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Sweater
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Author :: jikook889

Reviewer :: wuwtaetae

First impression :: 10/20

» Cover :: 6/10

The cover actually looks cute, goes with the title and plot but the problem I have with it is the font. Maybe try something more, well, elegant. This font is more common and suitable for books with video game glitches, perhaps. Most books that are tech related use this font. For a love story, I'm not sure if it'd be the perfect fit. I had this critical writing class today and one of the most important things my mentor mentioned was describing what our topic isn't about rather than what it is about. So, we're gonna talk about what the cover is not. It isn't bright and eye-catching. That doesn't mean it portrays the angst either. The filter gives it a darker, angsty vibe but then Jimin just looks soft in there even though there's no expression on his face. So, it doesn't convey the vibe of the book properly. Now, about what it probably could be, it could've been a picture of Jimin looking sad and gloomy wearing a sweater instead of using filters to give it the vibe. For what the font isn't, the font isn't romantic or angsty. Well, yes, your book does have time travel but sci-fi is more of a secondary genre than romance here, so I think you should work with the romance aspect of it and make bigger decisions based on it. Despite everything though, I personally feel like the cover's pretty cute but the fact that it has heavy angst never did cross my mind before reading it. Another thing I'd like to mention is that it's a jikook book and there's no jikook on the cover. So maybe try to find a cover where they both are in the frame.

»Title :: 3/5

I think it's cute and inviting. If I were to pass by a book with that title, I definitely would give it a read. Even before I was assigned to review this book, it had already caught my eye with the title. Even though your title was a little eye catching, the problem I found with it was that it was a little misleading. Not giving in to stereotypes or asking anybody to design their book according to stereotypes or advocating it but the first thing a reader looks at is the title. I thought it'd be super fluffy, super adorable, just sweetness, tooth rotting fluff with the tiniest bit of angst but that wasn't the case. So with a title like this, your audience might become people who seek just fluff rather than people who read angst, so you have to make everything clear from the start.

»Blurb :: 1/5

It's too long. It might be short if the book was a published one but since we're talking about Wattpad, I find it too long. I've already mentioned this but a reader's attention span is only seven seconds meaning you'll have to pull them in seconds. If you don't, they leave. It simply works like that. No reader is gonna just read the book without reading the blurb so blurb is key. It's what decides whether you pull them in or not. So making it shorter and more charming is the easiest way to get readers. If it's a cliché, readers are definitely going to be present but if it's not, you'll have to work harder, and doing it by the blurb is the easier way. There were grammatical errors in there too. Some things were very redundant, not really necessary for a blurb. Some things didn't make sense. The last couple of sentences don't go well together. When there's an option, when there's this or this, when there's a probability that this or this might happen, it's probably contradicting, probably opposites, and I don't think that Jimin time traveling to change the past and Jimin ignoring his feelings contradict each other. Well, even if you wanted to keep it that way, you should give readers an insight into what might happen if Jimin chooses. It could've been, perhaps, "Will Jimin risk it all and travel back in time or stay in the present to save his lover?". It's just an example just so you understand. The other thing I didn't like were the words in uppercase. It makes the whole thing look unprofessional. 

Beginning of a new start :: 6/10

It was interesting, can't lie, but there were some things I would suggest. I could feel that Jimin was frantic because of his declining relationship with the Jeongguk he hallucinated but we didn't get a chance to see his pain and yearning. I could just see him being depressed, frantic after he met with Yoongi but I couldn't really see how he really felt. I think adding a little of his inner monologue would've helped a little. Adding small things here and there would've made the readers sympathize with him a little more but we'll be talking about that in the characters and emotions part. I think it should've started with a bang. The first chapter would've been better if it had started with Jimin reaching out to Jeongguk but not really touching him. Basically, start from where something happens. The first paragraph only seemed like an info dump on the setting and that just didn't make way to word building. To personalize them a little bit, add a bit of flavor to things. Just go big on the emotions.

Concept and plot :: 23/25

I really loved the plot. I've been in this community as a reviewer ever since they opened a review shop, so I've seen a lot of books, and this one might be one of the ones with an original plot. That really says a lot. It was like a fresh breath of air after cliché after cliché, really. I really liked the plot. I was invested to see where the book was going actually. The scenes were pretty original too, not your cliché 'we crashed against each other, now we have a crush' scenes. I'm honestly very tired of clichés and I must, /must/ appreciate you for putting some effort into making your novel. Most people I've seen on Wattpad only want fame and they write clichés cause they don't really wanna put in the effort. So when someone has a unique plot, an original plot, it just leaves a really, really good impression as if you've got something new, only you've got it so you would've taken time to develop it. Appreciate it, even though there are some minor plot holes. 

Characters and emotions :: 4/15

This is what I've been waiting for. I am able to, well, read that they feel a sort of way but I can't really feel it. Go big with emotions. Make them react like you would if something like that happened to you. Put them in a state, make them act a certain type of way. Give each of them different habits, something unique to them. For example, I tend to bite my lips and my nails when I'm nervous. Someone else might fiddle with their hands, trip over their words. So yeah, give them different traits. Give them something that makes them them. Make them show a different range of emotions. Show how they feel. 

If you could feel more emotions,

Jimin's lips quivered as his eyes filled with unshed tears. "Ah!" Jimin screamed out his frustration, smashing his fist onto the expensive seat of his car, angry at whom, at what, nobody knew. Jimin couldn't take it anymore. He just couldn't. He didn't know how long he'd last on this earth as he sobbed into his fists, clutching the white sweater his precious lover presented him. Jimin just couldn't…

then in just three lines of mentioning that Jimin was sobbing, then you understand what I mean. Not comparing anybody's writing with anybody's. Not saying that it should be elaborated into ten lines. This is just an example for you to see. If you see someone crying, how do you identify if they're crying? You notice if they have tears in their eyes, you see their shoulders shaking, their face buried inside something probably as people don't like being seen while crying, fists clenched perhaps if they're trying to control everything they feel and hyperventilating if they're crying too much. Face red, ears red, swollen face, swollen eyes, tear tracks, constant rubbing of their eyes, biting their lips to not let whimpers escape, whimpering, sobbing out loud, flinching at small things. That's how you identify if someone's crying. So how will the readers identify if the character's crying? Number one, through what you tell them aka the things above, and number two, through their inner monologue or through their thoughts and habits, if you've established their habits before. If Taehyung in my book has a habit of rubbing his arm whenever he's nervous then I wouldn't need to mention him being nervous the next time. I could just say Taehyung was rubbing his arm and the readers would know. Establish their characters. Make them a brand. What're they known for? If you say Elon Musk, he's known for how hilarious he is on Twitter with those memes and for Tesla, SpaceX, but people who follow him know how humble and futuristic he his really but people who're so close to him like a best friend or his wife, might know him on a deeper level, on a more personal level. In this case, you are your character's best friend. You should know every single thing about them and reveal the information little by little throughout the book as if you're them and the readers are your friends. Nobody opens up easily, do they? It takes time. So yeah, know your characters.

Tone and style :: 3/10

This is where it feels monotonous. The tone is the same. Yes, there's variation but even that seems monotonous. Jimin sobbed. Jimin cried. Jimin went to work. No, I don't want monotone. I need color. I need something more than you just telling me everything. As a reader, I'd rather experience it as if I'm inside the book than have the author narrate it to me cause that's why we're all here, to forget real life for a while and live with characters. I already gave you an example of how I do it in the characters and emotions part. Hope you'll make use of that. I need more description, different voices for different people, different kinds of thinking for different people, and variation. I need variation.

Grammar :: 4/20

The grammar wasn't the best. Tenses were changing too much. Decide what you want to write in. Is it past or future? Capitalize every noun. Nicknames should have their first letters capitalized too. Those dots everybody adds? They're called an ellipsis and they're of three. Only three. No more, no less. Some words aren't where they're supposed to be. They're fancy words but they don't fit where you put them so if you're unsure of what a word is, please google it. After finishing your draft, of course. In the dialogues, I have to mention this. When you're writing dialogue and there's a question tag after, you add a comma after the end of the dialogue /before/ the closing quotation. The word, which is, the question tag, must start with lowercase. When you're writing dialogue and there's no question tag after, you end the dialogue with a full stop (em dash if what the character is saying is yet to be completed) /before/ the closing quotation. The word after, in this case, would start with a capital letter at the start of a word. Don't capitalize a word completely unless it's OK as OK is spelled like that but the other words are not. So even if the character is shocked or too excited or anything, just write it like you normally do with an exclamation mark, one exclamation mark to be precise, and then express their excitement or whatever emotion through the words that follow aka through what point of view it is and not a dialogue. Also, be careful where you place your commas. You only place them where there's a pause. 

You've done so much better in this book than in your first one, so kudos to that. I can also see the work you've put in there and the potential too. So keep writing. I actually believe that you'll get the hang of it. Feel free to pm me if you need help with anything. As far as I'm concerned, you've come a long way from your first book, so you should be proud of yourself! 

TOTAL :: 50/100