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Petrichor
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Author :: kimsuga86

Reviewer :: BerryStrawberryy

First Impression :: 6.5/20

» Cover :: 3/10
The cover was neat and simple, I don't have many complaints with the fonts selection and placement (except maybe try changing the colours or effects and enlarge the size). But the major issues with the cover-1) it did not intrigue me at all and 2) I don't really see how it relates to your story.

The background picture used is so common and generic that this same cover could be used for hundreds of other books. While it is true that simple is best most of the times, it was a little too simple in your case. Try using a picture of Yoongi (or editing it a certain way) that portrays his character in the book-a loner who loves music... and most importantly--a ghost.

Of course, don't give away the plot twist, but drop a few hints. Experiment with different filters and get a little creative.

╰☆☆ Tip:: this is just a suggestion from my side, but you can pick a theme for your cover that is either dark and angsty (which I think will fit the latter chapters of your story well) or one that shows two different worlds mixing (to portray Aera and Yoongi's bond). ☆☆╮

╰☆☆ Note:: it isn't always necessary for the cover of a book to have a face claim on it. You could choose a silhouette of somebody who's not Yoongi as well. ☆☆╮

» Title :: 2.5/5
I really liked the title at first, it gave me the impression that this was going to be a tragic romance or something along those lines.

It caught my attention and is also connected with your book, but I wouldn't go as far as to say that it's the perfect title. The reason being that the word or concept of <petrichor> was mentioned, like, twice or maybe thrice in your entire book.

A title must be a theme that is omnipresent in your story. I wouldn't tell you to change the title, because I know you've tried basing your entire story off of that... even starting the introduction with a definition. So, I'd say include a few more moments in the book that really make the readers get in tune with this whole 'petrichor' thing, since it seems a little forced at the moment.

» Blurb :: ⅕
The way you attempted to write the blurb was correct, which is what you've gotten the one point for, but the way it was presented is not.

Putting aside the grammatical mistakes that you made, let's focus on the second half of your blurb for now:

↬Welcome to my world.
The world of the invisible,
or in popular terms, the losers.

(^^I took the liberty to correct your grammar here)

In the above lines, you haven't added any quotation marks, which indicates that these lines are spoken by the narrator of the book and are not part of any dialogues. This puts the readers under the false impression that the book is going to be written from Yoongi's POV.

I suggest putting this portion in quotation marks to verify that it is a hook or an excerpt from the book and not its synopsis. Once you do that, add a few lines explaining what your book is going to be about, or what the readers are in for. Because, even though this is a short story, your blurb was too vague. It simply presented the same old 'nerd-meets-popular-girl' storyline, which I didn't find very interesting.

Beginning of a new start :: 3.5/10

I'm not a very big fan of the way you started the book with just a simple definition in the first chapter. I suggest adding a disclaimer, excerpt, synopsis, or anything of the sort to make it a bit more professional and polished.

Ignoring that part, the first couple chapters weren't anything new or special, but I still continued reading because I found Yoongi and Aera's interaction in the second chapter kind of sweet. The first chapter did create a general setting for the rest of the story to unfold, but it also seemed very rushed. In less than a thousand words, you managed to make Aera be late for class, spot Yoongi, get in the way of a car and be saved by him. I strongly advise you to increase your chapter lengths, because this was quite an info-dump.

So, even if it wasn't particularly captivating, the beginning could probably have gotten more marks if only there was a better writing style and grammar, as it would help a lot with bringing clarity to your writing and setting the correct pace for it.

Concept and plot :: 11/25

The concept of your story, right until the twist at the end, wasn't anything new. I admit, I did not see the last few chapters coming, but it did not blow me away when the revelation did take place.

The one thing I liked about your core idea was that you chose to make the female lead a part of the popular clique rather than the male, which, again, isn't anything exceptional, but it's still a lesser used concept.

Speaking of your execution, I can only sum it up in four words-the story was cute. Like I said, I really liked Yoongi and Aera's bond in the former chapters, and it played out for its money's worth--short and sweet.

The end, however, was less than satisfactory. I understand that introducing a supernatural/fantasy element in your book gives you a little wiggle room to create unnatural sequences in your story, but even so, you must follow some sort of logic. You brought back Yoongi at the very end and tried to end the story with a little bit of mystery as to how he returned. A lot of the short stories end in this manner but it isn't always executed properly. Just like that, I believe the last chapter was a little too vague. It left all these unanswered questions that were more like plot holes rather than enticing.

How did he come back from the dead? Was it another form of him? Was he reincarnated? If so, then how was he the same age and how did he recognize her?

It just didn't make sense.

Characters and emotions :: 7/15

One of the things that I would really like to give you credit for is that almost all your characters were very likable. Even though the book has other flaws, never once was I annoyed or irritated by either of the leads; I really liked their personalities.

Though, I do feel we don't really explore the characters as much as we should've. You tried putting emotions in your writing and bringing life to your characters, and I have given you a couple points for that effort alone, but I couldn't connect much with any of them.

You had also included way too many characters for such a short story. The chapter when you introduced the 'popular group' seemed like another info-dump in itself. Instead of focusing on the development of a single character, people kept popping in and out of nowhere with one-line introductions and this resulted in me not being able to understand any of the characters fully.

Tone and style :: 2.5/10

You tried writing the story in a narrative manner, which was the correct choice for storytelling like yours, but it didn't come through as nicely as it should've.

As I mentioned before, due to the lack of an appropriate writing technique both your plot and character failed to have a proper impact. Your chapters were extremely short and insufficient in length for the amount of events you wanted to portray in each one.

In order to write in a narrative or descriptive manner, you need to consider every detail and every aspect of a scene. Like, if it's a dialogue then you narrate the narrator's reaction to other people's dialogues in first person writing; if it's an important or triggering moment, then you should try to describe the characters' emotions, their thoughts and actions, maybe even their surroundings, vividly to highlight that moment. You should also use writing techniques like foreshadowing and flashback-ing or literary devices.

You also need to learn when to switch paragraphs. There are 2-3 things/actions happening in every single paragraph which not only seems rushed but also confusing. You should give the readers a bit of a breather to process everything.

I noticed you chose to write your book in the 2nd person's point of view, urging the readers to imagine the lead as themselves. But you also gave them a name, which doesn't really make sense to me. Usually, when books are written from 2nd POV, names aren't mentioned at all (which is very difficult to do in fiction and that's why this method isn't widely used). I urge you to do a bit more research about this topic before continuing with your book.

Overall, I think reading more books (outside of Wattpad) will really help you get an idea of what writing style would suit your book best, and you'll improve greatly.

Grammar :: 7/20

Well, as I already mentioned in some of the previous sections, your grammar needs work. I think it would be good if you started from scratch because it would help you a lot.

Since I cannot correct/teach you about everything, I will list out some of the most basic things you need to learn about, and I will also be mentioning how/where you can learn them from.

↬First and foremost you need to start with punctuation. You have been making constant spacing errors, leaving no space after commas or periods (or adding space before every exclamation/question mark), using ellipses in the wrong manner, using the wrong dashes, misuse of punctuation with action/dialogue tags and many more such mistakes.

↬Tenses: tense consistency is a very important factor. Some of the less critical readers may overlook punctuational errors for once, but tense inconsistency and tonal errors are never overlooked, because they either change the interpretation of sentences or render them totally meaningless.

↬Sentence Structure: just like tenses, this criteria also plays a major role in deciding the point of your writing. If you don't understand the basic sentence structure (subject, verb and object) and the rules within, then your writing will not be presented clearly.

↬Parts of speech: this is another basic thing, and you may think you know it already. But PoS is something that will present a lot of new choices to you about how to frame your sentences.

↬Literary devices: these will, once again, help you a lot with descriptive writing. Acting more like adornation and frame your story better, making it more effective.

↬(US) or (UK): this is a secondary topic but once you finish learning about the points above, start with learning the difference between American and British English. Once you understand grammar, this will help you with your writing and what TYPE of writing you want to adapt to.

Where to learn from:
You can use MLA or APA grammar guides; handbooks or print guides like 'Merriam-Webster's dictionary' or 'Garner's Modern English Usage'; or internet websites like grammarly.

Extra Note :: I am sorry if anything I said hurt your feelings; it was not my intention. I hope you take my words sportingly and understand that as a reviewer it is my duty to inform you about your mistakes.

I hope you don't get discouraged, and instead choose to take my criticism in a sporting manner! PM me if you have any doubts!

All the best!

Total :: 37.5/100