Saturday, January 8th, 2005

I sat on the bench intended to pick up bus passengers, but since today was the weekend, I figured no one would mind. It's practically empty since only a few buses were available on Saturdays and there weren't any rides scheduled on Sundays.

The couple who once sat here earlier have left. Therefore, I had the place to myself to think things over.

I found myself tapping my foot after a few minutes because I was in a nervous wreck, but managed to dial Paige's number to come pick me up. But as luck ran out, it went directly to her voicemail. I sighed and turned it off. I memorized her message as it began with some music in the background. It was "Hello" by Lionel Richie ... perfect timing as his lyrics started with, "Hello, is it me you're looking for?" Then it would cut off with Paige's voice, "Please leave a message after the tone." I have to admit it's clever, but found it to be a bit tacky.

When I first heard it, it made me laugh, but after hearing it for months, I soon got tired of it. That song was a bit too old for my preference; I begged her to change it. But as Paige refused to do so, a quarrel erupted.

Her opening argument was that if it was her phone message, and her favorite song, it was her own decision to keep it. And I had no right to tell her what to do. And hearing that rant hurt me. The words bit me like a snake.

But as best friends, I knew she didn't mean to be that harsh, but it wasn't what I wanted to hear. Thus, instead of continuing on with the disagreement, I shut my mouth.

Figured that since I wasn't going to win that battle; it was useless. And as I predicted, she forgave me for the silly squabble we had. But, her voicemail still remained the same.

***************

I told her earlier that I was going out for a drink, and that I needed a ride. Thus, I couldn't figure out why she wouldn't answer the phone. A promise was a promise. And then again it was possible that she was out with her boyfriend again. That was four times in a row!

The dark handsome gentleman that came into her life in college always made her cheeks blush. She'd consistently tell me about their dates and how she fell over heels for Noah. He had a body like the actor Shemar Moore and had dimples on his rosy cheeks I'd like to pinch. But I won't do that, as I'd be going against a friendship pact Paige and I swore to follow till the day we died. One of the rules was not to touch each other's man, and if we broke it, punishments would occur.

And with that deal in mind, Paige should automatically know that I was a bit jealous as Noah replaced me. I didn't want to admit it, but I knew in my heart that if she forgot about our friendship pact; it'll be hard to forgive her.

I like Noah, really I do. Okay, maybe I was just telling myself that to not feel so guilty.

Her boyfriend was not my type, but I admit that Noah had a "hot bod". Yet, I wonder why the two haven't tied the knot after knowing each other for so long. It seemed like they were waiting for the perfect time to have a white wedding.

She deserves to have a good man in her life. After years of flirting with guys who only used Paige for her family's wealth, she'd shared secrets with me about her past relationships.  It was simply ridiculous that some of the guys took her to expensive restaurants and pretended to forget their wallets at the last minute, and others ditched her just because they didn't like her figure. Paige was a bit chubby, but who isn't? I bet there are millions of girls out there who don't have a model-like figure, yet are still proud of themselves.

One day there was one guy named Jay who came by to see Paige, but made the excuse at the last minute that his sister needed him. I had a hunch that it was a white lie because of his sleazy expression. His body language said it all and I hugged my friend when he left. She cried over it and she doesn't deserve someone who's that rude.

Men! Sometimes they don't think before they act.

As for me, the man I left in the bar; he was once my crush. Owen Thomas, blonde with the scruffiest hair. Wondered if he even learned how to tame those curls. I used to tease him about it, whenever we went out. 

He had the perfect smile I once fell for. But that all changed after I discovered his secret. I eventually found out that he was two timing me with my sister.

Just remembering how I confronted him made me smirk.

I yelled at him in front of a crowd at school. I might have embarrassed him, but Owen deserved it. I admit Marlene Brennan could be a drama queen when she wants to be and am not ashamed to admit it.

Just thinking about him makes me feel sorry for him. He looked terrible hiding in that narrow hallway as he called out my name. At first, I couldn't even recognize him, but his cocky voice still remained the same. He grew an untamed beard as if he hasn't shaved in years.

Has it been that long since I've last seen him?

When we parted after the graduation party, Owen was clean shaven.

Why the change?

Maybe I should go back inside to see if the poor guy needs my help. After all, I didn't really give him a chance to apologize to me when I walked out on him.

***************

After several minutes, I became impatient, waiting for Paige's reply. I sighed and decided to call another taxi to take me home instead. I swear that the transportation company was eating my money away like candy!

During the cab drive, I kept looking over my shoulder to make sure I wasn't being followed.

Yet, I didn't realize how the driver was concerned as he watched me through his rear view mirror.

"Is there a problem Miss?" He asked.

I need to relax as this isn't getting me anywhere if I keep up with my act. I had to come up with a reply soon or Mr. Nosy here would hunt me down.

"No sir," I replied.

I was determined to get home peacefully without fear, and was hoping that I was not being stalked.

I didn't want anybody to follow me, or have the taxi driver face the police if I asked him to drive over the speeding limit. That would be the worst! Not only would I pay more for the fee, but I fear I might get sued or my brother might get involved. Joshua already had a problem after coming home from the war. Why make things worse for him?

I had to face an officer one time when I was speeding to catch my sister after she left for the airport.

But sadly, I never made it because poor 'Ophelia's' tail light burst and found myself tailgating a Honda that was running as slow as a snail. Okay, maybe that was the wrong analogy, but the car was blocking my view.

Thus, once I heard those sirens following my car that day, I knew that was another sign of trouble.

Well, then again, scratch that ... Owen was my first dimwit, that ticket was my first offense.

***************

I kept looking back at the taxi's front mirror. A pair of red dice hung from it. I had one like them hanging in my car, but I refused to drive it as I knew I'd be drunk.

Another police ticket, especially a DUI (Driving Under the Influence) would devastate me as I no longer had a clean record.

I turned back to the dice. When I purchased mine, the cashier told me that they were a pair of lucky ones.

And what would that exactly be?

Haven't seen any coming my way as of yet.

I believed it was bad luck instead, because the numbers on each side of the die 'spelled' disaster; one that I feared the most.

And this was my thought, since I had that itchy feeling that the word 'TROUBLE' was written upon my forehead again.

I wasn't superstitious; didn't believe in numerology and all that hocus pocus either. But still, it was awkward on why I was reminded about it. It made me paranoid!

I had to keep my cool, for Mr. Nosy might ask me another question. Kept telling myself that this was not the time to cry, because I had a destination to get to. One rule I make is not to make friends with taxi drivers. There are many stories out there where the outcomes were dangerous such as a murder investigation. And I don't intend to become a victim anytime soon.

I asked the cab driver to let me out by my driveway and ran up to the steps of the brick house.

Cautiously, I kept looking over my back to see if everything was clear. No one was following me, so a breath of relief came upon me as I opened the door.

As I entered the passageway, I quickly jumped on the sofa after double locking the chains of the door in fear of a stalker. My brother wouldn't be coming home till the evening, so I'd be alone for now.

And then, the tears poured down my cheeks like mists in the wind. With my thoughts still lingering in my head, there wasn't anything that could possibly go wrong now.

***************

Going up to the attic where I stored old mementos of the past, I searched for my diary.

I searched every nook and cranny! Tossing every piece of paper I could find around the room led to no avail.

And I was making such a mess! Papers were flying everywhere.

During those days, it was locked up in that area for specific reasons.

Storing the diary in the attic wasn't my original idea. It was my sister's. Well, in truth, it was something that reminded me of her. As a child, I followed her one day as Moira snuck in that room with a book. Turns out that was her journal and it's still there today, untouched and lying under the desk table that has been covered with cobwebs.

And that was how I remembered the particular shelf that we used to place specific souvenirs. I used a step ladder to reach the shelf and dusted the area with an old cloth I found nearby.

When I found the item I was looking for; opening the pages brought me back to a past I once knew.

I stayed inside the attic, and recalled the memories that were lingering in my mind. Rereading it over and over brought smiles to my face and I was able to relax again, as I put my fingers across my temple.

The first page began with a poem I wrote years ago entitled:

A DREAM TO ME

~If you believe in truth, trust and devotion.

You know you can see -

Who you truly are meant to be.

~ With a dream, you can achieve it

If you pursue the thought.

Don't let anyone tell you can't make it -

If you know you can do it with all your might.

~ Hold on to your strength,

Follow the way,

To who you really want to become.

Because hope will never be gone - that lies inside of you.

~ You are the dream;

You are the one to make that goal,

You were meant to be.

~ With a dream, you must believe,

You can accomplish anything.

With a heart, love and trust.

You can find the strength to support all of us

~ With all the hope, the trust,

The heart and soul.

Build up all your faith and glory

Share with us your story.

~ With a dream, you can be anything you want to be.

If you believe your heart and soul can do so much better.

Your heart can be so true,

If you just believe in me and you.

I wrote that poem, for I intended to use it for my graduation speech, but I didn't have a chance. 

Owen beat me to the stage. He somehow got the grades to become the summa cum laude for our graduating batch. I call it cheating but if he indeed had a 4.0 GPA, I'd go bonkers!

Can't start a fire without a spark!

Those words haunted me for some time because the outcomes in life have been so unexpected.