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Trials_We'll still be together
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Author :: RioVines

Reviewer :: btsluvvesper

First Impression :: 2/20

The first impression is everything that attracts a reader to your story. If you ace it then you have already paved your way. But I can't say the same for your first impression. Here is why :

» Cover :: 0/10

Sorry to say, but I couldn't give any marks for this section. That's because your cover doesn't fall in the criteria of a book cover. The reason being, it's just a random pic of Namjoon, nothing else; it doesn't have the title of the book, let alone the author's name. Even if I ignore all the mentioned things, the "cover" or the picture would be a better way to say it, doesn't give any idea of the story or plotline in any way A cover is the one of the main things that will attract people into reading your book. You may say that I shouldn't judge a book by its cover. But trust me, dear, a cover does put a huge impact on the readers in terms of the first look of a book. Thus, we are bound to have a quality and relevant cover for the book. Hence, the only recommendation is to make a cover containing all the above-mentioned things. If you can't do it yourself, seek help from anyone professional or order in any graphics shop. But don't just put any random picture like that. It will ruin the readers' interest or intrigue level, no matter how good of a story yours is.

» Title :: 1.5/5

The title is what makes your story known to others; the identity of the book/story. By the title, we can get an idea of what the book can or will be about. It should be direct to the point and captivating for the readers to read.

Speaking of your title, I wouldn't say it was the perfect one. Yes, it was relevant to the story that suggests no matter what happens, both the leads will be still with each other. Even if situations and people try to break
them, they will still stick with each other. Though it was quite matching with the theme of the story, I really couldn't figure out how "Trial" is connected to it. That's because the word "trial", in definition wise, means "try-out" or simply to give something a chance. To try out if the thing actually goes with you or not. But I couldn't find anything that suggests the thing. Maybe try to portray it more nicely so it's reflected in the story. Also the title was quite long and that automatically takes away one's interest after seeing a long title. As mentioned earlier, you tend to know a book by its title. And having a long title makes it harder for people to remember it. And if they don't remember your story's name — how will they even remember the story Next, if we talk about creativity or uniqueness, then sorry to say, nothing is there to be called alluring or uncommon about the title. If we search, we will get many similar or even same-named stories. Therefore, it will be kind of boring to have such a common title, at least for me. Overall, I would suggest that you come up with something short, to the point, and intriguing. It's not wrong to use a common name but make sure you are portraying the title well in the plotline, and you are all good to go.

» Blurb :: 0.5/5

Well, let me be honest, your blurb doesn't fall in a category that we call blurb. First of all, a blurb is the main thing that would imply what the story is going to be about and it should be relevant to the plot. It should suggest a dispute or an edginess about the story. It should have a quality length. If you succeed in providing these things, your blurb would be considered good. However, your blurb didn't have any of these. It was barely 15 words, I think. It had no information, no suspense or conflict, just simply stating that Namjoon is going through some changes. And adding an ellipsis (...) to trail off doesn't create any excitement or curiosity in me to read the book further. Punctuations are quite jumbled up and sentence structuring is kind of off too. Therefore, I would suggest you change your blurb fully, and give something more clear and relevant to the story. Something that contains a conflict or suspense and suggests how the story will be about resolving that conflict or suspense. And yes, make sure to keep it at least in a range of 130–160 words.

Beginning of a new start :: 1/10

Honestly speaking, if this would have been a real book, I would have thrown it away by reading the first 2–3 chapters. That's because your two-lined author notes or thoughts just wasted 4 chapters of the book unnecessarily and killed my mood of reading the book further. I mean, who wastes 4 chapters just to say one or two lined things? Don't you think it's quite unprofessional and childish to do so? Yes, you can have author notes but finish it within a few lines altogether in one paragraph or one chapter. Why would you use 4 chapters just for this? Anyway, now if we talk about the first "actual" chapter, it was pretty much good. I liked how you said everything in detail. But, again, the chapter was painfully lengthy. As I was reading further, I started to feel bored and just wanted the thing to come to an end. It was so long that by the time I finished the chapter, I kind of forgot what I read in the start. You are getting what I'm trying to say, right? The starting chapters should be interesting and hooking, so the readers get excited to read further. And if the reader is getting bored while reading the chapter just because of the length, then I am afraid they will skip to read the next chapters. Thus, keep the chapters shorter, so that the readers don't get bored to read further. Also, please, remove the first 4 unnecessary chapters or just give one author note chapter, as those don't look appealing and are ruining your book's glamour.

Concept and plot :: 17/25

The concept of the story was not something new or uncommon. We can find many stories with the same
idea. However, even if it was a common concept, your way of execution made it stand out. I liked the way you stably exhibit things.
But, I felt like you were going at a bit forwarded pace in many places. For example, when you started to talk
about the leads' start of love life, you didn't show much interaction between them. You just narrated them. It was always the narrator saying how they would feel or help around each other. But there is nothing in particular to indicate that yes, they like each other, they are trying to confess or something and they finally did, or anything. It just seemed that you're  trying to get done with the start of their love life by just narrating, not showing anything in detail. Thus, in that case, I felt a bit off track and lacked interest in many places. Again, as you're writing so much in one chapter, the interest level is decreasing and boredom is increasing. Also a lot of things were confusing and unclear, that's because of your writing style. More explanation will be given in the mentioned section. You have a nice plot and your execution is quite good too. Just a little touch-up here and there is needed. And you are good to go.

Characters and emotions :: 9/15

Characters are one of the important parts of a story, while emotions are important for each character of the story. Emotions mainly reflect a character's actions. I must say that you were justified with Namjoon's and Yoongi's characters very well. You explained them and their bond quite nicely. However, I felt like Minseo's character could be better. In the story, her background wasn't shown much. It was just mentioned that she is a sweet and simple girl, and Minjae is her brother. Nothing more than that, while NamGi's background was mentioned well. Therefore, I would advise giving a little more attention to that. Also, some characters popped out of nowhere such as Byeol and Sian. I didn't know who they were. Even if they have very little to no role, at least, give a little line or intro about who they are. Emotions were explained well from many other books I have read so far. Thus, good work. But I feel that somewhat you missed out on expressing them in a few places. Or even if you are doing it, I am not able to catch it. It's kind of confusing. Maybe because of the writing style. But overall, you are doing pretty much good. The hesitancy of Minseo when Namjoon tried to ask her what happened. The shock and hurt when Mina was telling her everything in a harsh way, everything felt real to me. As said, you are quite good at this section, just a little more polishing is needed, and you are all set to go.

Style and tone :: 7/10

Your writing style is fairly good but confusing. There are proper descriptions for scenes and situations, which is a plus point. But some sentences are quite long and thus, make it boring. Also, the constant use of ellipsis (...) without any proper reason makes the sentences breathless and unattractive. And there is a break or extra information for almost everything which makes it unnecessary and bland. Spacing between words was lacking in many places. The absence of tags (action and verbal) and literary devices made it more confusing to understand which character is doing or speaking anything; what and how they are doing or saying it. Also in your "He is mine" chapter, half of the chapter is now not showing. When I  was going for a re-check, I couldn't figure out the whole thing as half of it was not there. Take a look at that soon.

The vocabulary and tone are okay. But as mentioned before, it was confusing because of the structuring in a few places. Also I felt that as chapters are forwarding, your vocabulary and tone is changing in both ways. Increasing yet decreasing or vice versa. Keep a constant flow. There is not much to say, just fix up the mentioned things and you will do good. The writing style is crucial for an author as this kind of portrays their identity as a writer. Hence, don't lose your identity and work on it
soon.

Grammar :: 9.5/20

Your grammar was quite good compared to many other books in terms of sentence forming and tense. But still, there are a few mistakes here and there. However, one of the concerning things about this section is your punctuation. Those are very messed up. You are not putting any period (.) after ending a sentence or paragraph in many places. Also missing or adding a comma (,) when needed or not. An extract :

Yoongi on the other hand had continued and Namjoon didn't look surprised. [Incorrect]

Yoongi, on the other hand, had continued and Namjoon didn't look surprised. [Correct]

Here, "on the other hand" is a conjunctive adverb, it is used to show a comparison between two people or things. Here it is used to show what Yoongi was doing when another person was doing something else.
Thus, a comma (,) before and after was needed. After that, the misuse of hyphens (-), em-dashes (—), and ellipsis (...) were in a lot of places. I couldn't take any exact extract as your book is low-key filled with these things, so I am stating the proper use of them. Hyphens (-) are used to indicate breaks between words or groups of words, or what you can say to indicate stuttering too. You used it to indicate breaks between sentences.
Em-dashes (—) are used to show extra information or the cutting off or interruption in sentences or dialogues. You used it even when it wasn't that strongly needed. Instead, a comma(,) would have worked for it. Ellipsis (...) are used to indicate the trailing off or when we omit things in a sentence. Sometimes used to show stuttering in dialogues too. You used it in every other sentence and dialogue that too in the wrong way — using less or more than three dots is never an ellipsis.

From what I mentioned about tags, those are necessary while writing dialogues. Without them, the dialogues seem lost. You never used any tags, which confused me as to who is speaking with whom. You have to use proper tags with proper punctuation rules for them. For verbal tags (said, asked, informed, etc.), we use comma (,) or needed punctuation (?/!) to end the dialogue, if the tags come after the dialogue. Example :
"Nat is a very active person," Appi said while smiling softly. But if the tag comes before the dialogue, then we end the dialogue with a period (.) or needed punctuation (?/!). Example :
Sakshi entered the room and informed, "We are having a test today."
For action tags (turned, scoffed, kissed, etc), we use period (.) or needed punctuation (?/!). Example : "You look beautiful in that dress." Martha kissed her daughter's cheeks. So, I hope you will use tags with the proper punctuation from now on. Other than these, you have spelling errors, typos and double words (and and he…) writing. In some places,  you started with lowercase instead of capitalization. Proofreading is the solution for that. Follow and correct the said things, and you will do better than you already are.

Extra note :: You are already a very good writer. There are just a few things to pay attention to. Otherwise, you are going well. Learning has no limit, so don't take my criticism negatively and try to learn from it. Take it positively and act upon it accordingly. Read more and more well-written stuff to improve on your writing. I can see much potential in you, thus, I will be waiting for you to shine. All the best. Thank you.

Total :: 45.5/100