Sean swallowed, frozen to the spot. He hadn't really been around Mark since he broke up with him. Mark moved closer to them, his eyes looking over Sean. When he was close enough, he told him in a warm voice. "I didn't know you were coming to California. Otherwise, I would have invited you over. What have you been up too?" Sean's heart ached in his chest. He thought he had gotten over Mark... but there was still a part of him that loved him. Lowering his eyes to Chica, he forced himself to state out as casually as he could. "I came to help Nate record a few things. How is Amy?" Mark gave him a small smile in return, answering tenderly. "She's good. We are thinking about adopting another dog. How is Felix?" The question hit Sean like a sack of bricks to the chest. Sean's throat constricted and he was forced to turn away as his eyes started to tear up. 

Nate seized the moment to inform Mark a bit defensively. "I'm sure he's great. After all, he's getting married." Sean saw Mark wince in his peripheral vision, mumbling out regretfully. "Oh ya... I forgot. Damn, Jack... I'm sorry." Sean waved a dismissive hand, but couldn't look at Mark. He was still trying to get his emotions back under control. Why had hearing that hurt so much? Mark stepped closer, reaching out to touch his cheek with the back of his hand as he asked him in a deep buttery voice. "Jack? How are you holding up?" Sean closed his eyes, hating that Mark's warm hand felt so good against his cheek. He acted like their fight had never happened.. Like he hadn't walked out on him. Sean's heart swelled, urging him to hug Mark. While his head was scolding him for still feeling anything for him. He didn't want to feel this. It was painful.

Sean opened his eyes, turning his head to look at Mark. Mark's hand moved down his neck, until Sean guided his hand off him with a light swat. Straightening up, Sean tried to some confidant when he answered. "I'm fine. I don't even think about him anymore." Sean felt himself reach the limit of his lie and tried to walk away, when Mark grabbed his elbow to stop him. Sean clenched his jaw, forcing himself not to look back at Mark. Mark stepped closer, saying over his shoulder. "Jack... You always were a terrible liar. Do you want to go to my house and talk? I can make my famous dumplings? What do say?" Nate cleared his throat loudly, causing Sean to look up at Nate. Nate's arm muscle tensed up as his hand gripped the neck of his guitar tightly. Puffing himself up to his full height, Nate told Mark rather bluntly. "That's sweet, but we have dinner plans. Maybe some other time, Mark."

Mark released Sean's arm and Sean felt suddenly nervous. Side stepping away from them. He watched Mark give a smile... but Mark's eyes were cold as he replied swiftly. "That's fine. I can come by your house and pick him up for dinner tomorrow then." Nate inhaled sharply, shaking his head upon answering. "No. See, that doesn't work for me. Sean was going to sing in one of my songs tomorrow. How about we get back to you on it." Mark didn't even pretend to be happy anymore. He just moved closer, leaning over Nate's shoulder to state out seriously. "Oh, ya? Well, it's not up to you, Nate. He can answer for himself." Nate simply raised a eyebrow, his eyes watching Mark closely out of the corner of his eye, but was otherwise unfazed by Mark's reaction. Mark suddenly sniffed the air, before he asked Nate uneasily. "Are you wearing Jack's cologne?" Sean felt the air grow thicker between them and stepped in to push them part.

He didn't want them to do something they'd both regret. So, he broke the tension by blurting out. "Guys, come on. We're all adults here. There is no reason for this." Nate lowered his gaze away from Mark, looking over his guitar aimlessly. Sean was relieved that Nate didn't appear to want to start anything... and even if he did, he hid it well enough that Sean couldn't tell. Sean smirked at Nate, even though his wasn't looking. That's when Mark's hand took ahold of his wrist. Sean attempted to pull it back, but Mark didn't let it go. Looking at Mark, his heart stopped beating from embarrassment. Mark was examining the fresh bite mark on his arm. Mark knew that he tended to bite his hand or arm during sex to muffle himself. Mark's dark brown eyes flicked up to meet his and Sean yanked his hand back. Mark didn't have to say a word for him to know what he was thinking now. Mark's eyes drifted over to Nate, judging him or sizing him up, he didn't know.

Nate glanced up, then did a double take at the way Mark was looking at him now. Sean couldn't stop himself. He didn't like feeling judged like this. Mark had no right to even think about whatever was going through his head. Stepping in to block Mark's view of Nate, he snapped back under his breath. "Where is Amy by the way? It's not like you to leave her behind." Mark's expression softened and he lowered his voice to say casually. "She's having a girls day with Kathrine. Jack... As your friend, I'm concerned about you." Sean rolled his eyes, trying hard not to get angry as Mark added in a whisper. "You need to be careful. You're hurting. You don't want to rush into-" Sean cut him off, snapping out rather loud and bitterly. "Now you're worried about me... Mark, I'm not rushing into anything. Yes, I'm hurting. I'm always hurting! That's the price I pay every time I think I can make something work out! I'm always the one left standing there with nothing! I can't even feel bad about it, because I was dumb enough to think that people like you would feel something as much as I do."

Sean couldn't stand still anymore. So, he started to walk around Mark to head back toward Nate's car as he added in a broken voice. "I'm tired of feeling anything... I just want to lose this game and move on. I'm sick of playing! You've all gotten what you wanted out of me... Now just leave me alone..." Sean sniffled and took off at a run. Mark called out his name, but Sean ran faster. Even as the tears blurred his vision, he didn't slow down. He felt like his insides were finally dying. His legs lost their strength and he stumbled to the ground roughly. Lifting his head, he saw a boy by the parking lot take notice of him. The boy's eyes lit up and he waved to him, stating to his friend. "Hey! It's Jacksepticeye!" Sean glanced around at the people that turned to look at him. He felt like the area was shrinking. Judging him. Seeing him as someone that he wasn't. Admired like an animal in a cage.

Forcing himself to get up, he pushed himself into a run. The kids called out to him, but he couldn't breathe. He wanted to be alone. Running through the parking lot, he found that he couldn't stop. He just wanted to run until he couldn't. He didn't care where he was going. He just needed to run. His legs burned, but he refused to pay them any mind. When his legs had finally had enough, he stopped short to lean over and pant heavily. Between deep gasps for air, he took in his surroundings. How long had he been running down the side of the four lane highway? He didn't even remember reaching the highway. Sean hung his head in shame, thinking that he might have to turn on his phone to call an uber driver to come get him... When the crunch of tires on rocks caught his attention. Straightening up, he turned to see who was pulling off the road behind him. He recognized the black car and chuckled weakly.

Nate stepped out of his car, leaning on his open door and asking him very gently. "You ok, buddy? Do you need help? Or do you still want a minute or two?" Sean smiled at him, but it quickly faded as he fell to his knees to cry. Nate ducked into his car to turn off the engine, then very slowly made his way over to him. Sean pulled his knees up, wrapping his arms around them as he mumbled out. "I'm sorry, Nate... I didn't mean for that to happen." Nate took a seat beside him, crossing his legs and tell him in a soothing voice. "It wasn't your fault. You shouldn't feel bad for saying what you feel." Sean tightened his arms around his knees, hesitantly muttering out. "I know you love me... but I can't love you in return. Your heart might be able to take it, but mine can't. I feel so... broken." Nate leaned back on his hands, looking up at the sky as he told him in a sincere voice. "This because I dropped the 'L' word during sex? Cause I honestly didn't expect you to say anything back. I know you need more time."

Sean loosened his grip on his legs. He couldn't explain it, but something about Nate's presence and his voice calmed him. Nate glanced at him, flashing him a bright smile. Sean blushed, dropping his eyes to the rocky ground. Nate sat up a little to lean his shoulder against his, adding in sweetly. "It's ok not to feel ok. I want you to be happy, but I'm also here for you on days that you're not. Just tell me what you need. Tell me who you need me to be. I can't defeat your inner demon for you... but I believe in you." Sean sighed softly to himself, stating out simply. "I can't do that to you. I can't use you like that. That makes me no better than them." Nate scooted closer, resting his head on his shoulder as he replied in a soft loving voice. "You'll never be like them, Sean. You can only be different versions of you. And I'm not afraid to see them all. Besides, it's not using me if I ask you to do it, silly."

Sean found himself smiling and leaning into Nate. Putting his cheek against Nate's forehead, he asked him a little reluctantly. "Nate... Why do you love me?" Nate lifted his head off his shoulder, looking into his eyes as he answered wholeheartedly. "You have a lot of heart. You see people differently. You open your heart up to everyone without a second thought. It leaves you vulnerable, but it's who you are. You express things that I can only write songs about. Your passion drives me and I only want my passion to help you in return." Nate leaned forward to put his forehead against Sean's, singing to him in a loving whisper. "I'm down, but you know I'm not out.

I've got another round.

Second wind and it's picking me up, right off the ground.

I'm coming back again.

Can't break me. I'm not givin' up.

I gotta prove them wrong!

Take your time, cause I'm not taking mine.

I gotta stand up strong.

Voice in my head said to keep on going.

Don't let 'em see you bleed, don't want your weakness showing.

Need you to see me.

If you could just believe me.

Tell me it'll all be fine.

That's a lie, if I don't reach out, then how could it be mine?

Need you to see me and know what it's like to be me.

If you could just believe me.

Lost sight and my knuckles are white.

Not gonna break and bend.

My whole world was crumbling down, but I'll still mend.

My bones, my skin, breaking down, wearing thin.

Won't break my will. No, I'm not giving in!

What doesn't kill you's bound to come back for another.

You gotta fall. You wanna walk out stronger.

Voice in my head said to keep on going.

Don't let 'em see you bleed, don't want your weakness showing.

Need you to see me.

If you could just believe me.

Tell me it'll all be fine.

That's a lie, if I don't reach out, then how could it be mine?

Need you to see me and know what it's like to be me.

If you could just believe me.

I've found the strength and now I know where I can confide.

I've found a way to tame my own monster inside.

I've made my way and now I see it. I can reach it now.

Hold on to me. Be sure you've got it memorized.

Yeah, we'll survive the night.

Voice in my head said to keep on going.

Don't let 'em see you bleed, don't want your weakness showing.

Need you to see me.

If you could just believe me.

Tell me it'll all be fine.

That's a lie, if I don't reach out, then how could it be mine?

Need you to see me and know what it's like to be me.

If you could just believe me."

Sean closed his eyes, listening to Nate's voice. The song brought up his spirit, enough that the second Nate stopped singing... He tilted his head to kiss him. Nate's hands rose to cup the sides of his jaw, prolonging the kiss a bit longer. Sean's heart didn't start beating again, until Nate's lips parted from his. His heart ached with the urge to get lost in Nate's loving embrace. So, he hugged Nate tightly, burying his head in the nape of his neck. Nate held him close, until he suddenly shifted. Sean was going to protest, when it began to pour. Nate let out a shriek, bolting up onto his feet and pulling Sean up. Together they rushed toward the car, quickly closing the doors. Nate shook out his soaked hair, grumbling out. "Man, that is some heavy rain. We should get home. This kind of rain usually means that a storm isn't that far behind." To Be Continued...