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(168) Can't have it all

Hello, I cannot find the person who requested this piece but if its you please comment below so I can credit you! Dream-walker AU. Didn't mean to make this how I did, I'm cruel.

Side note; thanks for all the support following my last upload and announcement of branching off to other fandoms eventually, I love ya.


Jack is born with an extra ordinary gift one which very few people would ever believe him about (instead hes just known as the boy who dreams strange things) but the truth is, he is one in a million. There are some people who are put on this planet to do extra ordinary things, protecting people or even walking in others dreams. Jack is like the tooth fairy without all the teeth. Okay no, he just appears in peoples dreams to give them messages or heed a warning. It means he never does get a full nights rest but the job is sort of rewarding and he can say hes had (been in) the weirdest of dreams and met people from all over the world even if the people he meets don't always remember him, as long as they remember his words - Jack thinks, it doesn't matter.

But Jack remembers all of them, each face young and old, and it haunts him sometimes when his warnings are full of distress. He doesn't know how it happens or even why but each night he gets assigned a person somewhere needing something and the words flow from his mouth as if he has some script written somewhere - but he never does. And the dream is always out of his control, good or bad its pretty annoying how hes just placed in a world or situation he has no control as to what happens in but he hopes that his words cling to whatever person he meets during the day - or helps them somehow. It feels a little powerless sometimes as he wishes to meet the same person twice but its so rare he gets the chance too.

Well, until it isn't.

;

Jacks used to seeing the same type of dream over and over again, especially the more common ones like people falling from high places (those always scare him too), seeing people being chased and Jack telling them to just face it. But one night Jack tumbles into a dream head first, landing in some snow - next to a raven haired man grasping onto some flowers as if it offered a lifeline standing beside a grave. Jacks familiar with these dreams; people unable to say goodbye to someone in their lives and being forced to in their dreams.

Jack watches on as the raven haired man perhaps the same age as Jack; who cries openly and honestly. Then his feet betray him as the clear snow crunches slightly under them, drawing the attention of the man as he turns around and he looks like a deer caught in bright headlights but Jack mimics the expression because normally people's appearances don't shock him so much but hell, this man is a little breathtaking. Although Jack knows he remembers each person he meets, he thinks he'll remember this particular mans face more than the rest.

Stormful eyes holding too many kept inside emotions, cheeks a dusting of red due to him crying; expression confused and weary of the unknown man in his dream.

"Who are you?" The mans voice is deep, comforting and echoing.

"Who I am isn't important. I'm here to tell you to let go and to not always follow the path you are put on." Jack says with his whole chest; deep and meaningful and for once the words don't feel like they've come out of nowhere. The man bows his head at the words.

"I can't." He utters offering a glance back at the grave.

"You will learn too. These thorns will stick to you but the pain will ease." Then the man is reaching out to him, dropping the flowers he was grasping. And Jack, he reaches back. Their hands brush briefly, and then he has that sick feeling of everything fading and he doesn't want to let go but this is what happens when the person awakes; they fade like some memory being stolen from Jack himself and it never feels any easier each time it happens - but sometimes he wishes he had more time with others.

Even when Jack falls out the mans dream, his thoughts linger upon him - an itch of curiosity within him. Hes met countless people to whom he has given advice too and remembers them well but this stranger he finds himself wanting to know more - like what he does outside his dreams, why he was standing by someone's grave looking like a lost puppy as if he wasn't supposed to be there.

;

Mark wakes in a sweat, raven hair stuck to his forehead and he jerks awake glancing at the darkness surrounding him and its some kind of comfort, his heart racing in his chest as he tries to workout the events of his dream. The man in his dream Mark had never met before and usually those who do appear in his dreams are familiar faces but this man was alluring - bright blue eyes and words that Mark didn't know he needed to hear. Mark shakes it off, it was just a dream but the words seem to cling to him as if they're written across his skin in black ink, can see and hear them even in darkness and silence.

"Let go." Its almost as if Mark can hear the words spoken from in an unfamiliar accent from an even unfamiliar person.

 Mark knows he has to let go of certain things and feelings he does but its different hearing it from a complete stranger, a stranger that seemed to see right through him and straight into his soul and deep buried emotions and things he'd yearned and fought to forget. Mark goes about his day then, dealing with things and living like he hasn't in months. Coping, or feeling like it - for once. Maybe he owes a lot to the stranger, hopes they'll cross paths again even if it be in a dream. Isn't sure the stranger even exists outside dreams, some character his imagination and perhaps guilt-ridden mind Mark had conjured up.

;

As Mark drifts off to sleep, for once a little quicker without his demons disturbing him and grabbing at him, loud thoughts keeping him awake. He shuts off easily and dare he say it, peacefully. Hes been plagued for months now and today it felt like some of it - some burden had been lifted. He finds himself in his family home, Christmas decor scattered around the house as his much younger self giddy for the day ahead tries to fall asleep. Its like Marks sort of a ghost in his own memories from there - travelling through the timeline of his life. Until hes sat in a unfamiliar cafe, perhaps future him standing nervously in a line.

Himself then orders a drink he doesn't quite here - faces of people unrecognizable as he takes a seat in front of someone Mark doesn't see either. Then as Mark follows himself out the cafe he sees him again, standing outside.

Him, the person from his dream last night - looks just surprised at seeing Mark, like hes seen a ghost. But he doesn't talk to the future Mark standing talking to someone but instead Mark himself, current Mark dreaming and looking into memories.

"Never forget who you are."

Mark nods, what he really wants to respond is; 'Whats your name?' 'Will we meet again?' And it bugs him that he can't seem to get the words out, as if currently he isn't allowed to speak to him but hes got so many questions and no answers. 

He wonders what it all means.

;

A strange man giving him strange advice and perhaps a different non-in need of help in his everyday life would ignore it, play it off as something his bullshit brain added to give him some sort of ego boost maybe but right now he needed a voice of guidance something, someone to tell him to get his shit together because hell his family had tried and he'd ignore them. He look all his guidance from someone who wasn't there to give it anymore. 

When you lose a voice that keeps you strong, keeps your head high and resonates with you, its difficult to hear any other voice. And yet somehow, Mark hears the man in his dreams voice loud and clear. Even during the day outside his dreams and he feels like hes finally done with procrastinating his interests, done with self pity. Done shutting out the world and others around him, its as if his eyesight had finally re-focused again.

Like he had realize that there were leaves upon trees, the sun did in fact shine a little brighter and found comfort in rain drops rather than all of the worlds beauties making him miserable, making him angry that the world could still spin upon its axis when Marks world had been thrown into a different course entirely and was unable to rotate and adjust.

But somehow he wishes he could see the man from his dreams and thank him, learn who is and where he's from, why of all the people's dreams he had appeared in Marks when he just so happened to need it the absolute most.

;

Finally, the third night Mark dreams - the man is there and since its playing on his mind dream him manages to ask the strange man all the things he's been wondering about.

"Whats your name?"

He asks and the man seems taken aback by it. Its odd hes appeared the same persons dream for 3 consecutive nights and now hes asking questions Jack normally never gets, normally he does all the talking. Normally the dreams always follow a path that cannot be changed. Yet it isn't all the surprising considering just how different this man really is.

"I'm... Jack, yours?" Hesitated.

Jack can't deny hes curious about the other man too, can't seem to stop thinking about hazel eyes and raven hair. Wonders why Jack can't get out of his dreams, if the man needs a lot of advice or if somethings wrong; if Jacks missing something.

"Mark. Why are you in my dreams?" Jack freezes. Normally the person will question who he is or why hes here but never like this, it passes - Mark is... different.

"I, don't know. Normally I don't appear in people's dreams this often." 

The dream-walker replies openly because hell he never chose this kind of life and although he leads a relatively normal life during the day accept without all the dreaming rather just wondering (stumbling) through home life and never experiencing much past boundaries he never was allowed to push, but at night his gift shines, guiding people through their own lives even if they don't remember Jack as long as the words sticks that's all he truly cares about (but sometimes he prays they remember him like he remembers them) like some kind of angel, he supposes. Jack doesn't know why he was chosen for this life but he was and is.

"What are your dreams?" 

And its like Mark dropped a mirror, his own dream starting to crack along with Jack in front of him; as if nobody had ever asked him. They hadn't.

;

Jack startles, his ears ringing and vision blurry. Normally only nightmares have that affect on him but hearing Mark ask something like what he dreamed made him feel a little sick because hell, truth was he didn't. His parents had only told him that dreaming was for people that couldn't dream-walk, that he didn't deserve to dream. He wasn't allowed creativity or people in his life in case they found out what he could do and told others. 

Jack is kept locked up normally, not allowed outside in the world in case he dares dream - dare see what the world has to offer and for most of his life he hadn't questioned it, because everybody else without his gift deserved to have dreams be it shooting for the stars or riding a unicorn no matter what they dreamed they deserved it; Or if they needed advice, Jack would give them it - its what his purpose is.

He hadn't thought about anything else. Until now; What did he dream about? Isn't everyone even him with a freak gift like his allowed too? Why hadn't his parents allowed him to dream?

And suddenly he feels angry; like he hasn't been living at all and hell, he hasn't. He suddenly wants to experience the world but he also wants Mark to dream again, finds himself drawn to him like a moth to a flame, perhaps; wants to find him in real life so he can see the world with somebody safe, somebody that'll remember him.

Someone to let him out his cage.

;

And maybe fate or the world really does have a different plan for Jack because again, hes face to face with Mark after last time.

"I don't know how to dream." Jack mutters, open, honest - and Mark looks like a wounded puppy at his confession.

"But-"

"I live in other peoples dreams and guide them but I don't know how to guide myself." Marks eyes turn soft at the confession, its almost too honest, makes it feel like not a dream as if Mark could really just reach out to him.

"Let me help you." 

Mark utters; releasing that when hes awake hes better thanks to the words that cling to him from Jack, and decides its his turn to help him even if he doesn't know how.

"We'll find each other." 

Jack says and then everything's fading and Mark hates that he snaps his eyes open and that's it; he doesn't even know what that means, Mark doesn't believe in fate rather, you choose your own destiny and legacy to match.

;

And sure enough, they do. But of course in dreamland but it isn't when Marks dreaming; instead in a twisted turn of events its Jacks dream he appears in. The man had fallen asleep and for the first time ever in his life he had dreamt of. As if his imagination was finally freed and his thoughts were wild after years of being suppressed and Mark finds him there to experience it and dream Jack is dragging him through fields and falling in flowers like a prince running away from the awaiting throne and its nothing short of magical seeing him well, free. He looks happy here features elevated and bright, hair swept up and smile wide.

But his features quickly turn panicked.

"No, I can't dream. This is all wrong, you have to leave." 

His words are rushed as he tries to shove Mark, like he could just shove him out his dream - but Mark doesn't budge shifting all his weight so Jack can't move him at all.

"Jack, you are allowed to dream like the rest of us. You told me to find you so I did." Marks holding onto Jacks hands now as if he lets go he'll lose him forever, and seeing him this happy and without care or some weight and responsibility lifted for the time being.

"But how did you-" 

Marks done with the questions and pulls the man into a warm embrace with all his might. Its enough and it does the job of quieting the man of his worries. Mark isn't sure what it is about Jack but seeing him happy made his heart feel at ease like all is well as long as Jacks happy - Truth is, Mark sees past physical appearance and beyond such features lays a heart of pure gold and an even stronger soul to match. Mark just knows that through dreams hes helped so many people in their waking lives (including Marks) and the least he deserves is to have dreams like this as well as a dream in real life.

;

But things go down south harshly; as Mark dreams the following night and Jack is there but instead of giving advice and being positive like he normally is at this point, hes pleading for help as well as freedom whilst he stumbles over words and tears stream down his face.

"I know too much, they won't let me dream."

 Mark tries to ask what it means, who they are; what it is of too much he knows but hes frozen to place as Jack clings to his shirt pleading over and over.

Jack has discovered a lot over the past few weeks alongside Mark. Hes discovered that he too can dream, and that the world is as beautiful as it is cruel but hes also discovered that his parents have been stealing his ability to dream, stopping him for doing so for their own selfish benefits to keep them young and living their own dreams at the expense of their son being sheltered and locked away from the outside world and all its possibilities and from people like Mark.

But one thing Jack also now knows, is that the truth always comes out. And hes tired of being treated as a personal eternal youth and dream maker. This isn't what his power is for and everybody deserve to dream but his parents have used up all of his dreams and treated him anything but as a son and used his power for bad - the dreams sometimes coming at the expense of other people, trampling and keeping their dreams, too.

And Mark is the only person who Jack can't seem to stop seeing or being present in his dreams, its been weeks and Jack has been in Marks dreams more often than he can count and hes the only one that's dared to break past the walls of dreams and reach out and grab Jack by the hand.

;

Mark awakes that day, head spinning and full of thoughts; worrying about Jack and what could have happened, feeling helpless. When Jack had told him they'd find each other it never did fill him with confidence rather more doubts because how on earth would they just stumble upon each other, the world has never been nice to Mark regarding fate hell, he isn't sure fate is even real at this point because jesus, the world hasn't given him much to cling too. 

(Well, it has given him Jack and for that, hes thankful.) Mark doesn't know what else to do and feeling helpless he decides the only the he can do is to try and sleep with Jack on his mind (not that hes ever far from it.)

And he falls deep into sleep, thoughts still racing as he closes his eyes. Jack is there and he seems to be trapped in a cage, eyes pleading and looking akin to a puppy who has been scolded for chewing cables.

"My parents steal my dreams for their own youth," Jack utters, fast as he rattles the bars of the cage between his hands and suddenly things seem clear.

"And they imprisoned me, so I wouldn't see the world. So I wouldn't dream."

Mark runs up to the cage, grasping the bars and uttering words that come from the deepest parts of his mind and maybe his heart too.

"The two most powerful things you can do within this world is to dream and love. So dream, Jack. Dream whatever you want and live those dreams and love, love so deeply no one can pull you out of it."

And then Marks fading without another word as he begins to wake up and he still wants to reach out for Jack. But he hopes the dream-walker can break free of his chains and be able to experience all the world has to offer, lord knows he deserves it. Mark just hopes, prays its enough.

;

Jack doesn't know much about love or the world, but hell hes seen enough people's dreams to last a lifetime and offered guidance he's never had in this life and he remembers each and every person hes seen in their dreams but Mark is so different, from the moment they met he was memorable but his words are even more-so and Jack, squeezing his eyes shut tight he decides that he wants to dream, wants to love and wants to live. But not forever because Jack also knows that time is limited but legacy, legacy is forever.

So Jack dreams.

And Dreams.

And Marks there, in front of him; touchable and real - out of dreaming and maybe that's why his parents kept him locked up because Jack not only has the power to walk in people's dreams but to also make his own dreams true, if he tries hard enough, unknowing to him until now; until someone had come along with a key, a key to unlock such talent, such magic. And his parents are hissing at him as time seems to move; years they should've spent aging and living but instead stolen youth catching up with them and Jack doesn't want them to die or suffer; just learn from their mistakes, to allow him to dream.

But Jack can't have it all.

Mark reaches for him, hugs him even; just as confused as Jack is perhaps.

"Now you must love." 

And Jack doesn't get to murmur that maybe he already does, has, is - until its all gone.

Jack startles as he looks around, his parents bursting into his room, looking well old, like they had lived all the years they had stolen. An apology fresh on their lips and Jack realizes that the remainder of their time here is for building new long burned bridges.

;

As Jack continues to walk into people's dreams, he finds it isn't raven hair and soft hazel eyes he meets night after night anymore; but sometimes he himself dreams of meeting Mark again. That's his dream; so he can thank him - tell him all the things he should have, could have murmured to fill silences or should have answered his questions. And Jack tries hard again, like he did before; to dream hard enough that Mark will appear in front of him again, be reachable.

And it works.

Hes there, looking soft; eyes blinking a few times to focus, hair swept in unevenly yet oh so perfect directions. Jack reaches a hand out to him - and he feels drained as he does, the power to keep this up almost too much to handle.

"I-" Jack never gets to say those sweet words before Mark is gone and hes being thrusted back into the real world, panting as he does. It takes too much energy to summon Mark to where he is and he just hopes that they do find each other.

But alas.

The world, Jack learns, is a big place. Big enough to lose someone within countries and oceans.

Jack dreams, dreams like he never has and he loved, loved like he never did - but Mark and him never cross paths again, regardless of how much Jack dreams, of how much Mark wonders about the boy who appeared in his dreams.

Maybe Mark stopped believing in Jack, someone as innocent and sweet with a unearthly power could not surely exist in such a cruel world.

Maybe Marks dreams taunted him with things he never could have.

And Maybe not all dreams can come true.


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