Thursday, May 27, 2004

With his curly blonde hair, evoked beauty and charm like a renaissance angel, I smirked. Of course, he had to have it fashionably styled on graduation day to make the girls go gaga over him. Owen was still my dream boy, but one that could shatter a heart into pieces. But to be courteous, I continued to listen to the end of his speech.

"Friends, I'd like to conclude with this note:

Thanks for the friendships we've developed throughout the years. I wish for all of you to be prosperous in all your endeavors.

And now let us graduates do the ceremonial tradition of taking our caps off and tossing it all around. We all deserve a pat on the back: it's a job well done!"

As our summa cum laude ended his speech, the graduates went ecstatic or at least we were supposed to be. All I could do was clap since I despised him.

***************

From the outside, Owen had a handsome and innocent face that any girl could fall for, as I had long ago. But then one will learn that his looks could only fool you.

He's cunning personality with multiple women was something else as well! I remember seeing him hanging out with half of the female population standing next to him when he was in high school, so I'd imagine he was the same in college. I tried to avoid him after I found out about his fling with my sister, so I hardly noticed what he did.

He sweet-talked people as if he did nothing wrong, so it was likely that you'd figure out that he did certain things just to make his "audience" happy.

***************

Owen was a sly fox, he gave unusual speeches that no one really wanted to listen to - well that was if you weren't so glued to his looks and charm. And he'd make you believe, even our stupid professor, that he did a great job.

I wondered if anyone paid attention to Owen besides the faculty.
I tuned out because his speech was plain boring ... no exaggeration in his voice unlike my sister's, and it sounded very familiar as if he had copied it from a past graduate.

For example, in a business class we had together, his group had the task to report about a car show and its sales profits.

Surprisingly, his team also showed a video of a real car show that occurred that week and it supported his statements. But it wasn't just any live production he taped, it was one where they had those sexy models wearing high heels who twirled around in those ever so skimpy mini-skirts. Ugh!

And there were many times the foolish person behind the camera didn't just focus on the car itself!

I recall putting my hands over my eyes each time this close-up came about, and was glad the teacher did not place me in his group. I'd be ripping Owen's project apart as it wasn't about the cars anymore he was focusing on! Almost every boy in that class had ogling eyes and wide-opened mouths uttering the words Delicious!

They were ready to ask him where the next car show would be held, in order to meet those models. I placed my head down on the desk, face palming myself in my seat secretly. Couldn't believe Owen just did that! Was it to impress the teacher? Or was he targeting me?

I always wondered what that stupid instructor gave his group for his team project, because to me it was a total failure. By all means I have no clue how he got to be summa cum laude. Maybe he bribed the faculty... his family was supposedly rich from what I heard. I didn't date him long enough to find out. Or maybe he really did get good grades. One has to wonder about that dashing, yet dark 'player'.

***************

Owen, was also our baseball's star hitter and outfielder, and he supposedly had eyes for only one lady - who would be my sister.

He had blonde shoulder length hair, which he would cut short once in a blue moon.

It seemed that all the snobbish girls went gaga over him, due to his charming smile. But I tried my hardest not to be his next target, because he once had a chance with me, but he lost it when he broke my heart.

He was my crush during my Freshman year, since we used to exchange letters by placing them in each other's lockers and ate in the nearby fast food joints. Owen teased me with funny jokes and even if I wanted him to kiss me on the lips, he just gave me a peck on the cheeks or kissed my forehead. He called me beautiful, but I believe he said that to every woman he liked.

I wanted to know what was wrong with him! I did everything to let him know I was available! But he only played with my mind, it appeared not to be serious with my heart.

And I think he saw me more like a little sister rather than a girlfriend. That was why I was totally shocked once he started dating Moira.

When I caught them kissing in the school hallway, I was so upset that I walked the other way towards my locker. Didn't want them to see me crying.

My sister was in college at that time, so wouldn't she fall for someone around her age or in her class?

But no, that didn't happen. She had to take Owen instead!

Thus, despite the three year age difference, Owen tried his best to court my sister.

They met when Moira used to pick me up after her classes in SJU and he eventually saw the beautiful sister I had.

When I allowed him into my life, I thought there would be a real relationship between us. Then we'd live happily ever after - the end. But that was a dream ... a dream that would never be.

Just like the title of the first page of my journal. He was as manipulative as could be as he was known as a ladies man, a 'player' who'd make girls cry, but you can't your cake and eat it too, especially sisters who eventually end up jealous of each other. He couldn't have it both ways and not hurt one of us. Thus, my relationship with Moira was never the same again as I couldn't face her without shouting or crying.

Sometimes, I even felt like breaking something like a plate, but I knew I'd be in trouble if I did that. So at that time, my parents intervened and told us to take time out from talking to each other.

Moira didn't know that when she kissed Owen, my whole life shattered to pieces. Thus, I promised myself to never fall in love again.

I don't know what he thought about me, but I used to hide behind dark sunglasses whenever we met after that day I dumped him. I guess I was being a bit of a smart-aleck when I passed him, but I couldn't help it. I had a bad ass attitude back when I was a teenager.

After what Owen did to me and my sister, I vowed to stay away from him. I don't like the simple cheerleader attitude either - all the giddiness and whatnots or the boisterous hurrahs for "go team!" All of it makes me dizzy. So, those pretty girls who want him, by all means, be my guest.

I need to let him go. And if I have to be an old maid, so be it!

What really happened was that as he befriended me, his eyes kept wandering off to another person as I kept talking to him. And when I finally noticed that he was really using me as "bait", I asked him to leave me alone. I'm not a girl that he could just throw away afterwards.

But no matter how I said it, or how I hid from him; Owen always found me as if there was some magnetic force between us.

I knew then what his strategy was. Well, I thought I did. Honestly I fell for him as if Cupid struck his arrow in my heart. But the arrow definitely hit the wrong sister.

***************

Owen became Moira's boyfriend until her senior year in SJU. She obviously found out he was kissing another girl behind her back, who just happened to be Gretel Blanchet, the most popular and flirtatious girl from my former high school.

I was the one who saw the incident happen in front of my own eyes and reported it to my sister, without thinking what the outcome might be. I predicted that the jerk wouldn't last anyhow.

As furious as she was, she drove to Owen's house and confronted him. Obviously, the excuse that he used did not work, because the following day Moira enlisted in the Coast Guard, and was off to Rhode Island for training after her graduation.

This news eventually broke his heart and soon withdrew from school, until I became a freshman in SJU. He worked hard to fulfill his GE (General Education Requirements) to make up for the high school classes he missed and tried to take as many of them when I enrolled, so he could take the same classes with me.

How he did that was beyond my control, and certainly did not want to be part of a love triangle gone wrong, but it happened.

And as I was thinking about these episodes now, I wouldn't change a single thing, as a smile formed upon my lips.

---------------

Getting back to the day we threw our green caps in the air. The tradition of releasing a grad's cap is a symbol of the transition from student to graduate. Usually graduation caps are supposed to be black or dark blue, but our school colors were white and green. So, our gowns were white and our green caps had a yellow tassel.

I decided to exchange mine with the exchange student who sat on my left side. And yet I was nervous.

Nervous because that was the end of my college life ... the end of living in dormitories ... the end of being in social clubs and the end of my business classes. It was the sign where I'd say welcome to the future ... make me a better career person! Don't get me wrong though, I was proud to graduate and had accomplished my educational goals.

***************

This Japanese exchange student named Kanoko was friendly and always wanted to hang out with me when she could. However, I didn't get the chance to know her very well, since life kept me busy. So, I picked up her cap and gave her mine, and after we left the Drama Theater, we both signed them.

On my cap I wrote:

I'M GLAD TO HAVE MET YOU KANOKO. I WISH YOU THE BEST IN ALL YOUR ENDEAVORS. DON'T FORGET ME AS I WILL NEVER FORGET YOU!

MAE B.

I tried to write it in small, yet legible letters so she could see it. As I gave it to her, she hugged me. She also laughed when she read my nickname.

"Mae B, sounds ... sounds like maybe."

I laughed and nodded my head. I have to thank my parents for naming me that way. Mae was my nickname that I only allowed certain people to use.

Since she didn't know a lot of English, she just wrote on her cap...

GOOD LUCK! I'LL MISS YOU. KANOKO

We both hugged again after the cap exchange and went our separate ways. But after a few minutes she ran back to me with an envelope still wrapped in its plastic wrapper. I looked at it and the envelope had two origami swans folded on top of it. She explained to me that each swan was folded in a certain way because they represented a successful life and prosperity. She then left with a smile and bid me farewell.

Never would I have expected that we would meet each other again in another point of time, where the same happiness wouldn't be involved.

I eventually felt better that day after hearing my sister's speech and exchanging gifts with someone dear to me! However, there was still one missing piece left of me that still lurked. What was I going to do next?

Sigh, I never got to fully answer that question, because here I am ... three years later without a decent job! Guess I need to change that!