I was up early and got to Jacobs room at what felt like seven on the dot with new clothes and wet hair. I knocked on the door and was greeted by Jacob in a very similar state to myself, except on him, it looked good. I touched my hair instinctively but pulled my hand back, trying not to fidget.

"You ready for me to open your mind then?"

I gulped, nodded, and moved out of the way of the door, allowing him to lead the way. As he walked, I tried levelling my breathing out, but the feeling I was getting just wasn't dimming. It was constant, and it made it so hard to concentrate, so I tried to push it to the side. After all, I am going to let him poke in my mind. I don't want him to know how he makes me feel.

We returned to the room I had entered yesterday morning, but it now looked more inviting. It had two sofas that sat opposite each other, beside them were two armchairs and a coffee table in the centre. There was also a table that sat a few meters from one of the sofas, which held a big jug of water with a few cups, baked goods and sandwiches.

I was instantly drawn to the sofa on the right, so I sat down, and Jacob hovered by the sofa chair next to me.

"Let me remove the armrest and back to make it easier for me to access your head."

He adjusted the sofa, and I laid back down while he moved his chair behind me. He then placed his hands on either side of my temple. I felt a tingle as he did, but I swallowed it down and tried to relax.

"Okay, Daisy, I'm going to have to ask you to let me in completely. You can't resist; it will be a lot easier for me if you try not to hide anything, if that's possible. This will feel uncomfortable, and you will try your hardest to push me out, but I need you not to do that. Please relax, and when you feel like you need to push back, instead relax and do the opposite of what your mind is saying."

I closed my eyes and tried to picture my mind like an open door. Honestly, there wasn't much I wanted to hide. I've barely done anything with my life.

Well, except for the incident with my group. I moved slightly and relaxed as much as I could. It wasn't easy or comfortable, but the less time this took, the better.

I felt a tingly uncomfortable feeling the minute he entered my mind. I couldn't see anything, but I could feel it. If I had to describe it, then I would say it felt like pins and needles while also sitting in a bath full of lukewarm water. I could also feel a nagging in the back of my mind every few seconds.

After roughly fifteen minutes of searching I started to feel someone pushing. It was excruciatingly painful, so I resisted it.

I know I was instructed not to, but it's different in the moment. I just wanted him out. It hurt, and I didn't care what my head held; I needed the pain to stop.

I must have screamed because the pain stopped, and Jacobs hands had moved from my temple, and I was back to lying on the sofa. I opened my eyes and sat up. Jacob was still sitting on his chair but was now holding an unreadable face.

"Daisy, what did you see and feel?" I turned my body towards him and tried to reflect on what had happened.

"I didn't see anything, but the pain was so unbearable. I know you said not to resist, but I had too. I felt like if I didn't stop, you might have ripped my head apart."

He nodded, stood up, and started to wander the room; he kept walking until he had double-backed to my sofa; I moved up so he sat next to me.

He placed his hand on top of mine and squeezed. I didn't mind, but I was confused about why.

Then he looked up at me with pity in his eyes. Never had I seen anyone give me pity.

I didn't like it.

"What happened? What did you see?" I was starting to get nervous now.

"I don't know how to describe it to you. I only saw small flashes, but what I did see worried me, and it seemed I couldn't show it just yet. But Daisy, everything that has been blocked out has been done for a reason. They aren't pleasant memories." I don't know why, but this doesn't surprise me.

"Don't worry, it's nothing you did. It's what they did. I could search further or try to help you see if you want. But I don't know if it will help you in any way. I've only seen two very fast memories. Just from them, I have a feeling it will get worse the more I search." I looked at him, taking in what he was saying.

Why were these flashes of memories so bad. Going through that pain again wasn't appealing, but I wanted to know if these lost memories would help me feel less empty.

"I want to keep going."

"Okay"

*Six weeks later*

"Jacob, it's been six weeks, and I still haven't seen anything. But I have felt pain that I could never imagine, but that's it, and when you do see stuff, you barely tell me what it is. Why isn't this working? Is there any point still doing this?"

We had been coming back to this room every day since the first session, and I know as much as I did then as I do now. Well, I have learnt that Jacob is a very complex person. He had been very distant and a bit standoff-ish in the first two weeks, but he changed very quickly, and now he is more protective. He has spent every second he can with me.

I liked it the first few weeks, but it just irritated me after a while. He had obviously seen something that changed his perspective of me, but he still hadn't told me anything he had seen.

"Daisy, it takes time. You have a lot hidden. I don't know if you'll ever see it." I don't know why, but the way he said it really irritated me. It was almost with a voice of understanding. Why is it better that I shouldn't know?

"Jacob, are you stopping me from seeing my own memories? When you go in, it doesn't just feel painful. Now I can feel you keeping me from opening my mind wider. Why are you so against letting me see and know my own memories? It's in the name they are MY MEMORIES!" I didn't want to shout, but I was so wound up with his little secrets about me.

I know he has spoken to my sister. I've seen them talking and whispering.

Every night the King, otherwise known as Thomas, and the Queen, who I learnt was called Francesca, have been inviting us to eat at the dining hall each night. The first few times I was asked, I rejected it, but I soon gave up resisting and just went.

They were alright. Thomas was friendly, and I occasionally got to see my nephew Charles. He was the only one I could speak to, even though he didn't understand me. But recently, Jacob and Francesca had been whispering together before and after dinner, which irritated me even more.

Everyone could know about me, except myself apparently.

"Look, I know some of the stuff you have seen aren't nice, but they are mine, Jacob. Not yours. You don't have a say in whether I can see them. I don't need protecting."

I stood up and grabbed myself a water. The sessions had really been getting to me, and the headaches that would usually disappear after we had finished our sessions now never left, and every day, they got worse. My body and mind were weakening, and I don't know how much longer I can do this.

Jacob stood up and joined me at the water table. I don't know, but just seeing his eyes of pity on me every time he looked at me made me want to punch him. I wish he would treat me like a normal person, not a kicked puppy. I gave him a raised eyebrow encouraging him to back his viewpoint up.

"Look, maybe I have been trying to stop you from seeing, but it's not because I am trying to protect you." He paused; I could see he was questioning whether he should say anything.

"Just tell me."

"Your powerful Daisy, so powerful I've never seen anyone with the kind of powers you have. The experiments they did on you were terrible. You are their biggest weapon, and I'm afraid of what will happen if I unlock these memories." I closed my mouth as I must have opened it while he was talking.

What was he saying? Did he not think I was a good person. He thinks I'll snap just because I will have a few memories back. He must have seen me getting riled up because he spoke again.

"I don't think you'll hurt us, but I am worried you will try to get revenge, and I'm afraid you will hurt people along the way. You may not do it on purpose, but I can feel a bit of the hatred you should feel, and it's consuming. I have wanted to hurt them myself. If you want to see them, I can show them to you. I worked out how to unlock your mind a few days ago, but I won't do it until you promise me you will not go after anyone." I thought about what he said. I knew I should be annoyed, but for some reason, the idea that I would have that much hatred didn't feel possible. No matter what someone did to me in the past, it doesn't define my future.

"I promise I won't go after anyone. But I can't keep having you look at me like a broken puppy or with that look of pity. I am a person, and if you are right about how I'll feel, I need someone to keep me grounded, and that person can't be scared to break me. Jacob, I need you to cut it out and just show me my memories." Jacob stood straight and gave me a big smile, I knew it was forced, but it still made me feel better. The feeling he had given me when we had first met had been there the last six weeks, but due to all the things he had hidden from me, it had been dull, but I could feel it slowly resurfacing nearly at the strength it was before.