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Your Eyes Tell
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Author :: 123hikibakas

Reviewer :: chemicalkrackel

First Impression :: 0/20

To be honest, the book didn't make the cut when we talk about first impressions, it wasn't something that would intrigue me enough to leave around all my chores and stick to the screen just for the treat of reading it.

The cover wasn't impactful at all, it lacked in the sense of attractiveness and bold marking over someone's mind, the red in the title is very distracting and the image contrast blending doesn't make a lot of sense because it just gives a poor overall.

The title is very common, simply very common, as far as I remember fanfiction writing armies published tonnes of books with the same name and concept as the song and that's what makes the book ordinary, it doesn't mark the unique corner, for making a cut you need to present something that isn't common and I don't think the current title is the one for it.

Beginning of a new start :: 2/10

Not the best is what I'd suggest as a remark, common but shows potential, what I noticed amidst everything is that you have potential, you can write an amazing book that would sell but it's just that you aren't the best at presenting and laying out the final output, and that makes the book lack quality.

The starting chapters feel rushed and alarmed, it's like you seem to be rushing and it leaves a bad taste while reading. Make it interesting, something that would force the readers to read it more because I sincerely lost interest fast.

As an advice, I'd want you to remove the last chapter but if you want to keep it then get all the images in one particular size, like a banner, and present the quotes beneath them in bold and use a few aesthetics like a line, for example -

that night ───
the night you kissed me.

And please avoid writing things like flashbacks or these many years ago, it ruins the fun, you may write things running in flashback by using italics but please don't specifically note words like 10 years ago.

Concept & Plot :: 5/25

It's not something new, as I mentioned before tonnes of people wrote things related to your eyes tell because of the contrasting nature of the lyrics and concept, but what you can do is take a part of the original lining of the song and story and make something more endearing.

The fact you added badass imaginaries of mafia related stuff was dangerous and nerve wrecking, it was the only thing that pulled me in, it was unexpected and I liked the ride, it worked like a catalyst to the not intended attention, so add twists, make it less obvious, take your time and plot it out and present it like never before and shock the readers and yet leave them in awe, simple as that.

Characters & Emotions :: 2/15

You fill up the outsides but forget about the insides, it's like the main focus is not achieved and for that, you need to make the characters unapproachable and yet similar and relating, add sparks of interests in characters, the mysterious personas, that way you'll have the readers groped.

And about the emotions, write in a way that presents your bleeding heart, and writes a beautiful tragedy alongside action and mystery, the coexisting fact of life never being fair and contradicting at all.

Tone & Style :: 1/10

If you're smart you'll know your capability and all the errors I mentioned before and they all lead to the fact that you need to change the way you plot and write, note it down, and lay it off in a manner that isn't exaggerating.

The tone should be changed every time you write about a new character or a different one, change things from cocky to soft and switch from annoying to bearable, write your characters in a non predicting manner and give them volume.

Grammar :: 5/20

The grammar is okay, it's just that you have got many typos here and there that are very distracting, and please try not to use marks like [ . ] a lot, it doesn't make anything interesting but annoying and irritating.

Use words in a way that make usual things seem unusual like the usage of common words like, for example :

for I have loved you for years, a love so keen that it embellishes down my spine and carves onto my bones a name I have always remembered, yours.

An extra note :: When I say I find potential please make sure you know it's a rare statement coming from my side, it's rare to find people who have potential and can make things better, don't be saddened with the scoring, just know you impressed me and it's been a while someone actually did, work on all the minor and major sitcoms I have pointed and get it together and please change your cover.

TOTAL :: 15/100