A/N: TEARS! BEWARE THE FEELS!

(Mark's P.O.V.)

"I wonder what Seán wants to talk to us about."

"Yeah. He sounded really serious."

"And he waited till the last day of the convention, which is normally pretty weird for him."

"Agreed."

Bob, Wade, Felix, and Ken talk about Seán's sudden meeting with us, but I stay quiet. I can't help it, the fear running through my veins keeping me from talking. Earlier today, near the beginning of the last day of the convention, Seán told all of us to meet him in his hotel room because he has something to tell us. Something important. 

None of us know what it could possibly be, though we've all been guessing throughout the entire day. Well, they have. I've just been quiet. My concern for my boyfriend is off the charts, and it's even worse knowing this is something he hasn't told me. And we tell each other everything. What's so bad, he hasn't told me till now?

Before I know it we're at the hotel, and in the elevator to go up to Seán's room. The four others are still talking about it, trying to make last minute guesses. 

"He has been pretty off lately. Kinda... Sickish."

"Yeah, yeah definitely." Felix agrees with Bob.

"Maybe it has something to do with that?" Wade suggests. Ken shrugs and stops at a door.

"We'll see." 

And he knocks. In only a minute Seán opens the door for us, smiling softly. "Hey. Come on." He nods for us to go inside, and we do. He leads us over to the little living room like area, and we all sit down. Bob, Ken and I on the couch, and Felix and Wade in the two armchairs. Seán stands in front of us.

"Everything okay?" Wade asks Seán, and we all watch him intently. At first nothing is said or done.

He inhales and exhales slowly, not being able to find his words. Then he opens his eyes and looks around the room at all of our friends. And then he looks at me, and he stares me straight in the eye. And I suddenly get this feeling that this meeting has more meaning than I thought. With one last moment of silence, he speaks.

"I was diagnosed with stage four lung cancer about two weeks ago." He says it softly, almost as if he was scared to admit, which he probably is. And I freeze, tears slipping from my eyes silently as I process everything. Felix beats me to words.

"Does your family know?" He asks it quietly and Seán nods.

"The majority of them were there, and then we told the rest the next day." He answers. It's silent. I'm frozen. He's still looking at me. I'm looking at the ground.

"Is there any chance of recovery? Chemo? Radiation? Something..." Bob asks it so quietly I barely heard but Seán just shakes his head.

"They said it's spread to much already. Anything we do would be pointless." And that is when it hits me. It finally registers in my brain what he's saying. He's saying he's going to die. He's going to die and there's nothing we can do to stop it. Because of cancer. My breathing becomes uneven and I shake my head, tears falling down my cheeks at a record pace. I stand up, still shaking my head. 

"No... No, no, no. Seán... I-I-I can't..." I collapse to my knees, causing him to run over and wrap his arms around me reassuringly. But I sob... "I can't lose someone else. Not to that damned disease. I can't... I-I-I can't lose you..." I sob and cry and yell. All of our friends are silent. Everyone is silent. "I love you to much..."

"I know Mark." He says it quietly, a whisper compared to my crying. "I know, and I'm so sorry. I don't want to lose you either. But we can't do anything about it, so please just try to be happy these next four months okay?" My eyes widen and I look at him.

"Four months?" I whisper and he nods, tears falling from his eyes as well. "B-but that's... That's such a sh-short time..." I exhale and he nods again, hugging me tighter. 

"I know." He whispers and it's silent, all of us. One by one our friends leave the room until it's just Seán and I, a decision probably made for the best. We just need to be alone right now, for a few minutes at least. And we are. We just sit there on the ground, crying. And crying. And just when I think I'm out of tears... "I'm going back to Ireland."

"What?!" I yell, looking at him with wide eyes. He's leaving? "But...But... "

"I'm sorry Mark, but my family is out there, and my doctor is out there. I... I'm going back in two days." He says, watching me with careful eyes. More tears fall from my eyes, rolling down my cheeks and splattering on the floor. 

"You're leaving me?" I ask it so quietly, it's barely above a whisper. He shakes his head, putting his hands on my cheeks and wiping away my tears, but new ones replace them. 

"No, don't think of it like that. I just... Mark..." He lets out a quiet, strangled sob, and he shakes his head, tears spilling from his eyes as well. "It just hurts."

I nod softly, wrapping my arms around him in a hug. And we cry some more. It seems that's all we do right now is cry, but what else am I supposed to do? What else is he supposed to do? Knowing he has no future, that he's leaving me. That he's going to die. What are we supposed to do? 

I pull away from the hug, leaning in for a kiss but Seán just backs away, and shakes his head. This just hurts me more. Why won't he let me kiss him? 

"Mark, I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry..." He cries, shaking his head slowly. "I just can't." 

"Can't what Seán?" I ask softly. He inhales and then gestures to first himself and then me. 

"This. Us. Not anymore. I can't kiss you, I can't... I just... It hurts to much knowing I'm leaving you. Way to god damn much..." He cries more, looking at the ground. He punches the floor, tears both sad and angry. "God damn it!" He yells, crying more. "Why out of all the people?! Out of everyone?! Why me?!" He screams, breaking down. 

I go to hug him, to comfort him, but he just backs away. "Seán please..." I say. And he complies. He wraps his arms around my neck, crying into my shoulder. And I run my fingers through his hair, whispering comforting words of love. And then he backs away, kissing me softly before pulling away for good. 

"I'll Skype you." He says, trying not to cry more. But we both know it's useless. However I just nod, and I get up, walking out of the hotel room without so much as a second glance because I know that if I do, I'll just break down crying again.

***

We did Skype for about a month. And then... I didn't hear from him. At all. But I also didn't hear from his family, which was good. I was worried, I was sad, I was... Broken. YouTube became something in the back of my mind, something I did on occasion if I felt good enough. The fans understood. My friends understood. But now...

"Mark?" My eyes widen at the voice on the phone.

"Mrs. McLoughlin. Is everything okay?" I ask, really scared now. I haven't heard anything... Is it possible...?

"No. Seán's not doing well at all." She sniffs, and I can tell she's been crying. "Um... The doctor says he only has a few days left. If you could fly out here..."

"But he doesn't want to see me."

"Don't listen to him! All he wants is to see you! We can't even say your name and he'll start crying. So please... Just... Just fly out here." She begs, and I nod, immediately making plans for the next flight. 

"I'll be there by tomorrow." I say, and she sighs.

"Thank you." And with that she hangs up and I start packing.

***

I would be lying if I said I wasn't scared to see Seán. Scared to see how bad he's doing. But I'm also excited. Excited to see the man I've never stopped loving. I already met with his family in the hotel lobby. They were all so sad, but they tried to put on fake smiles when they saw me. They talked to me for a while, told me of Seán's condition and what I shouldn't be surprised to see. And then they gave me his room number, a visitor badge, and sent me on my way.

So that's where I am now. Walking towards room 424. I think I'm ready. I think I'll be able to do this. But as soon as I walk into the room I know I was wrong. As soon as I close the door behind me, I just study him. He doesn't look like himself. He doesn't look like Seán. 

He's asleep right now, not expecting a visitor. He's hooked up to many machines, including an oxygen tank. His hair is all gone, and he's much skinnier then he has ever been. His skin is a deathly pale, even more then usual, and he just... He looks so sick. It's absolutely heartbreaking. But I walk in anyways. 

I pull a chair over to his bedside, sitting down. It doesn't take long for him to wake up, confused at first, but then looking over at me and smiling softly. 

"Hey Mark." He says weakly, tiredness in his eyes. I smile back, though it's a sad smile. 

"Hey Seán. How are you?" I ask. He sighs, never looking away from me. 

"I'm hanging in there." He whispers, closing his eyes a bit, before opening them again. "Can you get me my water please? It's over there." He says, pointing to a counter. I nod, getting up and grabbing the water, bringing it back to him. He takes it, taking a few small sips before putting it down on the ground. "Thanks."

"Of course." It's silent for a second. We just stare at each other. We stare at each others eyes. His eyes show tiredness, and sickness. Mine shows sadness, and tiredness as well. But suddenly, tears come to Seán's eyes. 

"I missed you Mark." He cries softly, weakly. I smile, tears coming to my eyes as well. 

"I missed you too." I say, taking his hand in mine. I lean down and kiss him gently, him kissing back. I missed the feeling of his lips on mine, though their chapped and faded now. The kiss is full of many messages. A message of how much we missed each other. A message of how much we will miss each other. And a message of how much we love each other. 

He pulls away, putting his head back on the pillow and sighing once again. "Green and red." 

"What?" I ask, confused. He chuckles softly, closing his eyes. 

"Green and red. The colors I want at my funeral." He opens his eyes and looks at me. "And roses. Lots of roses. You always liked roses." He says and I chuckle, nodding. 

"And you always liked lilies." I say and he nods, smiling more. 

"You'll make sure it happens right? My funeral. The way I want it." He says and I nod, tears falling down my cheeks. 

"Anything for you Seán." He smiles and nods, closing his eyes once again.

"Can you sing for me?" He asks softly. The heart monitor slows a small bit. More tears fall down my cheeks, but I nod anyways. 

"We'll do it all... Everything... On our own..." I keep singing, though tears quickly fall. "We don't need... Anything... Or anyone..." Seán smiles, and squeezes my hand. "If I lay here... If I just lay here... Would you lie with me and just forget the world?" 

His grip loosens, the heart monitor slows more. "I don't quite know... How to say... How I feel..." I inhale shakily, but Seán's smile keeps my going. "Those three words... Are said to much... They're not enough..." At this rate tears are flowing down my cheeks, but I find it in me to keep going. "If I lay here... If I just lay here... Would you lie with me and just forget the world?" 

I stop singing as Seán's grip finally goes limp, and the heart monitor goes flat. And I cry, still holding his hand and staring at the smile that's still on his face. 

A/N: Fun facts about this really sad chapter. One, I almost started crying multiple times. Two, Seán's room number (424) is based off of the first video ever posted with the two, which was a GMod video posted on April 24. Three, I started working on this five months prior to finishing it. And four, I'm really proud of it, even if it's really fucking sad. 

I have never lost anyone close to me due to cancer, and I am very truly sorry for anyone who has. I know what it is like to lose someone close to you, and it hurts. But you guys can get through it, and if you need someone to talk to, I'm here. I love you all <3 =)