Request from omlynn, Its pretty much angst! Thank you all as always for all the freaking crazy support, its been a long journey thats far from over and I learn things everyday.

Also, I recently wrote a oneshot on GISHWHES, and my friend is a participant and needs your help for a survey! Its -

32waystoAutumn, hit her up for the link to the survey? It'd mean a lot! 

[Trigger warning, slight self harm aspects.]

Complete darkness is all he sees, only thing to be heard is the pounding of his heart. It always ends like this; Like he cannot escape the crippling darkness hes faced with after an 'episode.' He hates it, like hes fighting a loosing battle.

It always starts and ends the same.

Its all too familiar but its still haunting nonetheless. Hes here, stood above his own bed; a soon to be bloodied knife in his hands, the being, him - is shaking. Hes finally managed to commit to the darkness; let himself go - the light fade from his own eyes.

And it ends with; "Come on, Mark - Admit what you truly are. Let go."

;

Mark is equal darkness and equal lightness although sometimes he loses himself to the darkness and maybe those are his bad days. When he loses the fight. Loses control and beats up a complete stranger who looked at him the wrong way; throws a glass or two in his local pub or when he smokes again, breathing in the smoke and then putting it out against his arm - just to make sure hes still here. He shouldnt he knows and he'll pay for it when the day passes but it doesn't make it any better for him.

Perhaps Mark is looking for a bit more light in his life. An angel to his deviled side. He thinks even that is asking for too much.

Bad days pass and he wakes up with sore arms and bruises he can't remember getting, along with those burns. The anxiety of it all kicks in and hes worried he'll get lost in the dark. He should be stronger than this, there's still light in his heart but how much? Mark isn't sure anymore.

;

So when the barista at his favourite coffee shop (its only his favourite when its not busy and full of teens who think they're cool) spills his latte over him; that he realizes today is a good day - because he doesnt yell at him or push him and simply ignores the desire to hit him, it fades anyway the moment they lock eyes, blue hues laced with panic yet they're still warm, calming even. He apologises frantically with a very clear non-american accent. Mark just shrugs it off as he rushes to bring him another, wiping his trousers with an audible sigh.

The barista comes back, fresh coffee in one hand and a pen in the other. "It was Mark, right?" The American nods, and watching him write smoothly on the cup. The K In his name is beautiful curved and he smiles, The blue eyed male radiated warmth and light; Like a moth to a flame, Mark was immediately drawn to him.

;

And from there maybe he lingers around in the petite coffee shop a little longer than normal and perhaps, he smiles a little wider at one particular barista; Since their last encounter Mark had slept peacefully and wasn't on edge as much, it was rather odd.

So when he sees the same smooth writing, demonstrated with numbers across the cup, with a little stickman asking what he was looking at, he beams. Its the blue eyed baristas number and Mark didn't even have to say anything to him to get it, which is good because usually he messes everything up when he begins talking.

And the first text he sends, is an apology for staring and he wants to say its because he has pretty eyes but figures its too forward and settles with the simple; "I'm sorry for staring."

Mark feels silly for being so drawn to a stranger like this but he cant help it and maybe, hes the light he needs.

;

"Submit to darkness," Comes his own voice again, an octive lower and its sinister. He covers his ears, because hes trying work - Hes an artist, a dark one at that but people are drawn to tradegy - well it certainly seems that way due to how quickly his art got noticed and Mark is grateful, it helps pay the bills alongside him doing editing or writing for articles. It isnt what he expected to be doing but Mark isn't complaining. Hes struggled, battling with demons for years - it began after he lost his father and he cannot seem to shift the lingering darkness behind his eyelids, in his soul.

The voices don't help.

He's pulled out of his thoughts when his phone vibrates from upon the table and upon seeing the reply from the barista, hes smiling again.

"Its okay, just be sure to tip me extra when you're next in!" The accent bleeds through the phone so much so that Mark can almost hear it.

He stops by the coffee shop that same day and yes, he leaves a tip for his favourite barista.

;

Mark walks Jack home one night and before they can even get to Jacks street hes in pain. A headache this time and Jack helps him, they it on the curb together and hes panicking, doesnt want Jack to see him like this. Hes only just learned his name for gods sake.

But his vision is blurry and hes shaking and suddenly the stars just above them are in his eyes and then there gone.

He awakes to soft blue hues and Jacks worried expression changes into a sweet smile.

"You had me worried."

The place hes in is unknown but he still feels safe.

Jack offers him a glass of water and he takes it kindly, in his heart he wants to warn Jack about when he blacks out; when is isnt in control but he doesn't want to drive him away when hes only just entered Marks life.

"Go out with me?" Mark mutters, shocking himself even.

Jack seems a bit shell-shocked at first but then his smile widens and he agrees, not the best circumstances to ask someone out in but Mark takes it; he likes Jack a lot; likes his presence.

Jack ushers him to stay the night and he does (with some protest, Mark knows how mad his nightmares can be and doesn't want to scare Jack.) However Jack wishes him farewell, and hes sleeping on his sofa with a blanket; and he feels safer than he ever has.

;

Sleep is bliss, he realizes but perhaps the most blissful thing today is waking up to a sleepy-eyed, messy haired Irish barista. He makes him coffee and Marks anxiety kicks in, had Jack just took pity on him because he was ill? Is that what Mark is, some charity case? Maybe Jack senses it, as he snaps him out of his trance asking if he takes sugar in his coffee, he shakes his head once and breathes; It is too early for darkness especially when he has light right here.

Jack looks like an angel when the sunlight peeks through the large windows at the back of the room, casting a shadow and Mark wonders what a devil like him deserved to meet an angel like Jack.

;

Weeks bleed through into months and they've been offical for awhile and Mark still struggles to wrap his head around it however, some of the darkness is gone and he was right, Jack is exactly the light he needed but sometimes he worries; Worries that he'll cast darkness over Jack, cut off his light like when the moon cuts off the sun.

Hes tried to keep Jack out of the way, from the dark parts of him and he has for the most part.

;

When a lightbulb shatters; there is darkness and the lightbulb no longer works. Mark isn't sure what caused his lightbulb to shatter in the first place maybe it began when Jack saw some of his darkness and he saw the worry graze his features or maybe years ago when he had lost his father and began to drift from the light of the world and perhaps even Jacks light was not enough to repair what had been done and hes sorry; he is. But he doesn't really feel anything now. His eyes are a little bit unlit than they normally are and he snaps a more than usual.

For all one knows; he let his guard done thinking that the light in his life would keep the darkness at bay and it could be that when he had, the darkness crept in and snuck up on him like some angry predator.

And hes crying, for the first time in forever next to Jack and hes repeating himself a million times;

"Get out." Maybe hes talking to the voices in his head or maybe it is directed at Jack to just leave him be because he isn't sure he can save himself.

;

Jack stays and maybe the light gets duller over time the more Mark mumbles to him and tells him how cruel the world is and Jacks grumbling or snapping doesn't fall on deaf ears, he hears it and he can't stop it some sadistic part of him is happy; happy he's dulling the light.

The light complete dulls when they fight; Marks the first to hit him because all he sees is red, raw anger. Jack breaks too and hits him back; This isn't how it should be.

"Hit me again, Show me your darkness." He hears himself say; tone deeper than usual.

Jack does and some sick part of Mark is glad.

;

They say two wrongs don't make a right; but Mark thinks that's stupid now because here there are two wrongs in this story; And they do make a right in someways; how they just sort of fall into bed together and show their darkest parts to one another.

Maybe he doesn't need light after all.