real life

YURI feels like throwing up. Maybe she should take back her words and bail on her biological mother! Yuri should come up with some kind of excuse so she doesn't have to attend that stupid dinner she's having with her mother to be civil for the sake of her father and her three siblings. Yuri can't stop moving. She rearranges her messy desk dozens of times and she continuously folds and then unfolds her socks that Yeiji gave her to fold up.

       "It's going to be okay, Yuri," Sunghoon's voice flows out of Yuri's phone that's leaning against her vanity mirror. His smile was comforting as Yuri looks over at him, and then she sees his girlfriend's — Lauren Dia — head resting on his shoulder as she peers into the screen and Yuri relaxes even more. She breathes in deeply and exhales. Her heart slowly calms down. She's got this. Choi Yuri can act civil with her (pathetic excuse of a) mother.

      Maybe, if Yuri thinks about the girl's day she's having with Lauren in a couple of days, then the dinner will fly by faster. Honestly, Yuri's looking forward to spending some time with Lauren. They met a few days ago after Sunghoon gave into their annoying nagging and took Yuri to the cafe he and Lauren always met at. Now, Sunghoon regrets having a weak moment.

       "I'll tell you this again; I'm only one call away, I'll always pick up," Sunghoon's reminder was soft and gentle and Yuri's smile is wider than before.

      "Thank you, Hoonerz, but I'm pretty sure I won't need to call you, I'm a Girlboss, I can handle Hye-Bin by myself," Yuri says confidently.

       Lauren squeals, "there's the confidence!"

      "I also don't want to ruin your date with Lauren," Yuri mutters bashfully, picking up her phone and falling backwards on her bed, "so, don't worry about me, okay? It's going to go fine."

        "Someone has to worry about you," Sunghoon mutters, frowning.

      "Leave the worrying up to my mom, Sunghoon," Yuri says, smiling at the thought of Kim Yeiji, her mother.

      "Fine," relents Sunghoon, "but still text me after the dinner, okay?"

       Yuri rolls her eyes, but there's still a smile plastered on her face, "yes, I will, now go on your date. Bye!" Before either Sunghoon or Lauren had a chance to say goodbye, they're slipped off her screen and Yuri slides onto her messages with her mother. She reads them and cringes — god she sounds so polite and she's typing with fucking caps. The things Yuri does just to act civil with Jang Hye-Bin.

        Yuri looks at herself in the mirror one last time before pulling open her bedroom door, pausing to pull up her groupchat with Seo-Jun, Ji-Woo, Ha-Yoon, and Seo-Yun, to let them know she's on her way to meet up with her (sorry attempt of a) mother. The nerves appeared again and this time, Yuri isn't able to push them away. So many thoughts swarm her brain and she groans. Yeiji was so good at persuading Yuri to do things.

      Yuri needs some words of confidence, so she approaches the kitchen where her father and her mother sat at the table, discussing Jang Hye-Bin. This intrigued Yuri, so she stood out of view and began to eavesdrop. Probably not the best move, but gossip is gossip and Yuri feels like she deserves to know what's going on in Jang Hye-Bin's life. Teenager logic.

       "I'm just worried for Yuri, Jae-Woo. What's going to happen when she finds out?" Yeiji spoke desperately into the quiet kitchen.

       Yuri's father sighs, "we'll handle it when it happens, Yeiji. I told Hye-Bin I would prefer it if Yuri finds out about her situation, sooner rather than later. If she doesn't tell Yuri soon, it'll only devastate Yuri even more, and I don't think I can handle seeing my baby more broken."

       Yeiji hums in agreement, "well? Are you going to give Hye-Bin the money? Didn't she say her next doctor's appointment is in two weeks?"

       Yuri's frozen as she stands pressed against the wall, taking in everything Yeiji and her father are discussing. What's happening, what's going on? Why was Jang Hye-Bin truly here?

        "I don't know," Jae-Woo responds.

       "Was it true? That she can only get the surgery her daughter needs here, in South Korea?" Yeiji asks hesitantly.

       What. Yuri can't breathe. She's suffocating. Her mother never came back for Yuri — in fact, she probably would've never seen Jang Hye-Bin ever again, if it weren't for her other daughter — who she cares more about — needing surgery. Yuri holds in her tears. She won't reveal her hiding spot just yet.

       "Yeah, it's true," her father exhales loudly, she hears him groan. "Yeiji, I — I'm at a loss. Hye-Bin's asking for a lot of money — money we can give her, but does she deserve it? I don't want to feel guilty not giving her the money she needs to save her daughter's life. I just — is it right? Will Yuri ever forgive me?"

       Yuri decides she's heard enough. Tears spill down her cheeks and she enters the kitchen, Yeiji finding the girl standing beneath the door way first, her eyes widening. "Yuri —"

       "Is it true?" Yuri gasps, an ugly sob piercing the cold kitchen air, "she never came back for me?"

       "Honey bear," Jae-Woo stands, gripping his chair, "how much did you hear?"

      "Enough," Yuri responds through her tears, "she never even cared about us, did she?"

      "Yuri, I'm sorry," her father says desperately, not wanting to lose his daughter, "I'm sorry you had to hear all that. Hye-Bin was going to tell you, I never wanted to hide if from you but Hye-Bin convinced me it was a good idea."

        Yuri's vision was blurry. The tears wouldn't stop coming. She needed a hug right now. Maybe from Sunghoon. Or. . . Jungwon.

       "I need — I need to get out of here." Yuri gasps desperately, stumbling out of her house with tears streaming down her face. She fumbles for her phone and listens to the familiar sound of the dialing tone. She calls the one person who can comfort her right now. It goes once. Twice. Three times. Four times. Yuri's standing outside with the sun streaming down on her face, and he's still not picking up.

      "He didn't fucking pick up!" Yuri shouts to no one in particular, her heart stretching, bending, twirling, into something that resembles pain. Something that resembles sorrow and distress to drown Yuri in forever. The brightest parts of Yuri have been doused in ugly black, in ugly sorrow and ugly bitterness towards the world. Yuri doesn't think she'll ever be the same again.

      Yuri reaches the park near her house and she sinks down on to the bench, curling up and crying loudly. Why doesn't anything good ever happen to Yuri? Why is she constantly let down by the people she loves most? Why does the world hate her so much? Yuri won't be surprised if Sunghoon leaves Yuri like her mother did, like Saem did, like Jungwon did. Yang Jungwon who didn't pick up even if he promised he would —

      "Yuri?"

      Speaking of the devil.

      Yuri peers up and finds Jungwon walking towards her. Yuri doesn't bother to hide her ugly sobs as she stands off the bench, noting the loud concern written across Jungwon's face. She can't handle him. She regrets calling him. Jungwon only brings more pain for Yuri. Pain she can no longer handle.

      "Fuck off Jungwon," Yuri says and Jungwon finally sees the blazing anger hiding within her eyes. "Calling you was a mistake, you can go now." Her heart was hurting — more than it ever has. It was consuming the girl whole, her once beautiful and bright heart was bolding into bitter darkness, leaving the girl to resent the world for eternity, to believe that true love doesn't exist, that the movies are stupid. Love can't fix anything.

       "Yuri," Jungwon desperately reaches for the girl, her sobs tearing at his heart, "please let me take care of you," he finds himself asking again.

       Yuri scoffs, "why should I? You'll only leave me again — leave me when I need you most. That's all you've ever done Jungwon." She scoffs again, "I don't need your empty words and empty promises. I'm fine on my own. I can take care of myself just fine."

       "No," Jungwon says, "no you can't, Yuri."

       Yuri opens her mouth to respond but she breaks down into more sobs again. God, she can't contain this bitter rage she's been holding back. The stupid sun shining down on her only makes Yuri's mood worse — how can the world be so happy when Yuri's hurting inside? She feels arms wrap around her and at first, Yuri melts against the warm chest and broad shoulders — then she tearfully shoves Jungwon away, her index finger shakily poking into his chest. "No," she sobs loudly, "you don't get it, Jungwon. You never have. I have you a second chance, and what did you do? Throw it away."

        "And that was a mistake I'll never make —"

       "Shut up Jungwon," Yuri wipes at her tears, hating herself for crying in front of Jungwon like this. "If I ever truly meant anything to you, you would've picked up that damned call."

        Jungwon sighs, "I wanted to Yuri, but I was afraid I'd confess over the phone rather than in person."

       "Confess what? That's you're dating Do-Yun and happily in love with her?" Yuri laughs bitterly, staring up at the bright blue sky with resentment scrawled within every breath she took.

        "That I love you, Choi Yuri. I love all of you — even your flaws, like liking mint chocolate."

       Yuri's frozen again. She can't move. She can't speak. She can't breathe.

       "You fucked up, Jungwon," Yuri manages to say, controlling her shaky breathing and sobs desperate to escape, "badly. I — you were the first person I gave a second chance to, and you screwed that up, so why should I give you of all people, a third chance? I don't care about your feelings, because you never cared about mine."

        "Yuri, I cared about your feelings," pleads Jungwon, "I truly did —"

       "You never acted like you did, Jungwon," Yuri points out.

       "Well, here I am now, Yuri, shouldn't that count for something?"

       Yuri doesn't respond. She remembers her talk with Yeiji last night. They finally brought up the topic Yuri's been avoiding for a while now; her love for Jungwon.

       ("You love him, right?" Yeiji asks Yuri, carding a hand through the younger girl's hair. Yuri nods and plays with her fingers, frowning slightly.

       "I don't want to anymore," Yuri admits, "it hurts, loving someone who doesn't love you back."

       "Although it doesn't seem like it," Yeiji says gently, "time heals all wounds if you let it. Don't worry, sweetheart, you'll get over Jungwon soon. Not every love is forever."

       Yuri peers up at Yeiji, confused. "Isn't love forever? I mean, it's the deepest feeling you can feel for someone, how can anyone get over love?"

       Yeiji laughs softly, "take your mother and father for example; they were in love. And then, your mother left and your father was devastated. More so when I met him. Yuri, they're the prime example for what I'm trying to say: not everyone is meant to be together, forever. Your father thought he would be with Hye-Bin forever, but instead, he found his way to me, and now I promise him every night that I'll be the one he's with forever. Your first love is the harshest love, but it's not forever, Yuri. Just because two people act like they're meant to be together forever, doesn't mean it's true."

       "So . . . It'll get easier?" Yuri asks.

       Yeiji hums, "it'll get easier, Yuri, just let time heal your wounds.")

       "No, it doesn't," Yuri responds, "Yeiji told me last night that not everyone is meant to be together, forever, and maybe that's us, Jungwon. This is the universe telling us that we were never meant to last, you're just another stepping stone in my search for true love."

       Jungwon shakes his head, he's never looked this serious before, "I'm in love with you Yuri! I am, completely, wholeheartedly, in love with you. I don't think I can love anyone else, because it's you, Yuri, it's always been you. I know I screwed up many times, and I hate myself for it every day! I want to go back in time and forget about Do-Yun, and run out of that stupid radio show interview just to be with you. You're all I've ever wanted Yuri, even before we became friends. And — and I hate how I never fought for you when you gave me a second chance, a second attempt at blossoming our friendship into something more we both wanted," Jungwon steps forward and Yuri can't step back, "I should've fought for you, Yuri. When I noticed you were more closed off and cold, I should've fought for you, but I didn't. I didn't because I believed you would still love me regardless." Jungwon sighs and steps forward again. Yuri still doesn't move back, tears painting her eyes. Her heart slowly picking itself back together.

      "Yuri, I love you, and I'm sorry. I screwed up big time, I know that, all right? But never once did I lie to you. Everything I said to you, I meant it. I've done a lot of shit in my life, but loving you is different. Whenever I think of you, I think of yellow because it matches your smile, and for some odd reason, blue reminds me of your laugh — it's pretty and angelic, like you, Yuri. It's always been you," Jungwon repeats, "so, I'm sorry for letting you down, and I promise —"

        "No more promises, please," Yuri whispers, her chest aching, "I can't handle any more promises."

      "Okay, no more promises. I swear to never let you down again. I swear to never break your heart again. I swear to love you forever."

      Yuri's silent. She doesn't know what to say. Jungwon gets more frantic, "Yuri, I'm here to stay. I'm never leaving you again. I meant what I said — I've always meant what I say, especially to you. I want to experience love only with you."

       Yuri doesn't know what to think. Before, she was sobbing over her mother never truly caring for her, and now Jungwon stands in front of her, laying his heart and feelings at her feet like she did with him. Except this time, the sun is shining and Yuri's the one unable to speak.

       "Please say something," Jungwon desperately begs, "I'll take anything. If it's a rejection, I'll be okay with it. Just anything, Yuri."

       "I — I don't know what to think, Jungwon," Yuri croaks out, then clearing her throat in embarrassment, "I really don't know."

       "Give me another chance, Yuri," Jungwon says confidently, "that's what you should do."

       "Jungwon, I don't know," Yuri says.

      "I'll fight for you," Jungwon tells Yuri intently, "I'll fight for you, Yuri. You deserve to be fought for."

      Yuri's phone rings loudly. It was her father. She probably had to make amends with him too. "I have to go, Jungwon," Yuri tells him, pocketing her phone, "but I'll think about it. I swear."

      A ghost of a smile crosses Jungwon's face. "I'll fight for you Yuri, I promise."

author's note,
hey y'all since it's christmas where i am, MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!! this is my christmas present to all of my readers <3 i hope u have an amazing christmas!! thank u for reading and giving this book a chance, i sincerely appreciate it <3