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The Angel's Diary

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Author :: Love_Jinnia_

Reviewer :: Kim_eats

First impression :: 15/20

» Cover :: 8/10
The cover is really pretty. The image used and the editing done is amazing. My only concern is the title. The size is okay but I feel that the colour could be brighter maybe. The author's name could be a little bigger too. Overall, it's a very eye-catching cover and it's sure to attract many readers.

» Title :: ⅘
The title is apt for the story. It's not exactly unique but it serves the purpose and is relevant to the story, seeing how Pastel gets possession of a diary that has some mystery hidden in it.

» Blurb :: ⅗
The blurb is a bit too long for a Wattpad book. If it was a hardcover book, it would be perfect. The thing is, you need to write a convincing blurb in a few words to get the reader's attention because most spend little time reading the blurb. The ideal length would be 250-300 words. Also the last two paragraphs seem repetitive and unnecessary as well. I would suggest you to remove those and write something shorter in its place.

Beginning of a new start :: 8/10

Starting with the prologue, it was written really well and immediately sparked my interest to read further because obviously the mention of the main character's death is quite unexpected. The next chapter was just as surprising because the timeline is changed and the readers are directly transported to the time after Pastel dies.

The other factor why this beginning was a good one is because it is different. The previous angel centered books that I've read were all the same with the angel being the guardian angel but this one was different. Not to mention how Yerin refused to remove Pastel’s memories was intriguing as well. The struggle of Pastel to meet people from her past and remembering the ones she left behind was a refreshing experience rather than the usual fights most such books show.

Overall, the beginning complimented the first impression and didn't let me down while reading. 

Concept and plot :: 20/25

You can't go wrong with the fantasy genre. Making angst and romance the subgenre was clever on your part, especially the angst part. So, in all, I really like the concept of the book. Coming to plot, since it is still an ongoing work but till I read, I like the direction it is taking. The plot seemed pretty simple with Pastel dying and leaving her soulmate, Jin, all alone who also seems to be not handling the loss well. But then Jin’s role became clearer and that just brought the biggest twist to the story. It was a great twist I must say.

Even with such a good plot and storyline, I feel like there's a major plothole in it or maybe I feel like that because it is an ongoing work. There's no proper explanation as to how Pastel knows that Jin is a demigod and I’m sure I wouldn't be the only one to wonder that. If you've planned something for that, then all good but if not, then do consider it.

Characters and emotions :: 11/15

The characters so far have all complimented the story pretty well. There aren't as many characters in it yet but I feel like more will be included. But so far, I like that all the characters you included have a specific role and connection to the protagonists. That is more important than crowding the book with unnecessary characters.

Coming to emotions, I'll have to say you did a great job expressing them. However, I do feel that you can do better and add even more depth to the emotions if you increase your chapter length and make them a little more descriptive. Overall, it is still great to read the way you've described Pastel’s painful feelings and even Jin’s in the last chapter. 

Tone and style :: 7/10

The tone of your writing feels a little bland at times, like there's no spark in it. Sometimes it doesn't feel exciting to read it and I think it's because of how monotonous it becomes. But still, it's good and I think, with a little more practice, it'll stop being like that. I also suggest you to read other published fantasy books to understand the intricacies of writing better and how to keep your readers hooked to not only the plot but also for the writing style.

I strongly believe that with the genres you've chosen to write with, you should make full use of poetic devices. Especially when there's a monologue. For example the moment when Pastel enters her house in the Sophore Heaven, she is reminded of her old home, I assume and the descriptions there could be written more poetically. I'm not asking you to change your writing style completely but try including this as well because painful words when said poetically have greater impact on the readers. When you experiment like that, you will come to understand how it can actually attract more readers and keep them stuck till the end. Since this plot is such a good one, I really hope you don't shy away from experimenting a little.

Grammar :: 14/20

Your grammar for the most part is quite good but there are still mistakes. Most of them are related to correct use of prepositions, sentence structuring and dialogue tags.

I've noticed that your vocabulary is good but sometimes while using difficult words, it looks as if you struggle to use them properly and that kinds of ruins the sentence structure. Also in general too there are a few sentences that can be written differently. For example, this is from the blurb:

'But feelings start acting up, cravings take place and Pastel finds her life swinging…'

This could be written as:

'But feelings start acting up, cravings stronger than before and Pastel finds her life swinging…'

Or

'But feelings start acting up, cravings become unbearable and Pastel finds her life swinging…'

Anything can be used in place of 'take place' because those words seem uncomfortable while reading and ruin the flow as well. To avoid this from happening, read your work again and again from a reader's point of view and keep thinking up different ways of writing any one sentence.

Along with this, the use of some prepositions was done wrongly. You often used 'in' instead of 'on' and such. If you are confused with their use, you can always go back to basics and understand how they work or take help from apps like Grammarly. Writing in Google docs helps too and there's a lesser chance of making mistakes related to articles, prepositions, sentence structuring and tense inconsistency.

Also don't skip adding dialogue tags since they are quite important to know who is speaking. I had trouble with that while reading, especially when Pastel said the Demi god thing. I thought it was the queen who said that dialogue but then when I read the next chapter I understood that it was actually Pastel. To avoid such confusion, do pay attention to that.

Extra note :: I hope this review proves helpful and you take it positively. You've got a really good storyline and so far, you've executed it really well. I'm looking forward to future updates.

Total :: 75/100