❗ WARNING: not too explicit sexual references

Weeks had passed and it was getting harder to find excuses everytime I was late. I had to ask Jongho to cover for me more than once. More the time passed, more I was hiding from Wooyoung, more I struggled to tell him the truth.

It was a Saturday afternoon when thanks to a friend I was introduced to the Hwang family, one of the most powerful of Seoul. To impress them I decided to ask Lisa to come with me and she accepted. It was a total success and I have to admit that half the credit was thanks to her presence.

"I have to find a way to thank you properly tonight" I said to her while we were leaving the house.

"What were you thinking?"

"First of all let's go have dinner somewhere nice"

"A dinner?" she raised one eyebrow "I don't think it will be enough. But you got me: I'm starving!" she laughed.

Since that time at her apartment she never tried to physically approach me ever again, but that night, after the dinner, in my car, I kissed her. I was thankful and I wanted to show it to her. She kissed me back with passion.

"San?" she moved away after a while looking troubled.

"Yes?"

"Are you seeing someone else?"

That question surprised me a lot but I tried to hide it laughing it out.

"Why are you asking?"

"Woman's intuition"

"I'm not, never been taken, never been married. Do you want to see my residency certificate?" I joked.

She chuckled: "I'm scared, San. I'm scared of getting too involved. I'm scared I'll hurt myself and that I'll hurt you too"

I've never met a woman who was okay with revealing her feelings with such spontaneity. For the first time I saw her under a different light.

"I really like you, San" she confessed.

I kissed her again, hugging her close to me, trying to comfort her with my body because I couldn't say more things I knew were lies.

It was one in the night when I came back to the Scandinavian house. Wooyoung was still awake watching a movie. When I stepped in he didn't even look at me.

"You're still up, don't you have work tomorrow?" I asked just to break the silence.

"Tomorrow is Sunday" he answered cold.

"I'll have a shower and I'll go to bed" I didn't wanna face him.

"You've been very busy lately. I barely see you" he said when I turned my back. The TV went off.

"Just lots of shit I have to work with, I can't take it anymore" I answered. My back still facing him. I couldn't find the strength to look at him in the eyes.

He didn't reply.

He laid down first. When I finished to shower and get ready for the night I switched on the lamp on my nightstand. He slept on his stomach with his head bent to my side. In the dim light of the lamp I looked at him: his imperfect nose, the long lashes, the mole under his left eye and the other on his lower lips, and that mouth that was always driving me crazy. He was stunning. His eyes were closed and he looked so relaxed. I couldn't resist, I got closer and kissed him on the long lashes. Evidently he wasn't quite asleep yet because my kisses woke him up. He turned on his back and I straddled him, lying flat on his body.

"Go to sleep!" he grumbled.

"No. I want you" I pouted trying to kiss him again.

He moved his face away.

"You want me and yet you come back home this late"

"I was busy" I tried with my aegyo voice.

He looked at me in silence for few seconds but then he started laughing out loud. I laughed along.

"You're very mean to me" he said after a while.

He looked at me, I was still lying on top of him.

"You're seeing someone else, aren't you?" his voice suddenly so serious.

"What if I am? Could you be without me?" I laughed trying to lighten the atmosphere.

"My fear is that it's you the one who can be without me" The smiling expression froze on his face and for a moment that sad look that I almost forgot about appeared in his eyes.

I felt my heart clench in my chest and I moved up, looking at him deeply.

"How could I?" I caressed his cheek.

For the next three weeks I never called Lisa. She called me though. Her voice sounded smooth and relaxed through the phone: she asked me how I was, what I was doing, we chatted for a bit and then she hung up. It became a pattern. Every time I felt like my heart was torn out to be replaced where it belonged immediately after. Lisa was 25, five years older than Wooyoung, four years younger than me, but she looked and behaved in a more mature way than both of us. That's the thing that attracted me the most.

In the end I slept with her. Before it happened I said no many times, to her and expecially to myself. I knew that I was already cheating on Wooyoung, but I felt like as long as I wasn't naked in a bed with her I could still fix everything. But I once again failed.

I asked Lisa to accompany me to an informal gathering organized by the government bureaucrats to which lots of people that I knew were participating. Goes without saying, it was another night of success, compliments and satisfactions for my narcissism. I was happy that I could express my passion, even if it was mostly fake, in public. With Wooyoung I could never and it was a bit frustrating.

It was a beautiful winter night and even if it was cold we decided to walk back home. My old apartment was close to where the gathering was hosted and I had invited Lisa for an after-party glass of wine. Thanks to the alcohol I felt light-headed and I made the first move. We kissed for long before I had enough of kisses and brought her to my room. I put her on the bed where I started to undress her slowly. Her hair grew longer during those months and when she loosened her ponytail, long black locks slipped on her shoulders. She looked shy and insecure like all her self confidence was gone.

I started touching her, but I felt like something was wrong. Her body felt wrong under my hands. I switched off the lights and I tried to imagine a different person lying beneath me. Those long black hair became short and red, I kissed Lisa trying to imagine how Wooyoung tasted. It took me long to get hard and I had to take her from behind but in the end both of us came. It didn't give me the satisfaction I'd imagined, while Lisa looked completely gone.

She was lying between my arms caressing one of my hands when she spoke again:

"I feel so stupid!"

"Don't say it, you're the most intelligent girl I've ever met"

"And you've already told this bullshit to hundreds of girls" she laughed.

"If I have to be honest I did"

She turned to face me and kissed me.

"San, you don't need to tell me about your past, I don't even need to know your present. I don't care. The only thing you need to know is that there's a girl named Lisa that loves you" when she finished she turned again to hide her blushing cheeks.

"And if one day you won't like her anymore you could just tell her. Even if she would still love you with all her heart she would be able to walk away and never turn back" she added.

I softened and I started thinking: should I marry? My mom kept pressuring me about the matter and I knew she was right. Lisa was perfect for me and I knew I needed her: for my life and for my career.

And Wooyoung? What was I supposed to do about him, about us? I had to take a decision. I knew I couldn't keep this lie up for much longer. And so I decided.

A/N

Shorter chapter but I didn't feel like writing details about Lisa and San. How are you feeling about the story?

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