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Whammy

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Author :: Iamasuperstar30

Reviewer :: Jiminandhisjams9

First Impression :: 14/20

» Cover :: 9/10

Though the cover has a very unusual and unique aesthetic, it’s aesthetically pleasing and attractive. I think it
applies well to the story along with its concept and simply gives off the right vibe.

» Title :: 4/5

This title is quite interesting because it has two definitions that suit the story, though I think you are going
with the first which is “a blow”. I also found the word catchy because I didn’t know what it meant, so I
believe many readers would feel the same. This title can be described as short “short and sweet”.

» Blurb :: 1/5

The first part of the blurb, where you talked mainly about Taehyung, is okay, except for the grammatical
errors, writing style and how confusing it is. If we talk solely about its content, it’s fine. But then for some
reason, you decided to talk about the queen and add extra information that no one would bother to read. I can definitely see what you tried to do, but it’s honestly unnecessary. Even the quotes you picked were confusing, all of your blurb, just like the writing in the book, is very confusing. Plus, you had a lot of tense inconsistency. I would say that overall it’s too long, filled with unnecessary information and messy.

Beginning of a new start :: 4/10

Frankly speaking, I don’t have much to say because I could barely focus on the storyline. There are so many things happening all at once and you aren’t managing them well. You start off with a prologue that is hard to
comprehend because you try to keep up so much mystery but don’t do it properly and never get to the
point. I did find the part in which the queen is angry at Taehyung interesting, but that curiosity was killed by whatever came next. Overall, it’s all just quite confusing because you talk about many people all at once, so I don’t have much to say for this section.

Concept and plot :: 16/25

I have already seen the royal-demon-ruler concept before. As I said already, and probably will be forced to mention again later, this story is a morass. Mainly but not only due to the writing style, the way events unfold, the switches of scenes and subjects also contribute to that. From the prologue and the overall things I have managed to understand, you did plan out something. I don’t exactly believe your story is an empty yet messy bundle. I think it’s a rather too-stuffed, poorly executed and messy bundle. My point here is that you need to be organised and specific. I understand that you sometimes try to keep the subject a mystery, like the person that saved the baby from hungry demons. And I do think that could even work if your writing in general wasn’t so messy. Plus, as I have mentioned earlier, I was very distracted from the story itself and had a hard time grasping what was going on. You gave everything such complex names and stuff, your story is fantasy, so you need to do your best to convey that to the readers, but you honestly failed. Allow me to elaborate in the following categories.

Characters and emotions :: 10/15

Sometimes, the characters’ emotions were described well, other times you dragged on too much. You have a lot of “telling” instead of “showing” in your story, which sometimes can get annoying. What I mean is that sometimes instead of dragging on with a characters’ back story to show their relationship with someone, you
could just show how it is. For example, if two people don't talk much to each other, their dialogue can be short and they only exchange words when they need to. Must I say that your dialogue is cringy and irritating? Sometimes it’s the dialogue itself and other times it’s the way you write it. But dialogues are one of the best ways to show how your character is, so if you don’t succeed in that, the readers will be too busy cringing instead of focusing on the story like me. I don’t really think your characters stood out much but I don’t think they were bad either—they were just sort of okay. Nonetheless, I’d be curious to see more of the queen’s strong personality.

Tone and style :: 2/10

This is probably the most important section of this review. Your writing style is somewhat “purple prose”.
You have such complicated sentences, wordy, and stuffed with useless information. It feels like you try to
make weird patterns (with your sentences) on purpose to—supposedly—make your writing more elegant,
complex or whatever, but honestly, it is simply baffling and annoying. I often can’t comprehend what you
are trying to write and it distracts me from the story; I didn’t enjoy reading at all because of how confusing
all of this is. Your writing has a lot of tense inconsistency. Make sure all of your text is either written in past or present tense. Another thing I wanted to mention is your paragraphs’ format. It’s really weird and messy, distracting too. I don’t know if it’s because of Wattpad or you actually decided on it, but take note of that because it seriously pulled me away from your story. Plus, you have this thing of putting so many things in bold, italics or underline them for no apparent reason which is plaguy.
“HYUNGGGGGGG!!??” - exaggerated and overly animated dialogue and punctuation are vexatious, which
I mentioned earlier. You often use the same sentence patterns and expressions like “‘something’ screamed royalty” - I’ve seen this sentence quite a few times. You always point out the young king who goes by the name Kim Taehyung without even putting quotes, but that’s not the main issue. Why do you repeat this so much when we already know his name?

Grammar :: 8/20

You have a lot of typos in your story, wrong capitalization, poor sentences (as aforementioned), missing commas, wrong punctuation, poor word choice and more. Firstly, I wanted to mention your constant use of the “tilde” which I’d consider “overly animated punctuation” as I stated earlier. In the English language, the tilde is not used (or dictionaries to indicate things) when writing, it doesn’t matter what effect you wanted to give, it’s straight-up incorrect.

“Somewhere down the line he knew his decision can create a havoc.” - this is an example of incorrect use of the word “havoc”, it’s not “can create a havoc” but simply “can create havoc”.

“After minutes of walking down the long hallway he is now standing in front of a door with a blank face and
equally blank mind.” - I am not sure if you know about dependent and independent clauses because sometimes you do follow the rules for compound sentences and other times you do not. When a sentence begins with words like after, if, as, when, while, although and etc, you will have to put a comma before the independent clause.

An independent clause is a clause that makes sense on its own, meanwhile, as you can guess, a dependent clause is a clause that can’t stand on its own. For example: “When we found her lost pin” (dependent clause because it leaves you with the question “what happened afterwards?”) and “She instantly apologized”. So using these two clauses, we can make two sentences: “When we found her lost pin, she instantly apologized.” or “She instantly apologized when we found her lost pin.” - in the first case, you can see that a comma is required because the sentence starts with a dependent clause. Hence, your sentence should look something like this: “After minutes of walking down the long hallway, he is now standing in front of a door with a blank face and an equally blank mind.”

Another one of your grave mistakes is your incorrect use of “which”. This is an example from your book, and I actually could grab any sentence from your book to show you this: “The end tells us all which was not said in the beginning.” - it shouldn’t be “which” but “what” instead. And often, though not in this case, you have to replace “which” with “that”. Here is an example: “He was witnessing a scene which needed to be stopped right then and there”“He was witnessing a scene which needed to be stopped right then and there” Your majesty, hyung, mom etc should be capitalized because they are direct addresses in place of a name.

And lastly, dialogue and action tags. To explain briefly, a dialogue tag is when a character’s way of speech is
described after the dialogue, for example: he said, she asked, I stuttered, etc. Meanwhile, action tags are when something else is described after the dialogue, for example: he closed the curtains, she opened the door, I sighed, etc.

When using dialogue tags, the dialogue will be closed with a comma even if the sentence is completed.
However, if an action tag is used, the dialogue will be closed with a full stop. To make it clearer, here are
other examples:

“You are annoying,” I mumbled. (dialogue tag)
“You are annoying.” I rolled my eyes. (action tag)

Total :: 54/100