There's something funny about how humans work. Maybe we were made that way for a reason. Most the people i've come across have a strange pattern. You meet people threw mutual friends and you never get close to those people. You want to but there's a piece missing and you can't quite understand what it is.
  So you strike out trying to find true people. Less materialistic and more free minded. It feels as if now more than ever people are mindless lemmings. And I am no better. You see Seth WhiteFeather and you see the big Tims and ripped jeans. Rather basic and up to date.
   And not to boast but i know i'm not a bad looking guy. So it's hard to find someone that wants. A real relationship and not just sex. I want a real experience with someone where we want the same things. I want someone who has their own life and i have mine. I want to be able to be free to pursue what I want without having them so clingy and attached to my life. And vice versa. 
   Someone who isn't always so romantic and touchy. In a sense that they know when i want to be hugged and kissed. Someone who is appreciative of the little things I'd do. And someone who thinks sex isn't the most important thing. And i hate describing my dream girl because finding someone isn't so dire to me. I'm okay with being single but I know I have so much love to give. But I don't think I'd find someone whose understanding enough to withhold that love with all their care and commitment.
                                               ****
    "Wake up bitch!" My blanket was ripped off with force. I wake up wide eyed to look up to my cousin Adilea. She hovers over my vanity applying my makeup and wearing my clothes that i was going to wear today. She shuts my vanity draw so hard that my BROGEN sign down. I love that sign so much my dad got me that custom made with my name on it. She tops off her look with MY diamond hoop earrings. I'm to tired and foggy to even start being bitches up."
   I kick her out and locked my door. I lay back and bed and think. Recap. I live alone in a nice large house that I bought with my own money. I'm doing well I got my dream job as a CEO at a small bakery chain. I'm financially stable forever. I have great friends, and I have no issues or disorders. My life is absolutely the American Dream. Yet all i can think about it Arlow.
   Arlow was the love of my life. We were on and off for two years. And now it's over for good. He's really happy to be with his new girlfriend and I'm happy for him. We're still friends and we talk a lot. We've been broken up for almost a year. And i felt like I was over him. Until last night. We were at a party and I saw him there. He looked the same. And he saw me. My game face was looking shady and I walked out of the room. We walked out with me and we sat in the lobby of the ballroom. Where it's quieter. He sat himself next to me and we talked. I told him everything what was wrong. And my dumbass said, "I haven't been able to connect to anyone at all. No feelings for anyone at all. Except for one person. And it's so stupid because that's not going to go anywhere and it's so pathetic." And all night he asked me who it was. And i finally told him I had feelings for him. Then i left the party.
  And we texted for hours talking about it. How he said that I should feel sad or pathetic because 'it's better to say it out loud.' He gave me zero hope that he might have feelings for me. And since he has a girlfriend that makes him a good boyfriend. If he were mine I wouldn't want him having feelings for an ex either. I guess the fantasy is, your ex boyfriend still has feelings for you and your heart almost pops out of your chest for one second knowing your future could be bright again. He leaves his new girl to be with you and never thinks about other Ex's and you live happily ever after. But that's all a fantasy.
  There's no man in the world that could  ever treat me better than Arlow. Or love me as much as him. And i know he loved me so much and we fucked it up. But now i'm older and wiser and i know i could make him happy. But that'll never be.
There's no one else...