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Cluck

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Author :: DylanRTownsend

Reviewer :: BerryStrawberryy

First Impression :: l4.5/20

Cover :: 7/10
At first glance, strangely, your cover reminded me of the covers of the illustrated versions of classics from the early 1900s.

My opinion is not going to match with many people here, since a lot of the wattpaders prefer vibrant and graphic covers with heavy editing. But honestly, if this was a real book, I'd say the style of your cover was near-perfect. I loved the simplicity, which, like I said, reminded me of the olden times.

But I do suggest making slight tweaks. Though I liked the entire display of the cover, I think the chicken-illustrations could be presented differently; something less subtle that it represents the conflict of the story. 'Cause let me tell you, this book was anything but peaceful.

I would also strongly recommend changing the font used for the title. If not the entire typeface then at least try modifying it. Maybe add some letter spacing to make it seem less bland.

Title :: 5/5
Books very rarely get full marks for the title from me, but I must say I can't think of anything better for your story other than 'CLUCK!'

It is certainly a unique title, but it also displays just the right amount of eccentricity to make the reader wanna click read.

It very obviously relates to your story theme and central plot. But it also portrays the sheer absurdity of your story. From the uppercase used to the exclamation point at the end, your title depicts the strange chaos that is about to unravel once one clicks read.

Blurb :: 2.5/5
The blurb does absolutely no justice to your book. There are one too many questions asked. It is mildly intriguing, sure, but that's solely because of the IDEA and not the way you've written it.

A blurb is supposed to give the readers a rough idea of what they're going in for, it is supposed to showcase the very best of your writing. I suggest either adding a quote/hook from your book at the start, or converting a couple of the questions (preferably the middle order) into assertive sentences to at least provide a vague plot summary.

Beginning of a new start :: 10/10

This section needs no feedback. It was absolutely perfect.

The first chapter started out mystical and I was slightly taken aback by the heavy writing, making me recheck if I was reading the correct book. But two paragraphs in and I actually laughed out loud, immediately understanding your way of writing and why you chose it.

The way you slowly set in the surroundings, introducing the narrator and where they were, the entire situation was narrated at the perfect pace. Not too much information was unloaded all at once, yet no gaps were left unfilled. You didn't reveal all the tricks up your sleeve in the first chapter but it was just enough to completely suck me in.

And I’m sorry, but the ‘pecker’ part really confused/scared me for a moment when I first read it. I’m not sure if you know this, but the word pecker means something entirely different in the American slang. I can’t type it out here but you may wanna refer to Google for this one. Not to worry though, the meaning behind your usage of the word cleared up quite immediately. Actually, if I had to choose, then I’d say the third paragraph of chapter one was my favourite part of your entire book.

If I could, I would give you extra points for this criterion to tell you just how amazing the introductory chapter was.

Concept and plot :: 23/25

I have used this word one too many times now, but the idea of your story was eccentric and in the best way at that! If I were to remove the fact that the leads were livestock, then the core idea wasn't very fancy—the MCs are put in an unknown situation, they reach an impasse and present the conflict in your book, and the story continues from thereon.

But this one tweak from reality made all the difference; the 'what if…' concept. I also love how you did complete justice to the portrayal of your main subjects—the chickens, which I will be talking about in the latter sections.

As for the execution, it was just as it should be. A plot is usually more intricate than a story, but since yours was a short story, there were no dimensions and or depth of any kind. Written in one style and narrated from one point of view, it stayed true to its type—short and sweet.

Another thing which I loved about the story—the origin of the book was an underlying comic satire; the theme and the way it was written was strange enough to keep the readers engaged without the inclusion of any direct or slapstick humour.

The only thing that left me quite disappointed was the end. Even for a short story, it seemed a bit unfinished; there was no sense of accomplishment. After the entire build up about what the chickens would do, or how they would come free or learn more about the gift presented to them—the plot (concept wise) seemed to crash midway. Somewhere around when Uriah decided to sacrifice himself, things started flatlining because now that the initial excitement about the uniqueness of the concept was over, it had started getting slightly predictable.

I suggest you work on the last bit and either come up with an alternate ending or just add a little something at the end to provide a sense of finality for the conclusion of the plot.

Characters and emotions :: 15/15

Since this was a short story narrated entirely in first person, there wasn't a lot of room to study the emotional chart for the other characters except for what the narrator collected.

But you still managed to make it passable.

As for the characters—our chicken protagonists themselves—kudos to you for your portrayal of their poultry behaviour! From the pecking to the occasional fly swallowing, you depicted their bird instincts perfectly! Not keeping in mind that they're animals, their solo reactions to the dilemma presented to them were pictured very nicely, as well.

Honestly, I have nothing else left to say here, the overall execution of your characters was *chef's kiss*. Good job!

Tone and style :: 8.5/10

For the second time in this review, I have absolutely no words; I can't stress enough on how much I loved your writing style!

The language used was so accurate for the book you're writing; the chickens sounded almost like an alien race trying to accustom themselves to a new world—which they technically were. And the contrast between Gideon's narration and the Warden's dialogues was just an example of how incredibly well thought out your choice of writing style was.

Though, I do have a couple complaints.

First, redundant words. The words morrow and roused were highly overused. Try replacing them with phrases like 'the break of dawn' and 'stirred awake'.

And second, I suppose the warden had a thick country accent? Even so, you can't use words like 'ken' and 'yar' for slang either. Word replacements for those already exist—yer, fo', a'ight, o'er, etc.

Also, the chicken's narration reminded me of something and I couldn't pin it out at the start, but later I realized that it was so amazingly similar to the humorist novels of the Victorian era; more specifically Jerome K. Jerome's works. If you haven't read any of them, I would strongly recommend you to; though your current approach is absolutely flawless, there's always room for improvement and reading more might just inspire you enough to improve.

Grammar :: 14.5/20

Before I say anything else, the grammar in this book was far better than most of the books I've come across on wattpad, it was near-perfect. But when viewing from a technical pov, there were quite a few grammatical errors. I have listed out the most repeated ones, having deducted one mark for each of them.

-Missed commas and misused/missed apostrophes.
-Capitalization: letters are capitalized after a comma in a number of places.
-Punctuational error with verbal and action tags.
-Incorrect usage of hyphen, en dash and em dash.
-Spelling errors and confusion between homophones. (too, to) (coup, coop)
-Other minor mistakes that require proofreading. (spacing errors, improper indentations, etc.)

I think brushing up the basics would really help improve your grammar. You know the English language no doubt, but when one writes professionally, there are a number of things that you must be careful about. You can't just put any punctuation where you feel like it, every single character you write has a rule for when and where it is to be used. Try MLA or APA guides for accurate details.

Extra Note :: Honestly, if I were to tell you just from a reader's POV, solely based on the enjoyment factor, this book was an absolute masterpiece. It has been a very long time since I've enjoyed reviewing a book so much, much less actually laughed out loud and re-read so many parts.

The book is already amazing but you can take it to perfection if you just focus and work on everything I've said above!

P.s.- You might wanna change some of the hashtags you’ve used for your story. ‘Death’ and ‘slaughter’ gave me the impression that this was going to be a mystery-crime/thriller.

All the best!

TOTAL :: 85.5/100