In the room closest to the North American twins England and France were having a  serious conversation.

"I need you to try to take a more active role in our children's lives Arthur," Francis demanded. "And I don't care about your excuses, I love you but you need to do bette-."

"I'm trying," Arthur interrupted agitated. "Maybe I don't  know how okay? I'm doing my bloody best."

"Ask me for help, lean on me," Francis requested gently as he took Arthur's hand in his. "I am here for you and for our children."

Arthur rolled his eyes and grunted as he went to get ready contemplating what the French man had said. Francis simply sighed feeling like he had this same conversation 15 times already and perhaps he had. The Frenchman looked outside the window wishing that he could be given the answers and the steps he could take to fix his family. He wanted nothing more than to go back before the revolutions, before the wars and independence and to take his children into his arms (however many there may be) and raise them with love and compassion. He got up, leaving England alone to think before he began to wander around the house.

"There is something ...wrong with this house," Italy thought somberly as he walked around Alfred's house. "It feels so, so bare and cold and empty. Its almost like no one lives here, there are no pictures on the walls or little knickknacks from travels or anything like that. This place may be a beautiful house, beautifully designed in fact but its not a home. It feels lonely and empty."

"Good morning Feli," Francis greeted snapping the youthful Italian out of his thoughts. "What are you thinking of? You look lost in deep thought, will you tell your big brother what you are contemplating?"

"Ve~ its nothing important Francis," Feliciano brushed off as his stomach growled. "Maybe we should get something to eat? And some groceries for the house, and maybe some flowers. Oh and some cute decorations. The gardens are also super pretty,  I can do some beautiful painting here but I forgot to bring my supplies!"

"Should I wake Alfred? I believe both he and Mathieu are still in bed and we would need somebody to drive us there." Francis said before raising a perfectly groomed eyebrow. "Are you planning to decorate Alfred's house? Without asking for his permission?"

"Hmm let them sleep, I saw where Alfred put the keys last night and we can use GPS to find a store," Feliciano said with a smile. "And besides it will be a nice surprise for letting us stay here!"

"Good morning France-san, Feliciano-san." Japan greeted as he walked into the kitchen with intent to get a glass of water.

"Ve~ morning Kiku, Francis and I were just going to go out to get some groceries cause there's nothing to eat in here," Italy said. "We're going to Walmart! I heard its super-duper huge but I've never had the chance to go to one. I heard you could get anything there? Ve~ can I get a pony there?"

"I seriously doubt that you could purchase a pony there," France sweatdropped. "Besides how would you get it to Italy?"

Italy pouted, grabbed the car keys and ran out of the house yelling that he would drive. France's eyes widened and chased after him knowing that there was a very high chance of him getting a heart attack if Feliciano drove.

Japan looked around the kitchen wondering if there was anything to make tea with, or anything to actually make food with while offering a small prayer up for France, after all, he knew first hand how fast the Italian drove.

Upstairs, in the master bedroom, Alfred wrapped his shaking hands around his body, curling into himself trying to block out the quiet whispers in his head. Matthew awoke next, rubbed his large, purple eyes and yawned well rested from a good night's rest.

"You know he doesn't actually care right? He hates you like everyone else. And they're all right to hate you, it's natural to hate someone as stupid and useless as you. Just a fat little idiot," Alfred thought sadly  "Maybe that's why Mama hated you and Daddy left you and Papa never cared."

"Morning Alfred, are you okay now? About last night, I just want you to know that I will help you get through this no matter what we have to go through together," Matthew said as he turned to face his brother who's face was screwed up in pain. "Is something wrong? Are you okay?"

"Um, can you just grab my pills on the bedside table next to you? It's in a blue container with a red cap and white stars." Alfred described as he mentally willed his hands to stop trembling.

"I think I found it," Matthew said as he picked up the bottle examining it closely. "I've never seen a bottle like this before. Where did you get these? What kind of doctor prescribed it? What are they for exactly? Also, this may be the most patriotic pill bottle in the history of the world."

"Oh well it wasn't quite a Doctor, it was Tony who gave it to me," Alfred explained fidgeting a bit. "He made the bottle specifically for me, he hoped it wouldn't make me hate the medicine as much. It's to help with my um ...mental issues."

"Is it safe?" Matthew asked worriedly. "Are there any side effects? I've seen your ads for medication, who lists death as a side effect on TV? Those ads always creeped me out."

"Yes, it's perfectly safe ....well I think so anyways Tony wouldn't hurt me on purpose. I used to take others but after using them for so long my body got immune to them so I asked Tony to make me something stronger. There are a few side effects, like loss of focus and short term memory loss but it's fine I promise. Can I just have my pills now?" Alfred said with a wince. "I have to take them now, I've kinda missed a few days."

Matthew handed him the bottle hesitantly still a bit unsure about the whole thing. Alfred opened the bottle, took out two large pills and quickly swallowed them dry. The younger blonde stared down at his shaking hands and clasped them together anxiously.

"You can have the first shower," Alfred offered after a pause. "Also don't tell Papa and um D- Arthur about where I get these from."

"Only if you tell them about your anorexia," Matthew bargained softly. "All we want is to help you, I promise Papa and Arthur want the same. Well um, I can promise for Papa, I'm not really sure about anything concerning Arthur because he's a bit inconsistent but I know everyone cares about everyone else in their own weird, well I think so anyway."

"I'm not anorexic!" Alfred denied stubbornly as he rolls his eyes. "And even if I was the stupid journal thing would reveal me anyways. And I doubt China cares for me except for demanding either his money or demanding that there should be a Chinatown in every single city."

"I guess you have a point," The Canadian sighed as he swept a hand through his hair. "I love you and I'm going to get you better. After all, you're my brother and it's my job to take care of you. I know you would do the same for me and try to take care of me if I was down on my luck."

The Canadian pulled his brother into a hug and a  small tear slipped down his pale face as he felt how thin his brother was. The northernmost twin let go first hesitantly and dragged himself over to the bathroom holding back his waterfall of tears. Alfred on the other hand, watched until Matthew closed the door behind him before rolling onto the other side of the bed and removed a small key from the top. He sat up and opened the small table to reveal dozens of bottles of medication arranged haphazardly within two, small, cramped draws.

"Now what am I supposed to take today?" Alfred thought as he ran a hand through his hair. "Um, I'm always supposed to take the anxiety and the ones for the panic attacks. That should be enough to get through the day right? I think I'll stay without the panic attack ones today, in exchange for doubling the ones for my anxiety. That will make it fine right?"

Matthew undressed quickly, stepped into the shower ignoring the small scars on his arms and turned the shower handle. He rested his forehead on the cool tiles as he let the water ran over his body and the tears slip down his face.

"I feel like such a failure, a failure of a brother, of a nation and of a person," Matthew thought as he reached for his maple scented soap and maple shaped sponge. "Alfred looks positively skeletal! Like he hasn't had a good meal in a few decades and how the hell didn't I know he had those problems?! You would think I would have noticed something as big as having anorexia!"

A few tears rolled down Matthew's face and he tilted his head towards the shower head to let the water wash away his tears. He took a deep breath to calm his racing emotions and his eyes momentarily shot over to the razor on Alfred's bathroom sink.

"I wouldn't have time," Matthew thought somberly. "Alfred has to get ready too."

The Canadian nation washed his pale body and his long, blonde hair. He closed the pipe, took a deep breath mentally preparing himself for the day and then stepped out of the shower to go get ready for the day.

"I'm going to go downstairs now okay Alfred? If you need me just call, I'll be right up," Matthew assured as he pulled down his long-sleeved shirt. "I'll start breakfast if no one hasn't yet."

"Okay, I'm not sure exactly what's in the fridge though. There might be some coffee and some vegetables, oh and some fruit snacks," Alfred mumbled before he slipped into the bathroom to go get ready himself. "Fruit snacks are an essential part of the diets of Americans."

In the other rooms, the older nations were also getting ready or trying to get the last bit of sleep. Romano lay sprawled out on the bed snoring lightly enjoying his sleep. Next door to him Antonio had just finished getting ready for the day and went to knock on Romano's door.

"Lovi? Are you up yet?" Spain asked as he rested his fist on the door.

"Go away bastard! Let me fucking sleep," Lovino yelled sleepily. "Damn bastard, not letting me sleep."

"Its already eight Lovi its time to wake up." Antonio reiterated as he knocked again.

Romano forced himself out of his warm bed and placed his feet on the painfully cold floor and walked over to the bedroom door. He cracked open the door and glared up at Antonio.

"If I get ready will you fucking stop knocking on my damn door?" Romano grumbled.

Spain nodded in agreement and Romano left purposefully leaving the door open and walked straight to the bathroom. Antonio took a sit on the bed, patiently waiting for Romano to get ready.

Further down the hall, all alone Ivan was getting ready for the day as well. Being alone was something quite usual for him and while he could not quite understand why or accept it he has had gotten used to it. The Russian, however, was still quite hopeful, longing for more acceptance from his fellow peers. He bent his neck to look into the mirror and adjusted his scarf to better hide the scars around his neck.

Downstairs the other nations were wandering around casually.

"Good morning Germany, morning China and morning Japan." Canada greeted as he opened the windows to let some natural light into the large kitchen.

The Germanic nation was just outside exercising while China sat at a small table sipping some tea he had brought with him with Japan. Germany responded with a grunt and a nod as he continued doing his daily pushups.

"Good morning Canada," China greeted. "Where is brother? I rarely see you two apart these days, it's cute."

"He's showering," Matthew responded as he searched through the cupboards. "Gaah there is nothing to ...eat in ....here."

"Francis and Feliciano went shopping," Japan offered politely. "They should be back shortly."

Arthur stood in the hallway outside his room looking up at an old picture, it was, in fact, one of the very few framed pictures in the house. The feelings at the forefront of his mind when he saw that picture were anger and betrayal but once he looked a little deeper and peeled away the layers it was actually covering a nearly overwhelming amount of sadness.

"I wish we could get back to the way we used to be," Arthur whispered sadly. "When you were my little boy."

Alfred cleared his throat from where he was standing next to his door alerting England that he was there. Arthur's look of sadness quickly shifted to a scowl. America, in turn, rolled his eyes and put on his favorite heroic smile while one hand remained in his pocket clutching it tightly. The two nations stood for a moment in awkward silence before Alfred took the first move and escaped downstairs. Arthur stood for a moment at the top of the staircase watching Alfred's retreating figure before sighing and following slowly.

The blondes headed to the kitchen where a few nations were cooking. Alfred nearly froze in the doorway, breath catching in his throat at the sight of food in his kitchen. Luckily Matthew caught a glimpse of the look of panic on his face and flashed him a reassuring smile and came over to him.

"Its okay Alfred," Matthew whispered. "Don't force yourself to eat more than you're comfortable with."

Alfred nodded hesitantly, clutched the inside of his coat tightly for reassurance and then plastered on a goofy smile. Matthew led him to the dining room where Kiku and Ludwig were setting up the dishes.

"Hey, Keeks! Hey Germany!" America greeted with a smile before picking up a plate. "I forgot I had these, haven't used them in ages. I'm sure they must have been super dusty."

"They were quite dirty," Germany agreed. "Your house is also in need of a thorough cleaning. "

America scratched the back of his neck while laughing awkwardly. "You know dude, with all this heroing that gets done cleaning is kinda the last thing on my to-do list."

Germany signed at his messiness and herded the other nations into the living room to begin their first reading session of the trip. France picked up the book given to them by the ancients with a soft smile and began to read.

Dear Diary,
Spain has better food, suck it, Gaul.
Iberia.

Up in heaven the nations gathered around a large table simultaneously facepalmed at the entry. Gaul rolled his eyes slightly irritated and stuck his tongue out at Iberia. The nations who had been in charge of putting entries silently scolded themselves at overlooking that entry when they revising.

America used to smoke a lot when stressed but stopped after Walt Disney died.

"Do you know how bad that is for you Alfred? Smoking could hurt your brain and your bones and your cardiovascular system and-" France began ranting before he was cut off.

"Jeez, I get it, dude, smoking is super duper bad habit but I did break it eventually, it clearly said used to" Alfred said pouting a little. "Besides I...I miss Walt way too much to continue smoking, it gave him lung cancer."

Canada gave his shoulder a supportive squeeze and France gave him an apologetic look before he continued reading.

When no one is around Germany will start openly crying while apologizing to whoever they hurt emotionally or physically. This first happened after World War Two.

Germany looked away awkwardly and clasped his hands together under the table. Italy reached over and held his hand.

"Don't blame yourself Doitsu, sometimes our citizens do things that we can't control. I know it probably hurt you a lot too, " Italy said gently as he opened his eyes to look at the Germanic nation for a few seconds. "Don't be sad please."

Germany stared into Italy's eyes, a little mesmerized by how expressive his amber eyes were and nodded wordlessly. The northernmost Italian nation closed his eyes again after only a few seconds and gestured at France to continue reading.

Both of the Italian brothers are in the mafia and both the North American nations know about it.

The room was silent for an entire ten seconds before it erupted into curses, shrieks, excuses and general disbelief.

Romano rolled his eyes before responding. "All of you need to shut the fuck up before you piss me off. Is it really that fucking surprising? The mafia may do some stuff in northern Italy but they've done a fuck ton in Southern Italy. Plus I can keep an eye on them if I'm one of them and make sure they don't go overboard."

"Ve~ fratello told me and I wanted to help him." Italy added happily.

The attention then shifted towards the set of twins in the room after the Italies were further interrogated and poor Germany looked to be a vague state of shock.

"To be fair I know because they began to move into other criminal ventures, from drug trafficking to illegal gambling, while also infiltrating labor unions and legitimate businesses such as construction and New York’s garment industry. And so I went to whine to Mattie while my government tried to take them down and I got to help and then we ran across the Italies," Alfred explaining a little anxiously. "But I covered for them so they wouldn't get caught cause their bosses would be really, really mad."

America is super protective of Canada to the extent that Canada' first world meeting was well after the first world war.

"Off course I'm protective over him! He's my little brother! What kind of hero wouldn't protect their bro?" America exclaimed.

"I'm older." Canada interjected with a sigh.

"Technicalities bro, I was independent first so now I'm older."

Canada rolleed his eyes but he was secretly pleased with how much Alfred cared for him.

England was abused by his brothers which is perhaps one of the reasons he treats his children as he does, its what he's familiar with.

The room fell silent as the nations began giving each other look, each unsure what to say. England scowled darkly and stormed out of the room and was quickly followed by France. America and Canada glanced at each other before hesitantly following a few seconds later.

"I don't want your pity, " Arthur growled as he stomped down the hallway. "Leave me alone and stop following me!"

"Mon petit lap in, wait please, " the older blond pleaded as he followed after him and grabbed his hand. "You need to talk, bottling it up will not help you."

"Well what the bloody hell do you want me to say? That my brothers resented the very sight of me? That I'm a terrible father!? I know that! That I shouldn't bother with even trying with the boys anymore! I know that!" Arthur exploded as he finally turned around the look at the French nation and the twins. "...America, Cana... I didn't realize you were here."

The crestfallen look on both of the boys' faces was near identical as they caught the end of Arthur's rant. The British nation's shoulders slumped before he hesitantly took a step forward.

"I'm sorry, " Arthur mumbled apologetically. "But you two deserve better than what I can offer you."

"We just want a family." Matthew whispered sounding a little heartbroken.

"We wanted you and Papa," Alfred added as he looked Arthur in the eyes. "But we can't force you into loving us and I won't let you hurt us more than you already have."

Arthur remained silent for a few seconds before he spoke up after being nudged by France. "I can't promise you anything but I will try if you're willing to give me just one more chance ...please"

"I... I'd like to try." Matthew mumbled as he looked at his parents wide eyed.

"You have one more chance," Alfred said as he crossed his arms. "Don't mess it up."

"Group hug!" France declared happily. "Hug it out."

The twins took a hesitant step forward and Arthur met them in the middle before he opened up his arms and hugged them. France took a quick picture of them before joining in the group hug and then ushering them back into the meeting room.

Italy and Romano are clinically afraid of being alone and can't handle when it's quiet, it's worse for Northern Italy however.

"Don't worry mi tomate, I won't leave you alone, " Spain announced as he hugged Romano. "Even when you tell me too."

"....you better not." Southern Italy said as he leaned into Spain's arms

Germany cleared his throat before offering Italy an awkward smile. "I'm here if you need me."

Italy smiled brightly at that before giving Germany a kiss on the cheek to say thank you, leaving the Germanic nation bright red.

When people think of Alfred and Matthew, thr thought of them being brothers doesn't even cross their minds, with the exception of Arthur and Francis because they are the onnes who raised them. When coming across either one, all they tend to see is America. Never Canada and honestly, neither of the two brothers like it.

Matthew is a very timid person and everyone who cares to recognize him knows this. So whenever another nations spots him and mistakes him for America, all he can do is politey tell them that they are mustaken and smile at them. However, when he goes home he cries into his pillow and while he is extremely jealous of his brother he can't bring himself to hate him. Alfred is his only full blooded sibling and he will always love him no matter how much he occassionally wants to punch him.

Alfred loves his brother very much and has never forgotten who is. He always invites Matthew over to hang out or to go and get some ice-cream. However he absolutely refuses to play hockey with Canada for fear of his immortal life.

"Awwwwwwwww." France squealed before a gentle hit at the back of his head from England shut him up.

"I'm sorry for being jealous of you." Matthew signed.

"I'm jealous of you two but I'll never stop loving so bro."

"Why will you not play hockey with Matvey?" Russia questioned curiously as he tilted his head.

"He totally transforms into a demon on the ice, don't let his shyness full you," Alfred warned as he shivered. "Totally a different person.

"I'm not that bad," Matthew pouted. "You're the same with baseball."

If they dare touch my Romano I will wipe them off the map.
Spain

"Idiot, I don't need you to protect me," Lovino paused before lowering his voice so only Spain could hear. "It is sweet though."

Spain held Lovino closer and gave him a short kiss. Somewhere far, far away Hungary's phone received an onslaught of notifications from yaoi pictures thanks to Kiku.

Ivan doesn't mean to hurt or scare people, he has the mind of a child. He's rough with people because he does not realize he's hurting them and he wonders why people don't like to be near him. He just thinks it's a game.

Ivan looked a little bewildered by the entry and China reached over and patted his shoulder.

"Do not worry about it? There is always time to learn, da?" China said trying to ease his confusion. "You'll figure it out soon and we'll help."

"Da." Russia agreed.

He is afraid of himself above all things.
Japan

Alfred flashed Kiku a small but genuine smile in hopes of cheering him up a little. Japan felt his heart melt, just a little and while he didn't smile back it seemed like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders.

Japan ships GerIta so hard. They're his OTP and so he fanboys over them and occasionally stalks them.

Kiku blushed darkly at his secret being discovered before he looked away trying to avoid discussion.

"I knew there was someone in the bushes Doitsu!" Italy exclaimed. "But what does ship mean? Isn't a ship a really vessel on the ocean? Are we a ship?"

"Don't worry about it." Romano interjected before Germany could respond.

"Aiya! I thought we talked about stalking people you think would be cute together before you... left me. How often do you consider occasionally to be?" China asked cautiously.

"Only a few times a month." Kiku admitted quietly as he tried to avoid the looks of disbelief that were being shot towards him.

"Where did I go wrong aru." China groaned as he looked up to the heavens as if hoping he would get an answer from there.

While many nations have earned their scars over hundreds or thousands of years they have healed and faded over time. However, two of the youngest nations have more visible scars than most other nations combined, this is also why they wear gloves. Take a guess at who they are, here are a few examples;  9/11, Triangle Factory Fire, 1812 White House, San Francisco Earthquake, World War 1, World War 2, Berlin Wall, the Holocaust, and the list goes on and on.

Italy looked at Germany's hands and began peeling off one of his gloves slowly after receiving silent permission to do so. Across the room Matthew was doing to same thing to his brother and removing one of his gloves as well.

"Oh."

"Oh."

"They don't really hurt anymore dude, don't look so sad," Alfred pleaded. "They're old plus tons of people got scars."

French peered over and let out a small gasp as he watched Canada roll up America's sleeve up further. England frowned as he saw the scars while Canada looked absolutely heartbroken. America looked rather uncomfortable, pulled his hand back and adjusted his sleeve so no one could gawk at his scars anymore.

Feliciano traced a finger on one of Germany's scars before he began crying. Romano glared at Germany for making his brother cry.

"Give him a fucking hug." Romano demanded knowing that's the only thing that would make his brother feel better.

Germany hugged Italy, reassuring him that the scars would eventually heal and that he was fine. After a desperate look from America the French nation continued his reading.

Out of the axis, Italy seems like the ridiculous,  goofy one but he's actually very glad at telling what someone is trying to say and helping someone when they're stressed out. Japan is introverted and struggles with showing his feeling and Germany is an OCD, socially awkward mess so they both agree that Italy is a Godsend.

"Hai," Kiku agreed with a nod. "It is true, Italy-san is very good with dealing with emotions."

"Ve¬ you two have very low emotional intelligence, but its okay." Italy remarked as he patted Germany's bicep.

Dear Diary, West-

Germany looked up, quite surprised that his brother had a diary entry in the book.

-had another nightmare and he still won't talk to me about it but he mumbles in his sleep. I think he feels responsible for everything that happened in the war, the worst thing about it is that people forget the first nation the Nazi's invaded were German citizens too, he felt that like any nation would if their people were killed and he's still blamed. I just want my little brother to be okay.
Prussia

Italy looked at Germany worried, prepared to begin babbling before he was stopped by Germany.

"I am better now, I am not okay but I will be." Germany said reassuringly.

"I'll make sure of it." Italy replied.

France glanced at the next entry and frowned a little not wanting to read the next two entries. England frowned at his hesitance and grabbed the book in order to read himself.

Kiku means chrysanthemum in Japanese but it's a girl's name. Yao once thought that Kiku was a girl and named him that.

"You did kinda look like a girl in the portraits you showed me," Alfred teased gently causing Japan to blush lightly. "But to be fair, lots of nations looked like girls when they were little."

"I liked dresses a lot as a kid. Can I have a dress again Luddy?" Italy asked with pleading eyes. "Like one of the dresses the pretty ladies in your country wear."

Germany nodded with a blush as he imagined Feliciano in a dress.

"Lovi was very cute in his little maid dress too. So cute!" Spain cooed making Lovino blush. "Wish you'd wear one again sometime."

"...maybe." Lovino whispered as he tried to hide his red face.

"I thought the frog was a girl for quite a while." England admitted, speaking for the first time in a while.

"And I would have been a fabulous girl if I was one." France said proudly as he flipped his shiny blonde hair like a girl in a shampoo commercial.

France isn't the seemingly self-centred, arrogant or flirtatious Frenchman he projects to the world. But he's really a passionate, excitable, romantic and tender person at heart.

He puts up a mask thinking that he must be great and glorious and nothing otherwise. When at heart he's really just a broken nation with a long and painful history who wants nothing more than for his family to be back together.

"That's all I want." France mumbled as he looked at his children and boyfriend.

"You have Mattie and I no matter what dude." Alfred promised with a hopeful look.

Canada nodded in agreement causing France to smile radiantly before he glanced hesitantly at Arthur.

"I said I'd try frog, that's all you're getting out of me."

France stifled a laugh behind his hand before gesturing to Arthur to continue reading.

England blames France for America's and his separation because after all, if not for the French and Indian War England would never had to tax the colonists of America. This pushed America away and led America to fight for independence with France.

France went from smiling and elated to downtrodden and depressed in a matter of a few seconds, it was almost like the happiness had been sucked out of him. He said nothing as a single tear fell down his cheek. England tried to hold his hand and began to apologize but France simply changed his seat, taking the book with him. Canada looked at his Papa worriedly and handed him a tissue.

America opened his mouth about to argue with England but stopped after seeing that France didn't want that. However, he felt free to continue glaring at the British nation for the rest of the day. France opened the book and began to half heartedly read the next entry.

Self-harm is quite popular among nations, they use it as a way to get rid of the anger that they hold against themselves or as an outlet for their emotions. The following list of nations who are currently in this room frequently self-harm:

1.Canada
2. South Italy
3. England

_______________________________________

Author's Note
Hey guys, I know its been a year and I'm so sorry for not updating in so long but I think I'm back. However, after so long I know that my writing style has probably changed and I have have accidentally changed a few things but its been a while and I forgot the headspace I was when I wrote this. By the way I didn't proofread this and it probably shows.

I also plan to end this in 3 more chapters so I can have 10 chapters overall. And since I write about 5,000 to 6,000 words a chapter you guys can hopefully expect at least 15k from me.

Anyways please leave any headcannons or diary entries you have below and if it works with my story I'll incorporate it the best I can.

Word Count: 5460