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Still With You

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Author :: wonjinmin

Reviewer :: btsluvvesper

First Impression :: 6/20

The first impression is everything that allures someone towards you and your works. I wouldn't say it was one of the best, but still, it was nice. Let's take a look at why it wasn't the best.

» Cover :: 4/10
The cover, overall, gave the vibe of the main theme, which is a plus point. It has the solitude and grave feeling, which matches with the storyline. Overall, it's nice.

But the cover could be nicer if the overlapping wasn't there, and the fonts would have been chosen more meticulously, because even if the current ones match as it's simple, I find it a little off the beat, according to the story plot. But overall, it's okay.

Then, the face claim. Yes, it's a Jungkook FF, so of course, it's him. But I feel it would have been better if you could have a proper facial view of him on the cover.

So, these are what I found as the issues on the cover. As I said, your cover is already portraying the main theme of the plot. And if you fix these small things, your cover is good to go.

» Title :: 1/5
The title is the identity of the story. It suggests what the plot will be, in general. But, your title didn't act upon the plot you have. Yes, you tried to show that no matter what, even after death, Jungkook will still be with Byul. But there was no reference to that "Still with you" thing in the story.

Maybe you tried to show that even in this hard pandemic time, they are still with each other. But as I said, there was no strong message or meaning behind it that would indicate the "Still with you" term.

Also, using the name of a song as the title, shows how much you lack in creativity and originality, which led to low scoring. But that also doesn't mean that you have to find all those hard words with board definitions.

All you have to do is reflect your plot through the title and choose a title that is direct to the point with the plot. Then your title will be perfect for your story.

» Blurb :: 1/5
Your blurb was one of the first things that made me want to leave the story right away. First of all, a blurb is the main thing that would imply what the story is going to be and it should be relevant to the plot.

However, your plot was nowhere near what would be considered as "relevant to the plot" or "imply the main storyline". It had no information, no suspense or conflict. I agree that the book was a very simple one, but still, there should be at least something that would intrigue me to read the book, which unfortunately, wasn't there.

Also, the dialogue or thought or whatever you gave in the blurb wasn't relevant, connected, or mentioned in any place of the story except the opening. Thus, it was completely meaningless and childish for me. Also, you had typos too, and the sentence structure was a little weird and confusing too.

Instead of - How long can is last?, it should be - How long can it last?

Therefore, I would suggest you change your blurb fully, and give something more clear and relevant to the story.

Beginning of a new start :: 2/10

Well, beginning chapters are crucial to the story. If your starting is interesting and hooking, then the readers would automatically be attracted and interested in the main plot.

But, I can't say the same for your case. The chapters were way too short, that even before I could have proper time to decide how it is, the chapters were over. Therefore, it doesn't look good and I couldn't even judge the chapters properly, let alone me being interested or excited.

Also, you used some Chinese, Korean, or whatever language it is in an English book, which is wrong. As you're writing the book you should avoid using any other languages, without giving any proper translation for it. Now that you used an unknown language, it was really hard for me to distinguish whether the English writing really had its meaning or not. So, please avoid from using it.

In conclusion, I would recommend the same that even if your story is a simple one, try to do something that would intrigue the readers, because way too much bland is never what people out there seek for. Also, don't make the chapters too short. To the point that the readers can't even understand or decide what just happened. Try to make it on average, at least 800 to 1000 words.

Concept and plot :: 8/25

The plot is not original or new at all. It's common to have social media communication-based stories here. But still, the plot isn't that bad or something. It's fairly cute and nice. There were some new ideas and nice innovations too. There was a conflict as well.

But, I feel you could do better even though you had a simple plot. Your plot execution could have been more enhanced and organized compared to the plot. You didn't exactly have much where I can say that it was well-executed. Was it a good plot? Yes. But does it have that vibe that would make it stand out among other books with similar plots and make it unique? Well, no.

Whenever we go for a simple and not-so-new plot, we usually try to make the plot unique and more interesting by proper execution, so that the plot doesn't seem overused or cliché. You understood what I meant, right? Proper execution with a few interesting things here and there can turn a simple and common plot into something more intriguing. Also, a good writing style is important to see through a simple plot as well. I will talk about that in detail in the later section but the writing style kind of dimmed down the plot.

But, keep in mind that you don't have to make extraordinary things to make the story interesting, just a few common things in an uncommon way is more than okay. So, just keep these things in mind for the next time and your plot will turn out better than it already is.

Characters and emotions :: 3/15

Now, characters are one of the important parts of a story and emotions are important for every character of the story. They mainly reflect a character's actions.

But, your story didn't have any proper description or introduction of any of the characters. They both knew each other from before, and that's okay. But the mention of their behavior and/or personality weren't shown anywhere. It was utterly bland and unattractive.

Then, I didn't find a single proper mention of any emotions or feelings throughout the whole book. The couples are away from each other, yet there were no such mentions of where they are shown that they are missing each other or something. Just the last, uneasiness and stuff were mentioned, nothing more than that.

Overall, you gotta work hard on characters' behavior and their emotions. As mentioned, characters and their emotions are a vital part of a story, they are interlinked with each other. Therefore, portraying and/or blending the characters well with their emotions are very necessary. You can first sort out what type of character you want for your story, and what will be their personalities accordingly. And then gradually try to implant the required emotions in them through your writing. And after that, you are all set to go.

Tone and style :: 2/10

The writing style is very important for every themed story, especially if your story is a simple one. Writing style puts a huge impact on the overall story. It basically is the identity of a certain plot theme and author.

But speaking of your writing style, then I would say it was one of those blandest and emotionless writing styles I have seen so far. Your writing didn't have any specific style. While talking through zoom, left and right alignment is okay. But even for the normal thoughts or dialogues, you went like that only, which was quite disturbing.

As mentioned before, your writing style affected your plot too, which is because your story was simple, so having a very bland amateurish tone and style made it more lifeless and boring. Thus, even if your plot was something nice, it didn't turn out as good as it should be.

Your writing style is also a reason why your title wasn't able to reflect the story. It was relatable but it didn't portray your plot. Maybe with some more polished and representative writing style, your story and its title would have stood out better than it is now.

Also add tags (action and verbal) in your writing, because you show that the characters are talking through video call, not texting. Therefore, the tags are necessary as it's similar to face-to-face conversation. And use left alignment for writing. Don't switch between left and right.

Therefore, I would suggest one thing that is - Don't just stick to the same writing style and tone for every plot. Try to explore more on it, and choose a relevant writing style for such stories. And not just for simple stories, for every story genre and/or theme there is an appropriate and designated writing style and tone. Yes, you can choose the same for every story but change the tone according to the plot.

For example, you can also go for descriptive writing for your story too. In descriptive writing, we usually use literary devices to provide a proper explanation of the scenes or situations. Similarly, we have narrative style too, where we go for foreshadowing, flashbacks, etc. Novels are written using the narrative style but descriptive style is added in between to add emotion in the scene-setting.

All you have to do is recognize which style and tone goes well for which theme, then your story would be perfect.

Grammar :: 5/20

The grammar is like salt that is needed for every food recipe. Without proper grammar, a story is lifeless, no matter how good of a plot it has.

Your grammar, I wouldn't say was bad, but I can't say it was very good either. It was quite fair. Now, I can't explain or teach you everything, but let me list out the main things.

First is your tense, you have some problems with that. If you start the writing in present tense then keep it that way only. No need to use past tense. Also, singular-plural use of verbs comes in here too. For the 1st and 2nd person POV, we don't use the plural form of the verb. But for 3rd person POV, we do use it. Misuse of punctuations is there as well. An extract :

She searches around the cabinets in her kitchen, and manage to find the ingredients she needed. [Incorrect]

She searches around the cabinets in her kitchen and manages to find the ingredients she needs. [Correct]

Another one for the tense part:

[Byul twist (Correct - twisted) and turned on her bed for hours, but she still could not fall asleep. She got up from her bed and sent a message to Jungkook.]

Be consistent with your verb tenses. You have used "twist" in the same sentence with "turned" which places the event in the past. In this part, you started with the present tense and in the very next words, you used past tense. And again in the same chapter you did this :

[Byul waits for his reply silently, her
thoughts hit her as she is waiting.]

You again used switched between tense. Don't do this. If you continue like this, you will end up nowhere.

Next is your punctuation. An extract of your work :

Thanks goodness I have some ingredients left from baking a cake last time. [Incorrect]

Thank goodness, I have some ingredients left from baking a cake last time. [Correct]

Or,

Thank goodness! I have some ingredients left from baking a cake last time. [Correct]

We can use an exclamation sign (!) too as you are kind of exclaiming that you got the stuff. Also the "thank" will be without "s", otherwise it seems funny as it suggests that you are indicating "goodness" as someone and directly thanking them.

From what I mentioned about tags, those are necessary while writing dialogues. Without them, the dialogues seem lost. So, you have to use tags with proper punctuation rules for them.

For verbal tags (said, asked, etc.), we use comma (,) or needed punctuation (?/!) to end the dialogue if the tags come after the dialogue. Example :

"I ate pizza for dinner," Fae said.

But, if the tag comes before the dialogue, then we end the dialogue with a period(.) or needed punctuation (?/!). Example :

After the heated argument, Vesper said, "We were so dumb to argue like that, to be honest."

For action tags (turned, scoffed, etc), we use period (.) or needed punctuation (?/!). Example :

"No matter what, I will never forgive him for what he did." Fen scoffed and went away.

So, I hope you will use tags with the proper punctuation from now on.

After that, you shouldn't use lowercase while writing. Yes, I know, it was intended, but it's grammatically wrong. Therefore, avoid it as much as possible.

Other than these things, you have little typos here and there, for which proofreading is needed. Also, you didn't add any punctuation for indicating the thoughts, which is necessary.

Altogether, I would suggest that the more you learn and use proper grammar, the more you know and can have better feedback on your writing. Not only will it enhance your knowledge, but also your writing will stand out more among others.

Extra note :: You can be a good writer if you work a little harder and follow the above-mentioned things. Thus, I just hope that you will take this review positively and improve based on that. I am waiting for you to shine soon. All the best.

Total :: 26/100