Taylor

Laying on my back next to Ryder, my eyes remain closed as I enjoy the sensation of his hand absently tracing patterns on my bare breasts and stomach. His bedside light is on, and usually, I'd feel embarrassed about being this exposed; I don't in front of Ryder, not one bit.

I sigh happily. "I feel like I'm in a LillyMHenderson book."

"Is that a good thing?" Ryder asks.

"So good. Her characters always have lots of intense orgasms."

"I'll take that as a compliment."

"Don't. I was referring to the orgasm I gave you," I joke.

"Sure you were." Ryder brushes his lips against mine.

"You're the first person, other than myself, to give me one." I cringe. Shit, did I say that out loud?

"Now, that's definitely a compliment,"
Ryder chuckles. "I'm not sure whether I should feel sorry for the previous people for having no game or be happy as it meant I got to be the first."

I shrug and open my eyes. "It can be difficult to know what the other person is enjoying."

"For some, I'm sure it is. But you're very vocal, Taylor, it's kind of impossible to not know when you're enjoying it." Ryder smirks.

My eyes widen. Shit, that's embarrassing. I was never loud with Miles. "How vocal?"

"A perfect level of vocalness." He grins.

I roll onto my side to face him and my hand runs down his abdomen causing a low guttural moan to escape through his parted lips.

"I'm not the only one who's vocal." I smile as my hand continues downwards.

Ryder kisses me hard and my mouth opens. Abruptly, he pulls away and I look up to see Ryder pulling on a t-shirt.

"Where are you going?" I frown.

"As much as I want to continue right now, we need to stop getting distracted and talk." He tosses my top and bra at me and perches on the edge of his desk. "Which is more likely to happen with you dressed and me standing over here."

Ignoring my bra, I slip my top on and sit cross-legged on his bed, positioning myself so I'm facing him. His eyes lower to my chest and I feel my nipples harden against the material of my top. How does he have such an effect on me? He exhales slowly and crosses his arm over his chest which makes me think the effect isn't one sided.

Ryder lifts his gaze to lock with mine and his eyes narrow. "First, I want to know why you arrived late at night looking like you've been walking around with no fucking shoes on? Why didn't you call me?"

All the sexual tension between us is extinguished and my stomach drops as I remember the reason I came. Shit, how did I get so distracted?

"I had an argument with my parents and left my phone at home."

"Why do I feel like there's a lot more to that story than you're telling me?"

I lower my eyes not sure where to start. "Can I ask you something personal?"

"Always."

I look up. "The first time at the playground you said about wishing you'd told people something. What did you wish you'd spoken up about?"

Ryder exhales roughly. "My mum always had people in and out of our place buying drugs. Some just came and went, others would hang around." Ryder averts his eyes to the floor. "There was one man who would go into my sisters room. I was eleven  and she was thirteen. She told me not to say anything because social services would take us away and split us up. I didn't tell anyone but I should have."

"You were a kid."

"It doesn't matter, if I'd said something it would have stopped sooner. My oldest brother eventually figured out what was happening, beat the shit out of the man then put locks on our bedroom doors as though that was the solution." Ryder shakes his head in disgust.

"Ryder, it's not your fault. You were a kid and your sister told you not to say anything," I whisper. "You can't blame yourself."

"Easier said than done." Ryder grimaces.

A silence stretches out between us; me sitting on the bed and him perched on his desk. Ryder was right, we need distance because all I want to do is help Ryder forget and escape but I can't keep running.

"Talk to me, Taylor."

I take a deep breath. "I've fucked up badly."

Ryder gives me a tight smile. "We all fuck up, it's called being human. What really matters is how we try to make it right."

I shake my head. "I can't make this right."

"I doubt that's true."

"I lied Ryder, Jay is more than a friend."

"Ok." Ryder stiffens as his brow furrows.

I cringe at my words. "No... I mean..." I shake my head, swallowing the lump blocking my throat. "I deliver drugs for him, prescription drugs. And Miles had a heart attack because of the pills I've been delivering. He could have died because of me."

Ryder nods and I don't see surprise or judgement or blame.

"Jay was waiting for me outside my house tonight. "

Ryder's mouth tightens into a flat line.

"I told him I'm not going to deliver for him and he got angry. He's not going to let me quit."

"Don't walk around by yourself and don't answer his calls or messages. I'll sort something out," Ryder says quietly.

"This isn't your problem to fix, Ryder."

"Doesn't mean I won't help."

"I don't want you to get into trouble."

Ryder steps towards me, takes my hands and pulls me up so I'm kneeling on his bed. His hands rest on my waist as he kisses me.

I smile against his lips."I thought we were talking?"

"We are. What was the argument with your parents about?"

"They accused me of taking drugs which then turned into a fight about Mya."

"And you ran out?"

I nod.

Ryder leans back and gives me a wry smile. "I guess your parents and sister aren't the only ones in your family who find it difficult to discuss problems."

Pushing him in the chest, I scowl. He doesn't move, his smile just widens which annoys me more.

Gripping my waist, he dips his head and brushes his lips against mine. "Which means as much as I want you to stay, I'm not going to let you because I'm not an enabler. You need to go home and talk to your parents."

I exhale slowly and nod.

***

Ryder parks outside my house and helps me take the helmet off. He kisses me gently on the lips and cups my face. "I'll wait out here for a bit in case you need me but try to listen and talk to your parents. I know it's not always the case, but most parents love their kids and want the best for them."

I nod.

"If you don't come out, I'll wait for you to message me tonight to let me know how things went. But if you don't have a chance, I'll pick you up tomorrow morning and give you a ride to school."

"Thank you, Ryder."

"Your parents are waiting," Ryder says as he gestures with his head behind me.

I turn to face my parents who are standing in the doorway. They're strained faces and tightly pressed mouths show how upset they are. I'm in so much trouble.

Walking towards them, they step to the side and I enter the house.

"We need to talk as a family," my mum says.

"Mya come down," my mum calls up the stairs.

Sitting in the living room, I wait for the accusations, telling off and the comments about my behaviour. They don't come, not yet anyway.

Mya walks in and sits on the edge of the sofa. She bites her nails and focuses on Mum and Dad who are perched on the other sofa.

"Where have you been this evening, Taylor?" Mum asks.

"At a friend's house," I say stiffly.

"That boy on the motorbike?" Dad huffs.

"His name is Ryder."

"You've been gone for hours, we were worried sick about you and you were with a boy the whole time?" Dad snaps.

"Ryder is the only reason I came back. He said I needed to talk to you but if all you're going to do is attack me I'll leave. "

My mum holds up her hand and glances at Mya before focusing back on me. "You were right, Tay, we haven't talked to you enough about what's going on."

Dad grimaces and taps his knees, clearly uncomfortable with the whole situation.

"After what you said, I realised by us trying to protect you we simply made the situation worse and created a divide in this family. Not only between you, me and your dad but also between you and Mya."

I bite my tongue to stop myself from making a snarky comment. Talk and listen. Talk and listen.

"Mya was raped at a party by two boys, it was not consensual like you believe."

My heart falters and I freeze as I wait for it to restart.

"Mya didn't tell us initially and by the time we were aware, the footage had been out and the bullying had began. Due to the lack of evidence and the footage being filmed in a way to insinuate Mya was compliant, the police decided to not proceed with pressing charges."

"And you just left it at that? You should have made the police-"

My dad sits up. "We tried to push it forward but every legal representative said the same; there was not enough evidence and it would end in a non-guilty verdict with the possibility of them suing us in return. The whole system is ridiculous."

"Why didn't you tell me?" I choke out.

"Mya told us not to. She didn't want you to look at her differently."

I turn to Mya and frown."You'd prefer me to think you voluntarily had sex with two guys who actually raped you?"

Mya shakes her head. "I knew you'd say something to them, you wouldn't have let it go. I read stories of rape victims and their families being sued for defamation by the accused. I didn't want to make everything worse for you or mum and dad."

I rub my head which is throbbing. "You should have told me, Mya. This whole time... I could have been there for you but instead, I blamed you. I've been a shit sister."

Mya shakes her head and she's crying. "No, you're not. You didn't know what was going on and you defended me anyway."

"Is that why we moved? To get away from your attackers?"

"I couldn't stand to see them. I'm sorry I ruined everything for you."

My arms wrap around my sister. It's an awkward hug because it's been so long.

"You're not too blame for any of this. I'm so sorry you had to go through that," I mumble into her hair.

Author's Note

This took me ages to write... I hope it's ok.
Please let me know your thoughts xx