WARNING: Deals with heavy topics (trigger warning) 

(Mark's P.O.V.)

A person never truly realizes just how well a mask can fool someone until they're in the situation of finding out about the mask. Cause no, I'm not talking about a legitimate mask. I'm talking about masking your emotions, your secrets, until people don't truly know who you are. And it's really hard to understand how easy it is to fool someone, unless you're fooling or being fooled.

I bet every single person out there has at least one mask. One secret, one emotion, that they don't want let out for the world to see. But for most of those people, I feel like it's not a giant deal, something smaller. Something that wouldn't change life, or the course of it, or others around you all that much. 

Maybe I'm wrong; I don't know that many people. But the people I do know, I know almost everything about. It's just me, and my small group of friends. I didn't even know most of them until my best friend dragged me to this club after school, a small video game club made by him and a couple other friends. Now it's all five of us, just happy and smiling and laughing and playing. 

Felix is the goof, Cry is the mature figure, I'm just kind of there, and Ken is the quiet type that only speaks when needed. And then there's Seán, my best friend, and president of the club. We've known each other since we were very little, having been neighbors as soon as he moved from Ireland at age five. 

Ever since, we've become the best of friends. We know everything about each other, and spend almost every minute of every day out of school together. But lately, he's been a little bit off. Normally, he's the happiest person in the world. Always laughing, and smiling, and making sure none of us argue. 

He's the one that always has a smile on his face, and can help anyone else smile too. He's the one that always has a joke to tell, and a laugh ready if anyone else tells a joke. He's the one that everyone loves, and everyone envies because we just can't be that happy. Because we've all sworn that he is the happiest person we've ever met, and maybe even the happiest in the world. 

 But I guess even Seán has a mask.

***

Seán left the club early two days ago, saying he felt sick, and then didn't come to school yesterday. Now it's Saturday, and I'm a little worried. He hasn't answered my calls, or my texts. No one else from the club has heard from him. He's just disappeared. And I'm scared. Because I love him, even if I don't know in what way yet. 

I groan, flopping onto my bed as I try to figure out what to do. I can always just go over there and open the door like I always do, after all his parents won't be home. They work almost 24/7... Or I could just keep calling and texting and hoping he'll answer. But that doesn't seem like it'll happen anytime soon, and I'm really scared, so I'm just going to go over.

I quickly put on some legitimate clothes and then run out of the house, quickly running across the empty street to Seán's house. I grab my key ring and unlock the door, opening it with a quick knock. I close it behind me, locking it like I always do. No cars were in the driveway, so I know Seán's the only one here. If he's here.

"Hello hello!" I call out, but I get no answer. I look around the house, but all the lights seemed turned off. I frown, walking around, trying to find if anyone is here. "Seán?" Again I get no response. I humph, running upstairs. I check the rooms until I finally find a light on under the door to Seán's room. My eyebrows furrow and I walk over slowly, staring at the light underneath.

Why didn't he answer me?

"Seán?" I ask quietly, knocking on the door. I open it quickly to see Seán sitting on his bed, with his head in his hands. And it sound like... He's crying. "Hey, are you okay?" 

He gasps, bringing his head up to reveal bright red eyes and cheeks, tears running down his face at alarming speeds. He stares at me with horror before wiping his nose and eyes with his sweater sleeve, nodding. 

"Yeah, I'm fine." He says, his voice cracking a bit. He stands then and I notice that he hasn't even really bothered to get dressed. He's just wearing some goofy shorts and an oversized sweater, which is a little weird even for Seán. 

"No you're not, you were crying." He wipes at his eyes again, inhaling deeply before looking back at me.

"I'm fine Mark. I promise! I'm always fine!" He says, chuckling. But I just stare at him with a sad look, one that practically spells out my concern for him. He inhales shakily, exhaling it just as shakily. Tears come to his eyes again and fall. "I'm always happy!" He sobs quietly, wiping at his eyes furiously, shaking his head. "Why am I not happy?" 

I quickly walk over to him and wrap my arms around him, not letting him go as he just cries into his hands, which are pressed against my chest. 

"Sh, Seán it's okay... It's okay... What happened?" I ask quietly and he just shakes his head, making me concerned. 

"Nothing happened." He says then, quietly. I frown, now more confused than anything. He pulls away then, staring at me with those sad eyes. 

"What do you mean?"

He looks almost hesitant to tell me, or even scared. What he says next I never could have been prepared for.

"I've been dealing with depression my whole life Mark." He says it so quietly I barely heard him, but I heard him. I cover my mouth with my hand, tears coming to my eyes but I don't let them fall. I need to be strong for him. For Seán, who starts crying again, even harder than before.

"I-I... I don't know wh-hy! But I... I'm just never happy!" He sobs, staring the ground and shaking his head. "Wh-when I'm not a-around cert-tain people, I'm so u-upset, I just wa-ant to die!" 

This makes my eyes go wide and I shake my head slowly, letting a few tears spill as he continues talking, ranting, his eyes closed as his head is tilted towards the ground. Tears fall from his eyes and off his chin to the floor, adding another sound to the room besides his sobs and voice.

"I hate it!" He yells, crossing his arms around himself. "I hate it because I can't fucking do anything without feeling sad! And I don't want to be sad!" His voice gets louder, and louder, as if he's rebelling against the gods. He seems like he's in so much pain, but I don't know what to do. "Why can't I just be happy?!" He screams, tears spilling, voice crying, hands shaking. 

I can't take it anymore and I wrap my arms around him tightly once more, holding him in my embrace, putting my hand on the back of his head so I can comfortingly play with his hair. And he hugs me back, crying into my shoulder. 

"I just want to die!" He cries then and I shake my head wildly. 

"Don't do that to me Seán, okay? I love you to damn much to let you go..." I admit, crying as well, though not nearly as hard as Seán. He chuckles, shaking his head.

"Even if I didn't love you back, and wanted to go through with it, I'd be to much of a coward to do it." He whispers, admitting his love to me back, though I don't know in which way he meant it. I don't know which way I meant it. But it doesn't matter. Nothing matters, except for him and me right now, because I want him to be okay. 

"I have so many things I want to tell you, but I know none of it is what you need to hear, so I'll tell you this. I'm here for you, and I care about you. I'm here and I care, and that's all, okay? Just tell me what you need, and I'll help." He nods into my shoulder, crying harder, his hands balling the material of my shirt  up in his fists. 

I guess even the happiest of people can have masks. 

A/N: I apologize if some of this is not accurate, for I do not deal with depression nor do I have any friends that do. But I wanted to make something like this because I wanted to just say that if any of you, or people you know, are depressed and thinking of suicide, please get help. If you are planning on going through, call the hotline. The title of this is the national suicide hotline, and they will help you.

I know it's scary, and I know it sucks. Life sucks. But it is worth it. So please, stay here, because there are so many people that love you. At least one person would mourn you if you were gone, so please don't break that persons heart. And if you ever need to rant about something, PM me, cause I'll listen. I'm not trained, I don't know what to do in certain events, for I am just a normal person in this world. But I will listen.

So with that I love you all, and please seek help if you need it. It'll get better soon, I promise.