Chapter 6

Kiss

And then the day of Ate Eris' wedding came. After all the preparations we're now headed to church.

Earlier I was with Ate Eris. Habang binibihisan pa lang siya ng wedding gown niya at inaayusan. At nang mapag-isa kaming dalawa sa room ay kinausap din ako ni ate. Kinumusta niya ako.

"How have you been, Rina?"

Tumingin ako sa kaniya. "Okay naman po ako, ate..."

Bahagya siyang ngumiti sa akin. "Sorry, I was busy with the wedding preparations since I came back." She sighed.

Ngumiti naman ako. "Okay lang po, ate."

Ngumiti na rin siya sa akin pagkatapos.

I think back then ay naghahanap lang din siya ng masisisi sa pagkawala ni daddy... She was just angry... and mourning. She was also hurt and was greatly affected by our father's death. Alam kong ganoon din si Mommy. At ganoon din naman ako.

I just hope now that after this, after all my relationship with my sister can still go back to the way we were...

Ethan was there too at my sister's wedding as Janine's escort. At sponsors din ang parents niya. Kami naman ni Janine ay part din ng entourage. During the wedding ay halos hindi na rin kami nakapag-usap. But after at papunta na rin kami sa reception ay kinausap din ako ni Ethan.

"Rin,"

Bumaling naman ako sa kaniya.

"Where's Kalyx? You didn't invite him to your sister's wedding?" He asked me.

Umawang naman bahagya ang labi ko at hindi pa agad ako nakasagot. Dahil ngayon ko lang naalala o ngayon ko lang naisipan. Why didn't I thought of inviting Kalyx here? Ethan's right that it's my sister's wedding. Maybe because I thought na hindi naman talaga kami totoo...

So I just ended making up an excuse yet again. "He has something else important to attend to..." I just said.

Nagkatinginan kami ni Ethan.

"Sorry, excuse me, I have to go now. Tinatawag na ako ni Mommy." I said and then I went to join my mom in the car going to the reception's venue.

At sa bintana ng sasakyan namin ay nakita ko pa roon si Ethan na nakatayo pa sa labas ng simbahan. Hanggang sa nilapitan na rin siya ni Janine. At alam kong susunod na rin sila sa amin sa wedding reception.

Tumingin na ako sa harapan pagkatapos.

At hanggang sa natapos na ang kasal at celebration nina Ate Eris at Kuya Axel ay hindi na rin naman ako muli pang nilapitan ni Ethan sa reception. And Janine was also with him all the time.

After the wedding ay nagkita kaming muli ni Kalyx. We always see each other at the university. Hindi kami pareho ng course because he takes up a business course. Pero palagi pa rin naman kaming nagkikita. Nagsasabay na rin kaming mag-lunch minsan. At marami na rin ang nakakakita sa amin na ganoon ang pakikitungo namin sa isa't isa that just confirmed that we're dating...

Until one day I was confronted by my friends. Hindi rin kami palaging magkasama nina Kassie at Bianca dahil hindi rin kami classmates at iba-iba rin ang mga course na we take sa college. Kassie takes an arts major. Tapos nasa Engineering naman si Bianca. Her family owns a construction firm.

"We were so busy with university works and projects." Bianca said.

It's true and since fourth year na rin kami and we'll soon graduate.

"Hindi na tayo masyadong nagkikita these days, pero totoo ba ang mga naririnig namin na usap-usapan na may kung ano sa inyo ni Kalyx? Are you dating Kalyx Sevilla, Rina?" sunudsunod na tanong sa akin ni Bianca.

Nakatingin din sa akin si Kassie at naghihintay ng sagot ko.

I don't know if I should be honest with my friends, but they are my friends. Pero siguro dahil hindi pa lang talaga ako handa na magsabi rin sa kanila, at ang hirap din ipaliwanag...

Tumango na lang ako. "Yes...I'm dating Kalyx Sevilla." I said.

Umawang pareho ang mga bibig nina Kassie at Bianca. But it's the only answer I could give them now...

In the end I can only realize that I have already lied even to my close friends—I didn't tell them the truth...

I watched Kalyx as he hit the baseball with the bat. He really likes doing that. At sinamahan ko lang siya muli ngayon sa hobby niya.

Palagi na lang si Kalyx ang nakakasama ko ngayon. My last talk with Bianca didn't went well. After I told her that I was dating Kalyx she almost couldn't believe it...

"What? Why? Are you serious, Czarina?" Umiling si Bianca na parang hindi makapaniwala.

"Rina..." Kassie opened her mouth but close it again. Like she didn't know what to say to me.

"I can't also believe Kalyx. Is he being serious? At ikaw pa talaga ang napili niya, Rina. What did he do to you?" Seryoso akong tiningnan ni Bianca.

Umiling naman ako.

"I'm sorry, Rin. But I don't know if I can believe you right now—if I can believe this! This is ridiculous. That moron." She looked at me again. "Just tell me, Rin. What that asshole did to you. I'm gonna punch his damn face!"

Umiling ako kay Bianca. "He really didn't do anything, Bianca..." I said.

She shook her head. "You're so innocent, Rin. When did you two started talking? After ba noong nakita ka niya sa bar with me? I knew it already—naisip ko na he might also start to bother you at that time..."

Nagkatinginan kami. Pagkatapos ay hinawakan ako ni Bianca sa magkabilang balikat ko. "Rina, you don't know that guy. At alam mo ba ang tungkol sa ex niya?"

"Yes, Sarah Elizondo..." Kassie said that made me look at her.

"Rin." Bianca held me firmly and I looked at her again. "Listen to me, people knows that Kalyx hasn't yet moved on from his ex. At baka ginagamit ka lang niya para..." Bianca sighed heavily. "I'm really gonna punch that stupid brat on his darn face when I see him."

"Rina..."

Bumaling ako kay Kassie at nakita ko ang nag-aalala niyang mga mata na nakatingin sa akin...

I could lie to my family and friends...but I'm being honest to this guy. I watched him as he was already done playing. Tinawag pa niya ako kanina at gusto sana akong ipa-try pero tiningnan niya lang ako pagkatapos ay umiling at hindi na pinasubok pa sa akin ang ginagawa niya.

"Aren't you bored? Pinapanood mo lang ang ginagawa ko all the time." He said after.

Umiling naman ako sa kaniya. "It's okay."

Tumingin siya sa 'kin. "Are you sure? Maybe next time you can wear a pants so that it would be easier for you to try it." aniyang tiningnan ang damit ko at tumingin din sa ibang bagay pagkatapos.

Napatingin na rin ako sa suot ko. I'm just wearing a dress again. I like dresses and skirts. Mas komportable ako kapag ganito ang suot ko. I don't also show much skin. Although I like dress and skirts I make sure that it's still modest. Kasi papagalitan din ako ni Mommy if I wear something sexy... At hindi rin ako komportable na masyadong nagpapakita ng balat ko. Ate Eris also dress modestly. I think ganoon kami pinalaki ni Mommy.

Tumingin ako muli kay Kalyx. "Uh, okay. Next time I'd wear pants..." I said.

Tumingin din siya muli sa akin at ngumiti na.

"You really like baseball?" I asked Kalyx.

"Hmm, not really. But maybe?" He said.

Bumaling naman ako sa kaniya. "Didn't you try joining the university's baseball?"

Umiling siya. "It's not like that. I just like hitting it with the bat... I like doing it to let off some frustrations..." aniya na napatingin na lang sa harapan namin. Naglalakad na kami ngayon papunta sa parking lot na pinag-iwanan niya ng kotse niya.

To let off some frustrations... I repeated what he said in my mind.

Pagkatapos ay nakarating na rin kami sa parking at pumasok na sa kotse niya.

But what Bianca said about Kalyx and his ex-girlfriend somehow bothers me... But then after all ay ginagamit lang din naman namin ang isa't isa... At mas okay nga na malaman na nagbebenefit din naman pala si Kalyx sa ginagawa namin. Because I thought that it was only me...

And every action has its results and consequence...

One time Kalyx invited me to his place. I noticed that he's not doing well with his studies. Kahit graduating na dapat kami ay may mga back subjects pa siya. Tinawanan nga lang niya kung makaka-graduate ba siya o hindi. But I offered to help him study. I told him that it's important to graduate and build our own career paths after. Pumayag naman siya nag mag-study kami at sumama ako sa kaniya sa condo niya.

"What are you doing?"

Napatingin ako sa kaniya at doon ko pa lang narealize na nagsimula akong mamulot ng mga kalat niya the moment we entered his condo. "Uh," Natigilan ako sa ginagawa. "You don't really clean your place..." I said slowly.

"Oh, sorry about that." Pagkatapos ay siya na ang namulot ng mga kalat niya sa sahig. "Are you bothered by this? Next time I'll make sure na wala na 'tong mga kalat when you come here." He said.

Umiling naman ako. "Ayos lang. I'll help you clean."

So the first minutes were spent with us cleaning his place first. Pagkatapos ay saka pa lang kami nagsimulang mag-study.

At habang may pinapasagutan pa ako sa kaniya na math problem ay tumunog ang notifications sa phone ko. Hinihintay ko pa naman siya na matapos. At madali rin siyang matuto. Tingin ko nga ay alam naman talaga niya pero medyo tamad lang din siyang mag-aral, or maybe he wasn't that motivated to study...

Nakita ko ang isang post sa Facebook feed ko. I didn't know that I was also friends with Sarah Elizondo in Facebook. And I think we also came from the same high school. Focus lang talaga ako dati sa mga kaibigan ko na hindi ko na rin napapansin ang ibang mga schoolmates namin dati.

"I'm done. You can check this. What are you doing?" Napatingin na rin si Kalyx sa phone ko. At doon nakita na rin niya ang post na tinitingnan ko. It's a short video tagged to Sarah Elizondo's Facebook account. A video of her and probably her boyfriend now kissing at nasa isang club sila...

I watched Kalyx's reaction. Tiningnan niya ang video and then he looked away. "Are you bored? You're just scrolling to random posts on your social media." He said.

Umiling ako.

Pagkatapos ay tiningnan ako ni Kalyx. Nakatingin na rin ako sa kaniya. Nagtagal ang tinginan namin sa isa't isa. Hanggang sa unti-unting lumapit sa akin ang mukha ni Kalyx... At nabigla na lang ako nang lumapat na ang labi niya sa akin at sinusubukan na niya akong halikan.

Nanigas naman ako sa kinauupuan ko. We're both seated just in the floor of his living room. At nag-s-study kami sa coffee table lang din doon. Nandoon ang mga books and notes naming dalawa.

Hindi ko alam kung itutulak ko ba siya at papatigilin o hahayaan na lang...

Nagulat din ako sa ginawa niya kaya hindi ako agad nakakilos. At naalala ko ang lahat ng mga nalaman ko tungkol sa kaniya nitong mga nagdaang araw...

And maybe it's about the frustration that he had talked to me about the other day.

Pagkatapos ay tumigil din siya. At tiningnan niya ako. "You don't know how to kiss?"

Naramdaman ko ang pag-iinit ng mukha ko. I felt embarrassed by his question. And then he smiled at me and it looked reassuring.

"It's alright. I'll teach you how to kiss..." He said and started kissing me again. He guided my lips...

Until I found myself slowly and naturally responding to his kiss...