Chapter 23

Stuck

In the end I just barely graduated from college...

Isang masakit na sampal ang natamo ko galing kay Mommy. My head turned to my side. Napahawak na lang ako sa pisngi ko pagkatapos.

"What are you really doing with your life, huh, Czarina?!" Mommy confronted me.

Hindi naman ako agad nakasagot.

I know she already noticed that something's not right with me... And since I graduated without the latin honors like what was expected of me, because my grades dropped...

"How could you let yourself be involved with the son of a criminal?! Gusto mo ba talaga akong ipahiya? At bastusin ang Daddy mo? Gusto mo bang bumangon siya ngayon sa hukay para lang pagsabihan ka?"

Pinagbawalan na niya akong makipagkita pa kay Kalyx. She told me to not get myself involved with him anymore. So for my last couple of months at the university I still tried to ignore Kalyx. I was confused, too. Hindi ko na alam ang mararamdaman ko sa kaniya pagkatapos kong malaman ang involvement ng Dad niya sa aksidente namin dati ni Daddy. I haven't told Kalyx yet about it. About his Dad's involvement with my Dad's case. I didn't actually gave him enough reason why I was avoiding him. And I only told him that I needed time to think...

And he said that he would wait.

I also already talked to my friends about this. Kanila Bianca at Kassie ko lang sinabi na buntis nga ako. I think I just couldn't handle it anymore. And at least I could tell my close friends about it.

I've been going through a lot, too. Kaya nga halos hindi ko na rin matapos ang pag-aaral ko. But I still did my best to graduate. Kahit wala na talaga ako sa focus. At hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko.

Hindi ko na alam kung saan pa ito patutungo...

"Enough, Mommy..." I said quietly. I can't stop myself.

"What?"

Galit na siya sa akin ngayon dahil nagpunta rito sa bahay si Kalyx. Hindi ko rin naman siya masisisi dahil wala pa naman siyang alam ng tungkol sa Daddy niya. And he's already been here in our house before. And he thought na okay naman sa kaniya si Mommy. Tapos bigla na lang ganito.

At kanina ay nilabas ko lang din siya para kausapin. And that's when he told me that he would wait for me since I told him that I need time for now. Pagkatapos ay umalis din naman siya.

Pero nalaman ni Mommy na pumunta siya rito.

Kaya agad niya akong pinapagalitan ngayon pagkatapos niya iyong malaman.

Matapang akong nag-angat ng tingin sa kay Mommy. Alam kong galit siya sa akin ngayon. At may takot man ako, but I will tell her now. Ganoon pa rin naman na magagalit din siya sa akin. Kaya mabuti na siguro na ngayon na lang siya magalit para sa lahat. Para isang beses na lang...

Because to be honest, I'm already tired. And with my condition right now, nahihirapan na rin ako...

Although, yes, I'm also aware that it's my fault. And I should face this. Kaya iyon na ang gagawin ko ngayon.

"Mommy, I'm pregnant..." I said it straight to her.

And Mommy's eyes widened in shock.

"What..." Hindi siya makapaniwala sa sinabi ko lang ngayon sa kaniya.

Nag-iwas ako ng tingin.

And I think that I also couldn't hide my pregnancy any longer. I'm just wearing loose clothes now to hide it a bit. Pero alam ko na lolobo rin ang tiyan ko. And it would be much obvious that I'm really pregnant.

Hindi agad na nakabawi si Mommy. But when she did she held me tightly that it almost hurt me. Niyugyog niya rin ako na para bang may mali na talaga sa akin. "How could you do this, Czarina..." And I saw her tears fall from her eyes...

Nanlaki naman ang mga mata ko habang nakikita si Mommy na nasa ganoong ayos. I've never seen her before breakdown like this. Kahit noong nawala si Daddy, I barely saw her cry. And now... It's my fault.

Umiyak na rin ako sa harapan ni Mommy pagkatapos ko siyang makitang umiiyak. "I'm sorry, Mommy..." I said as I apologized to her.

Umiling lang siya sa akin habang lumuluha...

And then after that Mommy decided quickly. Gusto niya na umalis na ako ng bansa sa lalong madaling panahon. She doesn't want me acquainted with the Sevillas...

"You will go abroad, Czarina. Hindi ka na babalik dito hanggang hindi ko sinasabi sa 'yo. Doon ka sa tita mo." She said.

Umawang lang naman ang labi ko habang nakikinig ako kay Mommy.

At wala na rin akong nagawa kung hindi ang sumunod na lang sa kaniya. Ano pa ba ang magagawa ko ngayon pagkatapos ng mga nangyari...

And on that day I was already at the airport.

Tinatawag na rin ang flight ko sa announcement. I have to go now. Or else, maiiwan ako ng flight ko ngayon. And Mommy wouldn't like it. Mas lalo lang siyang magagalit sa akin.

Pero parang may pumipigil sa mga paa ko na gumalaw. Napatingin ako sa gate. I should go now, but...

Natigilan ako. My eyes widened a fraction when I saw him arrived. Mukha pa siyang nagmadali talagang pumunta rito para maabutan ako. The sweat on his forehead was visible and evident that he was really on a hurry just to get here.

"Kalyx..." I mentioned his name.

I didn't expect him to be here today. I thought he didn't care about me at all... Although it was just me who still tried to think that way.

"Rina!" He loudly called me. And when our eyes locked, he immediately went to me and held my hand right away. "Don't go." He said to me.

While I was still shocked of his presence here. And I could not speak yet for a few moments. We looked at each other. "What are you doing here..." I managed to ask him.

Nakatingin siya sa akin. "Please, don't go, Rin..." He gulped and then he licked his lips. He looked troubled. But he managed to say the words to me... "I know that I was such an asshole. I was bad to you. I... I didn't treat you well... But, please, don't go. Don't leave me... I will beg you to give me another chance... please..." pakiusap niya sa akin.

Umiling naman ako sa sinabi niya. It's not his fault. He already told me about his feelings... Pero ako itong nagmamatigas pa rin dahil talagang gulong-gulo lang ako ngayon sa sitwasyon namin at sa nangyari sa mga magulang namin in the past...

Tumulo na lang ang luha ko habang tinitingnan at pinapakinggan ko siya ngayon.

How did this all happen... when everything between us was only a fake at first?

And why would he beg me now to stay...

Wasn't he in love with someone else?

Or at least, that was supposed to be it. He's supposed to be still into his ex-girlfriend, Sarah. Noong nakita ko silang mag-usap noon ay akala ko nga na iyon nga 'yon. That he still haven't moved on from her, at na nagkabalikan na nga silang dalawa. Because after all, ano lang ba talaga kami? We only had a fake relationship.

Kaya siguro kahit pa sinabi na niya sa akin na hindi na niya gusto si Sarah at may iba na siyang gusto ngayon, I think I'm just still stuck with that thought of him and Sarah...