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Save Me
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Author :: Dragon_Kitara

Reviewer :: BerryStrawberryy

First Impression (5.5/20) ::

My first impression of this book wasn't that great tbh. The cover seemed somewhat pleasing, but later I discovered it was completely unrelated to the title and the blurb—neither of which were very intriguing. 

» Cover :: 2/10

The cover is beautiful no doubt, I've only given you these points because I found it slightly aesthetically pleasing at first glance. But it does not match the blurb and title, and it most definitely does not match your story. 

The filter/editing reflects a happy, serene vibe whereas your story is anything but that. I would suggest a darker cover (both literally and figuratively) to better express your plot. 

As for the technicality, the font in your current cover is very poorly chosen. The subtitle/tagline and the author's name are barely visible. I would recommend either making the current letters bold or using a different typeface entirely. 

» Title :: 1.5/5

The title is very common, especially in the k-pop world; I'm sure if I searched it on Wattpad many books with the same name would show up. This isn't exactly a bad thing but your book would get lost in the crowd with an unoriginal name. It also didn't exactly mirror your plot. 

As for the 'intriguing' factor… I can't say that it really made me want to click read right away. 

Coming up with titles can be tricky but I suggest you try to narrow it down to a title that essentially fits only your book! It could be named after a special moment in your story, the main characters' personalities, or even a particular dialogue. 'Save Me' is a very general title with vast meanings/interpretations. 

» Blurb :: 1/5

The blurb is quite bland and not fit for a story like yours. 

 Your book isn't about the journey of the MCs meeting and progressing in life. It's beyond that; these characters have already lived the life which you're currently narrating and the entire book is about reminiscing it. The blurb makes it sound like your book is a regular 'coming-of-age' teen fiction. 

I recommend adding a hook at the beginning of the blurb, and also something at the ending which, again, more specifically relates to your story. 

 Beginning of a new start :: 7/10

Frankly, I don't have much to say here. I liked the beginning but didn't love it. 

I think switching the prologue with the first chapter would be better. The scene where Namjoon visits Aro's apartment and meets Aaron is written in a way better manner than the prologue. It might help capture the readers' attention and leave them wanting more. 

Prologues are supposed to create a general setting for the rest of your story to take place, which yours did, but it's better if they're slightly vague or stand apart from the chapters following it. 

Another way around it is combining both the chapters; Namjoon can discover the diary in the prologue and read a part of it with every chapter just as you've done. 

But if you want to continue with your current prologue then I'd suggest writing it in a different manner. Try not naming the characters right away, make it slightly more entrancing and mysterious. Use descriptive writing techniques instead of narrative since you aren't explaining a series of events, instead just emphasizing a particular scene/moment.

 Concept and plot :: 19/25

Starting with the concept—can't say it was completely unpredictable (save for the ending) but it holds plenty of potentials. You've chosen a very strong theme and are thus presented with a variety of options to execute it. 

As for how you continued with the original idea—I'm not a fan of the execution, but I do like the manner in which you chose to tell the story. The trigger-memory way of narration is quite common, but the way you focused on certain moments that truly showed the growth in the story was interesting. 

That being said, there was a severe lack of realism in some places and quite a few plot holes. One of the major plot errors, I'm not sure if it was intentional or you simply overlooked it, was that you mentioned the MCs being around the age of 13-14 in one of the earlier chapters, but somehow they all had jobs or were investing in companies, which is quite unrealistic. I was also confused about some of the events in the beginning chapters—character ages and relationships, but it may have to do more with weak writing techniques than weak plot-build ups. 

Apart from all this, I would strongly recommend you to do more research on the main theme/topic of your story. As I said, you've chosen a very strong theme—mental illnesses, more specifically, depression. You can read/learn more about the said illness and add more realism and detail to your book, making it more impactful in the process. 

Characters and emotions :: 7.5/15

The topic of the story was very sensitive, and it would naturally influence the readers' emotions greatly. Given such a situation, you have two options—either lean completely on the overwhelming theme or work on building up more intricate details and enhance the reading experience. 

You were somewhere in the middle. 

The characters were likable for the most part, but the way their emotions were expressed was not it. I could see you put in the effort, but I think you didn't know how to execute your ideas properly. Scenes like Aro's 'episodes' did evoke a mild sadness in me, but it didn't make me tremble or upset; which it should have. 

Your story and plot hold a lot more power than you realize and you need to learn how to utilize them better. This may sound slightly superficial, but try imagining yourself in the characters' shoes and describe your thoughts and emotions that you would feel during a particular scene. If you don't put a little piece of you in the characters you create, they're never gonna reach out to readers like us. 

Another thing to keep in mind is that even though this is fanfiction, you still need to treat your characters like OCs and not real people. You have to move forward with the assumption that not everyone knows BTS. If this were to be a real novel, nobody would understand all the inside jokes you've included in your story. You can't have characters popping out of nowhere and assume everybody knows them; even if they're idols, even if they're BTS members you need to provide some sort of an introduction when they enter into the story. 

 Tone and Style :: 3/10

This is gonna be lengthy because it's the area in which you need to work the most! Everything I mentioned above, most of what was lacking in your plot and characters could've been covered up with a good writing style. 

I may be wrong, but I think the length of your chapters must be about 1-1.5k words at most, right? Well, they can easily be stretched to at least 3k words, twice what it is right now. You need to learn how to pen down your ideas in a proper manner, you can't just simply state the events taking place. 

At points, your sentence structure is quite awkward and rushed. You tend to include 3-4 actions in a single paragraph, leaving no breathing space for the events to set in. For example, when Kade is telling Namjoon about Aro's condition during her first 'episode', you literally narrated her entire situation in 4 lines. Such an intense moment and it was treated like extra unnecessary info. 

You don't need to explain everything in one go, you can reveal things piece by piece but just try to highlight the important moments. You should also add more action tags. Like when one person has a lengthier dialogue, then you can show the other person's emotions and reactions in between. This goes for all scenes and not just in-between dialogues, there are no dimensions to your writing. 

Another thing that bothered me was the excessive and unnecessary use of Korean. First, you should entirely get rid of the phrases and random words and nicknames in Korean; using honorifics is okay up to an extent, but you don't need to add them everywhere. 

Remember that you're writing a book in English and not Korean. If the characters are based in Korea then include honorifics in dialogues but not in the narration, especially not when it's in the third person. 

Example: Namjoon bowed to his hyung… 

could've been written simply as 

Namjoon bowed to the older/Aaron.

Also, avoid using too many time indicators and trigger warnings. I know why you put in warnings, but from a professional point of view, it disrupts the flow of the story. One warning at the beginning of the book is more than enough, readers thereon proceed at their own risk. But if you still find it absolutely necessary, add the warnings at the beginning of a chapter and not in the middle. 

There are many other things but I think I covered most of the basics. Since I can't point everything out, the only way to improve your writing skill further is to read real and critically acclaimed books off of Wattpad. Read, observe, learn and work hard! 

 Grammar :: 9/20

There were plenty of grammatical errors in the book and I have listed out the most repeated ones, having deducted one mark for each of them. 

Italicization: you should italicize words in a foreign language, at least the first time they're used. (hyung, noona, jagiya, etc.) 

Capitalization: Don't capitalize entire words or sentences to express anger or surprise, use exclamations instead. 

Capitalize the first letter of nicknames or other common nouns used in place of a proper noun. 

Tense inconsistency: usage of wrong forms of tenses in most places. 

P.o.v. inconsistency: you kept switching from third pov to second pov even though this isn't a y/n story. 

Missed apostrophes (mistakes like cause instead of 'cause) 

Punctuational error with verbal and action tags

Dialogue breaks and pauses (change paragraphs when different characters are speaking and add a dialogue/action tag between two different dialogues from the same speaker.) 

Comma splices 

Missed commas and other punctuation marks 

Constant spelling errors and confusion between homophones. (raise, rise) (advise, advice) 

Other minor mistakes that require proofreading. 

I think brushing up on the basics would really help improve your grammar. You know the English language no doubt, but when one writes professionally, there are a number of things that you must be careful about. You can't just put any punctuation where you feel like it, every single character you write has a rule for when and where it is to be used. Try MLA or APA guides for accurate details. 

Note :: Take my review sportingly and don't get discouraged! Your book does have potential and I wanna give you brownie points for all your efforts. But sadly I can't base my review simply on the 'enjoyment' factor; as a reviewer, it was my job to point out all the technical mistakes and I did. 

Work on everything I said and you'll do great! I wish you all the best! 

TOTAL :: 50/100