Sometimes I like to compare myself to a balloon. At first glance, it might sound stupid. Comparing myself to an inanimate object is of the upmost stupidity. However, the more you think about the comparison, the more it makes sense.

The tightening feeling in my chest when I hear all of Ty's friends speaking from the living room is the same as a balloon being inflated. It's constricting against the thin borders, and if you inflate it too much it'll explode. It's just like my emotions. People call it "bottling them up," I like to think of it as "inflation." And no, not the fetish kind.

Balloons stay inflated for a while before they begin to dissipate. It might take a couple months, but it'll eventually lose everything that was previously inside it. The balloon is still the same balloon, but it's just deflated. It's kind of like my emotions, except they don't dissipate after months. Maybe they'll (my emotions) be gone within a week.

I've been sitting in my room for a while now. I'm trying to ignore all the social activity that's going on. I closed my door, plugged in my headphones, and just worked on commissions. I've mailed all the hand-made ones I finished, and now I just need to get the digital ones done. I should have around $500 to $600 by the end of the week. If I'm lucky, it'll be more. But I'm trying not to overwork myself like I'd normally do. I don't have to worry about the rent anymore for the next six months.

I'm working on drawing a falling rose when I hear my stomach growl. It's a loud one that fills up the empty space in my room. I wish I could afford a mini-fridge and a microwave in here so I didn't have to leave my room. I'm too nervous to go out there, especially if it's one of Ty's new friends. He likes to introduce me to people in an effort to "get me out more." He's aware of my nervous tendencies and labels it as anxiety. I don't see it that way. I'm just nervous.

I try to simply ignore my empty stomach, but it keeps growling at me. It's like a dog that won't leave me alone. After a couple minutes, I eventually give up on drawing and decide that it'll be nice to have a small break. Maybe I'll just heat up some ramen noodles and bring them to my room. Hopefully they won't explode in the microwave again. That would definitely be embarrassing.

I give myself a pep-talk (is that what people call it?) before heading out of my room. It's more of a panicky reassurance to myself, but regardless it made me feel a bit better. I'm strolling down the hallway, taking deep breaths, and speed walking into the kitchen. Please don't notice me, please don't notice me, please don't notice me.

I'm praying to whatever god right now as I stumble on getting the ramen noodles out of the cabinet. I try not to make any noise, but my vision is blurred and my heart is pounding out of my chest. It's like someone's kicking a soccer ball over and over again in my chest. Unlike a soccer ball, no one will notice my heartbeat or question where it went when you accidentally hit it out of bounds.

"Oh, Brice!" Ty shouts out. I feel my whole body freeze at the mention of my name. I try to ignore him and pretend I didn't hear him, but he comes running to me. He forcibly turns him around and for the first time, I see who he brought over. It's just one person sitting on the couch. When my vision clears, I'm ready to vomit.

It's the same brunet from the library.

Sometimes I wish I could be a balloon. Poetically, I do act like one. Another reason why I'd want to be a balloon is because no one would expect me to speak. I mean, you'd be considered a crazy person if you tried to talk to a balloon. No one expects anything from you, and you're only put there as a display. People forget about your presence. You just float around minding your own business.

I wish I could just float out of this conversation.

Seto looks as stunned as me. It's almost like he's ready to projectile vomit all over the PlayStation controller he's holding in his clammy hands. Ty introduces me, but I don't hear any noise. Seto's paler than usual and gives a shaky wave. I give a shaky wave back.

What I do hear is more scary, "Why don't you join us on the couch?"

Ty grins like he's proud of himself, but I really despise him. I gulp and nod my head. Next thing I know, I'm being dragged and sat on Ty's left. Seto's on his right. I think we're both relieved we don't have to talk to each other.

We sat in silence for a while (well, I did) before Ty went to the bathroom. I think he's doing this on purpose. There are many unanswered questions swarming in my head. If Ty knew Seto, then how come he couldn't ask for the stupid book himself? Why is Seto here in the first place? How did they meet? Why is Ty being such an asshole?

Surprisingly, Seto's the first one to strike up conversation, "Are you Ty's roommate?"

I want to reply sarcastically, maybe throw in a joke about how I'm the hobo in his closet, but now wouldn't be an appropriate time. With a shaky breath I nod, "Unfortunately, yeah."

"I wouldn't have came if I knew you were here," he mumbles. I couldn't tell if that was meant to be insulting or courteous. Before I can speak up, he opens his mouth again, "You're obviously uncomfortable with me being here."

I widen my eyes in shock. Great going Brice, you made him upset again! I quickly whipped up a response, "I'm just surprised to see you, that's all. I don't have anything against you and I don't mind you being here. I'm guessing you didn't know Ty had a roommate?"

"He mentioned it a couple times in conversation, but he never bothered to tell me who it was. I've been here a couple times these last few weeks, but I've never seen you before."

"Oh. I'm usually in my room or out and about doing commissions."

"That's sounds fun. As you can obviously tell the library's doing swell."

I chuckle at the last part. I come to the conclusion that Seto's not bad company. Quite frankly, I think we could be friends. I'd never tell him that straightforwardly though. It might sound creepy, or knowing me I may accidentally sound creepy without noticing it.

"Did Ty drag you here?" I ask.

"Yeah, he likes to take me places in an attempt to get me out of the library or house. He says I shouldn't be a hermit or something." Of course Ty would be the one to drag him places.

"So, you don't attend school? College or anything?"

"I never bothered to attend college actually. I figured I'd be just fine in the library and I could live off of my parent's savings."

"Your parents don't mind that?"

"They're dead, so they can't really complain. I mean, if they could come out of their graves they'd probably want me to get off of my sorry ass." Ouch, I should have seen that coming. I don't know what to say. Judging by his expression, he doesn't have a good relationship with his parents.

"Sorry for your loss," I mumble. Seto smiles. I guess it's his way of telling me that I shouldn't be sorry. I speak once more, "So you're just going to live off their savings for the rest of your life?"

"It could work if I just spend frugally," he shrugged. "I don't expect to live that long after all."

Before I could say anything, Ty comes rushing back. He plops in between us and he's striking up an energized conversation with the brunet. They resume playing the FPS zombie survival game from earlier and I'm silent again. It's like I'm not even here. Worst of all, my stomach is still growling.

I can't help but wonder what he meant. If he doesn't expect to live long, is he implying that he wants to commit suicide? It's a possibility. He's always fatigued and gruesome looking in the health category. I want to ask, but I don't want to sound rude either. I want to care, to feel empathy, but I can't. Despite how selfish it sounds, I literally only met him three days ago. I shouldn't be butting into his personal life. I mean, Ty doesn't question him, so I shouldn't either. Right?

Their game ends when Ty accidentally gets himself killed and Seto tries to revive him. They both are disgruntled by the fact that they couldn't finish some Easter Egg round that takes longer than me finishing my commissions. It's around eleven in the evening now, and it's getting close to twelve. My stomach is killing me at this point.

Seto stands up, stretching, "I guess I should be going. Thanks for the fun night, Ty."

"Are you sure you can walk there yourself?" Ty asks, concern plastered all over his face. "I don't want anything bad happening to you. It is nighttime after all."

He shrugs, "I've literally got nothing to lose. Don't worry, I'll be fine."

Ty escorts him to the door and offers to walk him outside, but Seto politely declines. He's just out the door when he looks back and takes a wave towards me, "Bye, Brice. Have a good night."

The lump in my throat is back. I can't channel out any words, I just wave back and smile. He turns back around and heads out into the hallway. Ty softly shuts the door and faces towards me, smirking. It's that same mischievous grin that he showcases when he's up to something. My blood boils.

"What the hell was that for!" I shout, rubbing my temples. "You obviously knew him! Why didn't you just get the book yourself?"

"There's a lot of stuff you're unaware about," Ty clarifies as he takes the seat next to me. "I just wanted you to meet Seto and hang out with him at the library, that's all."

"That's all? You made me go there, twice! If you wanted me to hang out with him so badly, you could have just directly stated it to me or something!"

He rolls his eyes at me, "And you're complaining?"

That shuts me up right away. Obviously Ty won the argument. He's whistling innocently as he's putting away the game controllers and cleaning up the coffee table. I stroll away back to my room, slamming the door behind me. It causes the wood owl I carved in Boy Scouts to topple off my desk. I don't pick it up.

I don't bother to leave my room the rest of the night despite how hungry I was. I just remained in bed, huddled up in a thick, wooly blanket. I guess Ty went to sleep early too. I don't hear him mashing his fingers against the keyboard or screaming at Adam on Skype.

I'm not exactly mad at him, I'm just a bit thrown off track. There are still many unanswered questions in my head. I don't bother to contemplate too much on them because I doubt any of them will be answered anytime soon. I can't shake off the feeling that something is definitely brewing up (and it's not coffee, unfortunately). Something's going to happen and it's going to drag me down with it. It leaves me tossing and turning for the remainder of the night and I could barely get any sleep.

Regardless, I hope Ty invites Seto back more often.