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Masked Swan
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Author :: blaze-bangtan

Reviewer :: SURREALGGUK

First Impression :: 14/20

» Cover :: 6/10

The cover was indeed aesthetically pleasing, but there are two main characters in the story, and both of them aren’t your original characters. Hence, a faceclaim of Jungkook is definitely needed in the cover, which is something you didn’t execute. Overall, I loved the colours and the vibe behind the cover. 

» Title :: 4/5

The title was pretty apt for the storyline, and it’s also relatively unique. Good job!

» Blurb :: 4/5

I like the mystery behind the blurb, as you tried not to reveal too much or too little to the story. However, the sudden change in tenses between the second and third paragraph made it slightly confusing for me. Overall, I was able to have an impression on what the story was going to be like, so good job!

Beginning of a new start :: 7/10

I absolutely loved how you included the POV of one of the serial killer’s victims. It definitely would help readers get into the mood of the story and allow them to immerse themselves better. I also loved how you included ‘Byeol’ to spice up the story a little, making it not seem like a generic storyline about two partners tracking down a serial killer. Good job!

Concept and plot :: 22/25

I loved the plot. Although some might say that having the serial killer to be someone close to the main characters is pretty expected and boring, I loved how you portrayed the entire story’s flow this way, and I can’t think of any other way to write the story without making it as interesting as this one. This ‘cat and mouse’ chase was definitely a roller coaster ride of emotions, especially since the two partners would end up falling in love along the way. I was really excited to see how their friendship would turn out with the fact that Taehyung was the one the two partners were looking for all this while, and what exactly Taehyung wanted to go for when he killed all those victims. It was indeed a really promising story, and kept me on the edge of my seat all the time. Good job!

Characters and emotions :: 13/15

Your characters were pretty good, but there’s always room for improvement. I liked how the duality of Taehyung and V was clearly depicted, allowing readers to immerse themselves in the story more and feel emotions from your characters. 

Taehyung mentioned that Jimin was gay, to which Jimin swiftly denied. This gave me the impression that Jimin was still battling with his sexual orientation, so I believe that can be conveyed more obviously and strongly in the storyline when Jimin and Jungkook slowly fall for each other. 

Overall, I enjoyed your characters, especially Taehyung’s one, particularly because of the duality that you portrayed excellently. The characters in general were pretty good as well, and I was able to feel some sort of emotion for them, though not as strong as the ones I felt for Taehyung. To help with that, I believe more descriptive scenes with the characters could be included, and you could venture into their minds and try to think in their perspectives. This would certainly help in your writing. 

Tone and style :: 7/10

The tone was pretty light-hearted, and it changed whenever Taehyung’s alter ego surfaced, which I enjoyed a lot. This created the stark contrast and allowed readers to focus on Taehyung as the serial killer, and it really helped with immersing myself into the story and the characters. Good job!

The descriptions could certainly be improved, but I loved how you described scenes with Taehyung in it. (You can obviously tell that I’m in love with Taehyung’s character) I feel that some scenes could be more descriptive, i.e. more description/action, and less dialogue to allow readers to vividly imagine the scenes in their heads. 

Overall, the paragraphing was appropriate and smoothened the flow of the story, and the use of contrast in tones in different parts of the story certainly helped enhance the reading experience a lot. Well done!

Grammar :: 16/20

The grammar was fine. It was better than other Wattpad writers, to be honest, but there are still mistakes nonetheless. Here are some mistakes I found and how to correct them: 

There should be a spacing in between the dialogue and the dialogue tag, which you didn’t include in some chapters, especially the first one. 

Chapter 1’s [“There’s a project coming up, mom…”]. In this case, ‘mom’ should be a noun, so it should be capitalised. 

Chapter 2’s [...accidentally killed the ceramic mug…]. How do you ‘kill’ a ceramic mug? I believe ‘dropped’ is what you were going for. 

Overall, the grammar you exhibited was pretty good. It’s better than most K-Pop fanfiction writers on the platform, and that’s a refreshing sight to see. There is certainly more room for improvement, but you’re going in the right direction. As for the vocabulary, the complexity of the words you displayed were apt and refreshing and would enhance the reading experience as well. Good job!

Overall :: It’s a promising story indeed. With some adjustments, your story would definitely have the potential to win multiple awards and gain more recognition among the readers and writers on this platform. I wish you good luck on your writing journey. Have fun!

Total :: 79/100