Sean watched Nate go inside his studio room, before getting himself ready to go out. It looked like it was going to be a nice day today. Nice enough that he wanted to go for a long walk and Rylo was the perfect wingman for that. Once he was dressed, Sean hooked an excited Rylo onto his leash and headed out down the road. The day was bright and sunny with the fresh scent of rain still hanging around in the air from last night. He didn't pass many people on the street, which made the walk rather pleasant. Most of the people seemed to be enjoying themselves with BBQ's or hanging around the parks. Sean walked around until he found a dog friendly park with an open bench to sit on. He hated himself a little for not bringing something for Rylo to play with... However, Rylo seemed content simply sitting beside him as a gentle breeze blew through the park. So, together they watched a few dogs playing fetch or young pups learning to socialize.

Petting Rylo's head, Sean told him sweetly. "I'm sorry, Buddy. I'll remember next time." Rylo rested his head on his knee, his eyes starting to close after a few kisses to the knees of his baggy sweat pants. Spotting the water fountain across the park, Sean was going to ask Rylo if he wanted something to drink, when a familiar dog trotted across the field. A golden retriever. Turning his head to the gate where she had generally come from, Sean muttered out to the man as he approached. "What are you doing on this side of town, Mark?" Mark stood beside the bench, clearly stating out. "I was on my way over to see you. Saw you walking down this way and decided to stop in. Or are we not friends anymore?" Sean rolled his eyes, slumping back against the bench as he retorted numbly. "I don't know. We haven't talked much since you walked out on me. Do friends do that?"

Sean saw Mark shuffle his feet in his peripheral vision, before Mark cleared his throat to answer guiltily. "It's complicated. Things were different then... I was a different person then." Sean nodded stiffly simply to show that he was listening and that he had changed. Otherwise, he didn't feel like Mark deserved a verbal response to that. Mark inched closer to him, asking him hopefully. "Can I sit with you? I just want to talk." Sean sighed softly, sliding farther down the bench to allow him to sit with him. He still refused to look at him though as he icily stated out. "Go ahead. I doubt you'll stay long anyway." Mark winced, choosing to lean forward on his legs to give him his space against the backrest. They sat in a cold silence, before Mark couldn't take it and told him casually. "I think we both know that it never would have worked out between us." Sean finally turned his head to glare at Mark as he bitterly snapped out. "I guess, we'll never know. Why are you here, Mark? Why after all this time, do you suddenly fucking care about me?"

Mark inhaled deeply, sitting up as he answered bluntly. "I think you should stay away from Nate." Sean's body tensed with anger as he shot back heatedly. "Go fuck yourself." Mark raised a hand in a petty attempt to calm his mood, telling him in a steady tone of voice. "Don't be like that, Jack. You don't understand. He's loved you since we got together. Maybe even before that..." Sean huffed in disgust, bitterly sneering back. "And what's so wrong with that? That is the way it is supposed to be!" Sean gathered up Rylo's leash, starting to rise from the bench, when Mark retorted in a brutally blunt tone. "You're not thinking clearly, Jack. You're vulnerable and your using him. Just like you used Felix." Sean shifted on the bench to lock eyes with Mark, before smacking him across the face. Mark kept his head turned away after being smacked but added on sternly. "Are you so afraid of being alone that you'd rather fuck away your pain than deal with it?"

Sean clenched his teeth to fight back the urge to punch him this time. Instead, he resorted to hissing out at him. "Stay away from me, Mark. That isn't a request. You have no right to say these things. Not to me. Not after what you did to me." Climbing to his feet, Sean tried to coax Rylo away from Chica. He had had enough air for one day. Mark climbed to his feet too, standing beside him to tell him lightly. "Jack, I'm trying to help you. You're drowning and you can't even see it. Let me help you. I'll get you a hotel and you can come over to my house for dinner. We can hang out. Like we used to. Just until you feel more... like you again." Sean narrowed his eyes on Mark, sourly snapping back. "Don't you see, Mark? Jack died years ago... You killed him. What you see IS ME. And what I do is no longer any of your concern." Sean pulled Rylo toward the gate, knowing that Mark was following him a few paces behind.

Sean slammed the gate between them just as Mark grabbed his wrist, telling him in a soft loving voice. "In your vulnerable state, he'll manipulate you. You may not be my lover anymore, but I still care about you. I never stopped caring. I could handle you being with Felix... but Nate... He's not like us." Sean blinked completely stunned by Mark's words. Prying his hand out of Mark's grip, he asked him curiously. "What do you mean by 'he's not like us?' There is nothing wrong with him." Mark glanced around anxiously like he expected Nate to be close by, before quietly answering in a low voice. "I just mean that he's a different kind of Youtuber. He's not like us. He's a musician. They don't exactly have a good track record with serious relationships." Sean rolled his eyes, dryly muttering out. "Safe your breath, Mark. I'm a musician." Mark stood suddenly very still as he replied matter-of-factly. "You used to be a musician."

Sean didn't know what to say to that. So, he decided to say nothing and just start walking away. Out of all the things he had expected Mark to say to him, none of that was what he had anticipated. He wanted to forget it all from his mind... But the damage was already done. Like poison in his blood, it spread and twisted up his insides. Stopping a few houses from Nate's house, Sean took a few shaky breaths. He felt like he was having an asthma attack. He had not had one since he was a kid and yet he felt it coming on. Was it so wrong to fear being alone? Was it wrong to think that he could find someone and be happy again? He just wanted what everyone else had. A happy life. Sinking to his knees, Sean told a worried Rylo weakly. "I'm not using him... Am I?" Rylo licked his cheek where he understood the question or not. Either way, it didn't make him feel better. Rylo scooted closer to him, trying to snuggle with him for some attention.

Giving in, he started to pet Rylo's head. Then when his heart started to ache, he wrapped his arms around Rylo to hold him close. Burying his face into Rylo's fur, he mumbled out to him in a shaky voice. "I am... God damn it... Why do I need him so fucking badly?" Rylo twisted out of his arms upon spotting something more interesting by a tree, leaving Sean to stare out at the empty neighborhood streets. He could hear people laughing and talking somewhere out of his sight. Yet, here he was on the street. Feeling left out and emotionally crippled by the world around him. The moment he started to feel his hands shaking, Sean tightened his grip on the leash and coaxed Rylo into a run back to the house. Quickly rushing inside, Sean removed the leash from Rylo, dropping it as he jogged down the hall toward Nate's studio. He needed to feel him. To get lost in a warmth that wasn't his own. To be seen and wanted. To feel like he wasn't fading away. At the door, Sean cautiously pushed it open to peek inside.

Nate was still at his computer skyping with his friends. It was painful to see him laugh without him. He needed him right now... but he couldn't bring himself to be selfish enough to tear him away. Feeling tears well up in his eyes, he forced himself to turn away. It was slowly sinking in that he didn't want Nate to see him like this. So vulnerable and broken. He didn't want to be cared for. He wanted to be loved. Making his way to the spare bedroom, Sean was torn between taking a hot shower or taking a nap. He was leaning more towards just curling up in bed, when Nate slipped into the hall. Nate excitedly started to talk to him, only to stop as Sean turned to look at him. "Hey, You're back! How did the walk go? I'm almost finished with them and then we can... Sean? What happened?" Sean scolded himself for even looking in Nate's direction. He just couldn't help it. Deep down he wanted Nate to comfort him. To drive Mark's words away. To chase away the pain.

The tears finally fell from his eyes, causing his vision to blur and his legs to weaken. Pressing his back against the doorframe, Sean buried his face in his shaking hands. His whole body felt like it was living in some fake illusion. That everything he touched was disappearing. Nate ran up to him, holding his shoulders as Sean sank to the floor. Sean's heart twisted and mingled between pain and joy. He was drowning in pain... Yet, feeling Nate's hands on him was a spark of light in the dark. A ray of hope for better things that pulled him out before he hit an endless bottom. Nate kneeled more comfortably in front of him, wrapping his arms around his shoulders to pull him against his chest. Sean tried to resist his embrace feebly. He didn't want to see Mark's words proven right. He wasn't using him! It couldn't be helped though. Nate's chest made him feel stable, when his body was shaking itself apart. Nate's warm body heat kept his body from going numb with cold.

Nate held him close, whispering close to his ear soothingly. "Is there anything you need?" Sean shook his head, clutching the front of Nate's shirt tightly. His throat was too tight to tell him that he was giving him everything he needed right now. Just him holding him was enough. Nate's strength was giving him strength. Nate's arms tightened around him, snuggling against him like on some level he understood what he needed. The moment his body stopped shaking, Seanlifted his head to place a loving kiss to a spot just under Nate's jaw. It was meant to be innocent. A small gesture of thanks, until Nate turned his head to look at him with those soft brown eyes. Eyes that encouraged him to be strong and told him how much he loved him without saying a single word. It was then that he leaned up to press his lips to Nate's in a slow passionate kiss. He had never felt good enough for anything in his life... but Nate made him feel good enough for him. To Be Continued...