Kai was so very tired.

He was always tired nowadays. He couldn't think straight, ever since Selene had left so suddenly in the night a week ago. Vanished, without a trace. As if she'd never been there at all. Not one word of communication had been heard from Luna since then. They'd gone radio silent and practically invisible -- if Kai didn't look up at the night sky, at the moon, every single night and imagine that Selene was up there, looking up at Earth, he would have thought that the entire rock had just blown up.

Well, except for the antidotes. Not days after Selene's disappearance, an unmanned Lunar shuttle landed on a palace landing pad, revealing upon investigation that it carried barrels and barrels of letumosis antidote and a handbook, crisply typed and indifferently detached from Earth's fate, explaining the exact dosage per patient -- and a step by step method for duplicating it. Kai had almost cried when he came inside, touched the book, looked at all the sleek controls and thousands of dosages of antidotes. He had almost cried, right then and there, for Selene up above. He knew then that she wasn't coming back. That she had meant everything she said. That she didn't want to marry him or love him, and she wasn't going to.

What right did Kai ever have in the first place, thinking that she might possibly feel the same way? He felt so foolish when he looked back, at all the things he read into. He didn't think it was Selene's fault, like she said, for leading him on. It was his, for ever believing that a girl like her could ever love him.

The arrival of the antidotes, however much of a relief they were, were a daunting new task in themselves. Who was Kai to decide who first got them? There were millions dying, and each had their own families, their own lives. Kai distributed the antidotes equally among all the Earthen leaders and the New Beijing palace got to the task of replicating and distribution, and before long Kai got to watch as the first miracle recoveries swept across the Commonwealth. He disclosed everything in press conferences, about how it was Luna's antidote, about how generous Queen Selene had been, about how negotiations had been halted but this showed, if anything did, that Luna was prepared and willing to have peace with Earth.

Kai knew it was simpler than that. This was Selene's way of tying up loose ends before she disappeared forever. After this, she would owe him nothing more. It would be as though she never existed. Kai almost wanted to believe it, that letumosis and the lives it took was the fault of Selene's predecessors, and that she was the guardian angel who fixed it, but Kai knew it wasn't that simple.

Selene was silence itself, now. Kai would have to get used to never hearing her voice again.

He didn't think he would ever tell Torin, or the press, or the Commonwealth, what Selene had told him that night. It felt like something that would only hurt everything he had ever worked for and shred every ounce of acceptance Earth ever might have had for Luna. Because for all Kai's tearful, broken heart knew, be could never bring himself to believe that all of Luna was evil and bad, and could never believe that Selene ever meant to hurt him.

Kai swiveled around in his desk chair and tilted his head back, watching the ceiling grow nauseating and the world become dizzy. He finally stopped at a knock on his office door, his head spinning. "Come in," he called, straightening and trying to look professional, more like the emperor of the Eastern Commonwealth and not a silly little boy, which he was feeling more like every day that passed.

Nainsi, his android, rolled in, her sensors flashing serenely. "Hello, your Majesty. Your conference with the world leaders begins in one minute and thirteen seconds."

Kai swore, springing to his feet and sitting down again, then standing up nervously once more. "Next time, try a bit more of a warning, Nainsi! I'm not prepared for-"

"My apologies, your Majesty. Accept conference call?"

Kai lurched back into his chair and smoothed down his hair, sighing. "Yes. Accept."

The bing of the accepted call echoed throughout the office, and jovial cheers of laughter started up suddenly. Kai blinked in surprise, his shoulders tense. The other leaders were celebrating, behind the netscreens on his wall. Kai rubbed his wrist and wondered why he didn't feel much like a party. Governor-General Williams of Australia looked just about ready to thump Kai on the back and take him fishing as soon as he saw him, and Queen Camilla of the United Kingdom clapped jovially.

"I seem to have misjudged your abilities based on your experience, Emperor Kaito. I don't know how you did it, but congratulations!" The queen enthused, nodding her approval.

"Thanks," Kai said, his brow knit, "did what?"

"The antidotes!" roared Prime Minister Bromstad. "You've saved us all! What did the queen ask in return for them? Is your marriage alliance decided, then?"

Kai sighed, leaning back into his chair. "I'm afraid you don't understand the situation. I've done nothing. Queen Selene returned to Luna without my knowledge, and sent the antidotes here without any communication or expectation."

Prime Minister Kamin paused. "You mean she sent them of her own accord?"

"It appears so."

"Why would the queen give up her bargaining chip for her alliance with the Commonwealth with no assurance of anything?" President Vargas questioned, raising an eyebrow deftly. "It doesn't seem very in character. What does she stand to gain?"

Kai leaned his head into the pads of his fingers and expertly dodged the questions, avoiding eye contact with the president. "We've heard no word from Luna at all since she left unexpectedly. No message requesting compensation of any kind has been received. I think it might not be bold to assume that she isn't expecting me to repay her."

"Emperor Kaito, it is always bold to assume she won't use this as a bargaining chip, or that this is not an experience she is gaining from right now," Prime Minister Kamin said, knotting her hands together. "You can never be certain when Luna is involved."

Kai grabbed his portscreen from the desk and feigned concern at some imaginary notification on the dark screen, before looking back at the important world leaders he was now completely evading. "Thank you. I'm afraid I have to leave the conference now. There's some urgent business awaiting me in the hospital wing."

Kai reached over to the monitor and clicked it off, sighing and hoping that he wasn't too abrupt and hostile. He didn't want to alienate the leaders; he just wanted to keep things from them that they were better off not knowing, and it was difficult with them investigating motives at every turn. Kai supposed he was happy that they were thrilled over the antidotes rather than just as painfully overloaded and anxious as he was, but he had expected no different.

It was only the pallor of the moon that cast a dim light over the arrival of an antidote, because Kai was spectacularly happy. Right? He would eradicate letumosis from the Commonwealth. He could make sure that no other children were orphaned by it like he was. He could restore health to a nation that was being dismantled by disease. But time was ticking, and the more Kai thought about it, the more a painful weight pressed against his chest and the more he left nail marks in his palms. Every moment he waited was another person dead, another family torn apart. And there was a totally different knot in his chest, one of panic and indecision and pain, that gnawed at his insides every day and tore him in two every night. It snaked around his heart even now, threatening to bite.

Kai felt as though he was close to a breakdown he could never stop.

"Your Majesty, there is no urgent business reported in the medical wing," Nainsi supplied, her voice always chipper and impeccably leveled. Kai nodded.

"That was to get me out of that conference," Kai said, curling his fingers over the edge of the desk. "I'm not feeling well."

"Your Majesty should go to the medical wing anyway, then."

"No, not that kind of sick. I'm just feeling- a little bit-" Kai clutched at his shirt suddenly, over his heart and squeezed, stumbling to his feet and shutting his eyes tight. He tried to slow his frantic breathing, but each breath came out ragged and quick. He tried to press out the pain in his chest, but it stung his insides and turned his head inside out.

"Nainsi- I-" Kai managed to choke out before his legs turned to jelly and his mind turned hazy and foggy. The world span in an opaque haze, and Kai fell to the ground for the most sleep he'd had in a week.