╭⋟───────────────╮
Lighter
╰───────────────⋞╯

Author :: GummyYoongiAw

Reviewer :: Jiminandhisjams9

First Impression :: 14/20

» Cover :: 7/10
I do think it's quite good and clean, I especially love your font. However, personally, I find books without face claims very unattractive when it comes to fanfictions. I am not sure why I feel that way, but with this judgement, I am being as unbiased as I can. The cover does look good, but it's not overly alluring per se.

What you could do to improve this is to put a photo of Yoongi with a lighter. If I were you, I'd be dying whilst picking the several pictures available of Yoongi with lighters or fire. You have the ones from I NEED U's MV or the ones from Agust D's one.

» Title :: 1/5
The title fits the storyline alright... but I think that anyone can tell this is unoriginal and not-so-rare. Even the name of Yoongi's illness - pyromaniac - would have been several times better.

» Blurb :: 5/5
Your blurb is remarkably well done. I don't think the quotes you have picked were overly catchy, but they still did "the thing" for me. Apart from that, something which I don't think you have to change and is just an observation is your blurb. It's short and effective. It perfectly applies to the standard "quality over quantity" - there isn't too much disclosure but it's still very appealing. Lovely job!

Beginning of a new start :: 8/10

The first three chapters along with the prologue were a good introduction to the storyline. We were mysteriously introduced to some of the characters as well as some of Yoongi's background story. Not many events occurred, but it was alright because your chapters were short, and it was just the begging of the book. Frankly, I felt like the prologue and warning chapter were written better than the other chapters. Nonetheless, from the warning, your grammar seemed way better than what it was in the other chapters, which I found bizarre. I wasn't overly intrigued, but not bored either since it allowed me to be excited for what would be coming up later on in the story.

Concept & plot :: 14/25

Looking at the plot overall, I'd say you had something, but it was executed messily, confusingly and not-so-strongly. I am sure you aren't the first person to use 'Pyromania' for a plot. However, it's fine and I loved the idea, it intrigued me. Too bad that the story wasn't focused on it all that much. In the first chapters, you highlight Yoongi's illness way more than in the later chapters, when you start to bring up his anxiety.

And that's fine, but if you are going to make your story look like it's revolved around Yooongi's illness, specifically and mainly Pyromania, then it's not. In the very rare and short instants we see Hoseok's and Yoongi's sessions, they never really talk about it or figure out a way to cure him. I understand that talking about his trauma is important, and also a way to cure him of this fascinating illness. But Hoseok has barely mentioned it and you are slightly getting off track there.

Another thing I wanted to mention was the fact that Hoseok, being the only therapist that cares about Yoongi is absolutely surreal. First, sure, this is a fanfiction, but as a reviewer, I still have the right to comment on this. A few psychologists probably don't care, however, there must've been a couple that bothered to execute their job right, no? So what you can do to fix this and at the same time add interesting facts to your storyline is have purposes. For example, Yoongi's mom paying them or scaring them not to cure him. Maybe even them being frankly afraid of him, something along those lines will do.

I loved the idea of Jungkook, Taehyung, Hoseok, Jin and Yoongi lowkey being all somehow connected. Jungkook, Jin and Taehyung - make questions arise for the storyline, Yoongi does too. There are several vague hints that the characters give which make the readers want to know more about the motives, settings and times that the characters find themselves in.

The only complaint is that their relationship is very complicated - as it should be. Though that doesn't mean it has to be executed in a way that makes the reader completely confused.

I just wanted to point out the part in chapter 21, where Hoseok asks Yoongi to scream and encourages him by doing so himself - that hit hard. I don't know why nor do I know how to describe it, but despite the grammatical errors you've made, that part sounded like a scene in an actual professional book. Now, I am not saying that the rest of your book is garbage and this is its only highlight, in no way do I mean that. I am just pointing out something that stood out to me and hit my feels really hard.

Characters & emotions :: 12/15

Lots of praises for the involvement of so many characters and doing it well. It almost felt as if the story wasn't mainly about Yoongi and Hoseok. I think that the way the characters' emotions were portrayed was great, however, their personalities were a little lacking. There is really nothing wrong with them but they aren't interesting or unique either.

Tone & style :: 8.5/10

I liked your descriptions and use of vocabulary for most of the time. One of the things that especially stood out to me was the description in chapter 4 - when Yoongi played the piano. It easily allowed the reader to empathize and connect with Yoongi more, forming a stronger bond with the main character. You see, in that description, we get interesting words to make the writing better as well as emotions and background story - that's really all it takes.

I've said this many times to people or in my reviews, but it's the smallest things that make me like a book, a movie or a song - not that I look down on bigger twists or ignore them. I mean that the small additions like beautiful descriptions, minor twits, background story and etc, usually makes me more attached to the story.

You had some great similes and metaphors like: "Love is a complicated devil's creation" and "His entire house looked like a Pinterest board." - even though I think you did not need to use 'entire', your writing was quite lyrical, I do encourage you to add more vocabulary to complement your beautiful descriptions even more. (There is a problem with one of these sentences which I will mention in the grammar section.)

Your transitions from flashbacks, past to present narrations aren't very much clear - not smooth. Sometimes it gets really confusing, and I don't understand who is speaking or how long ago did it happen or if it's the present.

One thing that you need lots of improvement on is your focus on keeping at least one chapter in the same tense - unless there is a flashback or a piece of dialogue. The first time I noticed this was in the prologue and it proceeded often throughout your story. Please be mindful of this as it's an oh-so-common and old mistake authors make.

Some paragraphs are too long, it's a pet peeve of many readers, including myself, therefore I suggest you avoid making overly long paragraphs. Also, sometimes you drag on too much with some topics, it makes the readers bored, so they skip on.

Grammar :: 11.5/20

You have an extremely frequent repetition of the word 'I' and sometimes 'he' or 'she'. It is used in writing as a literally device - repetition. However, in many of your cases, you aren't trying to use repetition, you are just lacking variety. Watch out for typos too, I've noticed more than a few, for example when you typed 'to' instead of 'too' - this is a 'critical' mistake, but I am sure you know the difference as you have used 'two, to and too" correctly in other places.

Another extremely cliché mistake that I've seen hundredths and thousands of times, so much that I can't even stress it enough: "breath and breathe". The word 'breath' is a noun, not a verb, meanwhile, 'breathe' is. Therefore, you should watch out for when to use these two words.

Example (not from your story): "He took a deep breath," (noun) or "I can't breathe," (verb)

"I was running after Tae-Hyung-ah..." - I am not a professional and fluent Korean speaker, I only have some basic knowledge, however, this sentence is wrong. In Korean, when you add "ah" or "yah" after a name, depending on the name, - in this case, as you've written, "Tae-Hyung-ah - it's a suffix to portray the fact of calling someone out. In this sentence the speaker is not talking to the subject, they are talking about them.

"Why did you come to these?" - this sentence is incomplete (not literally, just in the conversation Taehyung and Jungkook were having) - we don't know what place Tae is talking about. We can surely guess, it's kind of obvious - that I admit - but it doesn't mean a reader can't get baffled.

"Love is a complicated devil's creation" - this is a great metaphor as stated earlier, but it's incorrect grammatically which may distract the reader from its interesting meaning. Here are some other ways you could phrase this sentence: "Love is a complicated creation by the devil" or "The devil's complicated creation - love"

"If I were such a danger, than why..." - two things I want to point out about this sentence. First, "If I were" is used when people weren't actually something, but they are wondering what would happen if they actually were. That is not what you are doing in this sentence, Yoongi is saying that if he was such a threat, why did whatever happened happen? Therefore, it should be changed to "If I was..."

Second thing is, a lot of people don't understand the difference between "than" and "then", I have seen you, doing both, misusing and using these two words correctly; so I thought that it would be good to make sure you understand. "Then" means later - e.g: "I ate, then went to the supermarket.", meanwhile, "than" is used when you are comparing things - e.g: "This is more expensive than this one."

Total :: 67/100