Inspired by the song 'If only' by 'Ships have sailed' but changed ever so slightly.

(Warning: I'm gonna make y'all cry now.)

Jack opened his eye's and looked at the clock which read 07:00 am. He then turned over to find out that his Husband Mark wasn't there, but instead, a note laying on the side of his bed. Jack opened it up and read.

Dear Jack,

I'm sorry about this...but, it's over. It's all over. And I don't mean our relationship. I mean me.
You've given me the best possible life that I could only have ever wished for. And I'm pretty sure I didn't deserve all the love I was ever given, but I'm grateful for it. Truly I am...
But this is my goodbye note. I wanted to end it this way so that you wouldn't try and stop me. And before you do, don't bother looking for me. I'm already lost in the ocean. Yeah, ironic huh, that I choose to die in one of the places I fear most. I'm pretty sure subnautica helped with that fear. And I suppose your trying to find a reason why I left.
Well, it's nothing to do with you, or my fans or my family. Well, maybe my family. You see, I got cancer, most likely from my Dad, and I've had it for about four years now, give or take. But it's the really painful kind that you can't cure nor lessen the pain. And it was only getting worse.
I chose to drown myself because I didn't want to feel the pain, nor see the pain in your eyes when you found out. And I didn't want to stay in a hospital where they drug you up until you die. And you can't say or do anything, you can't say sorry or goodbye because they basically put you to sleep until it ends.
I'm so sorry for leaving you this way Jack. I'm sorry I had to leave you at all. But cancer isn't something I can help. It isn't something you or anyone else could help.
I would say to move on, find a new partner, settle down, maybe have some kids and be happy...but I can't do that. I need you to hold me close in your heart, not painfully, but so that you know I was there, and that I was real...I...I don't want to be forgotten Jack.
And so goodbye, and thankyou, love. And I'll be seeing you...in the next life...buh-bye,
Mark xx

By the time Jack finished reading, his eye's were a waterfall, his hands trembled uncontrollably and as his heart shattered into a thousand hopeless pieces, his mind was coming up with random questions as to why he didn't just tell him. Why didn't he let him help him.

Was it something I did? Something I said? Was he using his heart in spite of his head?

And as Jack sat there and cried furiously, the world only passed by, oblivious to the light that it had just lost. And Jack was stuck inside this Web of lies, confused feelings, despair and regret. He just wanted one chance. One chance to have changed Mark's mind.

If only I could feel your heartbeat close to mine.

If only I could touch your body one more time.

Spend another night with you.

"If only I could make you take back your goodbye."

The shades were down to keep out the sun as Jack lay in bed, repeatedly listening to the songs that they used to love. A paper cup lay on his bedside table filled with depression pills. But Jack never once touched them. Instead he kept and empty glass that he would fill up with any alcohol he could find. The only thing that helped the pain whilst also granting him the ability to hallucinate Mark. As though he were still there with him. As though nothing had changed at all.

But as Jack lay drowning in sorrow, and very near his own death by poisoning himself with the amount of alcohol that he drank, the world kept passing by, oblivious to the fact that another light was fading out. And Jack was stuck inside a cycle of drinking and seeing Mark, and sobering up and breaking in a painful reality. And he still wished for that one chance to have changed Mark's mind.

If only I could feel your heartbeat close to mine.

If only I could touch your body one more time.

Spend another night with you.

And the last words Jack spoke as his heart gave up completely and a hallucination of Mark stood with his hand held out to him were.

"If only I could make you take back your goodbye."

And then he took Mark's hand, and just like that, the pain was gone.

But the world still passed by. Although this time, it was them that were stuck inside the sad reality that two of their heroes were gone. And they wished, millions of people all over the world wished that they could have changed their minds.

If only I could feel your heartbeat close to mine. And they never spent another moment apart.

If only I could touch your body one more time. And they never let go of eachothers hand or heart.

Spend another night with you. And they spent the rest of eternity together.

If only I could make you take back your goodbye. And they never had to say that all too painful world ever again.

If only I could make you take back your goodbye...