Taylor

Ryder literally has my entire life in his possession. He has my phone.

Waiting next to the school car park for Ryder to arrive, I still don't know how to make things right between us. It's early; only a few students have arrived. A few look at me, some don't seem to care and a small part of me hopes people have finally gotten bored of talking about me.

Ryder arrives on his motorbike, gets off, retrieves my phone from the compartment and hands it to me without saying a word.

"Thanks," I say.

He nods and walks off.

I grab his arm and he stops but doesn't look at me.

"Ryder, I'm sorry."

He turns around slowly. "Don't be, you're not the first person to judge me based on other people's opinions and you won't be the last. I just thought you of all people would know not to believe gossip. If you wanted to know something all you had to do was ask."

He shrugs my arm off and continues to walk away.

"If I wasn't drunk would you have kissed me?" I blurt out.

Ryder stops and turns around. "Yes."

I take several steps towards him. "If I hadn't been drunk when I'd taken my bra off what would you have done?"

Ryder arches an eyebrow and says gruffly, "My hands and mouth would have been all over them."

I take another step so the tips of my shoes are touching his. "Have I messed up the chance of ever experiencing that?"

"Depends." Ryder looks down at me.

"On?"

"Are you hooking up with the guy who picked you up on Sunday?"

"No."

"Are you still with Miles?" Ryder's face lowers and his lips are so close to mine.

"No. We're going out after the game tomorrow to talk but we're over."

Ryder's lips collide with mine sending a jolt of electricity to my core. He tastes like mint and desire. Wow, desire actually has a taste. I open my mouth and his tongue slips in. He grabs my waist and my hands grip his neck. This kiss is firm but soft, greedy but giving. This kiss is messy but perfect. I never want it to stop.

Ryder let's go of me and steps back. Both of us are breathing heavily as he licks his lips slowly and I moan like a porn star. Shit, I need to get control of myself.

"Let me know when Miles is fully aware you're over," Ryder says lowly.

What the fuck?

Ryder strides off leaving me gaping after him. My face heats and I glance around. All the people who witnessed what happened are too far away to hear what we said, I hope.

I turn my phone on with shaking fingers and my phone goes crazy. Ignoring all the messages from unknown numbers, I open the thirty from Jay. Shit.

An arm grabs me and pulls me away from the school.

"Where have you been?" Jay barks, dragging me to his car.

He pushes me into the passenger seat, slams the door, strides around the front of the car and jumps into the driver's seat. Speeding off, his hands grip the steering wheel tightly.

"Taylor, answer me, where the fuck have you been?" Jay shouts. "I've been messaging and calling you all night. Why was your phone off?"

"I accidentally left my phone with a friend. I only just got it back," I stammer as I watch Jay dodge around cars as our speed increases.

"Are you trying to push me away? Is this you trying to back out of your promise to me? Everyone fucking lets me down; I thought you were different, I thought you were special." Jay faces me, his face contorted with rage.

He drives through the red light and we're heading for a car. I scream as he swerves around it. We clip a lamp post causing us to spin and instead of my whole life flashing before my eyes there's a blur of grey. And I realise I've got nothing to show for myself. I've done nothing with my life.

Jay slams on the brakes, I jerk forward and the seatbelt crushes my chest. Our scared heavy panting fills the car and then I start to sob loudly.

"I'm sorry, baby." Jay grabs my face and forces me to look at him. "I'm so sorry. I was going crazy with worry and I just lost it when I saw you. You drive me crazy with worry when you don't let me know where you are, that's how much I love you."

He rests his forehead against mine and I nod absently as tears roll down my cheeks.

"Don't be like everyone who has let me down. I know you understand how that feels." He kisses me on the lips but I feel nothing. I've been dreaming of this moment for months. Now, I'm numb.

"I want you to be mine," Jay murmurs. "I love you too much to continue to be your friend."

"I thought the age gap was too big. You said the reason we couldn't be together was because you loved me so much," I mumble, pulling away from him sightly.

"We can make it work, baby. Me and you against the world." Jay takes my limp hand. "We might have to keep it quiet for a while but people will accept us when they see how good we are for each other."

"Maybe," I say confused at what's happening. Why now?

"Please, don't do that again to me. I need to know where you are so I don't worry. I don't ever want any harm to come to you." Jay squeezes my hand.

"I know."

"Miss school and spend the day at mine. No one's home." Jay moves to kiss me again and I turn my head slightly so his lips brush my cheek.

"I should go back to school if you want me to make your deliveries. You don't want to be seen as unreliable," I whisper.

"You're right, baby. You've got such a mature head on your shoulders. I messaged you all the orders for today last night." Jay starts the car and drives off causing the crowd of people gathering around us to dart away.

Arriving at the school, I glance over at the entrance. Ryder and Faithful are leaning against the wall deep in conversation. They both glance up at the car I'm sitting in and straighten up.

Jay climbs out, walks around the car and opens the door for me. I climb out holding my bag tightly against my chest.

Jay holds my face and inspects me while he speaks, "We'll speak later. We'll go out tonight as a treat like we were meant to last night."

"I can't, I'm grounded."

"Your parents are too harsh on you. I'll call you tonight then."

I nod and force a smile. Jay's eyes drift over me one last time and he kisses me on the cheek. Getting back into his car, he waves and drives off.

I inhale deeply as I walk towards the entrance, fully aware of Ryder and Faithfuls' eyes focused on me. They approach and I lower my eyes as a surge of guilt and shame washes over me.

"You alright, Taylor?" Faithful asks. "I saw him grab you."

"He's a friend."

"Friends don't usually drag their friends into cars, take off then bring them back after they've obviously been crying," Ryder hisses.

"Ryder... chill," Faithful warns quietly.

"He's fucking using her," Ryder growls.

I frown. "He's a frie-"

"There's only a few reasons a guy his age is hanging around a sixteen-year-old and I believe you when you say you're not hooking up with him, so maybe you should think why he's so friendly. I'll tell you now, it's not because you're really mature for your age," Ryder snaps.

I step back hurt by his words, and Ryder drags his palm down his face.

"Taylor, you're clever and smart but sometimes you're also really fucking gullible." Ryder looks at me, shakes his head and storms away.

My vision blurs and I swallow the ball of tears. Faithful rests his hand on my shoulder and squeezes it gently. "He cares and he'll be there for you but not while you've got another guy in your life."

"He's -"

"A friend. Yeah, you said," Faithful interrupts. He pauses for a minute then sighs. "Friends are meant to there for you, they listen to you, they support you even if they don't agree with you. Friends don't take away their friendship as a punishment when you do something they don't like you doing. They don't use their friendship to get you to do things which aren't in your best interests."

I frown.

Faithful shrugs. "Every now and again, we all need to be reminded of what true friendship is because occasionally, we can overlook those important traits when it comes to people who were there for us in a difficult time."

Faithful tucks his hands into his pockets. "If you need to talk, Taylor, you have lots of people who care and who will listen. Ryder, Ariel, your other two friends, even me. We're all here for you. You're not alone, no matter what anyone says."

I nod and lower my eyes.

"Do you want me to wait with you until your friends arrive?"

"It's ok."

Faithful nods and leaves. Several people avert their gaze when I look around. School hasn't even started and I'm already desperate for this day to end.

***

Staring at the ceiling of my bedroom, I'm confused and exhausted. The conversation with Ryder and Faithful keeps playing in my head. I'm not sure why Ryder thinks Jay is using me. I deliver pills for him but I get paid. I get paid really well. And when he first asked me, I was hesitant so Jay told me not to worry. He didn't ask again. It was me who offered.

My phone buzzes, I'm still getting the calls and messages. This time not only for blowjobs but other things too. I delete anything from unknown numbers. I really need to get a new number. How am I going to explain to my mum the reason behind needing a new number? I don't think me saying, 'Mum, people keep phoning me and asking about all the sexual favours I'm advertising to give for free. Turns out I'm a nympho and I didn't even know it!' I really don't see that conversation going well.

A knock on the door makes me turn my head as my mum opens it.

"Dinner is ready," she says as her eyes travel over me.

"I'll get some later." I really haven't got the energy to pretend we're a happy normal family.

My mum watches me for a moment and exhales slowly. "Your dad can't join us as he's working late but I want you to eat with me."

"I will if Mya has too." I scowl.

My mum's mouth presses into a tight line and I'm pretty sure she's grinding her teeth. "I don't want to argue about this, Tay. Mya is having a bad time right now, you, however, are perfectly fine to join me."

"Do you know how unfair you're being?" I jolt upright. "Mya gets whatever she wants. We all tiptoe around her and she gets away with everything-"

"Your sister has had a very difficult year and we need to be understanding-"

"So have I! I lost all my friends and I had to move here, to a place where I knew no one and everything is turning to shit again." The tears start to fall. I've cried more this week than I have in months.

My mum's arms wrap around me. "Tay, what's going on?"

I can't tell her. Since we've moved here, she spends all her time telling me off and laying down more rules. Don't go to parties, don't drink, make sure you focus on school whereas Mya can do no wrong.

Jay always says my mum is too hard on me, too strict and she doesn't understand me. He says every parent has a favourite and it's obvious Mya is hers. I can't tell her what happened because it will only increase the anger and disappointment she holds towards me.

"Nothing. I had a stupid argument with Kayla and Sydney," I mumble into my mum's chest. I let her hold me because it's the first time in a long time I can remember her hugging me. I've missed her hugs.

She strokes my hair while I cry myself empty. Inhaling deeply, I pull away and for a split second, I feel her holding on as though she doesn't want to let go. I'm probably imagining it.

"Taylor, you know you can tell me anything. I'm always here for you."

I nod and debate whether I could really tell her what is going on without her rejecting me.

My mum kisses my forehead. "Do you want to eat food while watching a movie? I'll make popcorn for afters."

I almost say no until I remember what Ryder said about making more of an effort. We may not be talking about our problems but a movie is a start. "Ok."

"We could talk about your birthday too. It's next week and you haven't told us what you want to do."

"I don't want to do anything."

My mum frowns. "You don't need to decide now."

I shrug.

"I'll meet you in the living room with the food in five. Ok?" My mum gets up and smiles.

"Ok." I smile weakly.

My phone buzzes and I open the message.

J: Wishing I could have taken you out tonight. Your parents are way too harsh on you. I bet they wouldn't have grounded Mya, she has them wrapped around her finger. Don't let them get you down. I'm always here for you. Love you more than anyone. J x

I frown at the message and delete it like all the rest. Would my parents have grounded Mya? Suddenly, all my insecurities resurface. My mum wasn't there for me because she was so focused on Mya. And part of me believes if it came down to the two of us, she'd always choose Mya over me.

Author's Note

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