I remember falling asleep facing the wall, curled up with my own thoughts as I tried to put as much space as I could between Wooyoung's body and mine. He saw me crying, crying for something he said, and he didn't ask for forgiveness neither he did try to look for physical contact, turning his back to me and falling asleep immediatly after.

I wanted to hate him, but I couldn't. What did he do wrong after all? After all the pain I put him through I knew I deserved it all. But I just couldn't forgive him. My pride still too big to try to talk to him. What I didn't know was that my body was acting on his own, betraying me, as I woke up hugging Wooyoung's still naked body between my arms. 

I grew so used to have him there that it was almost impossible for me falling asleep if not hugging him and apparently my body still ached for his presence even if my heart was hurting. I tried to move as slowly as possible, hoping that he wouldn't wake up as I snuggled away from him and sat on the edge of our bed. My head was killing me after I had cryed myself to sleep. I cursed at myself for being so weak. I never experienced something like that before and the feeling was leaving me confused and angry.

I walked to the bathroom and when I saw my reflection in the mirror I almost jumped in surprise: I looked like shit. Dried tears where staining my cheeks, my eyes were puffy and red and my hair never looked so messy. 

I really have to dye them.

I thought as I made a mental note to swing by a hairsaloon that day. I quickly washed up and dressed in clean clothes, before going back to the bedroom I switched on my phone checking the incoming messages. One was from Lisa.

Lisa 

Hey, fiance!

Gotta fly to HK for the weekend.

Davis's breathing down my neck. 

Wanna come?

Romantic escape from the caothic Seoul? 

(To an even more caothic city, but still...)

San

Sure. What time is the flight?

Lisa

You sound so excited -- 😒😒

12PM! Wait for you at the airport babe

I smiled and put my phone back in my pocket leaving the rest of the emails for later. I went back to the bedroom where Wooyoung was still sleeping and I started packing my things for the unexpected trip. I hoped I would be able to leave without him noticing, I wasn't ready to face him yet. Unfortunately I heard him move between the sheets as I was zipping the bag. I turned to his direction and in that moment he sat up stratching his arms above his head. I couldn't help but stare at his naked body barely covered by the white sheets. He looked at me with a sleepy smile but when he noticed I wasn't smiling back his mood changed.

"Are you leaving?" he asked.

"Yes" I focused on my luggage, opening and closing it without really knowing what I was doing.

"Where to?" I heard him move, probably leaving the bed.

"Hong Kong" 

"Hong Kong" he repeated in a whisper.

His cold voice and his indifference were hitting my fresh wounds again and again: as the night before I felt the knot in my stomach getting tighter, nausea taking over and my eyes burning once again. I tried to leave the room but as I faced the door I found Wooyoung blocking my way. His body still half naked, only his lower part was wrapped around the huge white sheet. His eyes were staring at me, searching for my gaze.

"Can we talk?" he asked.

"Now you want to talk?" I scoffed my head still low. I couldn't find the strenght to face him.

"I do" he said in a firm tone. I saw his feet moving towards me.

"I can't right now, I have a flight and - and..." I stuttered feeling myself on the edge of a breakdown once again.

That's when I felt a finger under my chin. I raised my head unwillingly and his eyes locked into mine.

"I didn't mean what I said last night" his tone was unexpectedly calm "I wanted to hurt you as you hurt me over and over"

You made it.

I thought but I didn't say it out loud, knowing that my voice would break as soon as I tried to open my mouth. He waited for a reply that I didn't give, so he talked again.

"But I'm not build for this. I don't like to see you hurt" his finger left my chin but I didn't lower my gaze this time.

We stood there in silence for long seconds when he took a step to his side.

"Go. You'll be late" he pointed at the door .

I just nodded walking away from him. We had never said goodbye in such a cold way before and I felt my heart ache even more. I put my hand on the handle, uncertain on what to do. My heart was screaming to turn back, take Wooyoung between my arms and kiss him until we ran out of breath, but my ego was eating me alive, preventing me from moving. I stood there unable to do anything when I heard his voice call me once again.

"San" I turned in surprise.

His eyes fixed in mine and I could see them shine with unsheded tears, his mouth quivered for a second, but he immediatly regained himself. His face looking frighteningly confident.

"Come back to me" it was an order.

"I will" I whispered and I meant it.

I wasn't ready to face him now, but I didn't want to leave this mess unsolved, we needed to fix it or end things for good. I owed him that.

____

In Hong Kong I tried my best to not think about Wooyoung, to concentrate  all my energies on Lisa. I bought for her an engagement ring with a huge diamond on top, thousands of new clothes and many other things. The truth was that I wasn't  ready to get married. Everybody knew Lisa and I were engaged and many looked very envious, but I didn't want it.

My mom wanted us to make it happen before that winter, hopefully in October, and I was trembling at the idea of that month coming so soon. But for the first time I was lucky: while we were in Hong Kong Lisa told me that Davis needed her back in the USA and wanted her to attend a training course. She was very sorry, I could tell, but she asked me to postpone the wedding. I gladly obliged trying to hide my excitment.

Unfortunately my joy wouldn't last long. That night we were in our hotel room, Lisa was having a shower and I was zapping lazily layed on the too soft bed when my phone started ringing.

"Your mom knows about Wooyoung" Jongho's voice rang through the speaker as soon as I picked up.

"I know she does..." I replied a bit shaken by that sudden affirmation.

"You don't understand San-hyung! She knows and she's not fucking happy! She called me and asked if I knew anything about what happened yesterday night in front of that restaurant where you always take him. What the fuck did you guys do? Put on a show for the population of Seoul?"

"What? How does she know that?" I asked worried.

"How the fuck am I supposed to know? She sounded really well informed"

"Did you confirm what she said?"

"I didn't confirm, but I couldn't deny either. I couldn't lie to her, she would have known" he admitted hesitantly.

"Such a nice friend, you asshole!" I growled.

"Yah! You couldn't hide all this shit, how is it my fault now, uh? If you don't break up with Wooyoung and you don't hurry up getting married with that chick your mom will kill you. She knows everything!"

"Does Lisa know too?" I whispered in the phone hearing the running water stop.

"I'm not sure, but I think so"

"Fuck!" I said, I was furious.

"Your mother wants to see you, go straight to her when you come back. I can't come to pick you up, I'll send someone, okay?"

"kay..." I mumbled before hanging up the call.

I was screwed.