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Talk Fast
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Author :: lilchenette

Reviewer :: gukkeun

First Impression :: 6/20

» Cover :: 1/10
Definitely not the most attractive out there. It's simply a picture with some words thrown across it. There's no touch of designs, not even a quote or any basic editing. The only thing I could bear with is Jimin's face. The cover isn't what I could call suitable for the story either. The best option is to visit any graphics shop here on Wattpad and order a cover yourself. 

» Title :: 3/5
It doesn't roll off one's tongue very smoothly. Fits Ash's role no doubt, not something I would come across very often either. But the aesthetic element of it; the charm isn't there. 

» Blurb :: 2/5
To be completely frank with you, the blurb had me cringing. Certain authors would downright mention that their book contains smut and 18+ doings. You on the other hand had it subtle, but at one look, it seems like you're providing misinformation regarding workers in the company. "No touching, kissing, or sex." Does this seem realistic? Not every worker dreams of getting "it" from the members and is purely there for work. Those rules that you provided in the description in turn just made the members seem like some thirsty vampire out hunting for sex. Realistically, they're very busy people, I never said that them dating couldn't possibly happen but to the point of having to set those rules? It isn't giving them a very good image.

Beginning of a new start :: 5/10

It's like the start of any other story, and that's plain boring. The conversation between Ren and his boss isn't very intriguing. It's nice that you dived into the story immediately at the very beginning, and I'm loving the tiny comedic conversation between Ash and the cockroach. It's a great way to introduce her.  However, even the beginning of a story deserves a little spicing up. Honestly, the "stranger" she met while digging for the ring would have owned the story completely if it were someone else other than Jimin. (if we push aside how coincidental that part would be, that is). 

Concept and plot :: 12/25

Honestly, really plain, especially from how predictable you had it turn out. There were so many unrealistic issues and predicaments that bore me. Because at some point, all the events were specially written for the sake of uniting the two together. And let's be honest, love doesn't have it that way. Imagine bumping into a stranger, later on, work in the same company, and then having to share a room. Boom, that stranger is your "soulmate". The idea of forcing them together at the very beginning is overused and fast paced.

There's a slight issue with Ash and Jimin sharing a room. Not because they wouldn't, they couldn't. First, there's this issue called "scandals" that could completely ruin the group's reputation. Even if no cameras were around, it's very unrealistic of the boys to share a room with a female. Jimin would have cramped in with another member out of respect for Ash. Taking things into a realistic way of thinking, it shouldn't be possible. And as you mentioned, the rooms were full, which brings us to the thought that there were other guests living in the same hotel as the seven boys. It wouldn't be an issue for a stranger to snap a photo of them going into a room together. Be it random guests who somehow found out where the boys would be living or hotel staff, there's always a possibility of it happening. 

I get it, they'll have more time together and their relationship will blossom even further. But their love life could bloom even without them sharing the same room. Say, for example, Jimin would risk creeping into Ash's room for the sake of seeing her once their friendship took a turn for the better. In fact, the "dumpster" meeting wasn't needed at all. Throw away any scenes that don't relate to the story and focus on a truly romantic and realistic way of getting the two together.

Now, the next thing on the list you'll have to fix are the members and the role they play in this story. Which unearthly human being taught them to be so touchy with a lady? How are they not on the news for scandals and harassment? Only god knows. The boys wondered why Ren had set those rules for Ash, and even after she had explained the situation; they continued. They have zero respect for her. Especially Jimin. Friendliness doesn't go beyond the boundaries. The rules should've been set for the boys instead of Ash, seeing how they turned out.

Characters and emotions :: 4/15

I want you to focus on dialogues. Be casual when it comes to communication. Speaking is the key component of character build. Turn their conversations casual and they'll be restrained from showing their personas. They've had their share of talking freely with each other, yet the key component of  "identity" is missing. There's just no personality in the characters other than Ash. The boys' personalities altogether could've been thrown into a bowl, mixed together, moulded into a person and would still own the same characteristics. Be creative, even if the story surrounds Ash and Jimin, give the rest their own spotlight in the show as well.

Now, take a look at Jimin. In all honesty, he seems like a creep and a weirdo. Someone untouchable and you wouldn't want to be roommates with. Jimin had the role of a jerk and perhaps, a bit perverted. It's extremely uncomfortable and it's surprising that Ash wouldn't mention a word regarding his behaviour to Namjoon. Would she have let him do those things if Ren hadn't mentioned those rules? And are all the members usually this comfortable with being so touchy with a lady? Not very gentleman-like. 

Tone and style :: 6/10

Too much information on baseless actions, to the point it becomes a mouthful to read, and certain descriptions don't make much of a sense. Let's take the beginning of the second chapter as an example. Despite all the effort made into describing how Ash's morning went before the trip, it was awfully dull. Instead of starting off from the very start of her morning, skip right to the point where she heard the car horn. Avoid including too much unneeded information and get right into the story telling.

Grammar :: 14/20

There's inconsistency in the use of tenses and a couple of overlooked misspellings.

Ex: (manager -> manger) These you could easily fix yourself, no hiring of editors required. 

Now the main problem comes when the description. When you over elaborate a situation, the passages become hard to understand and more mistakes occur frequently. Take this sentence for example.

Ex: Twisting his lips side to side the boss's face soften, sighing he came to an agreement.

There are four actions in just two sentences, it could've been shortened down and made simpler. Do keep in mind if you could make a sentence simpler, please do.

Edited: Pursing his lips, his face softened. He finally came to an agreement.

Then here's a visible example of a word misused.

"Have a safe flight everyone, I will connect you all later."

I suppose you were trying to jot down "contact" instead of connect. The word didn't go with the sentence at all. So remember to fix that part.

You have to keep an eye out on your clause's combinations. Mainly, learning the proper way of using commas or conjunctions to combine them.

Ex: How old are you Ren?

Edited: How old are you, Ren?

Now, moving on to dialogues. Observe this sentence.. 

Ex: "Oh Ashley there you are, your hot friend wants to see you," The waitress walks in with a reddened face.

The use of a comma to end the quotation is incorrect unless you use a verbal tag. Here is a better explanation behind it.

"For god's sake, Julius." James rolled his eyes, annoyed.

"For god's sake, Julius," James said in disappointment.

"Walks in" is an action tag. An action tag consists of actions after ending a dialogue. Therefore, use a full stop instead of a comma to end the dialogue. Unless you are using verbal tags, in which case use a full stop to end the quotation.

There's one last very visible mistake that you made very often. Don't capitalise the dialogue tag after ending the quotation unless you're starting a new sentence which doesn't connect to the dialogue. Keep in mind to fix all your tags and capitalising. 

Edited: "Oh, Ashley, there you are, your hot friend wants to see you." The waitress walked in with a flushed face. 

Overall :: In terms of plot, it's mediocre. It could be pulled off way better in terms of realism and the pace. The overly detailed passages made your story a bore to read, cut down on them. Grammar errors need to be looked over and the character build demands more effort. The idea itself allows expansion, focus on rebuilding your plot and characters for the better before rushing to write the story.

Total :: 47/100