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I won't love you ever again
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Author :: SongYeEun2500

Reviewer ::

First Impression :: 8.5/20
 
»  Cover :: 5.5/10

Look and Style:
The cover was very aesthetic to look at, and it definitely caught my eye at first glance. Though, there are still a few things that can be improved. 

The font used for both the title and the author's name needs tweaking. Your name is barely visible, and the title seemed quite bland on a cover like this. 

The lighting and colour balance for the two face claims don't match either and, although very pretty, they contrast each other a lot. I suggest fixing Jungkook's lighting. 

Theme and relevance:
The cover definitely portrays your story upto at an extent, the girl's expression and Jk's work suit was a nice touch. Them facing away from each other is also appropriate. 

But the theme of the cover does not match your story in the least. The bright background and the playful vibe makes the story come off as a rom-com, whereas in reality it was filled with angst and drama. I suggest using a darker colour scheme and a completely different background. 

» Title :: ⅖

I'm sorry, but the title in no way deserves any points. There's absolutely no effort put into it. The book isn't as dark and mysterious, or focusing solely on one character like the title suggests. 

Having a common title isn't a bad thing, but it should at least sound interesting… or reflect your story in some manner. 

Coming up with the perfect title can be very tricky; I'd suggest you think back to a particular moment/scene/theme (something that is present in your story only) and name the book after that. 

»  Blurb :: ⅕

A blurb for a book is basically what a trailer is for a movie. But after reading yours, I was still not convinced enough to continue further with your story. The description was too short. The ideal length for a blurb is 130-160 words. Not only should you include a little bit about the plot, but also introduce the characters slightly. 

And on top of that, there were a number of grammatical errors, which severely threw me off. You practically left the first line of the synopsis incomplete. 

""You were the reason for my sorrow. So now it's time you pay back, Mr. Jeon Jungkook." Y/N"

Y/N, what? I urge you to rectify this asap. Errors like these really give off a negative first impression. 

You did the right thing starting the blurb with a hook and ending it with a rhetorical question. You just need to add a little more description and character introduction in the middle, as I mentioned earlier. 

Beginning of a new start :: 0.5/10

I'm not going to write much here because there isn't much to say. I'm sorry but the book really didn't make a good first impression on me. Be it plot-wise, writing-wise, grammar-wise or anything else, the first chapter did absolutely nothing to make me want to keep reading. But I'm not going to comment on the grammar and writing right now, since I'll be talking about those in detail in their respective sections that follow. 

The first chapter (or the first 3 chapters) are supposed to be like an introduction to the story. They're supposed to start off vague, just set up a general background for the rest of the story to unfold. Whereas your beginning was kind of an info-dump. 

It was a lot to take in, Y/N basically narrated her entire life in one breath. You shouldn't do that. You don't have to write everything at once, there's a lot of time and a lot of chapters for the story to unfold; if you reveal everything in the beginning, it will destroy the joy of discovering the characters' personalities for the audience. 

Concept and plot :: 5.5/25

First off—the idea or concept. I wouldn't call it new or completely original, but it was still better and more well thought out than a lot of the other books. 

Secondly, the pace of the story and its execution. 

After the info-dump at the beginning, the writing just kept getting worse, but the plot did engage me slightly. It lacked a little realism, about how certain characters may behave or how some incidents may happen. But I still liked some of the incidents you narrated. I feel like the plot failed to have an impact on me because of the writing style (explained in the latter sections). The pace of the story was completely inconsistent, we kept jumping from one scene to another. And because of this inconsistency, some things also came off as plot holes, because the story in itself appeared very vague. 

Characters and emotions :: 5/15

Okay so two things—the characters and their emotions. 

One thing that I would like to compliment you on—you didn't include any unnecessary characters. There were no characters who came in just for a scene or two and then disappeared. You tried your best to see through the story of every character, main or side. Good job on that. 

When it comes to character personalities, it is very important for the audience to like the protagonists. Even for an anti-hero, the audience should at least support or want to continue being a part of the character's journey. For me, personally, Y/N's character was very dislikeable for the first half of the story. I understand the character's emotions towards the male lead for everything in her past, but her behaviour was still quite irrational at times. For instance, the time she stepped on him and watched him bleed, but still didn't stop. I understand why you made the character do that, but when you make a protagonist do something so negative, you need to handle the situation carefully so that the reader sympathizes with the MC too instead of disliking them.

I would have also liked to see Eunwoo and Momo's story be explained a little better; although you tried, that storyline wasn't explored or executed very well. 

As for the characters’ emotions, I'm sorry but save for Y/N's discovery of Jungkook's breakdown, nothing else resonated with me during any of the other scenes. And that scene did too, because of the powerful theme and not because of how you wrote it. It could've been executed much, much better. 

Again, it isn't exactly because of your lack of trying; your characters didn't reach out to me, or I couldn't connect with the emotions and intensity of some scenes, due to your writing style. I have explained about it further in the next section, but I still had to cut some points for it in this one. 

Tone and style :: 0.5/10

Every author has a unique way of writing, so I can't point out any 'mistakes' in a writing style. But there is still a general format for writing anything which you didn't follow and I have pointed it out for you. 

I wasn't sure about how to explain this to you, so I've made a small list of DOs and DON'Ts regarding what is appropriate and what isn't. (I have also cut points for all the "DON'Ts" that you did and the "DOs" you didn't do.) 

DON'T:
-don't use emojis in your writing, unless it is a text message. 
-don't use pictures in the middle of a chapter to show the characters, or their clothing, or any scene at all. It gives off the impression that you can't describe them with your words. 
-don't use time and location tags unless you are writing a play/drama in scripted style or a story which actually includes a lot of back and forth between the past and future. 
-don't use the first person p.o.v in scripted style. 
-don't use scripted style in narrative fiction. 

DO:
-Use action tags and dialogues tags at the end of dialogues. 
-learn more about using parts of speech and try describing your scenes in a better manner. 
-set the correct pace for your story using your writing. 

Grammar :: 0.5/20

 Having good grammar is a very important criteria, the very base of your book. Bad grammar can be such a turn off to readers sometimes that it will affect every aspect of your story. Honestly, I believe your plot, tone and style, characters, and even the blurb criteria could've gotten more points if it wasn't for your lack of grammatical knowledge. But it was very difficult to ignore these mistakes as an avid reader. Even one misplaced comma can change the entire meaning of your sentence. 

Since I cannot correct/teach you about everything, I will list out some of the most basic things you need to learn about, and I will also be mentioning how/where you can learn them from. 

↬First and foremost you need to start with punctuation. Your story seriously lacks punctuation and you have been making constant spacing errors, leaving no space after commas, periods, or paragraphs, using ellipses in the wrong manner, using the wrong dashes, lack of punctuation at the end of sentences and much more. 

↬Rules about capitalization: you keep capitalizing random words in the middle of a sentence, sometimes using uppercase for entire sentences or words in one go, all of which is grammatically incorrect. You have also barely used capitalization for proper nouns, which is inappropriate. 

↬Tenses: tense consistency is a very important factor. Some of the less critical readers may overlook punctuational errors for once, but tense inconsistency and tonal errors are never overlooked, because they either change the interpretation of sentences or render them totally meaningless. 

↬Words stretches or multiple punctuation marks: using language like "yaahhhhh" or "nooo" is grammatically incorrect. 

↬Parts of speech: this is another basic thing, and you may think you know it already. But PoS is something that will present a lot of new choices to you about how to frame your sentences. 

↬Literary devices: these will, once again, help you a lot with descriptive writing. It will act more like adornation and frame your story better, making it more effective. 

↬Spelling errors: I think this one's pretty self explanatory. 

Where to learn from:
You can use MLA or APA grammar guides; handbooks or print guides like 'Merriam-Webster's dictionary' or 'Garner's Modern English Usage'; or internet websites like grammarly. 

Extra note :: The review was pretty harsh, but one thing that I kept repeating, and I'll say it again, I appreciate your effort. I also understand that English may not be your first language, hence you had some difficulty with the grammar and stuff. It will take some time and a lot of patience, but I promise that slowly, you'll see the improvement in yourself. 

I am sorry if anything I said hurt your feelings; it was not my intention. I hope you take my words sportingly and understand that as a reviewer it is my duty to inform you about your mistakes. 

I hope you don't get discouraged, and instead choose to take my criticism in a sporting manner! PM me if you have any doubts!

All the best! 

Total :: 20.5/100