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Scorned
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Author :: Annie91writes

Reviewer :: gukkeun

First impression :: 14/20

» Cover :: 6/10

Despite the simplicity, this cover holds a lot of significance to the story. The dark theme pretty much stood out, and the glint behind her eyes showed confidence sealed behind a woman's gentle appearance. However, in terms of attractiveness, it's not very appealing. People who caught on to the topic you may touch won't be bothered, but simplicity has its limits, especially when the main goal is to attract the eye of the public. A picture with fonts pasted across it definitely isn't the best out there. Perhaps experimenting with the font choice may have a different outcome?

» Title :: 5/5

This title is everything, defining women in the face of society. Combined with the cover, the topic is as clear as a cup of morning dew. 

» Blurb :: 2/5

The blurb was simply filled with unnecessary details. The aim was to introduce a woman, living in a society with unfair standards. Some paragraphs are merely a visual explanation of the rest. The only difference being they're represented in the eyes of the main character.

Unnecessary sentences crowd this synopsis. Do not expand the same details in different manners for the sake of lengthening the blurb. Include the necessary information (and warnings). Decide whether each sentence written would affect the reader's view on the book once removed.

Beginning of a new start :: 7/10

Introducing an event that happens commonly among women was a great way to start off. Not only that, the beginning is a tiny part chipped off from a middle part of Sonu’s story; a reason for readers to stay, especially if they’re waiting for that one specific moment. From the very beginning, Sonu was visibly an independent woman, having her sole opinion and wouldn’t let others’ view on her affect her doings. She simply placed out there the unfair standards she faced as a young growing adult. 

However, similar to your blurb, the similar piece of information was repeated over and over again. The second chapter was incredibly long, and half of it explained Sonu’s opinion on the standard forced upon her. It became lengthy, and a bore to go through. They were relatable, yes, but focus on the aim. Too much of the same detail--no matter how relatable--won’t change how much of a drag it was to read. To the point Sonu’s character was pretty much explained right off the bat. Instead, introduce her struggles through her daily life experiences. Don’t  use the beginning as an info dump.

Concept and plot :: 23/25

I had never read books that touch sensitive topics, especially regarding women objectification. They rarely come across my recommended page, but your story has brought the spotlight towards it. The issue is controversial, every single chapter must be executed perfectly in order to shed light onto the readers. You’ve managed to create scenes that bring purpose and attention, which I look up to. I love how you showed the difficulties and obstacles Sonu had to go through to become independent. Everything displayed was realistic and possible. I love it.

Characters and emotions :: 13/15

One thing I loved about Sonu was the fire she had inside of her. She was represented as a true lady warrior. Perhaps there were people who considered her weak for not standing up for herself, but can you blame her considering all the society standards forced onto her? Sonu was inspirational. Your story may have lifted the spirits of women going through the exact same thing. 

Moving on to the side characters, honestly, the only likable person I've seen so far is Sonu, that is, if we exclude the maid. Babin himself is complicated as a character. His past doesn't excuse his behaviour, but you can't deny the pity. I love how much thought you've placed into building each and every one of them, and the changes made to adjust to the situations so that they weren't portrayed as one-sided. 

Tone and style :: 7/10

You have a beautiful way of describing emotions. In terms of your style, it's absolutely perfect for the plot.  The tone was kept even throughout. However, you need to focus on improving certain areas that are lacking. This includes the uneven lengths of paragraphs. Maintain them at the appropriate length, do not alternate.

It's difficult to recognise the speaker when the dialogue tags are missing. There were several instances where I had to reread the dialogues and guess who was speaking. This shouldn't be a problem. Also, keep in mind to avoid stuffing multiple dialogues into one paragraph (to symbolize the chatting of the people around her as an example). One dialogue per paragraph unless the speaker remains the same and the dialogues are separated with a dialogue/action tag.

Do not show time skips. These are only used for plays.

Example ::
SOMETIME THE NEXT DAY
AFTER A FEW WEEKS

Grammar :: 14.5/20

Most of the grammatical errors revolve around dialogues. So focus on that subject and look out for the rest of the errors I'll mention as well. 

Unnecessary use of ellipsis

Most of the time, you indicated a stutter using the ellipsis. Despite the fact that they aren't unnecessarily incorrect, it makes the dialogue seem breathy and messy. The hyphen (-) is used for stuttering as well. 

Incorrect spellings in stutters Wh..h..at??

Ignoring the double punctuation, writing a stutter doesn't mean that you could spell the words however you'd like. And as I've said, use a hyphen. 

Excessive use of punctuation (??) 

(??) and (!!!) is a grammatical error indeed. Describe how the question and scream was perceived instead of going all out with excessive punctuations. 

Amount of dots in the ellipsis

(....), (.....), and (......) isn't an ellipsis. The four dot ellipsis is a thing, but the rules for its usage are different compared to the three dots. Only use three dots!

Punctuation rules with dialogue tags

Missing  punctuation (mostly comma)

Missing comma before title, endearment

Unnecessary capitalization (University, My)

Spacing between the quotation and the first word of the dialogue ( " Hello",)

Omission in the sentences. “... What did I tell just now? You have grown up Sonu, yet act like a child.”

Sentence structure that needs fixing.

 … she gently pecked my cheek with a final, “Don’t worry, it will be fine”, went back, leaving me disgruntled hazed, and bewildered as before.

Extra note :: Your story is truly fascinating. I loved every bit of it. From the realistic sense and execution to the beautiful characteristics. Fix the tweaks and bits I've mentioned and display this book proudly! 

Total :: 78.5/100