leave did make me think that she was at least trying. But apparently, it wasn't for long because she looked at Jacob and muttered.

"I am sorry, but I just can't spare the resources."

With that statement, she wished me well and left the room.

Once, it was just me and Jacob; I didn't make eye contact with him; I just stared down twiddling my fingers. I felt so bad for exploding on him. I must have been the reason he stayed, as I know he has a home and a family.

"Why did Francesca apologise to you?"

"Oh, it was nothing. Don't worry about it."

I could feel him fidgeting now. It was obviously more than he was making out, so I lifted my head and gave the friendliest smile I could to show I was willing and ready to listen to whatever he said.

No matter how I feel, I won't make other people feel like they have to tip-toe around me. He returned my smile with a sad one of his own.

"I have just received a letter from my kingdom." He took in a deep breath and then continued

"As you know, I originally came here to give some of my blood. Just before I was set to leave, my family told me that I would have no soldiers for my journey as they believed that they may come under attack. I felt a bit anxious about having no protection, but I made sure to travel at night so I could travel as safely as I could without them. You see, the place I come from doesn't have weapons. We believe that having no weapons means our enemies are less likely to be threatened by us. It's crazy, but that's how my parents rule. Anyway, I didn't take much stock on the kingdom being attacked; my parents have been saying for years that an attack is imminent, and as you can tell, nothing ever happened, so I wasn't worried. I arrived here days later to find the Queen and King not that welcoming, but that might have been due to the attack that was about to happen, so they locked me away both for my protection if I was who I said I was, and so that if I was a part of the attack, I would be useless. But once they found you and were finally able to verify my identity, they asked if I could help in unlocking your memories. I had only planned to be gone a few days, but when I heard no word from my family, I thought there would be no harm in staying longer. That was until I received this letter a couple of days ago. Daisy, it says they have my family and the people of the kingdom under their control."

The mention of the attack brought on a memory, but I pushed it to the back of my head because I've spent enough time dwelling on them. This time is for Jacob and him alone.

"Why haven't you left for them yet? I don't want to seem rude, but you can't leave them."

"I would have, but I am only one person, and Francesca won't even spare one extra guard to accompany me. I would be losing before I even stepped foot out of this kingdom. I know you are going through a lot, and I wouldn't ask unless I was absolutely desperate, but can you please talk to your sister and see if you can change her mind. I just don't know what to do, Daisy."

He looked into my eyes, and I could see he was about to cry, so I pulled him in for a hug. This didn't feel natural, but I pushed aside my feelings and tried to be there for Jacob. My traumas are from my past. If I can do something to help him, then I should.

I pulled away, and he wiped his eyes. "Alright, well, l am happy to help you in any way I can. Let's go see Francesca again." I stood up and walked out of my room. Maybe if I sped up, I would be able to find her still walking the corridor. But once I was out, I realised I had no idea where she would even be. After all, I had barely left this area of the castle.

I heard the door open again behind me, and Jacob came out to stand beside me. I faced him as he had been here awhile. He must know where to go.

"Where do you think she would have gone?"

"I am not sure, but I have always seen her head this way when she has left the kitchen." He pointed in the opposite direction of our rooms. So that's the way we walked.

We had been walking along the corridors, occasionally knocking on doors, but we had had no luck. Giving me this purpose kicked something in me.

I have only known Jacob for around five months, three of them were while I was being a living zombie, but he is the first person I have ever been able to call a friend. He made me laugh and smile. He even spent days with me when I was at my worst, even though he had seen the monster I am.

As we walked, we chatted. I could tell that he missed my company and I his. He had been talking about his home when it dawned on me that I knew nothing about the planet I was born on. To be fair, I barely knew anything about the one I grew up on, either.

"Jacob, how big is this planet? Are there many kingdoms? How many different Royals are there?" I said it all very fast, so desperate to know the answer.

"Well, to answer your first question, yes, the planet is big; it is the biggest habitable planet around. I think it may take you a few years to get around the whole planet itself. Your second question is pretty easy, only five. Lots of places are either countryside or kingdoms rule large areas. I believe this kingdom has the biggest settlement. Probably explains why it's wanted so much."

We both went quiet, it was a huge reminder of what was going on. I think when we started walking, we had mutually decided, without actually saying it, to just forget everything while we looked for Francesca.

He was stronger mentally than me, so he snapped us out of the silence and spoke again.

"And your last question, well, that's not easy to answer. You see, there are many half-royals. They are still royals and can rule a kingdom, but they don't hold as much power or the properties of full blood. I would say nearly a quarter of the population are half-bloods, but full bloods are a little bit rarer as they are probably only one per cent. After many halves have children, a bloodline becomes full again, but that takes years. The only full royals that are still around are six families. With four of them having no relation to one another. Mine and yours are not related, thankfully." I turned my head slightly. I wondered why he seemed relieved by that.

We had been walking for a good hour just talking and searching before we finally found a room guarded by two guards on either side of the double doors. We instantly knew this was where the Queen was, maybe even the King. Just like that, the relaxed, calming atmosphere dissipated before we opened the double doors.