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Life And It's Consequences
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Author :: YoIamnicepaprika_7

Reviewer :: athenaxglamour_

First impression :: 13/20

Since I have already read and reviewed the sequel of this book, I won't say that anything was hidden from me. I actually loved the message that you were trying to convey, but there are a few areas where you need work. I'll break them down for you.

» Cover :: 7/10
Okay so this is a magazine style cover. But the typographic view is quite unclear. The font is pretty hard to read. I thought there might be some issue with my eyes, but my friend thinks the same about the cover. So make the font more visible. Now, I will go more in depth.

1) explicit or direct view (the basics):
I didn't find any issue here. The cover has all the basics of a traditional wattpad cover. The only problem is the font which I asked you to change previously.

2) implicit or indirect view (how this cover relates to the book?):
The storyline actually revolves around a dark theme. So I don't think that this picture of Jeon Jungkook is suitable for that dark theme. This give a more chill vibe. I mean, look at Mr. Jeon Jungkook, he is standing on the cover with all might and grace, which is totally different from Jungkook's personality in the book.

↱︎Reviewer's tip :: I would suggest that you go with a more complex cover style. Try the cover shop of the Kpop house community because we don't just design covers, but we put emotions into it too. I am telling you this because the cover of any book should be the best. The current one is quite simple and does not provide justice to your book.

» Title :: 5/5
I remember I previously asked you to avoid long titles. There is absolutely no harm in using titles with more than three words. But don't make it sound like you are reading a line from the book.

Death and its consequences: When I pronounce it, it doesn't sound like I am reading a line from the book. It's just a final title which gives me the insight of the story. Same goes for 'Life and it's consequences.'

My boyfriend is a bully but I love him: Oh God! What did I just read? This is a title from a book on wattpad with millions of views. By just reading it, I have read the whole damn book. Don't do that ever because it's annoying as hell. Don't write such kind of titles.

You see the difference? So from that difference, the title of your book is totally fine. I just wanted to make sure that if you decide to use long titles in future, please keep in mind my above statement. Also, the title is completely relevant to the storyline. No change required. 

» Blurb :: 1/5
The blurb is too short, dear. Only one line isn't enough for the readers. Also, it is also in fancy text. It makes it look like you didn't add that one line too, when I read the blurb from Android. You should add some more details about the book. Don't worry, I will help you with it instead of blabbering.

When we talk about the blurb, especially the blurb of wattpad stories. We add four main elements in it. No matter if your book is a historical fiction, fanfic, fantasy, or a comedy.

Here is a brief information on four elements of a blurb. You can take a look at it and try adding them in your blurb to make it more presentable. Please remember that we don't need to add each one of them. Only two elements are enough. But make sure you add them quite adequately.

1- Characters: Who are the people in your
book? What are their names? what kind of personality do they possess (in few words)?

2- Conflict: What is the main problem that needs to be resolved in your book? Is this a case of murder? Is this a marriage that is faked to save a family? Is there a monster who is trying to possess the land of ice?

3- Stakes: Very confusing yet so important. It's where you sign a contract with your readers about what can go wrong if the conflict (main issue) isn't resolved? The consequence of a decision.

4- Setting: When your story is taking place? Is this the time of ancient Rome or Greece? Is it a modern tragedy? Or we have 2020 with a lot of romantic or non romantic touch? Tell it to your readers as it will help them imagine a better scenario for your book.

Beginning of a new start :: 5/10

Since this criteria includes the prologue and first two chapters, I have nothing much to say here. The book doesn't have any prologue. The moment I started to read the book, it was already over. That does not mean it's something wrong because it was a short story—two-shot as you mentioned. But the beginning of this book is still better than the sequel. By reading the first chapter, I got to know a lot about Jungkook's character. But there were some issues in the following areas:

➡ Line after line of narration when you can add the same subject in one paragraph.
➡ I also find some issues with word choice. I would explain it in the grammar area.
➡ Show a little more about the characters instead of just showing.

Apart from this, I actually loved the small quoted lines from BTS songs. They add a lot of aesthetics in your book.

Concept and plot :: 23/25

Whoever reads this book for the first time, they will definitely fall for the concept and idea of this book. I would lie if I say that my heart didn't move out after reading the ending of the book. The reason the first book got more positive reviews from me is the plot and its pace.

➡ The pacing of the plot is totally okay as compared to 'death and its consequences'. Especially when it's a short story, I won't say it's too fast paced because instead of information dumping, you provided all necessary details.

➡ When it comes to the development of the plot, it's pretty satisfactory too. You can't add more information in this plot because that would not make it a short story, rather a novella.

➡ All the scenes in the book are pretty realistic. They are filled with life that any normal human being would have. But there are some issues with the writing style in a few places which makes a few scenes look and feel artificial?

Apart from this, thank you for writing something original and moral. Usually suicide of a person is considered a taboo subject and writers are pretty skeptical whether to write it or not. But you have written it quite well without romanticizing it—which I
think is very responsible of you. Good job!

Characters and emotions :: 8/15

This is one of those areas where you need to pay some special attention to. Despite reading the first book of 'Death and its consequences', I am not able to connect with the characters. There can be several reasons for this like:

➡ Telling not showing the emotions of the characters. Like you just told us how the character of Jeon Jungkook's aunt is just after his money, but you didn't show it from her actions. She is a supporting character, so I understand the concern, but she is an important part of Jungkook's life.

➡ Jungkook remains passive throughout the book. I didn't see him contributing much in the plot despite the fact that he was the main character of the book. I just wanted to ask what kind of protagonist he is? If he is an anti-hero then his personality is okay. I just saw Han Ji Woo taking part in the action of the book so much. That's why I asked.

Tone and style :: 5/10

I have a lot to say here. The book has only two chapters but still I found a few writing issues that you could fix easily.

➡ As I mentioned before, the book is narrated in lines instead of in the paragraph style. Please remember that you can't change and write a new paragraph unless the subject being narrated is finished. If you have something more to say about the subject then say it in one paragraph. A normal paragraph has 100-150 words. Don't divide it into lines. Notice an example from the book:

{They were heard by Jung Kook. Despite this, he remained silent.

Getting chastised by his coworkers was a natural occurrence for him.

Despite this, he did nothing to prevent them.

He heard them and subsequently inwardly reprimanded himself.

He was insecure, but no one seemed to notice and made crude remarks about him, even though he was right next to them.}

So in the above lines, you are talking about Jungkook's co-workers who never accepted him. You can write those lines in one paragraph instead of dividing them. Because you are talking about Jungkook's co-workers in each line.

➡ Another problem that I have noticed is the excessive change of point of views without necessity. Sometimes you are changing perspective only to tell one or two lines from the character's perspective. Notice an example from your book.

{-JEON JUNG KOOK'S POV

For some reason, a good memory of hyung never represented itself in my mind. All I could think of were the bad incidents, like the café one.

-END OF POV}

I mean, it's not wrong to switch point of views, but if you are doing it then make sure it's not just for the sake of switching.

Grammar :: 9/20

Most of the grammar issues are in the area of word choice and sentence structure. I have broken down them for you below:

➡ In a few places, I have noticed that you are using quite a lot of confusing sentence structure. This is making it hard for me to understand what you mean at those points. For example, down below is an excerpt from your book, which made me confused in one read. I had to read it three times to understand what you mean.

[Right that instant his heart broke into two. He realized that it was a waste to feel as if someone whose love wasn't shown to him in 23 years of his life would suddenly manifest the emotion towards him.]

I guess you meant here, Jungkook thinks that it's such a waste of time to wait for the love from his aunt. But you need to be clear about what you are saying. Use simple words and sentences but don't make them too confusing.

➡ The word choice is very weird in a few places. You can use better synonyms instead of using irrelevant words in the particular sentence context. For example, "My life is shitty..." this line came out as informal as possible. Maybe, you should write, "My life is a hell" so that it doesn't sound too informal.

➡When dialogues are followed by words like, "said" then we use a comma (,) before closing the quotation. Notice the following examples from your book:

{"Just get up. You guys, come on, get up. We need to go somewhere." I said, emphasizing the 'need' part of my words.

"I'll bail. I don't feel well." Jung Kook said.

"No. No one here, get's to bail. Come on, let's go." I said.}

You should use a comma before closing the quotation instead of a period. Also if the dialogue is followed by action words or verbs like "he laughed" then you are going to use a period (American) and full stop (British).

Extra note :: I would accept that this book was way better than the previous book that I have reviewed. But still you need a lot of work in terms of writing style and grammar. I understand you because these are my weak areas as a writer too. But the fact is, I am trying to learn everyday. So you can learn it too. English grammar is complicated but not impossible to understand.

I would ask you to read blogs on how to sketch good characters with emotions, how to create your own voice as a writer, and how to use grammar correctly. One thing I do is to take notes on everything I read from authentic resources. This helps me keep up with every information that I come across. Always remember, hard work and dedication pays off. So keep writing and exploring yourself as a writer.

Total :: 63/100