The kiss lingered for a bit, before Nate reluctantly pulled away. Sean already felt a tad better. Resting his head back against the door frame, Nate lifted a hand to his cheek to brush away a tear trail with his thumb. Nate's voice was taking on a comforting tone as he asked him very softly. "Tell me what happened?" Sean shook his head. He didn't want to get Nate involved in his messy past relationships. He didn't want to hurt him with things Mark had said about him. Nate's hands slid along Sean's neck, caressing him tenderly while he added with a warm smirk. "Tell me so that I can go kick their ass." Despite trying to stay emotionless, Sean chuckled. He couldn't see Nate doing anything like that. He had too good of a heart. Nate pressed his forehead to his, chuckling out honestly. "Alright, you got me... I'm not much of a fighter... But I can be very intimating when I want to be." Sean stared into those teddy bear eyes of his, answering sweetly. "I believe you." Nate closed his eyes, his smile fading when he asked him somberly. "Sean... Please tell me?"

Sean moved his head away to hug Nate. Holding Nate close, he thought about telling him the short version of it. He was saved from it though, when he saw Nate's friends on Skype over his shoulder. His game wasn't over. They'd be waiting on him soon. Releasing Nate, he tried to sound more collected upon saying. "You should go finish your game." Nate shook his head, whispering close to his ear. "Not until I know if you're going to be ok." Sean rolled his eyes, mumbling out casually. "I'm alright. I just... I let my emotions get the best of me. Go finish your game." Nate sighed with slight defeat, causing Sean to kiss Nate's cheek before whispering to him encouragingly. "Go. I'll tell you after." Nate snuggled against him for a brief second, then gradually pulled away. Sean watched Nate drag his feet back to the studio doorway, when he stopped to call back to him. "Do me a favor? Stay away from the alcohol? I've got hot chocolate and marshmallows in the cabinet. I'll make it when I'm done."

Sean waved for him to go, smirking as Nate hesitated for a few seconds. He liked that Nate worried about him. It was a gentle reminder of how much he cared. Once Nate was settled back in his studio, Sean forced himself up onto his feet. Now that Nate had mentioned hot chocolate, he was craving it. Walking into the kitchen, he pulled out the coffee pot and filled it with water. After making sure that all the coffee grounds were gone, he poured in the water and let it heat up. Then he rummaged around in the cabinets for the mix. He found the marshmallows and couldn't help himself from eating one as he set it aside on the island counter. He still hadn't found the mix yet, when his mind drifted away from what he was doing. Taking a step back, he leaned forward to rest his hands on the cold counter to steady himself. He was alone. Nate was here in the house... but his mind kept reminding him of the silence. The more he tried to push the memories away, the harder they came back.

His old life had left deep scars. Alone and isolated in the cabin. Feeling like he was so alone in the world. Digging his nails in the counter, Sean sternly muttered to himself. "Stop it... I'm not alone." His mind was cruel. Flashing him bits from Signe packing and walking out the door. To waking up at the hotel at Pax to find Mark gone and distancing himself from him. It even lingered on Felix to show how he had walked into his life. Felix got him on his feet and then just seemed to drift away from him. Sean shook his head as the tears started coming back. Nate wasn't like them. Mark had even said it himself! Brutally his mind worked against him. Replaying Mark's words until the tears started to fall down his face. A heartless voice in his mind stated so softly that it wedged the knife into his heart just enough to brake him. "Didn't they all care in the beginning? Just wait. Don't you ever learn?" Sean's grip on the counter weakened along with his legs, bringing him down to his knees. Slumping down to lean back against the cabinet, Sean whispered out weakly. "Please stop..."

The voice in the back of his mind screamed as Sean wrapped his arms around his legs. He felt like he was going crazy. Signe had been right... embracing the idea of Anti had been the wrong thing to do. It gave his inner voice a name. It made his inner demons into one entity that he could not only see but couldn't even find the strength to look at in the mirror. Anti wasn't real physically... but mentally he had always been there. His fans just gave his brutal insecurities a name. Sean huddled himself into the corner as much as he could. Choosing to cry over his knees as he imagined Anti looming over him, disgustedly sneering close to his ear. "You're an idiot! How many times are you going to go through this? You should walk out before he does. You know it's coming. Can't you feel him getting bored with you? It's all your fault! See what your heart has done to you? It's made you weak! Do you see them crying over you! You should just go back to the cabin. Remember how cold it got there in the winter? Didn't feeling numb have a certain bliss to it? Sean... I'm only trying to help you. The truth is painful... Let me take it away..."

Sean felt his heart ache from his own inner turmoil. He hated that his inner voice was stronger and more convincing. He had to be going crazy. The longer he just sat there the more his emotions just seemed to run dry. His heart still ached, but the rest of him just felt numb and tried. Not even the sound of footsteps was enough to make him look up. He just wanted to stay in this spot, until something brought him out of this trance that he had managed to put himself in. Nate's worried voice hitched as he called out his name. Sean didn't even have the strength to acknowledge him. Warm hands touched his arms, shaking him a little as Nate asked him in a panic. "Sean? Look at me. What's going on? Tell me now." Sean sniffled, carefully lifting his head, but not looking Nate in the eyes. Instead he stared at the floor, mumbling out in a detached tone. "I'm breaking up with you." Nate's voice quivered a little as he retorted unsettled. "What? Why?" Sean tilted his head back against the counter, closing his eyes as he answered numbly. "It's going to happen anyway. Let's just end it here and save ourselves from the pain of it later..."

Sean was tired of fighting a losing battle. He could see the pattern of his failed relationships so clearly that he wanted to save Nate from himself. He was only going to drag him down. He didn't want to be the person that he regretted being with. A light smack to his cheek snapped Sean out of his painless trance. Getting him to look at Nate for the first time since he had entered the kitchen. Nate stared into his eyes with a look that Sean wasn't sure how to read. He saw pain in his eyes, He saw worry, but there was something else there. Nate sat himself down by his feet, putting a hand on Sean's leg as he told him seriously. "Don't do that. It doesn't help." Sean narrowed his eyes on Nate, growling out coldly. "Do what? I'm being serious." Nate brushed his long bangs away from his eyes with a heavy sigh. After which, he told him just as coldly. "You know what. You can't win a battle against yourself. Not like this. Trust me. Giving in... It doesn't let you live. It hollows you out. It breaks you down slowly until you can't think of a reason to live."

Sean rolled his eyes, before staring up at the ceiling to mutter out. "I'm tired of resisting it. I don't want to hurt anymore. You're going to leave me anyway... I'm just trying to make it hurt less." Nate patted his leg, firmly stating out with a loud exhale. "Alright. Tell me what happened out there? Why is this coming up?" Sean felt tears building up again and chuckled sarcastically. How could he still have tears left? Shaking his head, he dryly told Nate while still looking over the ceiling. "I ran into Mark... He brought up a few things that make sense... In a painful kind of way." Nate's tone dropped into a comforting one, when he asked gently. "What did he say?" Sean cleared his restricting throat, lowering his head to stretch out his legs, before answering reluctantly. "He basically brought up the fact that I have a habit of running into someone's arms when I'm in pain and fuck them until I can't feel it anymore." Nate leaned in a little, playfully joking. "And that's a bad thing? You haven't heard me complaining, have you?"

Sean gave Nate a stern look. He was trying to be serious and Nate was joking. Nate straightened up, telling him light-heartedly. "Sean, listen. Is it unhealthy? Yes. But who gives a fuck what those assholes think. You've conditioned yourself to get something positive, before it goes bad. Hell, you've conditioned yourself to skip foreplay because you are wedging yourself in around their schedules. You've forgotten how to slow down and make time for things you want. You're hurting. I see it. I know you're vulnerable, but have I ever rushed you into anything?" Sean sniffled, putting his hand over Nate's. Nate gave him a warm smile, whispering to him. "Maybe I've tempted you too much. Keeping you here. So, how about we go out and do something... boring and average. Go to the mall. Get something to eat. Explore the shops a bit. Get to know me. Then decide if you still want me around." Sean squeezed his hand, chuckling out softly. "What would we even go shopping for? Games?"

Nate smirked, giving him a shrug as he answered sweetly. "We could... but honestly. I want to get you some gauges. I have yet to see you with them. Otherwise, we can go where ever you want. As long as we make coffee breaks. I'm running on low." Sean leaned forward, adding in. "And some hot chocolate. You got me in the mood and don't even have the mix for it." Nate moved his foot away a bit to open the lower cabinet, answering through a laugh. "What do you mean? I put it with the tea mix down here." Sean smacked Nate's leg playfully, joining him in a laugh. Raising a hand to his own ear, Sean ran his finger over the hole in his earlobe, saying lightly. "I guess, I could put them back in. It just hurts when I wear headphones." Nate climbed to his feet, reaching down to help him up as he excitedly told him. "Same. However, try one of mine." Nate carefully removed his black gauge and handed it to him. Sean picked it up, expecting it not to be any different than his old ones. He was wrong. They were so soft and flexible.

Slipping it carefully into his ear, his eyes practically rolled back in bliss as he muttered out. "Oh my god... These are so nice. Where did you get these?" Nate chuckled, answering happily. "At the mall. They're made of silicone. So, they're lighter and much nicer to wear over longer periods, don't you think?" Sean reluctantly pulled the gauge out, but excitedly told him. "You're going to show me where you got these. I need them in my life." Nate chuckled, leading him to the door as he put his gauge back in. To Be Continued...