« VANSH »

“And then she scolded me in front of my colleagues. Basically that bitch was blaming me for not finishing up with the edits on time but I...” Ahana carried off with her rambling, complaining about how her unfair her boss was. It was regarding some kind of editing matter which I couldn't really grasp. I swore I listened to her at first, but tuned out the moment she brought the words 'kerning' and 'gradient' to her statement. I secretly checked out the time when she wasn't looking. Fifteen— Fifteen tiring minutes had passed since she first opened her mouth but she still didn't stop. Damn, I regret asking her how her day went. Maybe she should let me rant this way, too.

The waiter frowned at me when he arrived with our order. It had to do with me, looking at him like he was my savior. I might actually give him an extra tip later. We devoured our dinner in silence, speaking only a few words in between. It was close to eight at night when we were done with it, so we decided to part ways.

We walked to the station and stopped at the junction leading to different platforms. Ahana adjusted the strap of her handbag, letting out a weary sound before facing my way. “How about Sunday next?”

I tried not to show my disapproval as I kept a straight face. Truthfully, I planned to spend the day lying my ass, under the covers. “Where?”

“The usual spot.”

I pursued my lips, “Can you, maybe, stop by my apartment instead? We can watch a movie and just chill out.”

“Sounds cool. It would be cold outside anyway,” She said and I heaved a sigh of relief. Soon we bid goodbyes with a plan to meet on Sunday. I watched her back getting smaller and smaller as she walked away from me and soon became one with the crowd. In that moment, a random thought hit my head.

She didn't smile.

And as I watched people step in and out of the train while traveling my way to the apartment, I realized— Neither did I. It was an empty feeling.

The following Sunday, I cleaned my room so that she wouldn't find a thing to complain about. I decided to prepare us something. Just as I threw a leftover packet of Lays into the dustbin, I received a call from Ahana. Her voice sounded sheepish. At first she asked me what I was doing and other everyday things. Even though she didn't say it, I already knew.

“Look, I know it's a lame excuse but I'm too lazy and tired to get out today. I'm sorry,” She confessed guiltily.

“It's okay, An! I can relate to your laziness very well. Let's just rest for today. Maybe next Sunday,” I said and sensed a yawn escaping my mouth.

“Well then goodnight, Vanny.”

“Goodnight Anny,” I said sweetly and we shared a laugh. With that, I ended the call and tucked myself comfortably under the covers.

~

Ahana visited my apartment next week as promised. We were  comfortably lying on the sofa watching Netflix for the past two hours. A soft blanket had our legs covered while my arm was resting behind her. It was a cozy Sunday afternoon until she turned off the television, disturbing the peaceful bubble we were in. I glanced at the wall clock which displayed 4: 25. It wasn't time for her to go home yet.

“No, I'm not going yet. Rather I have something to discuss with you,” she voiced out, her annoyance showing off in her eyes.

“Can we discuss after this episode? See, we are getting to the most interesting part” I said, grabbing the remote and switching it on. However, the screen turned black again as she turned it off. I let out a groan of disapproval.

“Vansh, I've been trying to get to talk to you for the past hour but you just keep on saying one more episode. Hear me out, will you?”

“Okay. Are you pregnant?”

“Yup, it's been three months now. See, even my stomach is bloating off a bit,” she said dramatically and even raised her top to show off her bare stomach. It was far from bloated.

“Is it mine or his?”  I asked, referring to that fair skinned bastard from her office.

She shook her head casually. “Actually, both of your DNA's got fused into my baby so now it has two fathers,” She informed, making me chuckle while she smiled. “Are we done now?” Ah, so she was kidding after all!

“I don't know if it's something that needs to be addressed but I've been noticing us for a while now.” She paused, her expression becoming grim by the second. Then she pointed a finger to both of us, “Something is wrong with us.”

My brows knitted in confusion, “Of course there is. We've been happily stupid for a long time now. Why address it now?”

She tched and hit my head, “I'm not talking about our nature, you idiot. It's about us, our relationship. C'mon don't you feel it. We've changed from how we treated each other before. It's like we are just going on for the sake of it. It's becoming boring to be honest.”

“You have a point. I've been feeling a void between us as well. Like we're missing something,” I paused as I thought about it, “maybe it's because we haven't done anything out of the box for a while now.”

“Right, you think so, too. Thank God, I thought I was the only one beating around the bush. Maybe it's because of our busy work lives that nothing excites us anymore.”

“Not even sex?” I wriggled my brows at her.

She gave a side smile, “Obviously that's an exception. Conclusion, we need to go out and do something  crazy ASAP.”

“Right away Ma'am! I shall make arrangements for the same,” I said, saluting to her. I noticed her distressed face and cupped her face. “Hey, it's fine. These things happen. We are going to be okay, you hear me?”

She regarded me with a sad smile before engulfing me in my arms. “Just to be clear, I still love you.”

I hugged her back, feeling her hair against my hands, “I still love you too. See, it's working already. I'm feeling it.”

“Shut up, you're just feeling my ass,” she joked and we shared a laugh. There was nothing to be worried about. We just had to pay attention to each other more next time. All that was left was a spectacular plan for a spectacular date.

~

“Does this remind you of something?” I asked, gesturing her to take a look around as if I owned the place.

The walls were embellished with bright blue lights while the ceilings were divided in hollow cube like structures. Everything from tables, to food, to drinks were fancy. The place wasn't too crowded and classy at eleven at night which was why I opted for this pub. It was one of the many pubs in this place. “I remember you telling me to visit Hauz Khas but we never got around the clock. Well, we are here now.”

“Aw, you remembered,” Ahana cooed, throwing her arms around me for a momentary embrace. Her eyes gleamed under the lights as she looked around and smiled. It made me feel like a proud, old man. Just then a waiter arrived bringing a plate of chicken kebab, a bottle of vodka alongwith two wine glasses kept on a large tray. “This kinda feels like Entertainment district all over again.”

It wasn't easy to plan this midnight date right away due to her parents, even though she was only asking them to have a sleepover at her friend's house. Ahana had to go through great lengths to convince her lie since her parents already suspected her but fortunately they agreed at last. If by chance her parents happened to call her friend then she would call Ahana from another phone and make her speak with them.

After warming our stomachs with chicken and alcohol, we exited the restaurant to explore the rest of the village. A sense of deja vu passed over me as we viewed the streets that were full of youngsters drinking, laughing and smoking. Ultimately, we reached a pub that was almost filled with smoke and decided to pollute even further by smoking hookah ourselves. We puffed out smoke, singing the Bollywood hookah bar song and laughed when a waiter looked at us like we lost our minds. It was Entertainment night all over again.

I paused for a moment to take a look at us. When was the last time we had fun like this? When did we laughed so hard? It was then I realized how right she was. There was something wrong with our relationship. It lacked life. If that was the case, then I'll make sure to bring us back on track by the end of the night.

An hour into the night and I was sure we were going to have another night of our lives. We went to a bar and gulped down another round of shots before heading to the dance floor. All was going well until an unknown force barged in between us and took shelter in Ahana's head.
I noticed her slowing down.

“Van, I've been trying to control my headache for the past hour but its not going away. It's like there's an army marching inside my head. I can't take it anymore. Take me home, please,” she insisted while pressing her fingers against her forehead. I mentally groaned.

My hand stilled at her back. “Okay, we'll sit somewhere quiet. Your headache might subside then. No need to rush back so soon.”

We took the fresh cold air of the outside to relax for a while. We even stood besides a fireplace but her headache didn't give up on her. She kept insisting to go home while I requested her to wait for a bit longer despite feeling tipsy myself. It didn't help her pain and I was forced against my will to take her to my apartment. There went our first and only nightout we had in months. However once we reached there, my frustration got converted into something else.

“Do you know that sex cures headaches and stress? Even I'm starting to feel my headache coming in. We can cure each other,” I said with a suggestive wink and ran my fingers through the length of her hand. If we couldn't save our date, then maybe we could still save our night.

She let out a small laugh, “I know that Vansh but—”

I shot a lazy smile and cut her words with my lips. Her lips moved seconds later but it was enough to make me go deeper. I slipped my tongue into her mouth but instead of responding back, she tensed under my touch. She touched my shoulders gently, pushing me away. “I'm not in the mood Vansh. I'm sorry.”

I shook my head childishly. “But you're finally staying the night in my apartment. We shouldn't miss this opportunity.”

“I tried, okay but I can't get into the mood tonight. I just need a bed to crash. I think I had too much to drink,” She said, rubbing her eyes. She turned towards my bedroom when I let out a sarcastic laugh. “What's funny?” 

“You tried, huh? What a joke.” I snorted and stepped closer, towering over her. “I know that you don't find me sexy anymore. That's why you are less interested in having sex nowadays.”

Her eyes widened a bit as if I hit the right spot. “That's not true, Van. Just because I denied today doesn't mean I lost interest in having sex with you.”

But I could sense that she was lying. She had to be lying. “It's just not this time. Do you think I've not been looking into the signs? I've noticed for a while now. The number of times when you rejected my touch; the times when I expected you to hug me but you don't. Do you know how much it hurts? No, because it goddamn hurts. Am I not even allowed to express myself? Just admit it Ahana— You've lost interest in me. No, no, don't deny it! A
I know you lost interest in me...”

Her face fell at my words. She looked away, taking a deep breath before placing her hands on my shoulders. “Okay, listen, I think you drank too much tonight. You are saying nonsensical things. What we need to do is have a nice nap. We'll talk over with a fresh mind tomorrow.”

Hearing this only made my chest heavy. She wasn't even denying it. I swatted her hands away. “See, you're not even denying it. I was right. That's why things haven't been good with us. You lost—”

“Don't, Vansh! Just don't repeat those words again. I can hear you loud and clear,” she cut me off as she pointed her finger towards me, her eyes raging in the way that send me chills. “Fine, if you want me to prove it so badly you then we'll have sex right away. I'll make you cum so hard that you'll never doubt about my love ever again.”

At first, I thought she was bluffing but then she removed her jacket and proceeded to undo the buttons of my jacket. I wasn't turned on, not even by an inch.

“What are you doing? Stop!” I said, gripping her wrists while steadying myself to stand as well. “I don't like it like this. I don't want your damn sympathy!”

“Right... sleep. We should sleep.” I mumbled incoherently as I stumbled slightly and laid my hands on her shoulders for support. Ahana who was behaving like a statue for a while, simply nodded. Wordlessly, we slipped onto the blanket and laid opposite, facing away from each other. Soon sleep devoured my senses.
-

When I woke up, she was gone.

It all came back to me like cold water slapping down my face. It sounded much irrational in my head now. Those flashbacks came along with other things I didn't realize back then: Her trembling fingers as she undid my jacket buttons, her bloodshot eyes as she looked at me, the heaviness that her voice carried and the feeble sound of her crying as we laid down to bed. I wasn't shocked of what I said— They were some of my pent up feelings I buried for long. The ones I never planned on telling her since they were only trival things. I was just shocked to confess out loud to her.

All our efforts were in vain. I was planning to sing on the mike, maybe crack a joke or two in front of everyone, just for her. I was determined to make that night memorable but then the alcohol got into our systems, making me revaluate our so called 'relationship.' It was one thing piling one after another. It was the bitterness I felt inside, that eventually led to this. For once, I was unable to judge. Was it really my fault I felt that way? Was it me? Her? Just who was to be blamed?

Despite it all, I supposed I atleast owed it upto her to say something. I searched for her around the house just to confirm her absence then took my mobile to call her right away. However I was startled to see an unread message from Ahana herself. My heart started beating faster at the anticipation of what she might have written. I almost froze when I read it. It only consisted of two words.

'Fuck you!'

~

We didn't meet the following week. In the end, I had to suck my pride and apologize profusely in order to make things normal again. Luckily she forgave me, without another meaningless argument. We didn't need to sit down and confront every little thing as we understood everything. The words I spoke that time held little to no meaning. Soon it was the time for Christmas and New years. I managed to take five days leave to enjoy the end of the year with my family.

“One more please,” I requested like an excited little kid after finishing my second chapati. I was sure to gain weight this time.

“There's a sumo wrestling competition in our city. I pray for you become as fat as a sumo so that I could register your name and extract a commission out of it,” Siddharth said, scowling at the sight of Ma putting a morsel of chapati into my mouth.

“Thank you, Ma,” I said earning a surprise look from my mother. Well I didn't went around thanking her so I wasn't surprised by her reaction. “And please tell this person to not say such inauspicious things. I don't want to become a sumo.”

“Sid, your big brother has returned after a long time. Let him eat to his hearts content,” Ma scolded. Sid pretended to hear while I passed a victorious smirk when Ma wasn't looking. Better enjoy this special treatment while I could.

The rest of the four days were spent in bliss with most of them, spent in the presence of my old friends and family. While spending time with them, I wondered if it was normal not to miss her. I wondered which was worse— Missing someone terribly or not needing to miss them at all.

Ahana and I didn't exchange a single message, forget calling each other until January 1st. I sent her a new year text with a picture and received her good wishes in return. That was all we did, and for once, I was completely fine with that. Not because I despised her or anything but I just wanted to exclude my busy and recurring life in Delhi while I was here.

On January 4th, a day after I returned to Delhi, we decided to meet up. The Metro train traveled from one station to another while I hoped we wouldn't end up in another meaningless argument. As I scrolled through the newsfeed from Facebook in my smartphone, I came across an article shared by one of my friends. It was about the logistics behind why relationships failed easily these days. Normally, I didn't look into them to waste my time but this time I did, out of curiosity. The article talked about the negatives of our technology driven generation— How deeply we were ingrained into the world of the internet, how eager we were to socialize with people in the net rather than people around us. What actually caught me was when the writer said that most of the people weren't actually looking for love but rather the excitement it brought to it. We were looking for thrill, for adventure, without delving too deep into the person, without wanting to understand their silence. We expected too much, tried too much and eventually exhausted our options. We were a shallow generation.

I closed the article as well as Facebook, putting away my smartphone. I raised my head, watching various handles shaking against the moving train. Those words shook me to the core, making me question my own relationship with Ahana. Was this our reality, followed by another fear- gripping question.

Will we become one of them?

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D e d i c a t e d   t o
arhitha
for her constant support and lovely comments. PS her works are thoughtful and beautiful. Go check them out. 💕

A u t h o r 's   n o t e

There was an article like that, actually. I don't remember which one otherwise I might have shared the link here.

Sorry I took such a long time posting this. Moving on, what are your thoughts about this chapter? About Vansh, Ahana and their falling relationship? About modern relationships. (Keep in mind that I'm not generalizing ALL the relationships here because every person is different so their relationships are also different)

Also I have a small question-- Do you think the characters are acting in character or out of character? Be honest.

Vote and comment like always. Thank you for your support.

Look forward to the next chapter. It's show time, baby! 😎