Chapter Sixteen ~ Idina

"Idina-" Riley starts, as I cut her off.

*"Riley, are you actually for this? After seeing that?" I ask.

"Because I want him to succeed. I want him to make his grandfather proud," She bluntly replies.

"I think I agree with Idina, this is too dangerous Lucas," Maya chimes in, then turns to Pappy Joe, "What? Will you not be proud of him if he doesn't do this?"

"Will you still consider him an embarrassment and a disgrace if he doesn't do this? Will you not love him as much if he doesn't do this?" I add in agreement with Maya. We stand side by side awaiting his response.

"I think you little ladies have a fine grasp of the general situation here, so yeah," he simply replies looking at Lucas then to us, "In my opinion, it's about facing life, which runs harder than any bull. You gotta face your fears. You ride them, or they ride you."

"Lucas, I can't watch this, I'm sorry," Maya says, "I'll be back at the house. I won't watch this happen. Good luck." She says before giving Lucas a hug.

"Maya, I understand not being able to watch it, but I appreciate you support," Lucas says before Maya smiles and walks out towards the house, he turns to me, "Idina?" he waits for my response as well.

"Yeah, well I'm not Maya. I know this; I use to go to the rodeo as a kid, and I'd see people get pretty banged up, and I'd see some pretty tough bulls, but THAT  is the worst I've ever seen someone get beaten up in my life." So this is it, right here, right now," He looks down, remaining silent.

I pause, "I will never speak to you again." Tears in my eyes I force myself to push past Lucas and escape the tent. I walk around the tent, seeing Lucas look after me, as Pappy Joe walks with Farkle and Zay towards the riding area, and Riley comforting Lucas. I hide behind a tree behind the tent, listening to their conversation out of sight.

"Why would she do this? How could she?" Lucas asks Riley. I don't know if he's talking about me or Maya.

"Maya or Idina?" she replies with a question

"Idina, Maya is supportive from afar; what counts is that she supports me."

"Well, I don't know, but I'm about to find out-"

"Riley wait. I'd kinda like you to watch." she pauses for a moment.

"Then I will. This day is about you, not them. And I bring both of them alongside me." I see them start walking over to the riding area. I'm almost crying but haven't started yet. I watch them and see Farkle's eyes catch mine. He sees me with wide eyes. I give him a begging look, and he sadly nods. I give him a sad smile, then walk off. I walk over to some tables set up little ways down and sit as the commentation of the ride begins. A TV projects the riding ring, but I can't bare to look at it.

"And now the main event! Let's welcome Lucas Friar into the riding ring. " the announcer begins, "And Lucas Friar right there climbing up onto Tombstone. Let's see how ole Tombstone feels bout that. Here we go folks, time for the moment of truth." The fans cheer him on, as the buzzer rings. I can't help but look at the display.

"And the gate opens!" The announcer conveys. I see Lucas hold on for a few seconds, before being tossed from the bull's back. My heart drops as my stomach sinks. I fling my seat back and stand in worriment, having to bite my lip to stop from screaming. Lucas isn't getting up. Riley runs into the ring, and shakes Lucas, flipping him over. She smiles after she turns him, and I see his lips moving. Thank god, he's okay. He's alright. Farkle and Zay have entered the ring and help him up. I pull my eyes away from the TV for a moment to see Maya on the porch, watching a small TV set up out there. She was scared for him too. I can tell from here that my best friend was almost crying too. She looks discouraged but relieved.

"Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, that is an official time!" I see the clock reads 4.468 seconds.

"He did it," I whisper, happy, but at the same time torn by my feelings.

"He's done it!" The announcer shouts; I see Pappy Joe run up to Lucas with a trophy in hand, he hands it to Lucas, who hands it back to him to show off to his cowboy friends, "Ladies and gentlemen, Lucas Friar! The new master of Tombstone." I see Lucas hoist his helmet high in the air in triumph. I turn to the ring and see my friends, clapping, and slowly getting out.

I smile seeing them. Tears have somehow escaped my grasp, as I feel my face and look down at my fingertips to see water droplets. I look up to see Riley has found me with her eyes. She stares at me, seeing my tears in the distance, then back at Lucas, before exiting the ring after him. She walks back to the porch to Maya to talk to her in private before the boys start to come, who are congratulating Lucas. I see Farkle smiling as he takes Lucas's helmet and examines it. I chuckle.

I soon notice Riley and Maya are walking to me. The gently pull me over to the now abandoned bleaches, as we sit.

"So he's alright," I say with relief.

"He sure is," Maya says.

"He was wonderful," Riley chimes in, then pauses and in a serious tone posses a question, "How are you?"

"I couldn't bare to watch," I say to them, "Riley, Maya, you're much stronger then I am. I guess I've got so much to lose, I couldn't stand the thought of losing him too...I'm sorry I went off on you guys earlier. It was the fear talking."

"I was there for all three of us. He knew that," Riley states.

 "It's okay to be scared Idina, so was I. Normally I'm confident, but seeing it in person I couldn't deal," Maya says.

"I don't know really, maybe that's what I keep telling myself was why. I just, I just couldn't watch."

"I know why," Riley says looking at Maya, "I know what you found out when you were me. I know that you think I love him like a brother," she looks at me now, "I know you couldn't tell me that Maya liked him when we were in my bedroom."

"Riley already knows I like Lucas. We've talked about it... some. We still don't know what's gonna happen with that. But, if there's one thing I do know, it's that the three of us will always be best friends. And a guy won't destroy that." Maya says.

"So you know that I think you like him like a brother?" I ask Riley.

 "I know you've thought that for a while, Idina."

"But Riley, whatever you feel is up to you, not me, or Maya-"

"Idina, it's up to you to tell us whatever you're feeling." Riley cuts off.

"You shouldn't be afraid to tell us anything." Maya adds.

"You know you guys are my sisters. I've always wanted sisters." I simply reply acknowledging what they're saying.

"Me too." Maya adds.

"Me three," Riley agrees, "but sisters should tell each other their secrets. Don't you think Maya?"

"Yeah, I do. Idina?" I look off at the ring, trying to ignore their direct stares. Riley puts her hand on my leg and Maya puts her hand on my other.

"You couldn't watch him... because you were afraid something would happen to him." Riley deduces. I barely nod, and take a deep breath.

"Because you like him." Maya predicts.

"You wrote about him when you were younger and thought he was cute. You call him cowboy and give him nicknames because you like him." Riley thinks aloud.

"And you've never told us that either." Maya adds. I look at them. Riley looks off at the ring, then turns back to us.

"Well, you're both right. I love him like a brother," she shrugs and smiles at us, "You knew that Maya, but Idina, you should know too. That's how I like him."

We just sit there for some time, until the sunset begins and we head back to the house in silence. As we walk into the house we hear the boys talking.

"I really do wish I grew up with you guys Lucas," Farkle starts.

"You just did Farkle." Lucas pats him on the back,

"Yeah, for now on it's always been the three of us." Zay agrees. As Riley opens the see through part of the door the boys stare at her. Maya goes to sit on the couch over by Zay, as I sit in a chair next to the couch by Maya. Lucas looks at me.

"I'm glad you back," he says, seeming a little upset. I don't blame him for that.

"Lucas can I talk to you?" Riley asks still standing.

"Actually I have something to say to you Riley. If it wasn't for you I don't know if I would've gotten on that bull," he's standing in front of her now, "And if it wasn't for you I don't know if I would've survived in New York. You're really important to me."

"I feel the same way about you Lucas. We've always been really good at talking to each other. But, we've never been to good at holding hands, and then we tried being a couple and we couldn't even talk to each other. I don't want that."

"Riley what are you doing?" I ask leaning forward.

"Idina, I know what I'm doing," she says to me, then returns to her conversation as we all stare at them, "I want to know your always there to talk to. You're my brother Lucas, and I'm your sister."

"That's what you think we are?" My heart breaks a little bit, realizing he doesn't like me.

"That's what I think we are," She kisses him on the cheek, "I love you Lucas, and now I know how. How do you feel about him Maya." She sighs.

"He knows how I feel about him. He's known since last New Year's Eve. I don't need to say anything else for him to know that," she replies, "What about you Idina?" Everyone stares at me.

"I think that if it wasn't for Lucas, I don't know if I would have survived in New York either. If it wasn't for him I never would have had the courage to be myself, and to have true friends. And for that I will always apperciate him."

"Thanks." He replies. I glare at him, then say to everyone, more specifically Maya.

"But Maya, the person whom I was answering, I'm not talking to Lucas, and he knows why." I say, and before anyone can object I walk to the guest bedroom that Riley, Maya, and I are sharing and shut the door.

Shutting this door also helps me shut my heart off from him. I like him, and I still like Farkle, but now I know how Lucas feels about me. He thinks I'm his friend. Which, I am. And, now I know for sure we will never be anything else.

*some lines in chapter direct lines, or variations of lines from GMW*