Logan
THORNE

Before you read: The first few chapters are going to take place starting when Logan proposed to Amelia. This way we can find out what happened during his meetups with Grant.

What have I done? What the fuck have I done!

I tried to catch my breath as I bent over my toilet. I felt like I was going to throw up. Less than an hour ago, I proposed to Amelia. And she said yes. Deep down, I was hoping she would say no. I knew it was a horrible thing to say. She loved me. Yeah, I loved her, too. At least, I think I did. I didn't fucking know. I didn't know who I loved or what I wanted.

The only thing I did know, was that if I wanted to work for my father's company, I needed to marry Amelia. I didn't plan on all of this when I started dating her. I've known her my whole fucking life. All of a sudden, I saw her differently. I thought, what the hell? So, we dated. But no sex. At first, I had an issue with her not wanting to be intimate. I thought it was because she wanted to wait for marriage, or she just wasn't comfortable with me yet.

After a few months, I was okay with it. How was that healthy? I didn't care anymore about not having sex with her. Fuck. What was wrong with me? Then again, I knew what was wrong with me. No, no, no. That's not what it was. Christ, I needed to get out of this house. I needed to go somewhere, anywhere. I sent Amelia a text to let her know that I was going out for awhile. I didn't say where or when I would be back. I didn't say, becasue I had no fucking idea.

I descended the long staircase and basically ran to my car. I hopped in and broke almost every traffic law as I drove to the bar down the street. I knew this wasn't probably a good idea, but it was better than sitting at the lakehouse alone with my thoughts. That was definitely not what I needed right now.

I pulled up to Jack's bar and climbed out of my SUV. I pushed the small button on my key fob to make sure the alarm was on. I knew I wasn't going to drive home tonight. I was probably going to take an Uber. Like I did last night. Fuck, my life was a mess.

"Hey, Logan," Terri the bartender said as I approached. "Your usual?"

I shook my head and sat on the tall stool. "Something stronger, Terri. It's been one of those nights."

I stared at the large flat screen TV that hung against the wall of the bar in front of me. There was a hockey game on. I didn't know what the score was or who was playing. I just needed something to focus on. Because if I wasn't focusing on something, my mind tended to wander to a certain blonde—

"Here you go." Terri sat the cup of whiskey in front of me.

"Thanks." I shot it back a little too quickly and throat burned as I swallowed it. "Another."

"Fine," Terri huffed. "But if this is one of those nights, I'm putting in an order of food for you too."

"Sounds good."

My family has gotten to know Terri ever since they bought the lakehouse. Jack's was a place we frequented and we've gotten to know the staff pretty well.

Terri was a twenty-three-year-old struggling artist who worked here six days a week. She was rough on the outside—but you have to be when you work in a place like this. But once you got to know her, she was sweet and loyal. She was a friend.

When Terri brought by my food, I picked at the fries. I wasn't that hungry, and I had a lot on my mind. Think about something else. Yeah, right.

I wondered what he was doing right now...

Before my rational side could talk me out of it, I pulled my phone out of my pocked and pulled up my contact list. I scrolled until I got to his name and clicked on the little icon to send a text.

Me: Hey.

It was short and simple. I hesitated before I hit the send button.

"Fuck," I mumbled. I shouldn't have sent that. Christ. He was in a fucking relationship. So was I.

Chime-chime

G: Hey. What's up? You okay?

I hesitated before I replied. Should I be honest...or not honest? Maybe halfway honest.

Me: I'm not sure.

My phone rang and I ran my hand over my face. Goddammit.

"Hello?"

"Hey," he said in a low voice. "What's going on?"

God, it was good to hear his voice. "It's nothing. I shouldn't have bothered you. I just..."

There was a long silence that hung between us. Not only shouldn't I have texted him, I shouldn't even have answered. I've lied to a lot of people in my life. Friends, family, significant others. But never to Grant.

"Logan, it's not nothing. Where are you?"

I pinched the bridge of my nose. "Jack's Bar. But Grant, it's like an hour away from where—"

"Text me the address, Logan."

"But what about—"

"Logan," he said softly, "text me the address. I'm coming to you."

The line went dead and I tried to keep my shit together as I sent him the address. The last thing I needed was for him to get fucking lost becasue I sent him the wrong address.

G: Got it. On my way.

I managed to make the wise decision and not have another drink while I waited for Logan. Instead, I walked outside of the bar and lit a cigarette. There was a chill in the air tonight, and I welcomed it. I walked to a secluded area on the side of the building. It was dark enough enough to give me a little privacy, but not too much where he wouldn't see me when he pulled up.

Fuck. What the hell have I done? I ran my hand through my hair. I needed to really get my shit together. I knew the alcohol was affecting me when I lit my cigarettes one after the other. I squinted my eyes when I saw a pair of bright headlights turn into the parking lot. I didn't need to see what kind of car it was to know that that was him.

I heard the sound of a car door open and close and he walked towards me through the darkness. When he got closer, I couldn't keep my gaze from taking in the dark denim jeans he had on. Or the tight black shirt underneath his leather jacket. Fuck.

"Hey."

I leaned back in the chair that I was sitting in. "Hey."

He took in my appearance and I saw the concern in his eyes. "Want to go for a walk?"

I got to my feet and started walking down a dirt path that led to the woods. With Grant following behind me. We were both silent as walking side by side through the darkness until there was an clearing for a small lake. We stopped when we got close to the edge.

Grant cleared his throat. "So, do you want to tell me what this is about?"

"Not really." I put the cigarette between my lips and took a drag.

Grant chuckled and took the Marlboro menthol from me. He closed his eyes as he inhaled, savoring the minty flavor before blowing it out slowly. "Damn. I've really missed these."

He handed it back to me. "How long since you smoked?"

"A year." He turned to face me. "Tell me, Logan."

I swallowed the lump in my throat. "I—I got engaged earlier tonight."

Grant turned away from me and kept his eyes on the lake in front of us. "And that's a bad thing?"

"Yes and no."

"Why?"

My voice cracked. "You know why."

Grant knew everything about me. Well, pretty much everything. He knew my deepest and darkest secrets. For fuck's sake, he was one of them. It's been almost a year since we've seen each other. We barely keep in touch anymore. There was so much history and confusion between us. So many secrets. I knew I should tell him to leave and go back to his girlfriend in the city. I knew that, but I couldn't say that.

Instead I asked..."Do you have to leave tonight? To go back to the city?" Please say no...please say no...

"Do you want me to stay?"

I closed my eyes briefly before I turned to face him. When my eyes met his, I couldn't stop myself. I reached out and cupped my hand around the nape of his neck. I waited—giving Grant a chance to tell me to stop. But he didn't. He never did.

I pulled his lips to mine and couldn't stop the moan that escaped me. It's been so long since I've kissed him.

He tilted his head to the side as he opened his mouth to me. I stroked my tongue against his, trying to get as far inside him as I could— for now, at least.

Why did we seem to always end up in this position? We would go months or longer without talking, then something would happen and one of us would feel the need to reach out to the other. Not long after, we usually ended up kissing. Or in bed.

Grant pulled away from me and gave me that charming smirk I was familiar with. "I guess that's a yes."

I chuckled. "Yeah. Please, stay."

He ran a hand through his blond hair. "I can get a room at the hotel down the street."

I couldn't believe he was doing this. "Dinner tomorrow?"

He reached into my jacket pocket and pulled out a cigarette and my lighter. He lit it up and took a big drag before he held it to my lips. I took it in my mouth and inhaled before I stuck it between my fingers.

Grant started walking back down the path to his car. He turned just before he would have disappeared into the darkness. "Dinner. 7pm."

When he turned and left, I stared back at the lake. Grant was here and I was having dinner with him tomorrow. Fuck.

I repeat my earlier question...What the fuck have I done?