I was on the tube, heading for home, when my phone buzzed loudly in my pocket. The obscene tone that sang out told me that it was Jade that was trying to contact me. She's the only one who would think it's funny to put a song called 'Festival of Farts' as her personal contact tone on my phone.

Utterly mortified, I pulled the phone out of my pocket and furiously pressed every button until the song died.

The woman sat on the seat opposite gave me a disgusted look, shaking her head and tutting at me.

When I finally felt my embarrassment diminish slightly, I looked down at the screen and read the message Jade had sent.

Come to Hot Shots. NOW. It's chocka and we need all hands on deck. Archie's gone walkabout. COME SAVE ME.