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Alluring Mess

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Author :: AlienboyfriendTae

Reviewer :: athenaxglamour_

First impression :: 15/20

What a fancy title to read at first glance, and what an attractive cover to gaze at as a first impression! I was
absolutely in love with your choice of graphics at first glance.

» Cover :: 8/10

I loved it because it has that mysterious attraction which is absolutely suitable for your story. But at the same time it's giving me quite depressing vibes that are appropriate from the point of view of the storyline.

1) explicit or direct view (the basics):
The cover has a good background image which is absolutely stunning. The cover maker also added the title
of the book in a visible way which I appreciate a lot. However, the author's name is missing on this gorgeous cover. Remember that just like the title, you are the creator of the book, so you deserve a place on the cover too. Add your name, and you are good to go.

2) implicit or indirect view ( how this cover relates to the book?):
Marvelous! Stupendous! Amazing! Gorgeous! Remind me if I missed an adjective which is possible. I have
no words here. The storyline is pretty matching to the cover. Most of the time, the author doesn't add the
female leads on the cover. It's not necessary to add them but it gives your book a wholesome look. This is also a clue that you are giving importance to your female lead as much as the main male lead. In the case of your storyline, I appreciated the presence of the female lead on the cover.

» Title :: 5/5

I didn't get any error or flaw which could point out towards the irrelevance of the title. This is pretty fancy, unique, and to the point. Most of all, it's very intriguing when you read it for the first time. Also, after
reading the book, this title is perfectly suitable for the storyline that you are writing. No change required
here because this title is ok.

» Blurb :: 2/5

In the blurb, every basic element is present, but you are over complicating it. You are giving us a lot of information, when in reality, you should leave your readers questioning. For example, you added two dialogues of both of the characters in the first two paragraphs. They were way too lengthy that they
described everything about the characters. This is one non-technical issue.

Now we move towards more technical issues. The second problem that I noticed were so many run-on
sentences in the blurb. This makes your writing style look complicated as well. For example, I got an example
from the blurb below:
[When the fire and storm cross the paths, the fuse of hatred, stubbornness, little ego games, and undeniable chemistry leads to the explosion of something, none of them want in their life.]

➡ First of all, there shouldn't be any definite article, "the" before the word "paths" because you are talking
about ANY path, not a specific path.
➡ Additionally, the comma before the phrase "none of them want in their life" is unnecessary.

Beginning of a new start :: 8/10

The starting of the book is intriguing with a prologue. But it rather feels like a first chapter which isn’t a big
issue. Right after I stepped in the book, I found that you have a very good aesthetic sense. I loved those
banners that you added for the introduction of the characters. Plus the trailer of the book is so alluring as the title suggests. Also I am happy that you have researched over arcs before starting the book and didn't give any
wrong information.

Now since I pointed out the positive points of the book, let's move towards the slightly less positive points. I
won't call them negative or defects, but there are some issues with your grammar such as run-on sentences.
But I would like to point it out in the grammar section.

Concept and plot :: 23/25

The storyline of the book is intriguing as well. I got this impression the moment I read the first two chapters.
I have barely found any negative points in this area.

➡ The pacing of the plot is neither too fast paced or too slow. As a writer, I know very well that it's hard to
manage the pace. But for someone who is writing a book for the first time, I kudos to you for managing the
flow in such a harmonious way.
➡ Let's move to the second most important part of the plot which is the development of the plot. Hats off
to you, the development is incredibly near to perfection. Each scene in the book is developed enough and it
makes it easier for the readers to connect with the storyline. Some people will call it that the book is written in a lengthy way, but what they don't understand is that the development of the plot is important.
➡ Every event in the storyline unfolds naturally which is the beauty of contemporary romance. Realistic
setting and storyline is the need of the hour. You did it quite well. Apart from this, I don't think you need work in this area. Because every major point is okay. Most of all, the plot is intriguing and kept me wondering, "what happens next?"

Characters and emotions :: 13/15

Not just plot, but the characters of the book have their uniqueness. As I mentioned before, I could barely
find any negative issues here as well.
➡ I often read stories with male dominant leads, but in this case, the woman looks more dominant. I also
loved her character because it wasn't a "damsel in distress" and she knows very well how to stand up for herself throughout the book. She is the kind of woman that we all need to write about. We are tired of emotionally foolish women in our stories, so I appreciate you for portraying such a strong female lead in your book. I also loved the fact that she doesn't give up to Jimin and keeps him in the longing scene.
➡ Also Jimin's character is well written as well. Although I wasn't able to connect with him emotionally. So
he needs some emotional development too.
➡ Apart from the major characters, the supporting cast has its own place. They all contribute a lot in the
development of the main leads as well.

Tone and style :: 8/10

Another area where you did a good job as well. But sometimes you too make it like "he mumbled" and "she
said" but there are a few exceptions. When we use phrases like "he mumbled" or "she said" without showing actions and emotions, it means we are using a "telling card". In your case, as I said, there are few places where you are using this kind of writing style. But don't do it often.
I am glad you used the third person perspective, this point of view is giving your writing style a lot more
flexibility. You can tell us anything about the characters from your point of view without any limitation. So
good job here. Again I found this area quite polished too. I felt like you have been guided well. Also, the use of vocabulary is pretty good too. You used a complex writing style, but don't overuse it because most of the time, simple yet descriptive writing is the best writing.

Grammar :: 13/20

This might be the only area where you need work. I noticed a few mistakes when it comes to the grammar, so I hope you fix them up on your own.
➡ We use em dash to add a sudden interruption. You used a simple dash that we usually use to hyphenate
two compound words. Notice a line from the book below:
["Lia, involving with him might -"]
It should be: ["Lia, involving with him might —"]
➡ You also have issues with the choice of words that makes it harder to understand what you are trying to
say. Again I got a paragraph from the book:
["Okay. Eat a lot. You look good when you are chubby. Love yaa!" Her sixteen years old hung up not before
making the unbearable kissing noise.] It should be "the sixteen year old*]
➡ When the dialogue is followed by words like "run" and "sigh", you must use a period mark, not a comma. In the paragraph below, you should use a period (.) before closing the quotation mark.
["Is your tongue walking on grease? It always slips whenever you open your mouth," the old man sighed. But her words didn't surprise him.]

Extra note :: I am pretty sure that you got the most positive review from me. I would suggest you to keep writing and exploring yourself. You are already doing a good job.

TOTAL :: 80/100.