The fall of You and I
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The fall of you and I
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Author :: Mxrcury_Sxn
Reviewer :: athenaxglamour_
» Cover :: 1/10
FIrst Impression is the last impression. After looking at the cover of your book, it wasn't a good impression. A simple aesthetic photo from pinterest would not do justice to your book. I suggest adding the name of the poetry book and the author's name. Without these two essential aspects, the cover of the book is nothing but a simple photo. We won't call it a cover, rather a photo from Google or Pinterest.
↱❛ Reviewer's tip: If you aren't good in graphic designing then you can always order suitable covers from the graphic shop of any designer on Wattpad.
» Title :: 4/5
The title sounds poetically romantic, the feeling and passion that I want to feel the most while reading a poetry book. As far as the relevancy is concerned, I believe that you still need to tell a lot about this story in the verse form. So far, the main leads are totally in love with each other, but from the title, I believe that it would end up in a "fall" of both of the characters. Keep going because the main turn in the storyline hasn't come yet that the title is trying to convey.
» Synopsis :: 6/10
The synopsis is over written, over described, and less attractive. It's because you added a whole chapter in it and this is making it look lengthy. Also, I got almost the whole plot after reading it. As a poet, you should add some mystery in your writing style, so that people are ready to know "what happens next", but you can do it just by not telling so much about the book in the synopsis.
↱❛ Reviewer's tip: I suggest you to follow the following pattern in the synopsis:
3-4 important lines from the book. Make sure they are short, concise, and intriguing.
Tell us about the storyline, not in the verse form but in a narrative style. Like, you are giving us a bird's eye view about the plot.
What type of book is it? A short story in verse form? If yes then add it by the end of synopsis. It's not necessary but some people don't like reading poetry but some do. So it will help them.
Themes or subjects :: ⅗
Since this book conveys several subject matter and themes, it was pretty hard to connect with the main story after reading those chapters where you dedicated the poem to your friend and grandma. The actual plot revolves around two lovers, so in those dedicated chapters, I didn't know if I should see it from the characters' point of view or from your friend and grandma’s point of view. I hope you understand what I mean here. Other than this, the theme of romance and love is conveyed very beautifully. I was able to connect with the emotions in a few places.
↱❛ Reviewer's tip: These tips are just mere extra tricks that I write for the author who had potential. You can ignore it if you want. I would suggest you make a separate book to dedicate the poems to your friends or Grandma. It will create a flow in the storyline without any interruption.
Technicalities :: 6/10
Usually, a poet wouldn't use punctuations but they are necessary. I saw that you have been using it but it was wrong in a few places. For example:
[That's when I saw him.
His light brown eyes and sun kissed skin pulled me in
As he caught me staring and flashed me a genuine smile.]
Here, you are missing or misused punctuation. You didn't add 'enjambment,' which means continuation of the previous thought in the next line. When you talk about the end of a thought or subject then you use the analogy of the 'end stop line' in which you use a period mark in order to tell your readers that the thought is completed. For example, in the below edited version of the above lines, where I didn't use punctuation, it means it's the use of enjambment. Where I used a period, this is the example of the end stop line because the thought is completed.
[That's when I saw him
His light brown eyes and sun kissed skin pulled me in
As he caught me staring and flashed me a genuine smile.]
Structure/form :: ⅗
The book has a blend of both prose verse and free verse. In the beginning, it was a prose verse, but I also saw some rhyming words. So it was quite hard to understand which style you preferred for the book. However, since poetry is a matter of personal choices of the poet, then I won't say it's wrong. But I would suggest you to use one form or structure of the poetry, and keep it consistent throughout.
Writing style :: 6/10
Each poet has a unique writing style to write a poem. Therefore, we say that poetry should be written beyond the restrictions of any rule and regulations. I think that's why you selected the most easy and well known form of writing poetry, the free verse and prose verse. But as I said, there should be consistency in the choice of form too. So pay close attention to it next time.
Also, another thing that I want to point out is the formatting and presentation of the book. It's not that great because sometimes the words are mingling with each other. It's because most of the paragraphs are formatted on the right side of the page. So it was quite hard to understand where the line ends and the other one starts.
Personal Enjoyment :: ⅖
I personally enjoyed reading the book when it comes to the plot. Although, it was quite cliche but still I was able to connect with two characters. It could be a lot better if you try making it presentable because the current writing style is messy.
Total :: 31/60
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