Debilitating. Crippling. And fucking painful. That's how it felt. Betrayal.

I knew that I should have called my parents. I knew that. But that should have been on my own terms—when I was ready. I had my own reasons for wanting to wait. It was my business. My life. Even though I fucked up, so did he. This was the first time since I've known Grant, that it felt like I was looking at a stranger.

"Mind telling me what that was all about? Or are you just going to keep doing shit behind my back?"

Grant met my stare, eyes narrowed with anger of his own. "You fucking lied to me. You told me you called your family. Do you have any idea how worried your mom is?"

"No." I gestured toward Grant. "But I guess you do, don't you?"

"Why didn't you call them?" he asked—purposely ignoring my last question.

"Why are you talking to my ex in secret?" When he didn't answer, I continued to press. "Come on, tell me. You and her had a nice chat at the bar, now this? I never even heard your phone ring. That means you called her. Didn't you?" 

Fuck this hurt. It fucking felt like someone was stabbing me in the heart with a knife. And twisting. Maybe rubbing a little salt in the wound, too. I couldn't explain why it felt like that—it just did. 

"Well?" 

Grant crossed his arms over his chest. "Yes, I called her." I turned to leave the room. "Aren't you going to let me explain myself? Or are you just going to walk away like the first day I found you hammered on that fucking porch?"

I stopped in the doorway, but I didn't turn around. Looking at him just made it harder. It seemed to make everything harder. Shit. If I could, I would go back to when I first got here and call my parents. I should have. But I wasn't ready. I still didn't know if I was ready.

Somehow, I found the strength to face him. "You shouldn't have meddled in my life like that."

Grant splayed his hands out in front of him. "I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to...to hurt you. I was just trying to help."

I scoffed. "You gotta funny way of showing it." 

Deep down, I knew that Grant meant well. But the fact that he was talking to Amelia behind by back about me? Yeah, that wasn't fucking cool. I knew that we said we wanted to try out this real relationship thing, but I would never go behind his back to Vanessa or his parents. It wouldn't be right. 

"Why did you lie to me?" he asked and my eyes fell to the floor. I didn't like that question and I didn't want to answer it. "Tell me, Logan. Why did you lie to me?"

I shrugged a shoulder and kept my gaze averted. "I wasn't ready."

Grant's voice was softer now. "Why didn't you just tell me that then?"

Again, I didn't answer him. My mind was too disoriented. My thoughts were jumbled. My brain felt like scrambled eggs right now. My thoughts were a snowstorm that wouldn't let up. I couldn't find my words. I could barely fucking breathe. 

Grant's disappointed sigh, however, cut through all of that. "You need to accept the truth about yourself, Logan. You need to be honest with you're family. It's the only way you're going to be happy." 

My eyebrows rose so high, I'm surprised they didn't get lost in my hair. "I need to be honest? What about you?"

The blood drained from Grant's face. "Don't go there, Logan. Don't you fucking dare." 

"Why not? It's the truth." I took a step towards him, my voice coming out rough and edgy. "Have you talked to your parents about who you are? You've been hiding in your relationship with Vanessa." I put my hand to my chest. "I'm not the only one who needs to accept the facts."

Grant's mouth opened and closed repeatedly. I knew what I said was fucked up, but it was the truth. Just like I needed to hear it, so did he. 

"At least I realized I needed to leave Amelia. I couldn't keep lying to her." 

Grant's voice was low and laced with the same pain I was feeling. "Fuck. You."

I ran my hands over my face, trying to keep it together. This was not how I was expecting this evening to go. Everything had been going so good between us over the past few week. It was almost perfect. How can eight days of bliss turn into...this? I guess someone came along and popped our fucking cabin bubble. 

"Just go," I said after a few minutes of silence. My tone was defeated. I gave up. On him. On us. Whatever it was, was over. "Leave. I want you to leave."

This time, Grant surprised me. "No, you don't." My eyes met his and he pointed a finger at me. "I said I wasn't fucking going anywhere. We need to talk about this and work it out."

My voice dropped low and I shrugged my shoulders. "What's to work out? We never worked. That was the problem and it still is the problem. We always fight." I shook my head. "Just leave, Grant. And this time, no reaching out to each other. We're done. Over." 

My shoulder brushed against his when I stalked past him into the bathroom. I grabbed the knob to shut the door and his voice cut through the dense silence. 

"Just remember this, Logan. I may be the one getting in my car, but you're the one that left this time. You're the one that didn't want to fight for 'us'."

Without saying anything back to him, I slammed the door shut and leaned against the sink. My eyes squeezed shut as I heard him moving around in the bedroom. He was packing his stuff. Good. This was good. We could both move on now. All we seemed to cause each other was pain. I didn't want to hurt anymore. Not by him. Not by anyone. 

I heard Grant stalk out of the cabin, the door slamming behind him. I heard the sound of his car turning over, followed by the crunch of leaves and branches on the ground. I'm glad I was in the bathroom so I didn't watch him leave. I looked up at my reflection in the mirror. I didn't even recognize myself. Who the fuck was I anymore? 

I wasn't the guy my parents thought they raised. I wasn't the brother Wyatt thought he grew up with. I wasn't the man Amelia thought I was. Who the fuck was I? When the answer became clear, I lunged for the toilet. After the contents of my stomach were emptied, I fell back on my ass and leaned against the wall. My elbows rested on my knees and I buried my face in my hands, trying to accept the devastating truth. 

Grant was right. I was a fucking liar. Not only did I lie to him, but I lied to my family. Most importantly, I lied to myself. Memories flooded my mind from all the women I fucked over the years. All of them meaningless. I was trying to fill a void that couldn't be filled by sex. The only time that void seemed to fill at all was when I was with him. But he's gone now. Because I'm a fucking liar. 

"You need to accept the truth about yourself..." 

Grant's words whispered through my mind and I started to feel sick again. I knew the truth. I've known the truth since forever, actually. I was just never man enough to admit it. Not to myself or my family. Now, it seemed like there was one part of my life falling into place. My eyes slid shut and I took a few deep breaths. 

"I'm—I'm gay." 

I frowned and leaned my head forward off the wall behind me. "I'm gay." I repeated the two words over and over again. Each time they passed my lips, more and more weight felt like it was being lifted from my shoulders. 

"I'm fucking gay." Yep. There it was. Not only was I gay, but I was in love with a man who didn't seem able to say it back. Even if he did feel the same way, I fucked that up, didn't I? 

I got to my feet and washed my face in the sink. The cold water felt nice and refreshing. I rinsed my mouth out, wanting to get rid of the bad taste in my mouth. I dried my face with a towel and looked into the mirror again. I saw myself differently now. Kind of the same...but different. 

I walked into the bedroom and my eyes went to the bed. My chest tightened when I remembered what happened here. I grabbed my duffle bag from the closet and started packing up my shit. I couldn't stay here now—not after what happened between me and Grant; and I'm not talking about the fight. I couldn't sleep in this bed without him. It just felt...wrong. 

Once I was packed, I cleaned up the cabin and loaded everything into my SUV. I climbed into the driver's seat and cast a long look over the place that's been a sort of sanctuary for me lately. Well, it was time for me to stop hiding. I didn't glance in the rearview as I drove down the long dirt road. I didn't stop at Hal's for more alcohol. I just filled up my tank with gas and got on the interstate that would take me home. 

Yes. It was time to...go home.

So...did anyone else's heart break when they were reading this? Mine did 😭 #feels. Ugh. These two. I cant wait to hear what you guys think! Also, for you fans of my upcoming novel Tryst, don't forget the chapter 1 early release is tomorrow! Xoxo thanks for reading 🖤