real life

THE world around Yuri felt lighter. She couldn't explain it, but somehow, everything was brighter than before. She saw the beauty in the littlest of things — like dogs stopping to sniff a lampost, or two young girls running down the street giggling over somthing completely foreign to Yuri, over something she'll never understand because she's much other than them. She's finds beauty in other's stopping to help strangers in need. In all that beauty, Yuri could see bright yellow. Yellow's the color of warmth, and fun, yellow's the color of comfort and light. It's the color of Yang Jungwon's smile.

      With a spring in her step and a yellow smile on her face, Yuri enters school. Her eyes are wide, taking in all her surroundings. She notices people watching her, she notices the bright posters decorating the school hall showcasing what was coming up these last few weeks of school — Yuri notices so many things she's never seen before.

      It was like overnight Yuri's whole world had changed. Her mother hadn't contact her yet in days and her father isn't pushing her to talk to her mother, her sibings aren't bothering her just as much anymore, and her step-mother's hugs have gotten warmer. Sunghoon's contacting her more than usual lately and. . . Jungwon. Oh Jungwon. Yuri's smile gets brighter. Jungwon. Jungwon. Jungwon. She never wants to stop saying his name. She wants to sing his name. She wants to create a piano piece and title it; 'Jungwon.' Everything should be about Yang Jungwon. Yuri's sure of it.

      "Yuri on ice!" Ji-Woo voice rises above the rest. For once, Yuri stops and waits for her friend and her cousin to catch up to her. Together, she glides through the hallway with her two best friends at her hip. How it always should be.

      "Are we going to talk about last night?" Ji-Woo asks Yuri, "because Jungwon gave you a fucking goodbye kiss. What the hell happened in the theatre, Yuri?"

      Yuri's pretty sure she's blushing, but for once, Yuri doesn't care. She deserves to blush over Yang Jungwon. He's the only one who could make her blush like this, and Yuri doesn't ever want to stop blushing now. She's addicted to Yang Jungwon. It's official.

      She can remember Jungown's lips against hers. She can remember the popcorn taste. She can remember falling deeper into the abyss of Jungwon, she can remember the supernova exploding throughout her body, covering and dazzling Yuri in stardust so she could fly. Fly to the heavens and above, fly to her future where she lay in Jungwon's arms, forever peaceful. She can remember the curves of his face against her hands as she holds him gently, like he was going to break beneath her touch. Oh Jungwon. Yuri sighs contently. "I love him," she whispers to no one in particular, "I love him and I'm okay with that."

      "I'm glad for you, Yuri," Seo-Jun says, squeezing the girl tightly, though he was also worried for his cousin. Jungwon was like the weather; you could predict his next moves, you could predict what he was thinking, but the prediction wasn't always right. It was wrong, sometimes the edges were too sharp or too smooth, sometimes the sun didn't come out when it was supposed to — it was hard to pick out what Yang Jungwon was going to do next.

      "I'm certain he loves me back," Yuri says, sounding adament, "so I think I'll confess."

      Ji-Woo squeals, "Yes Yuri! You get your man!"

      Yuri's never felt this bright before.

      The day ticks by and Yuri finds herself lured into the yellow warmth that is Yang Jungwon. His gentle smiles and touches throughout the day only confirm what Yuri felt for the boy. Their knees touching beneath the desks as they sat side by side, their pinkies touching, their pinkies intertwined, sacred smiles shared behind the teacher's back and shoulders brushing as they moved through the school hallways as one. Yuri can't wait to call Jungwon her's.

      "I'll see you after class," Yuri tells Jungwon, holding his hands tightly, "we'll have lunch together, yeah?"

      Jungwon bumps his forehead against Yuri's, his breath hot on her lips, "of course. I wouldn't miss it for the world."

      Yuri takes a leap of faith and presses a kiss to the corner of Jungwon's mouth, then she disappears into her classroom, her cheeks hot and a cheesy smile plastered on her face. She ignores Ji-Woo's teasing and Do-Yun's death glare from across the room.

      Yuri thinks she should confess at lunch time — but is that romantic enough? Then, Yuri thinks, anything with Jungwon would be romantic enough for them. Or maybe, she should take them somewhere after school. Yuri spends the whole class in her imagination, thinking of how she should confess to Jungwon, where she should confess to Jungwon. Even as she's packing her stuff away, two minutes before class ends, Yuri's thinking about Jungwon. He's all she can think about now.

      Then, a body hovers over her desk. Yuri could just tell it was Do-Yun and honestly, she was sick and tired of the girl creating unnecessary drama in her life. So, Yuri sniffs the air. "Ji? Can you smell that?"

      Ji-Woo sniffs the air, "smell what?"

      Yuri zips up her school bag and slides it onto her shoulder, standing up, "desperation." Her eyes finally slide onto Do-Yun's glaring figure and her eyes widen in surprise. "Oh! Do-Yun! I should've known you were here since it smelt like desperation and all," her mouth slides into a vicious smirk.

      Do-Yun rolls her eyes, "wow, you're so funny," sarcasm practically oozes out of her body.

      "What do you want, Do-Yun," bites Yuri, her mood dampening already. She just wants to leave this class room now.

      Do-Yun smiles, "it's simple, really!"

      Pause.

      "Leave Jungwon alone. Please and thank you."

      Yuri giggles, "wow, I knew you were desperate, but I didn't think you were that desperate," she shares a look with Ji-Woo who rolls her eyes and begins to walk away, Yuri follows after, not bothering to offer anything else to Do-Yun. She thinks her answer is pretty clear. She's not backing off Jungwon. She won't lose him again.

      "Yuri, don't walk away from me," Do-Yun calls out to the girl harshly, the whole class was now focused on Yuri and Do-Yun. They don't even move as the bell rings and the teacher leaves the classroom. "You'll regret it."

      "Regret what?" Yuri snickers, "please, you've already done enough damage. You can't hurt me more than you already have. Grow up, put on some big girl panties, we're not in middle school anymore."

      "Leave Jungwon alone. He likes me not you."

      "This is pathetic. You're just upset he's not wrapped around your finger like everyone else is," Yuri holds up her hand, "do you want to guess which finger of mine he's wrapped around?" Yuri's eyes were wide, full of fire and excitement. She wants Do-Yun out of her life forever, and this was her chance to damage her relationship with the girl even futher. No, Yuri won't slap her — well, not yet at least.

      Yuri drops her pinky, then her ring finger, "not those two!" Her forefinger disappears, leaving her middle finger and thumb up. Yuri gasps, "oh! Would you look at that!" She walks out of the classroom pulling the finger, ignoring Do-Yun's angry remarks. She has someone to meet up with in the cafeteria.

      Jungwon wasn't in the cafeteria when Yuri arrived, but that was fine because he usually stopped at his locker before coming to lunch. Ji-Woo happily recities to Seo-Jun, Ha-Yoon, and Seo-Yun what happened moments before. Yuri was also happy herself, for finally giving Do-Yun what she deserved. A reality check. 

      Jungwon doesn't show up for lunch. Yuri's feeling a bit disappointed, but she shrugs it off and heads with her friends to business class. She'll be able to see Jungwon there at least! Maybe she should confess to him in business class, that was where they met, after all! Happily, she skips into business class and surveys the room, looking for Jungwon — oh.

      There he was. With Do-Yun. Again.

      They were laughing. Again.

      Yuri gets deja vu and her bright, happy, yellow mood is gone.

      Behind her, Ji-Woo snorts, "what a bitch. And a dumbass."

      Yuri slumps into her chair, her bag hitting the floor loudly. Ji-Woo slides into Jungwon's seat and Yuri doesn't bother to get Ji-Woo to move because Jungwon hasn't looked at her. At all. Yuri sends another longing gaze over to Jungwon and Do-Yun, praying that this was all a dream. That Jungwon was just pranking her.

      Business class drags on. It's usually Yuri's favorite class, but right now she hates it. Jungown hasn't fucking looked at her. Yuri's left feeling dazed and confused. So, when the bell rings, she marches over to Jungwon and situates herself in front of him. He can't ignore her now. "Jungwon," her voice was heavy, "what the fuck?!"

      Jungwon finally looks at her and it breaks Yuri's heart. He's never looked at her like that before.

      Do-Yun disappears and soon, it's just Jungwonand Yuri alone in the classroom. Jungwon tears his eyes away from Yuri and brushes past her, entering the hallway. Yuri won't let him leave. She grabs his wrist and pulls him back to her. "Jungwon, are you okay? What happened?" She couldn't raise her voice above a whisper.

      Jungwon's not looking at Yuri, he's looking at his phone, searching for something. "This," he says, shoving his phone into Yuri's hand, "this is what happened, Yuri."

      There, staring back at Yuri, is the texts she sent to the girl's groupchat ages ago. Back when she was first partnered up with Jungwon and didn't know him that well. Back when she didn't expect much from Jungwon. Back when she didn't believe her and Jungwon would ever be friends — and this was all Do-Yun's doing. All because she can't let Yang Jungwon slip out of her chokehold.

      "Jungwon — you — you don't believe this, right? I don't mean what I said in those texts anymore — Jungwon, please," Yuri's eyes are burning once more. She won't let Jungwon slip from her grasp again. "I was stupid and ignorant when I sent them. It's bitchy of me to say those things about you, Jungwon, but you have to understand that I would never —"

      Jungwon takes his phone back, "yeah, it was pretty bitchy of you to say those things behind my back."

      The silence is unbearable.

      "Yuri, I didn't expect you of all people to say those things about me." Jungwon's voice was small. Yuri's heart shatters again.

      "Jungwon, please believe me when I say I've changed. You were the one who changed me —"

      "Bullshit."

      "Jungwon," Yuri gasps, air getting stuck in her throat. Her chest isn't able to expand. She's forever stuck inhaling. She can't breathe. It's too hard. "Please. Do-Yun — she's — Jungwon —"

      "What's your problem with Do-Yun, Yuri? What's she ever done to you?" Jungwon spits out harshly. Then, he blinks, looking taken back by his words. "Nevermind that. I shouldn't of — look, Yuri," he sighs, "I don't know what to think."

      Yuri reaches for Jungwon's hand, but he steps away. A sob escapes Yuri's mouth and it's too late to take it back. The cliff Yuri was dangling off was no longer there. She began falling the moment Jungwon handed her his phone. Yuri doesn't think she'll be able to piece herself back together after this. The one time she gives someone a second chance, it ends up like this.

      "I did say those things, Jungwon," Yuri says boldy, mustering up confidence as she steps forward, into Jungwon's personal space, "but I don't mean them anymore. That was me in the past and if you can't see the change in me. . . Then I don't know what to think. If you want to base my personality, if you want to base what I think of you off screenshots taken months ago, then by all means, do that." Yuri inhales a shaky breath, "but I won't let you hurt me anymore. This is your choice Jungwon, I'm not stopping you from making your own assumptions."

      Yuri steps away from Jungwon, holding her burning tears back, "I hope you don't think badly of me. That'll destroy me more than losing you again."

      "Yuri, I'm sorry I —" Jungwon shakes his head, his shoulders slumping, "I thought you were different."

      "I am different," Yuri begs, "can't you see that? Couldn't you see that? From every hangout? From how I act around you? From — from last night?"

      The silence is heavy. Yuri's suffocating. She's drowing. She's sinking into a hole she can never dig herself out of. Jungwon's the only one who can save her now.

      "I realized that last night was a mistake," Jungwon says quietly, "Yuri, I think you should leave me alone from now on. It'll be best for the both of us. I'm sorry, Yuri."

      "Don't be sorry," Yuri whispers, shrinking into herself, "I'm the one who should be sorry." 

      Jungwon nods and then turns, walking away, leaving Yuri all alone. For the second time.